update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/036.md

@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@ Serene nodded. "He read the *History* and came to the same conclusion that the r
 
 "I do not want to hear you say that you are sorry, Sasha. I do not think that is how this works as you are now, not for me. I do not want to hear your justifications and explanations; I can understand them as well as anyone. I just want to hear your acknowledgement."
 
-After setting her plate and fork down on the low table again, Sasha folded her paws in her lap, sat for a moment in silence, then said. "For as much as I tried to do --- for as much as Jonas and I both tried to do --- I do not think we had nearly the effect on the world around us we thought we did, not on the grand scale. We played our games of politics and influence, but it was a game of relationships from start to finish, you are correct. True Name changed relationships. May Then My Name changed relationships. End Waking played his part. I do not know if it was for the better or for the worse, but I do acknowledge that it made a good many of them far more difficult."
+After setting her plate and fork down on the low table again, Sasha folded her paws in her lap, sat for a moment in silence, then said. "For as much as I tried to do --- for as much as Jonas and I both tried to do --- I do not think we had nearly the effect on the world around us we thought we did, not on the grand scale. We played our games of politics and influence, but it was a game of relationships from start to finish, you are correct. True Name changed relationships. May Then My Name changed relationships. E.W. played his part. I do not know if it was for the better or for the worse, but I do acknowledge that it made a good many of them far more difficult."
 
 "Well, okay. Perhaps one apology."
 
@@ -76,7 +76,7 @@ There was no further announcement. Nor, even, any change in Serene. She still lo
 
 The plain rippled and flexed, arching up high to the sky as though stretching after a long nap. Trees pried their way from the soil. Rocks broke free from the land. The river --- the one immediately before them, at least --- collapsed into itself to form a wide lake. The rest of the distant echoed versions of the plain where not occupied by the immediate mountains crinkled into some more complex geometry, the remainder of the range echoed outside the valley.
 
-It *was* a little vertigo-inducing, too. The worst of it wasn't due to the sudden change in the shape of the landscape, but in just how, well...serene it all was. The river shaping itself into the lake was not accompanied by some grand splashing of waves, but simply the remaking of the water. There were no falling rocks or grand earthquakes, just the reshaping of the world. The light shifted. Gravity swayed, settled. All of it was silent.
+It *was* a little vertigo-inducing, too. The worst of it wasn't due to the sudden change in the shape of the landscape, but in just how, well...serene it all was. The river shaping itself into the lake was not accompanied by some grand splashing of waves, but simply the remaking of the water. There were no falling rocks or grand earthquakes, just the reshaping of the world. The light shifted. Gravity swayed, settled. All of it was silent, anechoic.
 
 And then it was done.
 
@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ For eir part, ey simply walked, hand in paw with May, and marveled. Ey'd discove
 
 After so long away and after so much stress it felt all the more real.
 
-They sat on the rock near the end of the lake and enjoyed the last of the sun. It was a little tight for four, but May tucked quite nicely up against eir side and Sasha, having slipped more into an End Waking mindset, had settled off to the side. She looked antsy, and ey suspected she'd request time to hike soon enough.
+They sat on the rock near the end of the lake and enjoyed the last of the sun. It was a little tight for four, but May tucked quite nicely up against eir side and Sasha, having slipped more into an E.W. mindset, had settled off to the side. She looked antsy, and ey suspected she'd request time to hike soon enough.
 
 "How is the rest of the clade taking this?" she asked. "I sent a clade-wide message, but have not received responses."
 
@@ -174,13 +174,13 @@ Ey didn't understand, but ey didn't need to.
 
 -----
 
-It was nearly a month before Debarre, Douglas, and Sasha agreed to meet. Debarre's side of the negotiations remained stiff and distant, while Douglas seemed to have set aside any sense of caution, speaking with palpable excitement. As soon as he'd learned of the change of name back to something more closely associated with his distant relative, he'd hardly talked of anything else.
+It was nearly a month before Debarre, Douglas, and Sasha agreed to meet. Debarre's side of the negotiations remained stiff and distant, the weasel refusing to see Sasha after that initial meeting. Douglas seemed to have set aside any sense of caution, speaking with palpable excitement. As soon as he'd learned of the change of name back to something more closely associated with his distant relative, he'd hardly spoken of anything else.
 
 The meeting was set up for dinner on the dandelion-dotted field, a small potluck picnic late in the evening so that the skunks wouldn't overheat in the sun.
 
