update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/ioan/010.md

@@ -15,9 +15,9 @@ Very, *very* good rustic stew. End Waking had explained that, as he had no way t
 
 They'd each brought their own contribution for the night, as well. After dinner, A finger Pointing pulled out a bottle of over-proof white whiskey that they passed around the circle, taking burning sips. Ioan and May brought with them a short, two-person play that they put on for the other three, full of crude jokes and self-deprecating humor. Douglas, having picked up music as a hobby since uploading, performed a trio with three instances, one on flute, one on a mandolin, and one on a cajón.
 
-For his part, Debarre had brought fireworks. Or *a* firework, at least. The weasel removed a double fist-sized sphere of *papier mache*, and set it atop a small cylinder right next to the fire. With End Waking watching, hawklike, he directed everyone to stand back a few feet and lit the fuse with a small punk from the fire, explaining, "I've been working on this for the last seventy years or so. It's only about fifty percent possible outside the System, but my excuse is that I never saw fireworks out there so I can do whatever the fuck I want."
+For his part, Debarre had brought fireworks. Or *a* firework, at least. The weasel produced a double fist-sized sphere of *papier mache*, and set it atop a small cylinder right next to the fire. With End Waking watching, hawklike, he directed everyone to stand back a few feet and lit the fuse with a small punk from the fire, explaining, "I've been working on this for the last seventy years or so. It's only about fifty percent possible outside the System, but my excuse is that I never saw fireworks out there so I can do whatever the fuck I want."
 
-The firework lifted off the cylinder it had been set on top of with surprising grace. Rather than rocketing into the air, it rose slowly, splitting in half a few inches into the air and rising in a tight helix, the weasel explaining that the propellant was tightly controlled to allow such, until it was hovering about three meters above the fire on a column of sparks as orange as those of the fire itself. From there, small spheres of cool-blue sparks popped free and danced around it in slow whorls. Finally, in a fountain green fire, billowing into the shape of a tree, it fell back into the campfire with a hissing sigh to be consumed by the flames.
+The firework lifted off the cylinder it had been set on top of with surprising grace. Rather than rocketing into the air, it rose slowly, splitting in half a few inches into the air and rising in a tight helix, the weasel explaining that the propellant was tightly controlled to allow such, until it was hovering about three meters above the fire on a column of sparks as orange as those of the fire itself. From there, small spheres of cool-blue sparks popped free and danced around it in slow, hypnotic whorls. Finally, in a fountain green fire, billowing into the shape of a tree, it fell back into the campfire with a hissing sigh to be consumed by the flames.
 
 "Out-fucking-classed," A Finger Pointing grumbled. "You said 'bring something', my dear, so I brought a bottle to drink, and you all bring plays and music and fireworks."
 
@@ -33,7 +33,7 @@ He rolled his eyes and made a rude gesture at her.
 
 The other Odist fit neatly into the pattern of a human Michelle, though over the centuries, she had opted for a form that was a little taller, a little slimmer, and bore more heavily styled hair. More chic, perhaps. She was prone to grand gestures and grand outfits in all black or all gray or all red. She had also leaned into hedonism more so than any of the other Odists Ioan had met. She ate heartily, drank more than all of them --- though this mostly manifested as a ruddy glint to her cheeks and a more wicked grin than usual --- and brought with her a very comfortable-looking camp chair.
 
-Even having worked with her for nearly a decade as a playwright and under her direction as an actor, ey continually found emself surprised by her simple desire to enjoy life, put on good plays, and be friends with everyone she could. It was a simplicity that was lacking from so many of her cocladists that ey'd had a chance to meet.
+Even having worked with her for nearly a decade as a playwright and under her direction as an actor for the last few years, ey continually found emself surprised by her simple desire to enjoy life, put on good plays, and be friends with everyone she could. It was a simplicity that was lacking from so many of her cocladists that ey'd had a chance to meet.
 
