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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2022-08-30 12:00:07 -07:00
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writing/post-self/selected-letters/001.md
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@ -7,7 +7,7 @@ Ioan,
A part of me has died. I do not know what to say. A part of me has died. I do not know what to say.
When one forks, one's down-tree instance should not change, right? They should just be the same, yes? They continue on as they were, and the only mark left by forking is the memory of having done so. I'm *know* this. Dear has assured me of this. It's how the System works, how it must works. When one forks, one's down-tree instance should not change, right? They should just be the same, yes? They continue on as they were, and the only mark left by forking is the memory of having done so. I'm *know* this. Dear has assured me of this. It's how the System works, how it must work.
But for some reason, that isn't what happened. But for some reason, that isn't what happened.
@ -15,9 +15,9 @@ Let me start over.
After all that happened, after all the decisions that had already been made, it felt like there was one more that needed to happen. I needed to figure out what I was going to do about myself with regards to Artemis. I asked surprisingly few people for advice on this. I mentioned it briefly to my partners, and Dear thought it was an okay idea, though I could tell that neither of them were totally sold on the idea. After all that happened, after all the decisions that had already been made, it felt like there was one more that needed to happen. I needed to figure out what I was going to do about myself with regards to Artemis. I asked surprisingly few people for advice on this. I mentioned it briefly to my partners, and Dear thought it was an okay idea, though I could tell that neither of them were totally sold on the idea.
On looking back, it's weird how little agency we give our forks at first. The biggest complaint against the idea that they had was that they didn't want to see how much the fork I sent would miss me. █████ was the one who wound up selling Dear on the idea, oddly enough, by reminding it just how much individuation can happen. It's been stuck in instance artistry too long, not letting itself deviate because its instances simply don't last long enough. On looking back, it's weird how little agency we attribute to our forks at first. The biggest complaint against the idea that they had was that they didn't want to see how much the fork I sent would miss me. █████ was the one who wound up selling Dear on the idea, oddly enough, by reminding it just how much individuation can happen. It's been stuck in instance artistry too long, not letting itself deviate because its instances simply don't last long enough.
So I took that to heart and, when I decided to fork last week, I pushed individuation as hard and as fast as I could. I had a hundred paces to do so, a hundred steps between cairns to make sure that Sorina was Sorina and that I remained myself. That was the origin of Sorina. Sorina Bălan, third of our clade, born at sunrise. I took that idea to heart and, when I decided to fork last week, I pushed individuation as hard and as fast as I could. I had a hundred paces to do so, a hundred steps between cairns to make sure that she was herself and that I remained myself.
And yet I'm not sure I did remain myself. A part of me died, and I do not know what to say about that. I pushed individuation on her --- and see, here I go, taking her agency from her! --- while I did my best to stay the same, to simply walk the prairie and think only of home and of Dear and of █████ and not of Artemis and a life without them. I didn't think of names. I didn't think of time skew or forking. I didn't think of anything but the pending sunrise. And yet I'm not sure I did remain myself. A part of me died, and I do not know what to say about that. I pushed individuation on her --- and see, here I go, taking her agency from her! --- while I did my best to stay the same, to simply walk the prairie and think only of home and of Dear and of █████ and not of Artemis and a life without them. I didn't think of names. I didn't think of time skew or forking. I didn't think of anything but the pending sunrise.