-Everyone arrived simultaneously by Debarre's request so that no one was left waiting for anyone else. Ioan, May, and Sasha stepped into the sim just in time to see Debarre and End Waking arriving. The six of them stood in a circle in front of Douglas's stoop, dandelions and evening bumblers tickling at their ankles.
+Everyone arrived simultaneously by Debarre's request so that no one was left waiting for anyone else. Ioan, May, and Sasha stepped into the sim just in time to see Debarre and E.W. arriving. The six of them stood in a circle in front of Douglas's stoop, dandelions and evening bumblers tickling at their ankles.
 
-Or, at least they stood in a circle for a moment. Sasha stumbled backwards from the group, turning in two slow, wavering circles before falling to her knees.
+Or, at least they stood in a circle for a moment. Sasha almost immediately stumbled back from the group, turning in two slow, wavering circles before falling to her knees.
 
 "Sasha?" Ioan said, startled.
 
@@ -190,15 +190,15 @@ May padded over to kneel next to her. "May I hug?"
 
 After a moment of strained silence, Sasha slumped against May's side, and the two sat together while she let out that overwhelming emotion within a cone of silence.
 
-Ioan, Debarre, End Waking, and Douglas took the time to set up the picnic, a rickety table bearing plates of various salads, roasted vegetables, and the makings of venison sandwiches, courtesy End Waking. They moved in silence, hesitantly, each pausing every now and then to watch as Sasha slowly worked to calm herself.
+Ioan, Debarre, E.W., and Douglas took the time to set up the picnic, a rickety table bearing plates of various salads, roasted vegetables, and the makings of venison sandwiches, courtesy E.W.. They moved in silence, hesitantly, each pausing every now and then to watch as Sasha slowly worked to calm herself.
 
-"That was not the greeting that I had intended," she said, once she had cleaned up in Douglas's house and joined them at the table to pick up a plate. "I was hoping that I would be able to greet you all politely, settle into some easier conversation, but that of True Name has not been here in too long. This place is too charged with memories, as are your faces. Even for that of End Waking and May, there is too much bound up in the last few months."
+"That was not the greeting that I had intended," she said, once she had cleaned up in Douglas's house and joined them at the table to pick up a plate. "I was hoping that I would be able to greet you all politely, settle into some easier conversation, but that of True Name has not been here in too long. This place is too charged with memories, as are your faces. Even for that of E.W. and May, there is too much bound up in the last few months."
 
 "Are you feeling better now?" Douglas asked.
 
 She nodded. "I am leaning on the other portions of myself now. I will have much processing to do yet, but tonight is for dinner with friends, or at least with those I hope will be friends."
 
-"I hope we can be friends." Douglas laughed. "I mean, those are the first words we've ever really spoken to each other, but I'm happy to have the chance to meet you."
+"I certainly hope we can be friends." Douglas laughed. "I mean, those are the first words we've ever really spoken to each other, but I'm happy to have the chance to meet you."
 
 "Or at least meet a third of me."
 
@@ -206,17 +206,17 @@ She nodded. "I am leaning on the other portions of myself now. I will have much
 
 She smiled and leaned over to pat his shoulder. "We will talk, dear. That part of me has heard so much about you and is so colored by what the other parts of me know, that I am eager to learn, as well."
 
-Debarre remained stiff and awkward, even as they settled down on the blanket to eat, plates piled high with various dishes and cups of sangria set carefully in the grass behind them. He wouldn't make eye contact with Sasha and seemed hesitant to speak to Ioan and May.
+Debarre remained stiff and awkward, even as they settled down on the blanket to eat, plates piled high with various dishes and cups of sangria set carefully in the grass behind them. He wouldn't make eye contact with Sasha and seemed hesitant to speak even to Ioan and May.
 
 Eventually, he cleared his throat, set his plate down, and stared steadily at Sasha. "I'd like an apology. At least from the, uh...what did you call it? The True Name part of you?"
 
-As she had done with Serene, Sasha set her plate down as well, folded her paws in her lap, and bowed to the weasel. Ioan could tell by the set of her features and the straightness of her shoulders that she was indeed doing her best to keep that part of her at the fore. "I am sorry, Debarre. The things that I did were for what I thought was best, but they wound up hurting a good many people. They were not fair to you and I apologize for the pain I caused. While I do not think I even *could* anymore, I will all the same endeavor not to act in such single-minded, self-serving ways again."
+As she had done with Serene, Sasha set her plate down as well, folded her paws in her lap, and bowed to the weasel. Ioan could tell by the set of her features and the straightness of her shoulders that she was indeed doing her best to keep that part of her at the fore. "I am sorry, Debarre. The things that I did were for what I thought was best, but they wound up hurting a good many people. They were not fair to you and I apologize for the pain I caused. While I do not think I even *could* anymore, I will all the same endeavor not to act in such single-minded ways again."
 
