51 lines
1.6 KiB
Markdown
51 lines
1.6 KiB
Markdown
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date: 2019-08-16
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weight: 6
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---
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A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up.
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My interest in furry wound down a bit in university. I'd burned myself a bit too hard, hurt too many people, grew too jaded to take part. I still prowled around the usual haunts on the MUCKs, still poked my head in FFF, still looked at all the art, [but my heart wasn't in it anymore](https://adjectivespecies.com/2012/03/21/makyos-kaddish/).
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> There was a reason behind this. There were people behind this.
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Well, true. I don't know how to square that with...well, a lot of things.
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> You don't know how to square that with how you felt about those people at the time.
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That's one aspect, yes. I also don't know how to square that with the fact that I was growing too jaded in a lot more than just furry. I grew jaded at school. I grew jaded at work. I struggled with my relationships. I struggled.
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> You struggled with gender.
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Well, yes, but I wasn't quite ready to admit that, yet.
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> You struggled with self harm.
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Yes.
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> You struggled with the intersections, the interstices, and the liminal spaces.
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I was going to write about [a][s]. Where are you taking me?
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> Straight homeward to your symbol-essences.
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Shall I not die, then?
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> Isn't that the point of writing?
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I'm pretty sure all our names are writ on water at this point.
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> Come now. You wanted to be Keats when you grew up.
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You're in a mood.
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> You're in a mood.
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Fine.
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Where are you taking me?
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> Let [a][s] speak for [a][s]. Let yourself speak for yourself.
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<a class="pulse" href="/furry/margaras">Okay</a>.
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