update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/qoheleth/Carter/009.md

@@ -5,17 +5,17 @@ London in winter was not a snowy affair. No traces of white lacing the ground, n
 
 She dumped the rest of the water in the already soggy grass and looped her pinkie through the handle, fingers curling into her palm to hunt for warmth. Another few steps and she gave up, setting the mug on a window-ledge so that she could walk with her hands in her pockets.
 
-Mugs were less important than being out of there.
+It wouldn't be missed. Mugs were less important than being out of there.
 
-The pain of being drawn back so forcefully had disappeared immediately upon coming too outside the sim, but her mind would not let go of the memory if it. If she thought about other things, she knew, it would disappear. Just a memory. A bad dream.
+The pain of being drawn back so forcefully had disappeared immediately upon coming too outside the sim, but the memory lingered. Her mind would not let it go. If she thought about other things, she knew, it would disappear. Just a memory. A bad dream.
 
 She did not think about other things. Could not think about other things. All she could think about was her implants and the system. All she could think about was the vain hope that the data on the card had made it into the core dump she knew had been left in her exocortex's storage immediately upon the crash. She had no idea how she'd get it out --- the tech side of the implants was hardly her specialty --- but she knew it was possible.
 
-She paced along the sidewalk, head down, remembering pain. She knew she was walking a street, but did not know which. She just needed away from the room, away from the neat row of rigs. Rigs she no longer trusted. Away from people she no longer trusted. She needed away, and hoped that the bracingly cold air would help in some way.
+So she paced along the sidewalk, head down, remembering pain. She knew she was walking a street, but did not know which. She just needed away from the room, away from the neat row of rigs. Rigs she no longer trusted. Away from people she no longer trusted. She needed away, and hoped that the bracingly cold air would help in some way.
 
 Her phone pinged. On silent, the ping came in the form of a brief tingle along her implants through the wireless. A gentle impinging on the senses. It pinged again. Then pinged several more times in short order.
 
-It made her sick. A rush of anxiety to go with the reminder of the subtle tech ramifying through her flesh..
+It made her sick. A rush of anxiety to go with the reminder of the subtle tech ramifying through her flesh.
 
 > *Avery:*
 >
@@ -45,35 +45,35 @@ It made her sick. A rush of anxiety to go with the reminder of the subtle tech r
 >
 > Police here looking for you. Stop where you are. Do not come back.
 
-Her breath came in short, ragged gasps. She hardly needed Prakash's orders to stop. She was frozen to the sidewalk. She couldn't take another step if she wanted to.
+Her breath came in short, ragged gasps. She hardly needed Prakash's orders to stop. She was frozen to the sidewalk. She could hardly take another step if she wanted to.
 
-> Prakash:
+> *Prakash:*
 >
 > I'm coming to you. Told them I went to look for you. Stay there.
 
-*What?* Carter's mind seemed to be floating down a river, bumping across rocks. She could not focus for the water in her eyes. Literal, as well as figurative. She could not tell if she was crying, or if the air was simply stinging. *Police? Prakash coming here?*
+*What?* Carter's mind seemed to be floating down a river, bumping across rocks and swirling in eddies. She could not focus for the water in her eyes. Literal, as well as figurative. She could not tell if she was crying, or if the air was simply stinging. *Security? Police? Prakash coming here?*
 
 And then: *How does he know where I am?*
 
-Sure enough, there, jogging around the corner was the lithe form, unjacketed with puffs of breath showing in the still air.
+Sure enough, there, jogging around the corner was his lithe form, unjacketed with puffs of breath showing in the still air.
 
-"Ramirez," he said. His breathing was calm. "As I'm sure you've heard, the police and security are at the lab, looking for you."
+"Ramirez," he said. His breathing was calm despite the jog. "As I'm sure you've heard, the police and security are at the lab, looking for you."
 
 Carter merely stared at him.
 