 Ioan couldn't read Debarre's expression well enough to gauge his thoughts on the matter, but judging by the way he loosened up and joined in more of the conversations after that, speaking even with Sasha, he seemed to at least have accepted the words to an extent.
 
-Debarre and End Waking stayed for a few hours after dinner, long enough to see the first stars show themselves above the field, before they stepped back to the skunk's sim.
+Debarre and E.W. stayed for a few hours after dinner, long enough to see the first stars show themselves above the field, before they stepped back to the skunk's sim.
 
-Shortly after, Sasha stood, the other three following suit. She hugged Ioan and May around the shoulders and gave each of them a nose-dot kiss to the cheek. "If you two do not mind, I would like to go for a walk with Douglas and speak with him alone."
+Shortly after, Sasha stood, the other three following suit. She hugged Ioan and May around the shoulders and gave each of them a touch of the nose to the cheek. "If you two do not mind, I would like to go for a walk with Douglas and speak with him alone."
 
 They nodded and returned the hugs and kisses, getting hugs from Douglas as well before they stepped back home.
 
@@ -232,15 +232,23 @@ Ioan nodded, brushing out the skunk's tail with a fine-toothed comb as ey'd been
 
 "Mmhm," she mumbled sleepily. "But all the same, we have been slowly drifting away from what we used to be over the years, and in the face of all that we have seen, that is not such a bad thing."
 
+"How do you feel about her apology?"
+
+"How do you mean, my dear?"
+
+Ey shrugged. "It felt...I don't know, a little rehearsed, maybe."
+
+May curled in against eir side, yawning. "Perhaps. She said what Debarre needed to hear, I think, and it was no less earnest for that. As much as he means to us, that is no bad thing, either."
+
 -----
 
-Ioan wasn't sure why ey kept feeling surprised at the number of loose threads from just one event needed tying. The business with Qoheleth had been about as complicated, and had required meeting with several other Odists in order to finish the story, and each one came with a different tenor.
+Ioan wasn't sure why ey kept feeling surprised at the number of loose threads from just one event that needed tying. The business with Qoheleth had been about as complicated, and had required meeting with several other Odists in order to finish the story, and each one came with a different tenor.
 
-The same was true here, as well. Many members of the clade --- some of whom ey'd not yet met --- visited and requested time with Sasha or with the three of them. Still, this culmination came after two and a quarter centuries for some, so perhaps it made sense.
+The same was true here, as well. Many members of the clade --- some of whom ey'd not yet met --- visited and requested time with Sasha or with the three of them. Still, ey realized, this culmination came after two and a quarter centuries for some, so perhaps it made sense.
 
 Not all of these interactions went nearly so smoothly.
 
-A scant few weeks later, May stumbled in the middle of a rehearsal, falling to her knees and panting before pushing herself to her feet. She managed to make it through the rest of the scene before forking off so that she could continue as best as able while her root instance ducked back home.
+A scant few weeks later, May stumbled in the middle of a rehearsal, falling to her knees, panting before pushing herself to her feet. She managed to make it through the rest of the scene before forking off so that she could continue as best she could while her root instance ducked back home.
 
 Once there, she darted over towards where Ioan sat at eir desk, working through the process of writing Jonas's book. She knelt beside em, clutched a pawful of eir shirt and set up a cone of silence. Ey felt the ACL-scape of the cone shift several times until it was just about as secure as could be made.
 
@@ -338,21 +346,21 @@ Zacharias moaned. He forced himself to lower his paws to the ground, gripping at
 
 "You are the root instance, I am assuming?"
 
-He nodded, the movement jerky and uneven. "I have not left home since. I dug a new one, you see."
+He nodded, the movement jerky and uneven. "I have not left home since. I dug a new one, you see, and he found that one somehow."
 
 "And what can we do for you?" May asked.
 
 "Help! You can help me get away from that...that lunatic!"
 
-"Is your home no longer safe, then?"
+Sasha frowned. "Can you not dig another home?"
 
-He reached out to clutch at May's paws. She startled backwards, but did nothing to push him away. "I cannot...I cannot be alone any longer! Months! It has been months since I have seen anyone. I have to...to be near--"
+He reached out to clutch at May's paws. She startled backwards, but did nothing to push him away. "I cannot...I cannot just disappear! Months! It has been months since I have seen anyone. Anyone! I have to...to be near--"
 
 "No," she said flatly.
 
