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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2021-04-18 23:50:05 -07:00
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writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/discernment.md
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@ -191,8 +191,6 @@ The coyote canted his ears back, grit his teeth, and masked his frustration as b
There was a pause as Borenson seemed to manage some equal frustration before he spoke. "Mr. Kimana, an education such as this requires both flexibility and devotion. Both a Th.M and MDiv would require that. Now--" He held up his paws as if to forestall a rebuttal. "I am not accusing you of lacking in either department to a level where I feel you are not a good degree candidate, but if the doubts in your head are strong enough that you feel you need to leave, I would only be doing your future vocation a disservice by trying to make you stay."
<!-- discuss discernment somewhere in here; in the past, would be driven out in secrecy, but now it's more a conversation between candidate and school, not told beforehand to ensure there's still some level of devotion -->
Dee dropped his gaze once more. He spread his fingers, tracing with his eyes the subtle grain on the pads of his paws, the long-healed callouses.
This was a constant in Dee's life, this sort of discussion. He would research and research and research, come to a conclusion, and when he'd state what he'd learned, the conversation would go sideways. Both he and his interlocutor would wind up frustrated and stressed with no visible reason why.
@ -219,10 +217,11 @@ It was more than enough. His stuff was packed into two file boxes within an hour
He carried with him always, now, his fingers marching through the decades of beads as words tumbled through his mind, spilled from his mouth without a sound. Over the next two weeks, he prayed the Rosary dozens of times. Hundreds of *Hail Marys* and *Our Fathers*.
And each time, he announced the mystery of the Transfiguration of Jesus, for now, here at the end, he needed that feeling of holiness. He knew not what drew him to begin this litany of prayer. He strove to pray the Rosary every day, as a rule, but now, he needed that reassurance of faith. He needed some sign, whether to himself or to those around him, that this discernment was one of vocations, not of faith.
He knew not what drew him to begin this litany of prayer. He strove to pray the Rosary every day, as a rule, but now, he needed that reassurance of faith. He needed some sign, whether to himself or to those around him he wasn't sure, that this discernment was one of vocations, not of faith.
With his possessions packed away, Dee had little to do beyond pray and spend as much time in the library as he could before it would no longer be available to him.
"Technically," Borenson had confided. "You shouldn't have access to anything but the refectory, the chapel, and your room for the remainder of your time, but I don't think anyone will begrudge you access to your beloved books."
<!-- Reads about St Dymphna, applies/considers applying for a psych degree back in Idaho, last prayer at St Kateri statue -->
<!-- Meets Borenson at statue, discusses discernment and what Dee will do next -->
<!-- discuss discernment somewhere in here; in the past, would be driven out in secrecy, but now it's more a conversation between candidate and school, not told beforehand to ensure there's still some level of devotion -->