update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/022.md

@@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ Both of them stood still after arriving, just bathing in --- or struggling again
 
 Ioan greeted them at the door. Ey seemed happy enough, if tired. Still smiling and bowing to them as ey usually did.
 
-As soon as they'd finished their greetings and settled on the grass in front of the house (End Waking having refused to go inside) along with Douglas, though, ey had mostly stared down into eir glass of lemonade and spoke little.
+They finished their greetings and settled on the grass in front of the house along with Douglas, End Waking having refused to go inside. After, though, ey had stared down into eir glass of lemonade and spoke little.
 
 Finally, Debarre nudged em gently with an elbow. "Alright, Ioan, you're gonna need to spill it at some point, here. What's going on? All we were told is that you were feeling rough about the last few days."
 
@@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ The weasel and skunk both looked at each other, ears splayed.
 
 "I'm the baby, I think," Douglas said. "I'm seventy-two."
 
-The skunk grinned. "So young. Debarre and I both have two centuries on you. Still, I am pretty sure that we can acknowledge the existence of sex, is what I mean."
+"So young." The skunk grinned. "Debarre and I both have two centuries on you. Still, I am pretty sure that we can acknowledge the existence of sex, is what I mean."
 
 "And it doesn't exactly sound like she's a stranger to that herself, anyway."
 
@@ -68,7 +68,7 @@ There was a long silence before ey answered. "It's really getting to me. I don't
 
 "Probably most of the memories, there," Debarre stage-whispered, getting a smirk out of Ioan.
 
-"Yeah. Our affection and our sex, too, for that matter. Suddenly, True Name would have all that. I think it also started grating on me because of how real End Waking's was. It wouldn't just be a library for her perusal, but she will have actually lived them. She will have actually--" Ey frowned, as though digging for the words.
+"Yeah. Our affection and our sex, too, for that matter. Suddenly, True Name would have all that. I think it also started grating on me because of how...real End Waking's was. It wouldn't just be a library for her perusal, but she will have actually lived them. She will have actually--" Ey frowned, as though digging for the words.
 
 "She'll have actually loved you, maybe?" Debarre guessed.
 
@@ -90,7 +90,7 @@ He laughed. "Love you too, E.W."
 
 He shook his head and waved the comment away. "Yeah, yeah."
 
-More than one of them had confessed as much to him over the centuries, and it wasn't until he'd actually conceded that something about End Waking landed in that sweet spot of attraction and personality match enough to at least try dating that they'd stopped. He was thankful that they seemed happy enough to live vicariously through him. He had liked Sasha and Michelle, loved her in that sympatico that true friends can share, friends who had shared trauma so he didn't begrudge them their feelings, but any more felt pretty far out of his league as a gay man.
+More than one of them had confessed as much to him over the centuries, and it wasn't until he'd actually conceded that something about End Waking landed in that sweet spot of attraction and personality match enough to at least try dating that they'd stopped. He was thankful that they seemed happy enough to live vicariously through him. He had liked Sasha and Michelle, loved her in that sympatico that true friends can share, friends who had shared trauma, so he didn't begrudge them their feelings, but any more felt pretty far out of his league as a gay man.
 
 Instead, he nudged Ioan with his elbow again. "So if you don't need to worry about it from True Name's side, and you know you're worrying about it from your own side, how do you feel about it from May's point of view?"
 

writing/post-self/mitzvot/023.md

@@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ He raised his eyebrows. "Really? The way she talked about True Name for a while
 
 Ey shrugged. "Every now and then, and sometimes she'd get pretty pissed, but it was only once a year or so."
 
-"Mm, about the same amount, but maybe she kept it a bit...I dunno, gentler for you, since she has to live with you. She'd come over once a year or so and just go off for a while. It kinda became routine. She'd vent, then we'd have a good day."
+"Mm, about the same amount, but maybe she kept it a bit...I dunno, gentler for you, since you were meeting up with True Name. She'd come over once a year or so and just go off for a while. It kinda became routine. She'd vent, then we'd have a good day."
 
 Ioan switched to rubbing eir hands over her face. "I don't even know what to do about her."
 
@@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ Ey smiled gratefully. "I'm at least trying. May's done her own fair share of try
 
 "Do you think it was the right thing to do?"
 
-"Yeah," he said, surprising himself with how readily the answer came to him. "I don't think it would have worked if E.W. had just merged down without all the other dramatic shit. I think she would've just rejected it, or if she did accept the merge, just cherry-picked parts of it. As it is, though, with Jonas after her neck and May Then My Name using all her wiles to convince both her and E.W., I think so, though she probably would've preferred to fork first. I don't honestly see her coming out of this still in power or whatever, but if she *does* make it out, I think it'll help her move on."
+"Yeah," he said, surprising himself with how readily the answer came to him. "I don't think it would have worked if E.W. had just merged down without all the other dramatic shit. I think she would've just rejected it, or if she did accept the merge, just cherry-picked parts of it. As it is, though, with Jonas after her neck and May Then My Name using all her wiles to convince both her and E.W., I think it's worth it, though she probably would've preferred to fork first. I don't honestly see her coming out of this still in power or whatever, but if she *does* make it out, I think it'll help her move on."
 
 Ioan stared up at the ceiling thoughtfully, occasionally mumbling to emself.
 
@@ -130,4 +130,4 @@ After another hour's conversation over lunch --- much happier conversation, than
 
 Debarre#Tracker conducted a thorough security sweep and, finding no bugs, those little hidden instances he'd grown so paranoid of, he sighed and slouched back in his desk chair, rubbing paws over his face. "Well, shit. This complicates things, doesn't it?"
 
-He queued up a sensorium message to Yared, user11827, and a few other friends he'd kept in touch with while following along with (and occasionally meddling in) the political affairs of the system. 'Reactionary elements' indeed.
+He queued up a sensorium message to Yared, user11824, and a few other friends he'd kept in touch with while following along with (and occasionally meddling in) the political affairs of the system. 'Reactionary elements' indeed.