I've spun myself in circles of late, trying to figure out what it is about plurality that has me...

See, even here, even in the first sentence of writing about it, language fails me. Has me what? Has me so intrigued? Has me hooked? Has me flailing at the keyboard and staying up too late?  I'm feeling some sort of friction, but don't know what it is, so I'm left in the position of either holding very still and being uncomfortable or flailing out in the hope that I hit something.

A lot of this has been spurred on by recent writing projects. This isn't the first time this has happened (nor will it be the last, I'm sure). It happened before with *ally* and is happening now with Post-Self. "If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally wrote something with heavy plural undertones that I hadn't intended but nonetheless made me doubt my identity," I've joked, "I'd have two nickels! Which isn't a lot, but it is weird that it happened twice."

There's an interesting bit of history behind this current set of feelings.

Back in 2021, I got in trouble. I had [a new book](https://wildness.makyo.ink) coming out and was reasonably excited about it. There were some parts that I was feeling a bit iffy on, since one of the stories touched on some topics that aren't common (and are in some ways very unpopular) within furry, but it was still important to me, still something that I really wanted others to read. I posted about it on the bulletin board in the Plaza on Taps. It felt natural, you know? I know most of the regulars, a lot of folks there seem to like me and are keen on seeing me writing more.

Unfortunately, that was a little too close to advertising, and I was 'stockaded', given a temporary ban of one month.

This proved incredibly unpopular with just about everyone. Much of the Plaza banded together to pretty much tear WhiteWizard a new one, unbeknownst to me --- after all, I couldn't see anything in the plaza, and was too busy having a panic attack besides. While White didn't budge on unstocking my character Maddy, he did let me log in as alts, so I was at least able to still get on and talk to people.

However, the more I thought about it and the more I talked with others, the more it started to rankle that this thing that I was proud of was apparently perilous to talk about. I still don't talk about my writing in public on Taps.

Some snarky bit of me decided, "You know what? Fine. I can't talk about my writing like it's an advertisement. I can't be proud of my stuff, I guess. Not gonna let that stop me from sneaking it in." 

I created a new character based off the Ode clade in the Post-Self Cycle named Where It Watches The Slow Hours Progress, a skunk with an interesting speech style and a healthy dose of snark. This went over well, both in the Plaza and within myself: I wound up pretty much becoming a skunk full time. Species shifts have always come during dramatic life shifts for me, and enough else was going on in my life that this just happened to hit at the right time.

Still, even though I kept the allergy to contractions, I didn't exactly treat Slow Hours like I was cosplaying some canon character. Even when I wrote her into [*Mitzvot*](https://mitzvot.post-self.ink) (as a tiny acknowledgement of me borrowing her name, she's described as being somewhat clairvoyant in that she "has the outline of the world"), I kept how I was interacting largely separate from the story. I was a nerdy skunk, not really related to Post-Self aside from the name.

Even when [Wolfery](https://wolfery.com) began to take off and I ported my usual stable of characters over, I generally kept that distance.

Then books three and four in the cycle came out. More people started reading the series. The Kickstarter went well. And, crucially, I kind of fell apart. Long COVID stripped me of much of my ability to write like I used to --- even writing this is proving quite difficult --- which is a bit of a pain when one is getting an MFA in creative writing.

So I found myself reaching for whatever I could to inspire me. I would fall asleep daydreaming of simple scenarios between characters. I'd write little pitches for stories. I started leaning heavily into role play. Slow Hours on Wolfery became more than just me-but-a-skunk. I wrapped myself up in Post-Self lore and dove in to interacting specifically as an Odist. It worked pretty damn well, too. I've been writing once more.

However, as with *ally* before it, the Post-Self setting seemed to embody plurality without necessarily being plural. This showed from the beginning, with the collaborative nature of the setting stemming from a crowd of postfurries keenly focused on identity and liberally peppered with systems. Hell, one of the first stories written in the setting (which began as and remains open) surrounded plurality. Many of the reviews of the books discussed plurality, too, and I've gotten messages from a healthy handful of folks/systems about how meaningful [*Qoheleth*](https://qoheleth.post-self.ink) was to them specifically.

Just as with *ally*, though, I wrote all that I did without any intentions of plurality. It wasn't really something I had any experience with. It wasn't an aspect that applied to my own identity, I felt. I was pleased that it was meaningful to people, of course, but it wasn't the type of thing I'd even really thought about. (Rax has mentioned that this lack of intentionality may be part of the reason for the appeal; just as with the desire for queer lit that isn't just About Queer, writing that touches on plurality without just being About Plurality can come off as refreshing.)

And, just as with *ally*, this reception and association tossed me into a tizzy of struggling with my perception of myself.

This has been quickly ramping up over the last few weeks as I've dived hardcore into this role play of being an Odist caught outside the System that had been their home for nearly three centuries.

Well, two Odists, as Slow Hours was soon joined by Beholden To The Heat Of The Lamps.

And a Bălan as a fork of Ioan joined them and renamed emself Lazăr.

It's all gotten a bit out of hand, is what I mean to say.

One of the core ideas behind the world that lives on Wolfery is the Rift.
((On Wolfery))

((Being around people who have gotten me thinking about the whole thing))

((roleplay reinforcing a sensation, a split along unexpected lines - SH vs Beholden going from "I am Beholden, she is the nice one" to Beholden being the fun one to...whatever Talon has noticed and the conversation with Echo about Dear))
  
