65 lines
2.1 KiB
Markdown
65 lines
2.1 KiB
Markdown
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%title [no subject]
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%date 2004-09-27 10:52:35
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:diary:livejournal:fossils:
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After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
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conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
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the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
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correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
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the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the
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gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground
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crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged
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maintenance complaints and
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problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by
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maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline
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that has never had an accident.
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(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
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(S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics.)
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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
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S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
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P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
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S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
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P: Something loose in cockpit.
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S: Something tightened in cockpit.
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P: Dead bugs on windshield.
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S: Live bugs on back-order.
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P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
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descent.
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S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
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P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
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S: Evidence removed.
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P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
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S: DME volume set to more believable level.
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P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
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S: That's what they're there for.
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P: IFF inoperative.
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S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
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P: Suspected crack in windshield.
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S: Suspect you're right.
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P: Number 3 engine missing.
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S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
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P: Aircraft handles funny.
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S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
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P: Target radar hums.
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S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
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P: Mouse in cockpit.
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S: Cat installed.
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P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
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pounding on something with a hammer.
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S: Took hammer away from midget.
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