 "Do you wish that you had the chance to meet them?" End Waking said, once the fire had been stoked back up to stave off the deepening darkness.
 
@@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ End Waking's words came with a finality that seemed to draw the memory to a clos
 
 "Or memory?" Douglas added.
 
-She nodded, tugging Ioan's arm tighter around her middle. "A madness born of eternities. Memory upon memory upon memory. Our memories, our whole subconscious, lie too close to the surface, and that barrier between the conscious and subconscious cannot bear the weight of an eternity, and so the cracks widen."
+May nodded, tugging Ioan's arm tighter around her middle. "A madness born of eternities. Memory upon memory upon memory. Our memories, our whole subconscious, lie too close to the surface, and that barrier between the conscious and subconscious cannot bear the weight of an eternity. And so the cracks widen."
 
 "Do you think that's what happened with Death Itself and I Do Not Know? To Michelle?" Ioan asked.
 

writing/post-self/neviim/remote/tycho/002.md

@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ There was a brief pause as the Artemisians once more blurred into discussion. Is
 
 "Are you able to narrow the scope of your question?"
 
-The skunk frowned, tilted her head, and appeared to think for a few long seconds. "I would like to learn about how it is that each of your species arrived at the point where you uploaded. I would also like to know if this is how a convergence has occurred in the past."
+The skunk frowned, tilted her head, and thought for a few long seconds. "I would like to learn about how it is that each of your species arrived at the point where you uploaded. I would also like to know if this is how a convergence has occurred in the past."
 
 Yet another blur.
 
@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ Turun Ka and Iska blurred into fast time. Codrin added another tick mark.
 
 "Over the next seventy-eight years," Turun Ka continued. "We resumed our voyage, utilizing the star and outer planets for further gravity assists to achieve an acceptable velocity. For third- and fourthraces, we approached the convergences much as we approach this one, and in both cases, we were able to do so with a similar vehicle moving out-system."
 
-"And in each case, the other race agreed to join?" True Name asked.
+"And in each case, the decision to join was mutual?" True Name asked.
 
 "Yes."
 
@@ -58,7 +58,7 @@ Another silence, another note from Codrin.
 
 "Can you expand on 'confusing'?"
 
-"We do not know why you would tell us such a thing," Artante said. "This is not the time to discuss this."
+"We do not know why you would tell us such a thing at this moment," Artante said. "This is not the time to discuss this."
 
 True Name sat back as she digested this.
 
@@ -104,7 +104,7 @@ The writer yawned, rubbing a hand over eir face. "I don't know if it's a time th
 
 "Didn't we know that going in, though?"
 
-Ey shrugged. "Knowing and experiencing are not the same thing, I guess. Also, I think we were lulled into a false sense of security by how easily the first conversations went. It felt like there was more mutual understanding there than there really was."
+Ey shrugged. "Knowing and experiencing are not the same thing. Also, I think we were lulled into a false sense of security by how easily the first conversations went. It felt like there was more mutual understanding there than there really was."
 
 Tycho laughed, brushing fingertips against one of the columns as they walked past. "On one hand, I feel incredibly out of place with all that we're talking about, since I'm just the scientist. On the other, though, I guess I feel lucky that I'm not faced with the same problems."
 
@@ -116,7 +116,7 @@ Codrin shrugged. "Too much time around Odists, perhaps."
 
 Tycho grinned and shook his head. "Maybe, but I was thinking more that you are here to witness and be an amanuensis. You told me that I'd be doing the same weeks ago, and I still feel like that's way out of my league."
 
-Ey looked thoughtful at this as they made their way back to the meeting room. "I was going to say "all you need to do is watch", but that's not totally accurate, I guess. I'm trained in this, and there's a way of thinking that goes along with that training."
+Ey looked thoughtful at this as they made their way back to the meeting room. "I was going to say "all you need to do is watch", but that's not totally accurate. I'm trained in this, and there's a way of thinking that goes along with that training."
 
 He nodded.