update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/022.md

@@ -1,8 +1,8 @@
 # Debarre --- 2350
 
-Neither Debarre nor End Waking had visited Michelle's field in decades, and certainly not since it became Douglas's. End Waking had last seen it on the day that she had quit in 2306, and had had little reason to return since.
+Neither Debarre nor End Waking had visited Michelle's field in decades, and certainly not since it became Douglas's. End Waking had last seen it on the day that she had quit in 2306, and had had little desire to return since. There were no dandelions in the forest. He had specifically requested so from Serene.
 
-It had been much longer for Debarre, going clear back into the 2200s, back when Michelle and Sasha were still alive and coherent enough to speak to without getting overwhelmed into silence every few minutes. The memories of her were painful enough as it was --- that last visit with her in End Waking's forest especially --- that he'd never had the courage to come back.
+It had been much longer for Debarre, going clear back into the 2200s, back when Michelle and Sasha were still alive and coherent enough to speak to without getting overwhelmed into silence every few minutes. The memories of her were painful enough as it was --- that last visit with her in End Waking's forest especially --- that he'd never had the courage to come back, and then never a reason, which came with its own ache.
 
 Given how much the clade that she'd left behind was struggling, though, it felt fitting to accept when Douglas invited him and End Waking over to talk with Ioan.
 
@@ -20,7 +20,7 @@ Ey sighed and plucked at a dandelion. "Right, sorry, you two. Or three, I guess.
 
 "Ioan, I appreciate you asking, but please do not worry about us," End Waking chided. "If we have come to help *you*, you need not spare our feelings. We can pretty well guess who would be at the center of this."
 
-"I'm pretty sure it's me, actually," ey said, laughing tiredly. "I've been stuck between May and True Name for days now, or years if you count the time since the convergence and I started trying to smooth things out with the coffee dates.
+"I'm pretty sure it's me, actually," ey said with a wry smile. "I've been stuck between May and True Name for days now, or years if you count the time since the convergence and I started trying to smooth things out with the coffee dates.
 
 "I've just been struggling with it all. It's been too much from the moment everything with True Name happened. The last few days were the worst, though. True Name didn't really handle the merge all that well. She collapsed and was nearly unresponsive for several hours, and since then, she's been struggling to integrate various chunks of memories."
 
@@ -36,13 +36,13 @@ The weasel and skunk both looked at each other, ears splayed.
 
 "I'm the baby, I think," Douglas said. "I'm seventy-two."
 
-The skunk grinned. "So young! Debarre and I both have two centuries on you. Still, I am pretty sure that we can acknowledge the existence of sex, is what I mean."
+The skunk grinned. "So young. Debarre and I both have two centuries on you. Still, I am pretty sure that we can acknowledge the existence of sex, is what I mean."
 
 "And it doesn't exactly sound like she's a stranger to that, herself, anyway."
 
 End Waking blinked, taken aback. "She actually told you about Zacharias?"
 
-"Who?"
+"Who?" Douglas asked.
 
 "An...erstwhile lover, as she put it," Ioan said carefully. "I probably shouldn't go too much into that, though."
 
@@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ There was a long silence before Ioan answered. "It's really getting to me. I don
 
 "She'll have actually loved you, maybe?" Debarre guessed.
 
-Eir features fell and ey sighed. "Yeah. That. Putting it that way makes it feel terrible, but it's exactly that."
+Eir face fell and ey sighed. "Yeah. That. Putting it that way makes it feel terrible, but it's exactly that."
 
 "I was pulling back when she and Zacharias were getting close," End Waking said, sounding thoughtful. "And I have been her. We were both Michelle. I know that she is capable of experiencing romantic feelings. They will not be alien to her."
 
@@ -90,7 +90,7 @@ He laughed. "Love you too, E.W."
 
 He shook his head and waved the comment away. "Yeah, yeah."
 
-More than one of them had confessed such to him over the centuries, and it wasn't until he'd actually conceded that something about End Waking landed in that sweet spot of attraction and personality match enough to at least try dating that they'd stopped. He was thankful that they seemed happy enough to live vicariously through him. He had liked Sasha and Michelle, loved her in that sympatico that true friends can share, friends who had shared trauma, but any more felt pretty far out of his league as a gay man.
+More than one of them had confessed as much to him over the centuries, and it wasn't until he'd actually conceded that something about End Waking landed in that sweet spot of attraction and personality match enough to at least try dating that they'd stopped. He was thankful that they seemed happy enough to live vicariously through him. He had liked Sasha and Michelle, loved her in that sympatico that true friends can share, friends who had shared trauma so he didn't begrudge them their feelings, but any more felt pretty far out of his league as a gay man.
 
 Instead, he nudged Ioan with his elbow again. "So if you don't need to worry about it from True Name's side, and you know you're worrying about it from your own side, how do you feel about it from May's point of view?"
 
@@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ Instead, he nudged Ioan with his elbow again. "So if you don't need to worry abo
 
 "Whoa, wait," Douglas interrupted, frowning. "She didn't even talk with True Name about this merge?"
 
-"They talked a few times in a cone of silence, so maybe then, but otherwise not that I saw. She just stopped True Name in the middle of ranting and sent End Waking a message to merge, far as I could tell."
+"They talked a few times in a cone of silence, so maybe then, but otherwise not that I saw. She just stopped True Name in the middle of ranting about her calling and sent End Waking a message to merge, far as I could tell."
 
 "That's kind of shitty."