update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/toledot/launch/sys/Ioan/009.md

@@ -2,11 +2,11 @@
 
 If, Ioan thought, there was a version of Dear's sim --- that sprawling, unending shortgrass prairie --- that had existed to perfect trees instead of grass, it was this place.
 
-May had told em that Serene had designed this sim, just as she had Dear's prairie, so it made sense. It felt much the same; if Serene had any hallmarks of design, it seemed to be a focus on wind and weather, an unerring attention to plant life, and a focus on the fractal textures of the ground. It was easy enough, ey had found, to design with right angles, flat planes, level ground. As building was something more akin to daydreaming, it was natural landscapes that were the hard ones to get the details correct.
+May had told em that Serene had designed this sim, just as she had Dear's prairie. In that sense, it felt much the same; if Serene had any hallmarks of design, it seemed to be a focus on wind and weather, an unerring attention to plant life, and a focus on the fractal textures of the ground. It was easy enough, ey had found, to design with right angles, flat planes, level ground. As building was something more akin to daydreaming, it was natural landscapes that were the hard ones to get the details correct.
 
 It was no surprise that this sim had been designed for another Odist. Where Dear had fallen in love with the endless prairie and Michelle the flowing fields of dandelion dotted grass, Do I Know God After The End Waking had fallen in love with trees.
 
-When ey first arrived, ey had done so outside of a smallish A-frame building, more tent than anything, for it was built of rough-hewn planks set into the classical shape with a waxed canvas draped over it to create the walls. Even the floor was made of those rough planks, though it appeared to have been worn smooth after countless years of foot --- or paw --- traffic.
+When ey first arrived, ey had done so outside of a smallish A-frame building, more tent than anything, for it was built of rough-hewn planks set into the classical shape with an oiled canvas draped over it to create the walls. Even the floor was made of those rough planks, though it appeared to have been worn smooth after countless years of foot --- or paw --- traffic.
 
 Peeking inside revealed a simple cot made of more canvas stretched over a frame and a pillow of some sort of bundle, a battered roll-top desk with a low stool in front of it (Ioan found emself desperately wanting something similar upon seeing them), and a small wood-burning stove in the back where the far wall had been created using rammed earth instead of more canvas.
 
@@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ Ioan sat on the steps in front of the tent and waited, hoping perhaps that ey ha
 
 The skunk's arrival was something of a surprise, as what ey had initially taken to be one of those wandering breezes fingering ferns and branches slowly resolved into a humanoid form walking silently between the trees.
 
-"Mx Bălan," the form murmured, tugging back the hood that hid most of its face to reveal End Waking. "Sorry for keeping you waiting. I was exploring."
+"Mx. Bălan," the form murmured, tugging back the hood that hid most of its face to reveal the familiar white-striped black snout. "Sorry for keeping you waiting. I was exploring."
 
 Ioan stood and bowed politely. "No problem. Exploring, though? I would've thought that you'd know the area around your home fairly well by now."
 
@@ -36,7 +36,7 @@ Ey grinned, nodding. "I suppose I do, at that. Either way, it's nice to meet you
 
 "Nice to meet you, as well. I would shake your hand, but I am currently quite disgusting." He brushed crushed leaves off his arms and the backs of his hands. "Come, though. I will clean up and make us some tea."
 
-This process took nearly half an hour, during which ey had to remind emself that there was no rush, no reason to hurry. Ey sat on the edge of End Waking's cot while the skunk puttered around the tent, doffing his cloak to leave him in a greenish-brown shirt, and canvas leggings that were a brown so dark as to be almost black. He set about filling a small basin with water in which to wash his paws. This used up the last of the water inside, so he had to step out and collect some more from a barrel just outside the door, run it through a cloth filter into a battered kettle, which was set on the stove. The embers had apparently burnt low, so he then had to go collect an armful of firewood from beneath one of the 'eaves' of the tent where it was kept dry and then stoke the fire back up to an intense blaze using some complex set of steps that Ioan could never have understood. Finding the promised tea had required digging through the creaky drawers of the desk to find the fist-sized crock of various dried leaves.
+This process took nearly half an hour, during which ey had to remind emself that there was no rush, no reason to hurry. Ey sat on the edge of End Waking's cot while the skunk puttered around the tent, doffing his cloak to leave him in a greenish-brown shirt and canvas leggings that were a brown so dark as to be almost black. He set about filling a small basin with water in which to wash his paws. This used up the last of the water inside, so he had to step out and collect some more from a barrel just outside the door, run it through a cloth filter into a battered kettle, which was set on the stove. The embers had apparently burnt low, so he then had to go collect an armful of firewood from beneath one of the 'eaves' of the tent where it was kept dry and then stoke the fire back up to an intense blaze using some complex set of steps that Ioan could never have understood. Finding the promised tea had required digging through the creaky drawers of the desk to find the fist-sized crock of various dried leaves.
 
 "Lemon balm, mint, and dried gooseberry. I am sorry that I cannot offer anything more exciting, tea does not grow here."
 