-"Ramirez? Doctor Ramirez. Hey!" He snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Things are going to happen very quickly now. I need you to stay away from UCL and stay away from home. I've got some, ah...friends who will be in contact with you. Not Western Fed."
+"Ramirez? Doctor Ramirez. Hey!" He snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Things are going to happen very quickly now. I need you to stay away from UCL and stay away from home. I've got some, ah...friends who will be in contact with you soon. Not Western Fed, if you take my meaning."
 
 She blinked, nodded dumbly. Another rock for her mind to bump over in that swift-flowing stream: *Prakash? Sino-Russian Bloc?*
 
-"If you run, you'll increase your culpability. You need to stay away from UCL, but--" He pointed down the street. "If you were to head to the medical center, then it's only an ethics violation, not running from the police, okay? Brewster is there."
+"If you run, you'll only look guilty. Culpable. You need to stay away from UCL, but--" He pointed down the street. "If you were to head to the medical center, then it's only an ethics violation, not running from the police, okay? Brewster is there."
 
 "What--" Her voice cracked, and she had to swallow a few times to get it to work properly. "What happened?"
 
-"You found something they didn't like. You saw something you weren't supposed to. Sanders tipped them off, then told the police you might be a danger to yourself or something. I don't know, I didn't stick around. Hold still." The last was delivered as Carter started to shrink away from his hand reaching toward her. He held it up in a disarming gesture, a bulky-looking phone held within. "I know why you had Avery pull you back. This is just a back up drive, promise."
+"You found something they didn't like. You saw something you weren't supposed to, and I think I know what. Sanders tipped them off, then told the police you might be a danger to yourself or something. I don't know. He's a plant, they think on their feet. I didn't stick around. Hold still." The last was delivered as Carter started to shrink away from his hand reaching toward her. He held it up in a disarming gesture, a bulky-looking phone held within. "Avery texted me why you had them pull you back. This is just a back up drive, promise."
 
 She stood still. There didn't seem to be any alternative.
 
-Prakash pressed the box against the top of her exo, just at the base of her neck, masking the motion as a hug. There was no sensation from her implants, but when he leaned away, the man nodded to her. "We're good. Thank you, Ramirez."
+Prakash pressed the box against the top of her exo, just at the base of her neck, masking the motion as a hug. There was no sensation from her implants, but when he leaned away, he nodded to her. "We're good. Thank you, Ramirez."
 
 "Why?"
 
@@ -87,21 +87,21 @@ And with that, he patted her arm, moved around her, and walked away.
 
 Despite any attempts to appear calm, she had to clench her hands within her pockets to keep them from shaking.
 
-She was lucky with the tube, and managed to step immediately onto a car without having to wait. She guessed that if she were being followed, the platform would be the perfect place for someone to catch up with her. The short ride was spent wondering what they might do to her. Cuff her then and there? Pretend to be a friendly acquaintance and draw her to the side? Just talk to her?
+She was lucky with the tube, and managed to step immediately onto a car without having to wait. She supposed that if she were being followed, the platform would be the perfect place for someone to catch up with her. The short ride was spent wondering what they might do to her. Cuff her then and there? Pretend to be a friendly acquaintance and draw her to the side? Just talk?
 
 Not something she wanted to find out first hand.
 
-She had calmed down enough by the time she reached the UMC that she was no longer shaking and could walk quickly and, hopefully, unsuspiciously up from the tube to the street. The steps disgorged her across the road from the UMC itself, and she was able to duck quickly into the building, using the light traffic as an excuse to jog.
+She had calmed enough by the time she reached the UMC that she was no longer shaking and could walk quickly and, hopefully, unsuspiciously up from the tube to street level. The steps disgorged her across the road from the UMC itself, and she was able to duck quickly into the building, using the light traffic as an excuse to jog.
 
