update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/remote/tycho/005.md

@@ -1,12 +1,12 @@
 # Tycho Brahe#Artemis --- 2346
 
-    Convergence T-0 days, 0 hours, 8 minutes
+    Convergence T-0 days, 0 hours, 18 minutes
 
 Tycho awoke with the idea fully formed within himself.
 
 So sudden was the realization that his immediate instinct was to shove it to the back of his mind and do his level best to forget about it. He didn't want to admit it to True Name, to Sarah or Stolon, and even Codrin, grounding as ey was, seemed to be too real to discuss it with.
 
-He barely even wanted to admit it to himself.
+He barely even wanted to admit it to himself. Didn't want to name it, put words to it.
 
 So he resigned himself to sitting through the meeting, trying not to look too uncomfortable as the lump of an idea sat within his gut, making itself known every time he moved, every time he thought.
 
@@ -28,7 +28,7 @@ When he returned to the table, Codrin was standing anxiously by as Turun Ka read
 
 He collapsed limply into his chair once more and waited for the other delegates to arrive. True Name looked somewhat refreshed from the previous day, though still exhausted, and Sarah looked as anxious as Codrin, though he could hardly guess why.
 
-Stolon, at best guess, simply looked bored, antsy. They kept glancing at him questioningly, and he gave his best smile in return, hoping that it'd at least reassure them a little bit.
+Stolon, at best guess, simply looked bored and antsy. They kept glancing at him questioningly, and he gave his best smile in return, hoping that it'd at least reassure them a little bit.
 
 "The talks progress. Does anyone have any topics for this next segment of the discussions?" Turun Ka asked.
 
@@ -36,15 +36,15 @@ Stolon, at best guess, simply looked bored, antsy. They kept glancing at him que
 
 "Can you describe what you mean, representative Sarah Genet?"
 
-"Sure. When one grows bored and unhappy with their current situation, yet with no clear idea of where to go next, it can lead to a feeling of restlessness. I mean this primarily in an existential way, rather than a practical one. Desiring getting away from scarcity to plenty is not what I'd call restlessness, but a desire to change one's surroundings because one knows the current ones too well, for example, is. Boredom and ennui are other terms."
+"Yes. When one grows bored and unhappy with their current situation, yet with no clear idea of where to go next, it can lead to a feeling of restlessness. I mean this primarily in an existential way, rather than a practical one. Desiring getting away from scarcity to plenty is not what I'd call restlessness, but a desire to change one's surroundings because one knows the current ones too well, for example, is. Boredom and ennui are other terms."
 
-He tentatively tried labeling the idea that coiled within him with 'restlessness' and found that it fit all too well. It expanded, pressed against his chest from the inside. Ey tried, unsuccessfully, to swallow it down. It was quickly becoming too much.
+He tentatively tried labeling the idea that coiled within him with 'restlessness' and found that it fit all too well. It expanded, pressed against his chest from the inside. Ey tried, unsuccessfully, to swallow it down. It was quickly becoming too much. Too big. Too strong to keep within him.
 
 "We are well aware of this feeling," Artante was saying. "After millennia, one gets bored easily, and there's--"
 
 "I want to stay here," he interrupted, surprising even himself. "Even if we don't become fifthrace or anything. I want to stay here. I want to stay on Artemis."
 
-There was a moment of stunned silence around the table. Even he felt some of that shock. The words were out of him before he'd even had the chance to check them for truth, and yet they bore as much truth as any mathematical theorem that he knew. They were *true.* They were *correct.* 
+Stunned silence fell around the table. Even he felt some of that shock. The words were out of him before he'd even had the chance to check them for truth, and yet they bore as much truth as any mathematical theorem that he knew. They were *true.* They were *correct.* 
 
 "I also want for us to be fifthrace, I mean," he added, voice quieter. "I want this convergence to wind up with that ending of the two. I want to join you, and I want us to join you."
 
@@ -70,7 +70,7 @@ Ey nodded. "I'm surprised at how much I like it here. I could see myself living
 
 Artante looked toward Sarah expectantly.
 
