update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/remote/tycho/002.md

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ There was a brief pause as the Artemisians once more blurred into discussion. Is
 
 "Are you able to narrow the scope of your question?"
 
-The skunk frowned, tilted her head, and appeared to think for a few long seconds. "I would like to learn about how it is that each of your species arrived at the point where you uploaded. I would also like to know if this is how a convergence usually occurs."
+The skunk frowned, tilted her head, and appeared to think for a few long seconds. "I would like to learn about how it is that each of your species arrived at the point where you uploaded. I would also like to know if this is how a convergence has occurred in the past."
 
 Yet another blur.
 
@@ -14,9 +14,9 @@ Tycho watched Codrin add a tick mark to a growing list on his notebook then dash
 
 The recorder nodded. "And what the general topic was that spurred it."
 
-After a few seconds, the Artemisians slid back out of fast time, and Turun Ka spoke once more. "To your second request, yes, this fits the pattern as established after the first convergence. When we approached a star for a gravity assist, we confirmed radio transmissions following a familiar pattern and halted our planned maneuver to orbit the second planet from the star. There, we found a planet-bound civilization of approximately two billion individuals. We analyzed the language well enough to learn it within a day common time, and were able to initiate contact. I will allow Iska to describe from here."
+After a few seconds, the Artemisians slid back out of fast time, and Turun Ka spoke once more. "To your second request, yes, this fits the pattern as established after the first convergence. When we approached a star for a gravity assist, we confirmed radio transmissions following a familiar pattern and halted our planned maneuver to orbit the second planet from the star. There, we found a planet-bound civilization of approximately two billion biological individuals. We analyzed the language well enough to learn it within a day common time, and were able to initiate contact. I will allow representative Iska to describe from here."
 
-The secondracer sat up straight. "We approached the communication with caution until we were able to ascertain that object appeared to be a solid cylinder with few moving parts. After establishing a line of communication, we were able to understand that they were like those that we had called embedded. After approximately..." They trailed off, blurred into fast-time, then returned. "Approximately fifteen months, we were able to structure both of our systems to accept uploads from the other. Our talks were not as structured as this convergence, and we became secondrace without much discussion. Eight billion of our embedded individuals joined this ship and--"
+The secondracer sat up straight. "We approached the communication with caution until we were able to ascertain that object appeared to be a solid cylinder with few moving parts. After establishing a line of communication, we were able to understand that they were like those that we had called embedded. After approximately..." They trailed off, blurred into fast-time, then returned. "Approximately fifteen months, we were able to structure both of our systems to accept uploads from the other. Our talks were not as structured as this convergence, and we became secondrace without much discussion. Eight billion of our estimated forty billion embedded individuals joined this ship and--"
 
 Turun Ka and Iska blurred into fast time. Codrin added another tick mark.
 
@@ -86,11 +86,11 @@ Artante nodded and Turun Ka lifted its snout in assent.
 
 Another fast-time conversation.
 
-Iska answered for the group. "As species, no. There are aspects of each others' societies that do not mesh, so there are times when we remain separate as species, but there is nothing that is uncomfortable among the Council of Eight or common areas. Individually, we bear our own discomforts and taboos."
+Iska answered for the group. "As our core society, no. There are aspects of each others' societies that do not mesh, however, so there are times when we remain separate as species, but there is nothing that is uncomfortable among the Council of Eight or common areas. Individually, we bear our own discomforts and taboos."
 
 Tycho wound up tuning much of the meeting out after that. The day felt long already, and though he couldn't tell what time it was, he just wanted to stand up and walk around.
 
-The mood around the table was not tense, *per se,* but he could tell that the Odists were frustrated by just how much of their questions were missing the mark. He couldn't read any of the Artemisians well enough to read any of the same on them, though he suspected that Stolon's apparent antsiness was borne of the same boredom he felt.
+The mood around the table was not tense, *per se,* but he could tell that the Odists were frustrated by just how much of their questions were missing the mark. He couldn't read any of the Artemisians well enough to see any of the same on them, though he suspected that Stolon's apparent antsiness was borne of the same boredom he felt.
 
 When they were finally able to take a break, he was eager to stand and stretch, then disappointed when Stolon ran off with the other delegates. He would have to catch up with the thirdracer another time.
 
@@ -104,7 +104,7 @@ The writer yawned, rubbing a hand over his face. "I don't know if it's a time th
 
 Ey shrugged. "Knowing and experiencing are not the same thing, I guess. Also, I think we were lulled into a false sense of security by how easily the first conversations went. It felt like there was more mutual understanding there than there really was."
 
-Tycho laughed, brushing fingertips against one of the columns as they walked past. "On the one hand, I feel incredibly out of place with all that we're talking about, since I'm just the scientist. On the other, though, I guess I feel lucky that I'm not faced with the same problems."
+Tycho laughed, brushing fingertips against one of the columns as they walked past. "On one hand, I feel incredibly out of place with all that we're talking about, since I'm just the scientist. On the other, though, I guess I feel lucky that I'm not faced with the same problems."
 
 "I imagine that Tycho#Artemis is having a bit of an easier time of it," Codrin said, grinning. "Still enjoying yourself here, at least?"