 "But--"
 
-"No." The skunk shook her head, leaned forward and pressed her nose to Zacharias's briefly. "Not me. Not Sasha. Not us. You are on your own, my dear. I will not accept any further messages or merges. No contact."
+"No." The skunk shook her head, leaned forward and touched her nose to Zacharias's. "Not me. Not Sasha. Not us. You are on your own, my dear. I will not accept any further messages or merges. No contact."
 
 He slouched once more, eyes still wide. "May Then My Name, I--"
 
@@ -372,9 +380,9 @@ Sasha joined them in bed that night, and they took what comfort they could from
 
 -----
 
-The most dramatic of meetings came as Autumn began creeping over the edge of the hills. Quieter, perhaps, but bearing the most weight.
+The most dramatic of meetings came as Autumn began creeping over the edge of the hills. Quieter, perhaps, but bearing the most weight, the most finality.
 
-In Dreams arrived late on a Saturday afternoon on a few minutes' notice and bowed formally to Sasha.
+If I Am To Bathe In Dreams arrived late on a Saturday afternoon on a few minutes' notice and bowed formally to Sasha.
 
 "Ioan, I believe Jonas hired you as an amanuensis?" she said.
 
@@ -392,7 +400,7 @@ Sasha nodded. "I understand."
 
 "Wait, what?" Ioan said. May edged around a little ways behind em, clutching at eir arm.
 
-"You are too entangled in the matter. No contact with this situation means no contact from you, May Then My Name Die With Me, or Do I Know God After The End Waking. This request is in effect until further notice, and applies to our stanzas on Castor and Pollux as well. None of us are on Artemis, but I will also be passing this request on to Sorina Bălan. This also applies to general intraclade communication; we will add visibility exceptions to our messages and request that you do the same."
+"You are too entangled in the matter. No contact with this situation means no contact from you, May Then My Name Die With Me, or E.W. *n* Do I Know God After The End Waking. This request is in effect until further notice, and applies to our stanzas on Castor and Pollux as well. None of us are on Artemis, but I will also be passing this request on to Sorina Bălan. This also applies to general intraclade communication; we will add visibility exceptions to our messages and request that you do the same."
 
 "I understand, accept, and offer you my best," Sasha said, bowing once more.
 
@@ -422,9 +430,9 @@ Ey waited until ey could breathe properly after the squeeze, then kissed the top
 
 She nodded once more, relinquished her grip on em, and nudged em out toward the back door and outside.
 
-Sasha had set up a tent similar to End Waking's though she had skipped the process of building it herself, instead creating from similar materials off the exchange. She'd set it up nearly on the other side of the lake from their house, so that she could have the solitude that she needed without having to create some new sim of her own.
+Sasha had set up a tent similar to E.W.'s though she had skipped the process of building it herself, instead creating from similar materials off the exchange. She'd set it up nearly on the other side of the lake from their house, so that she could have the solitude that she needed without having to create some new sim of her own.
 
-When the need for solitude struck her, it never quite got to the point that it did with End Waking. She would need away from their presences, she would say. They felt like a constant weight on her shoulders. Light, yes, but continually present.
+When the need for solitude struck her, it never quite got to the point that it did with E.W.. She would need away from their presences, she would say. They felt like a constant weight on her shoulders. Light, yes, but continually present.
 
 Ah well. This was the first time that May had overflowed in this living situation --- and so dramatically, too; she'd never given em so little notice --- so perhaps it would be helpful after all.
 
@@ -448,7 +456,7 @@ She laid her ears flat. "We are perhaps both overflowing in our own ways."
 
 Ey nodded, slowly settled back onto the step. "If you say so."
 
-Sasha patted eir hand and bade em stay while she got up to stoke up the fire in her stove and fry up a simple meal of potatoes and vegetables. Ey couldn't tell if it was bland as End Waking preferred or if eir mind was too busy to process taste, so ey mostly just pushed the food around on the plate.
+Sasha patted eir hand and bade em stay while she got up to stoke up the fire in her stove and fry up a simple meal of potatoes and vegetables. Ey couldn't tell if it was bland as E.W. preferred or if eir mind was too busy to process taste, so ey mostly just pushed the food around on the plate.
 
 "Without contraries is no progression," Sasha murmured after they'd finished. "Attraction and repulsion, reason and energy, love and hate, are necessary to human existence."