%title [no subject]
%date 2004-09-27 10:52:35
:diary:livejournal:fossils:

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which 
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during 
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and 
correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of 
the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the 
gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground 
crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged 
maintenance complaints and 
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by 
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline 
that has never had an accident. 

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.) 
(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.) 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. 
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. 
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. 

P: Something loose in cockpit. 
S: Something tightened in cockpit. 

P: Dead bugs on windshield. 
S: Live bugs on back-order. 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute 
descent. 
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. 
S: Evidence removed. 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. 
S: DME volume set to more believable level. 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. 
S: That's what they're there for. 

P: IFF inoperative. 
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. 

P: Suspected crack in windshield. 
S: Suspect you're right. 

P: Number 3 engine missing. 
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. 

P: Aircraft handles funny. 
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 

P: Target radar hums. 
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. 

P: Mouse in cockpit. 
S: Cat installed. 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget 
pounding on something with a hammer. 
S: Took hammer away from midget.