-With the connection between the University College and the Medical Center, she was able to swipe her way in without fuss, and once in, was able to quick-walk over to the wing where she knew they worked on implants. It was no clinic, but it did have some areas dedicated to care and maintenance.
+With the connection between the University College and the Medical Center, she was able to swipe her way in without fuss, and once in, to quick-walk over to the wing where she knew they worked on implants. It was no clinic, but it did have some areas dedicated to care and maintenance.
 
-She needed a rig. She didn't *want* a rig, but she needed to delve in and hopefully at least let Sasha and her friends know what was happening, that she might be seeing RJ soon. Needed to let someone else know what she knew.
+She needed a rig. She didn't *want* a rig, but she needed to delve in and at least let Sasha and her friends know what was happening, that she might be seeing RJ soon. Needed to let someone else know what she knew.
 
-*This is stupid, this is stupid,* she repeated to herself. A mantra, or perhaps a prayer for someone to stop her.
+*This is stupid, this is stupid,* she repeated to herself. A mantra. Or perhaps a prayer for someone to stop her.
 
-No one did. She was doctor Carter Ramirez, after all, right? Why would a research doctor from the university that ran the medical center need to be stopped? Of course she was welcome, the staff rigs are just down the hall, help yourself.
+No one did. She was doctor Carter Ramirez, after all, right? Why would a research doctor from the very university that ran the medical center need to be stopped? Of course she was welcome, the staff rigs are just down the hall, help yourself.
 
-All she could hope for now was that that, if the lost were related to information they knew but had not shared, that they were being prevented from sharing, perhaps she would be safe if she were to be visible about it. Had already been visible about it, with that stunt back in the lab. If she were too visible a subject and the lost were the result of some intentional action, her getting lost would be suspicious. She could hope.
+All she could hope for now was that that, if the lost were related to information they knew but had not shared, that they were being prevented from sharing, perhaps she would be safe if she were to be visible about it. Had already been visible about it, with that stunt back in the lab. If she were too visible a subject and the lost were the result of some intentional action, her --- or any of her team --- getting lost would be suspicious. She hoped.
 
 *Fuck, this is so stupid.*
 
@@ -113,11 +113,11 @@ The mail was quick and to the point. She had the address for Sasha and, with a q
 
 > All
 >
-> Things went sideways with the project, we may be fucked. Govt plant and SRB spy on the team. Police showed up today and everything, just barely got out.
+> Things went sideways with the project, we may be fucked. Govt plant (Sanders, if you remember, Sasha) and SRB spy on the team. Police showed up today and everything, just barely got out.
 >
-> I found some data, though. Don't know what to do with it, but I've attached the core that might have it saved. It has to do with DDR activity as suspected, notably some vote that happened a while back, deleted from everyone's records. Something crazy happening high enough up that they're trying to make everyone forget and disappear those who won't.
+> I found some data, though. Don't know what to do with it, but I've attached the core that might have it saved. It has to do with DDR activity as suspected, notably some vote that happened a while back, deleted from EVERYONE'S records. Something crazy happening high enough up that they're trying to make everyone forget and disappear those who won't.
 >
-> Home sim is @cramrirez:eo3.london.gb.wf#default, will stick around a few, but after that, going to see RJ. Will probably be the last you here from me, as am being followed.
+> Home sim is @cramirez:eo3.london.gb.wf#default, will stick around a few, but after that, going to see RJ. Will probably be the last you here from me, as am being followed.
 >
 > cr
 
@@ -125,7 +125,7 @@ No time to think. She hit send.
 
 *I'll give it five minutes, then I probably need to get out. Had to swipe into the room, but I doubt that'll deter anyone for long.*
 
-She jumped when Sasha stepped from the tport pad less than a minute later. "Jesus, that was fast."
+She jumped when Sasha stepped from the tport pad less than thirty seconds later. "Jesus, that was fast."
 
 "Caught me before work. What the hell is happening?" The skunk's voice was shrill with panic. "Police? Is AwDae okay?"