%title 2012-07-15 22:54:20
%date Some consequences
:blog:fossil:diary:

It is important to understand that there are consequences to every action, no matter how hard you try to diminish them. Â I've done all that I can over the last six months to piece some sort of life together out of disparate shards - a bit of not-using-my-degree here, a bit of overworking there, a generous sprinkling of gender and self-image issues...

Even the things that you think live only in your head, though, even those have consequences that you will have to take into account in your interactions with the outside world. Â Feeling sad, feeling mad, feeling like you're going crazy; each of these presents itself to those around us and helps them form opinions of us both holistic and minute-to-minute. Â But either way, whether you chose to stop through a long slow life of too much alcohol or in one short night of exquisite terror, there's always consequences, success or failure.

<a href="http://blag.drab-makyo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/1.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-58" title="A few days after" src="http://blag.drab-makyo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/1-223x300.jpg" alt="" width="223" height="300" /></a>

You'll snap at friends and friends will shy away from you. Â Those who you tell will be as sympathetic as they can while keeping their distance or helping too much, because it takes a lot of crazy to cut that deep.

<a href="http://blag.drab-makyo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-59" title="A month after" src="http://blag.drab-makyo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/2-223x300.jpg" alt="" width="223" height="300" /></a>

Those whom you hold most dear will start questioning whether or not maybe they shouldn't try to off themselves as well, and you'll have to do your best to keep the crazy down around them, because it takes a lot of sanity to protect those around you.

<a href="http://blag.drab-makyo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/3.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-60" title="Three months after" src="http://blag.drab-makyo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/3-223x300.jpg" alt="" width="223" height="300" /></a>

You'll lose friends. Â You will lose friends. YouÂ <em>will lose</em>Â friends. Â You have attempted to betray the expectations of others that the world around them will go on with you in it, and some of them will leave you for it. Â <em>If you had succeeded, people would hate you forever.</em>

<a href="http://blag.drab-makyo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/4.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-medium wp-image-61" title="Three months after with cover-up" src="http://blag.drab-makyo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/4-223x300.jpg" alt="" width="223" height="300" /></a>

You can try to cover it up, but you will stay ashamed forever. Â You can say the scar is a constant reminder never to do something so stupid again, but it will be a reminder to feel bad always. Â You can buy long sleeve shirts, you can try to go back to work with the boss that threatened to have you committed, you can try to laugh it off, but<em>Â </em>nothing will make you feel better about how crazy you got.

Don't try. Â Get help. Â Things will get better. Â Even for those with scars, things will get better, and you will move on. Â Just don't, though. Â Just don't.
