update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/030.md

@@ -58,13 +58,13 @@ May blinked down at the clothes, giggled quietly, and shook her head. *"You are
 
 Ey shrugged helplessly, gathered up the loose lounge pants and shirt to go change.
 
-*"I have no clue how tired I even am,"* ey subvocalized, once ey returned. *"Or if I'll even be able to sleep here."*
+*"I have no clue how tired I even am,"* ey subvocalized once ey returned. *"Or if I'll even be able to sleep here."*
 
 *"If you need to sneak off to sleep in a real bed, you can, my dear."*
 
 *"I'm* also *unwilling to sleep without you, so..."*
 
-Her expression softened. She tilted her muzzle down to whisper something to True Name, and when she received a nod in response, she patted the bed to invite em up. *"Just asked if you could join us,"* May explained.
+Her expression softened. She tilted her muzzle down to whisper something to True Name, and when she received a nod in response, she signed *okay* and patted the bed to invite em up.
 
 Ey nodded and climbed onto the (now much larger) bed until ey could settle down beside May in the nook of pillows. Getting eir arm around her shoulders, ey let her rest her head on eir shoulder. It was a little awkward, with True Name still slouched against her side, but it worked well enough.
 
@@ -108,6 +108,56 @@ True Name nodded and settled down into her nest of pillows.
 
 May and Ioan stayed up a little longer, chatting through sensorium messages to let True Name process in peace. Cognizant of her mention that she felt better when not thinking about boundaries, ey kept the topics light, asking about favorite things and letting her rant about plays from her past that she'd hated.
 
+The only interruption from the other skunk came nearly an hour later. She yelped and sat up, scrambling back against the wall away from them. "You know!" she shouted. "Codrin knows!"
+
+It took only a moment for the truth to click into place. Both ey and May sat up to give her a bit more space.
+
+"Hush, my dear," May said, voice soothing. "It's okay. Remember Dear's letter."
+
+"I...I cannot-- It is too much!"
+
+Ioan held still, hands flat on eir thighs. The urge to wipe the sweat from eir palms was pressing against em, but ey wanted to at least appear calm, even if ey didn't feel such.
+
+May began to crawl towards True Name, then stopped when her cocladist shied away from her. "Codrin has not spoken it aloud, not even with True Name#Castor. I confirmed with Dear: ey only said *that* ey heard it, and that is all that ey told Ioan."
+
+She snatched a pillow from the pile and clutched it to her chest, wide-eyed. "Why?"
+
+"Ey couldn't be the only one," Ioan said quietly. "We don't do as well under pressure as you, we don't...well..."
+
+"Keep secrets?" she growled.
+
+May held up her paws disarmingly. "They keep secrets very well. They just do not keep many."
+
+She glanced sharply at May, then said to Ioan, "Ey did not tell you the name?"
+
+"No. The message was individual-eyes-only. I haven't even shown May." After a moment's thought, ey added, "But I can unlock it for you, if you want. It's in an exo I haven't looked at since."
+
+"Sweep the whole sim," she snapped.
+
+Ey nodded, swept the sim of everyone but the three of them, and instructed the perisystem architecture to print out the *0 individuals swept* receipt onto a slip of foolscap, which ey handed over.
+
+"Move back, May Then My Name," she instructed, quieter this time. When the skunk obliged, she crawled closer to em and set up a cone of silence with secure visual ACLs. She was panting and shaking, though ey was pleased to see the anger that had swelled briefly had subsided once more into fear. Ey didn't think any of them were up for a shouting match. Once she'd knelt beside em, whispered, "Show me."
+
+Ey nodded and drew the sheet out of the air, holding it up for True Name to see the fully redacted text, then unlocked it for her eyes only and handed it over.
+
+She read it through top to bottom a few times, set it down and kneaded her paws against her face, then picked it up to read it once more.
+
+Finally, shoulders sagging, she handed it back. "Re-secure it and destroy it, please."
+
+Ey did so and held up eir hands. "I'm sorry, True--"
+
+She patted at eir arm with a shaking paw. "Please do not apologize." After dropping the cone of silence, she continued, "I should have...I should have learned from...I am sorry."
+
+May held out a paw once more, and this time True Name took it, letting herself be guided back to the nest of pillows, where she slumped down once more, expression glassy. "Too much," she mumbled.
+
+"Rest, my dear. It is okay," May said quietly. "Do you want company?"
+
+After a moment's silence, she shook her head. "No, I will...be fine. We will speak later."
+
+May nodded and crawled back over to where Ioan, nudging em to lay down so that she could tuck in against eir front. She remained tense, and when ey sent a gentle sensorium ping, she simply shook her head.
+
+Etc. Then later, before she goes to make coffee:
+
 Tiredness eventually won them over, though, and, despite the room being mirrored from what ey was used to, the bed was the same, comfortable one ey'd slept in for the last century, the house held the same sense of 'home' as ever. May curled against eir front as she always did, and while it was strange seeing True Name just beyond her, it was still where ey belonged.
 
