update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/031.md

@@ -2,7 +2,7 @@
 
 When Debarre received the ping from End Waking, he quickly excused himself from dinner and dashed out into the back yard to respond. The last time he'd received a ping in the middle of a period of overflowing, it had been when the skunk's leg had been impaled on a branch, so he hoped against hope that it wasn't the entire tent washing away in a flood this time. It was getting on in spring --- still a bit early for floods, but one never knew...
 
-"E.W.?" ey mumbled. "What's up? You okay? Is the tent?"
+"E.W.?" ey said. "What's up? You okay? Is the tent?"
 
 "The tent is fine, my dear," he replied. "I apologize if I interrupted, but I have some news regarding May Then My Name, Ioan, and True Name, and you requested that I message you. Besides, I need to speak about it with someone other than them. Someone not an Odist."
 
@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ Debarre#RelEW was greeted by the sight of End Waking kneeling in the clearing ac
 
 He gave her a hug before sitting down with them. "He said it had something to do with you, Ioan, and True Name, and that he needed to talk to a non-Odist. That's why I was surprised."
 
-She grinned. "You will have your chance, my dear. I will not be here long. I needed to step out for a moment, and figured I would catch End Waking up. I am happy to see you, too, though."
+She grinned. "You will have your chance, my dear. I will not be here long. I needed to step out for a moment, and figured I would catch End Waking up. I am happy to see you, as well, though."
 
 "Happy to see you too. You're always welcome over to my place, too."
 
@@ -70,9 +70,9 @@ She smiled wanly. "No, she is not. A fact I have not forgotten. Needless to say,
 
 He shook his head. He could already feel his hackles up, and this wasn't helping. "Can't fucking believe it."
 
-May Then My Name frowned, leaned over to hug him around the shoulders, and whispered, "I am going to leave you to it, but first, remember who you were, who you are, and imagine who you will become, but above all, remember that you love him and that he loves you. Let go, and have fun. Those are the rules of engagement."
+May Then My Name frowned, leaned over to hug him around the shoulders, and whispered, "I am going to leave you to it, but first, remember who you were, who you are, and imagine who you will become. Let go, have fun, but above all, remember that you love him and that he loves you. Those are the rules of engagement."
 
-After a moment's hesitation, he returned the hug. Had she said it in anything less than her most earnest voice, he might have scoffed, and as it was, he could see himself falling for the gentle manipulation as though from a meter above. He could resent her, but she had said exactly what it was that he needed to hear.
+After a moment's hesitation, he returned the hug. Had she said it in anything less than her most earnest voice, he might have scoffed, but as it was, he could see himself falling for the gentle manipulation as though from a meter above. He could resent her, but she had said exactly what it was that he needed to hear.
 
 Because of course she had. She was May Then My Name Die With Me. She knew just how to. She was built to
 
@@ -92,15 +92,15 @@ The skunk smiled faintly. "Twenty minutes' walk up-river, then. He will know tha
 
 After End Waking quit, Debarre started to trudge up the faint trail that they'd already worn heading up along the river.
 
-He knew that May Then My Name was right, that he probably needed to at least take into account that if Sasha and Michelle could change enough to make the Odists, then surely True Name could change enough to become someone that even her up-tree instances could like, just as he knew that he probably shouldn't take that out on End Waking, frustrated as he was.
+He knew that May Then My Name was right, that he probably needed to at least take into account that if Sasha and Michelle could change enough to make the Odists, then surely True Name could change enough to become someone that even her up-tree instances could like, just as he knew that he probably shouldn't take that out on his boyfriend, frustrated as he was.
 
-Still, it was hard to square the image of his boyfriend and True Name meeting up voluntarily. What was it that he'd said when Ioan had come by asking after camping supplies? *"I will help but I will not speak with her"*?
+Still, it was hard to square the image of End Waking and True Name meeting up voluntarily. What was it that he'd said when Ioan had come by asking after camping supplies? *"I will help but I will not speak with her"*?
 
 *Remember that you love him,* he thought, even as he trudged up the path. *Even if you're working to undermine all that shit that she's done with Jonas, at least you still love E.W.*
 
 The skunk was crouching at the edge of the stream, washing his paws after having apparently just finished gutting a trio of large trout.
 
-"I understand if you are upset, Debarre," he said, not looking up. He kept looking down at his paws as he scrubbed.
+"I understand if you are upset, Debarre," he said, keeping his gaze on his paws as he scrubbed rather than looking up to Debarre.
 
 "No," Debarre said, sitting down next to him. "Or, well, I am, but it's whatever. I just don't see how something as stupid as May Then My Name merging down solves anything about this. Suddenly, you two are all buddy-buddy?"
 
@@ -122,7 +122,7 @@ Debarre scratched a claw through the dirt of the bank, worrying a pebble free so
 
 The skunk laughed and elbowed him in the side. "We have rather turned our clade identity into idolatry of a sort, have we not?"
 
-"Don't get me wrong, I like where you came from! But I won't be pissed if you drop your clade signifier. Hell, maybe you can even start saying things like 'don't' and 'isn't'."
+"Don't get me wrong, I like where you came from, but I won't be pissed if you drop your clade signifier. Hell, maybe you can even start saying things like 'don't' and 'isn't'."
 
 "Do not push your luck."