update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/qoheleth/RJ/013.md

@@ -67,11 +67,13 @@ A supplication. A mantra against hopelessness.
 
 Ey turned the knob and stepped out into the shortgrass prairie of the open space. The packed dirt of the trail welcomed eir paws. The scent of dust and rattle-dry stalks of grass washed over em. Warm, yellow lighted hemmed em in through the fog of war.
 
-"Wait," ey said once more. Kept eir hands at eir sides. Loose. Relaxed. A promise to emself. *I still have will.*
+"Wait," ey said once more. Kept eir hands at eir sides. Loose. Relaxed. No menu to reach for, no gesture required.
+
+A promise to emself. *I still have will.*
 
 The fog receded upon eir request, thinned, disappeared. Mere breath. The prairie of the open space stretched out before them. A valley, and then a ridge of hills to the east. The mountains behind eir back.
 
-Not a sim. No limitations other than those eir dreaming mind had set upon them. Ey had spent so long in sims, lived eir life out in worlds bounded by the edges of invisible properties that, upon getting lost, ey had imagined the same must be true inside. More so, eir unconscious reasoned, for was ey not constrained to the processing power of eir exocortex?
+Not a sim. No limitations other than those eir dreaming mind had set upon them. Ey had spent so long in sims, lived eir life out in worlds bounded by the edges of invisible properties that, upon getting lost, ey had imagined the same must be true inside. More so, eir unconscious reasoned, for was ey not constrained by the processing power of eir exocortex?
 
 But it was not a sim. It was a dream, eir dream, eir exo a mirror, and in the end, ey held control.
 
@@ -79,7 +81,9 @@ No commands, then. No promises. Ey knew that, were ey to take a step forward, ei
 
 Ey did not rush. Ey stood still. The breeze fingered eir fur and teased along the hem of eir skirt as a breeze must. There were the turbines on the far ridge, three blades turning laconically as turbines must. There was the highway across the valley, the gas station squatting low alongside it as gas stations must.
 
-And then ey took a step.
+No commands in dreams. No promises required. Ey would take that step and all would be as it must.
+
+And then ey took the step.
 
 And then Prisca meowed and twined around eir ankles.
 
@@ -89,6 +93,8 @@ Cried because this was not London. Cried because this was not eir cat. Cried bec
 
 This was a memory. This was something dredged up from eir own mind. Prisca, eir very own Prisca, was purring against eir face because that's what Prisca must do. She was squirming out of eir grasp because ey knew that, had ey held her like that in the waking world --- and ey had --- that that is what cats do.
 
-Could ey will her to stop? To hold still and be his pillow to cry into? Ey did not know. Eir mind resisted the question. Resisted, because ey did not want that to be the case. Did not want to will eir precious cat to be anything other than she was.
+It was eir dream. Eir own, eirs alone. All the lost must perforce be dreaming their own dreams. Ey dreamed of homes and clues and boundaries, of cats that squirmed, of emself as a fox --- and that one ey would keep --- and could not begin to guess at others' dreams.
 
-Ey let the cat down so that she could pace to her favorite spot and groom the tears out of eir fur.
+Could ey will Prisca to stop? To hold still and be eir pillow to cry into? Ey did not know. Eir mind resisted the question. Resisted, because ey did not want that to be the case. Did not want to will eir precious cat to be anything other than she was. To ask that question was to admit the idea that ey could dream anything other than that which ey must.
+
+Ey let the cat down so that she could stalk self-righteously to her favorite spot and groom the tears out of her fur.

writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.md

@@ -169,7 +169,7 @@ Check when edited
     * [X] Chapter: [RJ 012](RJ/012) --- RJ at the clinic, discovering ey don't need ACLs in a lucid dream.
     * [X] Chapter: [Ioan 006](Ioan/006) --- Back at home with Dear, Qoheleth messages (split)
     * [X] Chapter: [Sasha 002](Sasha/002) --- things are moving quickly
-    * [O] Chapter: [RJ 013](RJ/013) --- struggling with numbness, trying to learn to manipulate the dream, memories.
+    * [X] Chapter: [RJ 013](RJ/013) --- struggling with numbness, trying to learn to manipulate the dream, memories.
     * [O] Chapter: [Carter 008](Carter/008) --- At work, viewing everyone with suspicion, DDR votes changing
     * [O] Chapter: [Ioan 006-b](Ioan/006-b) --- Story of gathering Odists, perhaps flashback to/story from Dear about clade's formation?
     * [O] Chapter: [Carter 009](Carter/009) --- Carter calls out, Prakash warns, works with Sasha and Debarre, Sasha gets lost, seen by Carter gives hint to mirror rig