@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@ End Waking beamed at the compliment, and shortly had dug out two enamel camp mug
 
 The whole experience was so delightfully out of place for all of the Odists ey had met so far that Ioan was rapt.
 
-At the end of the extended tea-making procedure, ey was left with a steaming mug of slowly darkening tea, leaves of mint and balm floating to the top while broken chunks of gooseberry sunk to the bottom. It smelled delightful, a type of fragrance that immediately made em feel comfortable, soothed.
+At the end of the extended tea-making procedure, ey was left with a steaming mug of slowly darkening tea, leaves of mint and balm floating to the top while broken chunks of gooseberry sunk to the bottom. It smelled wonderful, a type of fragrance that immediately made em feel comfortable, soothed.
 
 *If May's clade exists to shape the minds and emotions of people,* ey thought. *He's doing an admirable job.*
 
@@ -66,7 +66,7 @@ End Waking grinned toothily.
 
 After taking another sip of the tisane and chewing on the resulting leaves, ey asked, "You're obviously still here on the L<sub>5</sub> System, but did you send a fork along on the LVs?"
 
-He shook his head. "I did not. I am sure you will drag more about why as the questioning goes on, but for now, I'll say that there are some interclade politics that left a sour taste in my mouth about the whole thing."
+He shook his head. "I did not. I am sure you will ask more about why as the questioning goes on, but for now, I'll say that there are some interclade politics that left a sour taste in my mouth about the whole thing."
 
 "If you're ever uncomfortable with a question, feel free to tell me you'd not like to answer, too. I forgot to mention that at the beginning."
 
@@ -96,7 +96,7 @@ Ioan attempted to keep eir face impassive, but ey must have let some of eir reac
 
 The skunk sighed, nodded, sipped at his tea. "I suppose he is."
 
-"Do you have any suggestions for interviewing him?"
+"Do you have any suggestions for what to ask him?"
 
 "No. He will control the interview from start to finish. I am told that one of your cocladists has already interviewed True Name. If she learned from anyone, it was Jonas. There is no hope of trying to appear confident, no need to try and guide the questions."
 
@@ -110,9 +110,9 @@ End Waking raised his mug toward em in a toast. "We all are, Ioan. Only, you and
 
 "What were your goals?"
 
-The skunk finished his tea and spent a moment fishing all of the leaves and berries from the bottom of his mug to the rim so that he could eat them, as promised. It meant a minute or so of waiting, during which Ioan sipped at eir own tea.
+The skunk finished his tea and spent a moment fishing all of the leaves and berries from the bottom of his mug to the rim so that he could eat them, as promised. It meant a moment of downtime, during which Ioan sipped at eir own tea.
 
-Sitting back and curling his tail absent-mindedly into his lap to brush it free of twigs, End Naming said, "Short term, the lower the cost of uploading and make it seem ever more appealing. Middle-term, the goal was to pass the legislation that led to several governments paying families when an individual uploaded. It started as a sort of subsidy for the lost income, and I think some locales still think of it that way, but it quickly turned into an incentive. Did you have any siblings, Ioan?"
+Sitting back and curling his tail absent-mindedly into his lap to brush it free of leaves and twigs, End Naming said, "Short term, to the lower the cost of uploading and make it seem ever more appealing. Middle-term, the goal was to pass the legislation that led to several governments paying families when an individual uploaded. It started as a sort of subsidy for the lost income, and I think some locales still think of it that way, but it quickly turned into an incentive. Did you have any siblings, Ioan?"
 
 Ey nodded.
 
@@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ Ey nodded.
 
 Ey frowned, nodded again.
 
-"We planted a subtle idea in many phys-side that it might be a good idea for the eldest child to upload and use the payout to fund a better life for the other children."
+"We planted an idea, a subtle one, in many phys-side that it might be a good idea for the eldest child to upload and use the payout to fund a better life for the other children."
 
 "I never heard anyone--"
 
@@ -132,15 +132,15 @@ The skunk winced. "Yes, it came from me."
 
 Ioan sighed and, seeing nowhere else to put it, set eir mug on the floor by the bed.
 
-"I feel compelled to repeat that I am not at all proud of what I did. This--" He gestured around. "This is my penance. I live my life in solitude in a place that does not know money, does not know the subtle machinations of politics, and should either of those enter, would not care one bit about them. People think of forests as fragile areas of land, and while this is true, they are also giant --- truly enormous --- singular entities that do not give a single fuck about you and your schemes, your thoughts, or even your emotions. I have stumbled into ravines. I have had dead branches fall on me. I have broken my arm. I have bled on the land. I have learned the hard way which plants are safe to eat." There was a long pause before he continued, "I hesitate to say that the forest hates me, but it comes perilously close, sometimes. This is my penance."
+"I feel compelled to repeat that I am not at all proud of what I did. This--" He gestured around. "This is my penance. I live my life in solitude in a place that does not know money, does not know the subtle machinations of politics, and should either of those enter, would not care one bit about them. People think of forests as fragile areas of land, and while this is true, they are also giant --- truly enormous --- singular entities that do not give a single fuck about you and your schemes, your thoughts, or even your emotions. I have stumbled into ravines. I have had dead branches fall on me. I have broken my arm. I have bled on the land. I have learned the hard way which plants are safe to eat." There was a long pause before he continued, "I hesitate to say that the forest hates me, but it comes perilously close. This is my penance."
 