-"I find it fascinating here. I find this whole process of convergence fascinating, and I would find the process of integration even more so. One of Codrin's partners said, shortly after we first made contact, "*When I hear about Artemisians and emissaries, I feel every minute of that eternity. I feel every molecule of that universe. You ask how I feel, and I would say that I feel small. Insignificant, even. How much of that eternity must they have been traveling?*" My response at the time was to toast to that, "To eternity and the weight of the universe". I'd still give that toast now." She shrugged, looking a little sheepish at her small speech. "So yeah, I want that too, and I'd send a fork to join."
+"I find it fascinating here. I find this whole process of convergence fascinating, and I would find the process of integration even more so. One of Codrin's partners said, shortly after we first made contact, "*When I hear about Artemisians and emissaries, I feel every minute of that eternity. I feel every molecule of that universe. You ask how I feel, and I would say that I feel small. Insignificant, even. How much of that eternity must they have been traveling?*" My response at the time was to toast to that, "To eternity and the weight of the universe". I'd still give that toast now." She shrugged, looking a little sheepish at her small speech. "So yes, I want that too, and I'd send a fork to join."
 
 "Leader True Name?"
 
@@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ Codrin nodded. "May I quote from the *History?*"
 
 She sighed, nodded.
 
-"Jonas Prime, when discussing the LVs as off-site backups for the System and as a necessary source for interesting events, said, "It gives us time to figure out if there's a way to ensure that sys-side life does as life will and expand in a way that isn't just forking. A pipe dream, perhaps, but a nice one". You yourself mentioned the concepts of stability and continuity during several interviews. Do you still want that? Becoming fifthrace feels analogous, *anem?*"
+"Both you and Jonas mentioned the concepts of stability and continuity during several interviews. We summarized it as, "Beyond all else, the driving factors behind Launch --- and, indeed, Secession --- were those of stability and continuity of the System. That life should continue, that we should continue to thrive, was the goal of those working on both projects from start to finish." Do you still want that? Becoming fifthrace as a stable and continuous society feels analogous, *anem?*"
 
 The longer ey spoke, the more True Name seemed to perk up. By the end of eir recitation, she was sitting up straight and had a smile on her muzzle. It was slight, true, and still tired, but it was an honest smile.
 
@@ -92,7 +92,7 @@ Tycho laughed, nodded. "And hey, think of the sights we'll get to see along the
 
 "For certain definitions of see, yes." She smiled and shrugged. "Thank you for spurring this discussion, my dear. I do not want to take too much time away from the conference, though, leader Turun Ka. I apologize if we need to get back to the topic at hand."
 
-After a moment's pause, the Artemisians stood as one, each bowing as their race had when they first entered.
+After the round of answers, the Artemisians stood as one, each bowing as their race had when they first entered.
 
 Tycho stood as well, and, after a moment's hesitation, so too did the rest of the table. He didn't know why they were standing and bowing, but it seemed to be what the moment demanded.
 
@@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ Something had happened, just then. Something of import. He had no clue as to wha
 
 True Name stared at it, agog.
 
-Turun Ko picked up from their, its speech suddenly free of doublings-back and duplicated words. "Recorder Codrin Bălan, as recorder of this delegation, I welcome you as a member of fifthrace aboard Artemis. The final step on our checklist was simply a desire to join."
+Turun Ko picked up from there, its speech suddenly free of doublings-back and duplicated words. "Recorder Codrin Bălan, as recorder of this delegation, I welcome you as a member of fifthrace aboard Artemis. The final step on our checklist was simply a desire to join."
 
 Stolon continued, proceeding down the line. "*Ka, ka.* Scientist Tycho Brahe, I am welcoming you as member of fifthrace aboard Artemis. We will dream of stars together."
 
@@ -118,7 +118,7 @@ Silence followed the series of formal greetings, broken only by the sound of him
 
 "I must admit, leader Turun Ka," True Name said, voice hoarse. "I was not expecting this. I had been working under the assumption that we still had several steps to go on your checklist. This feels sudden."
 
-"This is the reason for us holding two separate talks in separate locations about separate topics," it said with a hint of a bow. "Working in parallel with different parameters increases the opportunities for forward momentum. The message that I received from Castor via recorder Codrin Bălan mentioned the penultimate step had been reached, that of acting individually without the blessing of leadership. With that news, we expected that the decision point would be reached today. The opportunities for happiness and safety were created."
+"This is the reason for us holding two separate talks in separate locations about separate topics," it said with a hint of a bow. "Working in parallel with different parameters increases the opportunities for forward momentum. The message that I received from Castor via recorder Codrin Bălan mentioned the penultimate step had been reached, that of acting individually for the betterment of all without the blessing of leadership. With that news, we expected that the decision point would be reached today. The opportunities for happiness and safety were created. The rest of the talks will be between us as species, as races conjoined in the shared goals of life and exploration."
 
 She frowned and nodded. "A sensible approach."