 The last thing ey remembered before falling asleep was watching the way True Name had curled to face May, the two skunks holding each others' paws, and thinking to emself, *This isn't how I pictured things winding up if I was to somehow fix them, but it could certainly be worse.*
@@ -120,7 +170,7 @@ Ey tried to puzzle it out through the fog of doziness that still surrounded him.
 
 At some point in the night, True Name had apparently rolled over and wound up curled in May's arms just as she was curled in eirs, and with with eir arm resting atop May's, ey was left hugging two skunks.
 
-Ey lay there for a while, trying to piece together eir feelings on the situation. As far as ey could remember, in eir still sleep-addled state, ey'd never been this close to True Name before. There had been the occasional casual touch, a few touches out of necessity --- grabbing eir hand to get away from Guōweī stood out as an obvious example --- but even going back to when ey'd first met her, there'd been very little touch. It made sense, given her personality, and yet here she was, all cuddled up with the two of them. If nothing else, ey should probably decide whether or not to extricate eir arm from the situation.
+Ey lay there for a while, trying to piece together eir feelings on the situation. As far as ey could remember, in eir still sleep-addled state, ey'd never been this close to True Name before. There had been the occasional casual touch, a few touches out of necessity --- grabbing eir hand to get away from Guōweī, lifting her after End Waking's merge --- but even going back to when ey'd first met her, there'd been very little touch. It made sense, given her personality, and yet here she was, all cuddled up with the two of them. If nothing else, ey should probably decide whether or not to extricate eir arm from the situation.
 
 Ah well, ey was probably worrying too much about this, just laying there and ruminating.
 
@@ -134,7 +184,7 @@ There was note of amusement, of almost-laughter, as she sent, *"It is okay, my d
 
 Eir mind raced as ey tried to figure out how best to explain what ey'd been cycling over.
 
-*"Would you like me to move? I wound up like this sometime in the night and have been staying still to keep from waking you two."*
+*"I rolled over sometime in the night --- I do not know when, I was memory-sick --- and have been staying still to keep from waking you two. Would you like me to move?"*
 
 *"No..."* ey replied hesitantly. *"But you guessed right. I hope this isn't weird or anything. If you need to--"*
 
@@ -152,7 +202,7 @@ Ey smirked. *"Har har. All the same, I'm glad you made it through to this far, a
 
 *"Thank you, my dear. As am I."* 
 
-They fell back into silence then. Ioan spent a while marveling at the mix of coziness and strangeness. It *was* comfortable, there with the two skunks. May was in eir arms as she should be, and True Name, similar as she was, fit quite well in the mix. The strangeness, then, came from the knowledge that she was specifically True Name. This was so counter to what ey knew of her from the years prior, and even the her that she'd become over the past few weeks since End Waking's merge.
+They fell back into silence then. Ioan spent a while marveling at the mix of coziness and strangeness. It *was* comfortable, there with the two skunks. May was in eir arms as she should be, and True Name, similar as she was, fit well enough in the mix. The strangeness, then, came from the knowledge that she was specifically True Name. This was so counter to what ey knew of her from the years prior, and even the her that she'd become over the past few weeks since End Waking's merge.
 
 Ey could already tell that she'd changed, even beyond the fact that she'd wound up as close as this. Her speech patterns were shifting once again, losing some of their formality, finding their way back to grounding from the high-minded patterns she'd picked up from her other cocladist, and yet they weren't totally those of May, either. They didn't sound the same, just more alike than they had.
 
@@ -194,6 +244,14 @@ Ey nodded, nudging her snout with eir chin.
 
 A few minutes later, True Name returned, carrying three mugs of coffee. Ioan and May pushed themselves up to sitting so that they could accept.
 
+"I am sorry I freaked out last night. I think I understand Dear's letter better now."
+
+May nodded.
+
+"I was wondering if you maybe didn't know before tonight, honestly," Ioan said.
+
+"I have been fed bad and incomplete information for years now. I had not suspected just to what extent. I am still frightened, if I am honest, but I will trust you two on this. It is complicated, and bound up in emotions I do not understand, but I will trust you." She shook her head. "But I cannot speak of it any more right now."
+
 "Heading outside?" ey asked.
 
 She nodded. "Yes. I will need an hour or so of nothing but the morning and the grass."