-They sat in silence for several long minutes while Ioan digested this and End Waking did whatever it was that the penitent architect of eir entire existence here on the System did.
+They sat in silence for several long minutes while Ioan digested this and End Waking did whatever it was that the penitent architect of eir entire existence here on the System did. Repent, perhaps, but what did that mean in the face of such enormity?
 
 "Let's walk," Ioan finally said.
 
 End Waking visibly brightened and nodded. There was a small unwinding of the previous ritual, where the fire within the stove was banked, the mugs rinsed clean and replaced in their spot, and his cloak donned once more.
 
-They stepped out into the cool, clean air of the onrushing evening, and the skunk led the writer along a narrow trail worn in the undergrowth, saying, "This is the way that I take to get water when it hasn't rained in a while."
+They stepped out into the cool, clean air of the onrushing evening, and the skunk led the writer along a narrow trail worn in the undergrowth, saying, "This is the way that I take to get water when the rain-barrel is empty."
 
 He walked silently, thick tail held high enough to stay above the plants that lined the path, and while Ioan tried to be as graceful as ey could, ey was still a far sight clumsier and noisier than End Waking.
 
@@ -161,7 +161,7 @@ Ioan dredged up the Ode that was the basis for all of their names and recited sl
 > what lives we lead we lead in memory,  
 > and the end of memory lies beneath the roots.
 
-End Waking nodded. "I sometimes...no, I often think that I belong to the wrong stanza. This is where I belong. I like her plenty and do not begrudge her the name that she owns, but I wish, sometimes, that I were And The End Of Memory Lies Beneath The Roots."
+End Waking nodded. His said, almost *sotto voce,* "I sometimes...no, I often think that I belong to the wrong stanza. This is where I belong. I like her plenty and do not begrudge her the name that she owns, but I wish, sometimes, that I were And The End Of Memory Lies Beneath The Roots."
 
 Ioan looked around at the trees, the ferns, the carpets of periwinkle and spots of mint and horsepepper and balm, the epiphytes climbing trunks, the moss on stumps.
 
@@ -169,7 +169,7 @@ Ioan looked around at the trees, the ferns, the carpets of periwinkle and spots
 
 A few minutes of silent walking followed as Ioan was guided through a section of, yes, thick roots that threatened to entangle eir feet.
 
-Once they were past that, he continued. "It is important to me that there be something other than political machinations in the world. I spent so much of my existence shaping the world around me to some grand scheme. Now that I am completely and utterly beholden to the world in turn, it feels relaxing."
+Once they were past that, he continued. "It is important to me that there be something other than politics in the world. I spent so much of my existence shaping the world around me to some grand scheme. Now that I am completely and utterly beholden to the world in turn, it feels relaxing."
 
 "May said something like that," Ioan said, panting. "That there was freedom in staying behind in a world where not staying behind is the default."
 
@@ -177,13 +177,13 @@ Once they were past that, he continued. "It is important to me that there be som
 
 Ioan smiled, nodded.
 
-"So many of the Odists are built to manipulate in such complex ways. I am sure that you two have talked about that already. Even May Then My Name is manipulative in her unfailingly kind way." The skunk stopped and stepped aside to let Ioan come stand beside him before a creek at the bottom of a ravine. "It is a very difficult habit to break. Serene is manipulative: this place is built to be loved in spite of its antipathy towards intrusions. Dear is manipulative: its life is one lived bending the experiences of others to its whims in ways far beyond any those of any prior artist as it plays its games. I am a repentant manipulator."
+"So many of the Odists are built to manipulate in such complex ways. It is all part of theatre. I am sure that you two have talked about that already. Even May Then My Name is manipulative in her unfailingly kind way." The skunk stopped and stepped aside to let Ioan come stand beside him before a creek at the bottom of a ravine. "It is a very difficult habit to break. Serene is manipulative: this place is built to be loved in spite of its antipathy towards intrusions. Dear is manipulative: its life is one lived bending the experiences of others to its whims in ways far beyond any those of any prior artist as it plays its games. I am a repentant manipulator."
 
 "How so?" ey asked.
 
 End Waking laughed earnestly. "Are you impressed with my earnestness? I hope that you are, because I strive to be earnest. Are you impressed with the silence with which I move through the landscape? I hope that you are, it is borne from practice. Were you amused by the absent minded way that I made tea? The way I just puttered around, doing this, then that, as though I kept remembering that I needed first wood, then water, then mugs?"
 
-Ioan tilted eir head. "I suppose."
+Ioan tilted eir head. "I suppose. It was endearing."
 
 "A clever ruse left over from long habit. It is a way to be likeable."