update from sparkleup
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@ -142,6 +142,7 @@ family writing/sawtooth/the-fool.md 3;" vimwiki:writing/sawtooth/the-fool\twriti
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family writing/sawtooth/what-defines-us.md 3;" vimwiki:writing/sawtooth/what-defines-us\twriting/sawtooth/what-defines-us#family
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family writing/sawtooth/youre-gone.md 3;" vimwiki:writing/sawtooth/youre-gone\twriting/sawtooth/youre-gone#family
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fanfic writing/fanfic/index.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/index\twriting/fanfic/index
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fanfic writing/fanfic/kaddish.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/kaddish\twriting/fanfic/kaddish
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fanfic writing/fanfic/southern-reach.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/southern-reach\twriting/fanfic/southern-reach
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fantasy writing/belek.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/belek\twriting/belek
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fantasy writing/furrything/001.md 1;" vimwiki:writing/furrything/001\twriting/furrything/001
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@ -159,6 +160,7 @@ fiction writing/all-of-time-at-once.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/all-of-time-at-once\t
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fiction writing/belek.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/belek\twriting/belek
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fiction writing/consequences-of-dissonance/index.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/consequences-of-dissonance/index\twriting/consequences-of-dissonance/index
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fiction writing/fanfic/index.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/index\twriting/fanfic/index
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fiction writing/fanfic/kaddish.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/kaddish\twriting/fanfic/kaddish
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fiction writing/fanfic/southern-reach.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/southern-reach\twriting/fanfic/southern-reach
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fiction writing/furrything/001.md 1;" vimwiki:writing/furrything/001\twriting/furrything/001
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fiction writing/furrything/002.md 1;" vimwiki:writing/furrything/002\twriting/furrything/002
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@ -756,6 +758,7 @@ short-story writing/acethetic.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/acethetic\twriting/acetheti
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short-story writing/all-of-time-at-once.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/all-of-time-at-once\twriting/all-of-time-at-once
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short-story writing/at-his-whim.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/at-his-whim\twriting/at-his-whim
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short-story writing/belek.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/belek\twriting/belek
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short-story writing/fanfic/kaddish.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/kaddish\twriting/fanfic/kaddish
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short-story writing/fanfic/southern-reach.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/southern-reach\twriting/fanfic/southern-reach
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short-story writing/harlequin.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/harlequin\twriting/harlequin
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short-story writing/light.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/light\twriting/light
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@ -817,6 +820,7 @@ writing writing/consequences-of-dissonance/index.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/conseque
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writing writing/eigengrau.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/eigengrau\twriting/eigengrau
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writing writing/eigengrau/index.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/eigengrau/index\twriting/eigengrau/index
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writing writing/fanfic/index.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/index\twriting/fanfic/index
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writing writing/fanfic/kaddish.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/kaddish\twriting/fanfic/kaddish
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writing writing/fanfic/southern-reach.md 2;" vimwiki:writing/fanfic/southern-reach\twriting/fanfic/southern-reach
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writing writing/furrything/001.md 1;" vimwiki:writing/furrything/001\twriting/furrything/001
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writing writing/furrything/002.md 1;" vimwiki:writing/furrything/002\twriting/furrything/002
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@ -0,0 +1,52 @@
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%title Kaddish
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:writing:fanfic:fiction:short-story:
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*Yit'gadal v'yit'kadash sh'mei raba. Oh Sarai, oh Sarai.*
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Sol wept. Wept himself dry. Wept until his eyes burned and fit ill within their sockets.
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Rachel looked to be living in a constant state of alarm and exhaustion, some set of emotions more less complicated, more primal, shaped more simply than the ones Sol grappled with. He was ashamed to admit that he was jealous of her, in a way. The innocence of childhood, even that of a second childhood, was enviable to allow one mere sadness, mere confusion.
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To lose Rachel --- *his* Rachel, his very own little girl all grown up --- and then to lose Sarai was unbearable. Unfair. Unacceptable. He cursed God. He cursed the god of Adam and the god of Abraham and Isaac and the god of Moses and David and Elijah. He cursed Rachel's god, Sarai's god. His god.
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*Yit'gadal v'yit'kadash sh'mei raba b'alma di-v'ra chirutei...*
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Magnified? Sanctified?
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Sol railed. Why magnify Him? To what sanctity does He lay claim?
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He was careful to keep his turmoil firmly in the realm of *inner*, or, at worst, private. Walks. Lots of walks. First on Barnard's World, where he basked in the sunsets dripping light as thick as blood and just as red; then on Hebron, where he let the sun bake away his tears.
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*Magnified and sanctified be His great name in the world which he created according to his will.*
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Was this His will? Was it? Was this His design? Was Sol His careful creation? Was this ineffability? Was his will to be so complicated and complete that Sol would never be able to know it? Know it in his heart, in his bones?
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*V'yamlich malchutei b'chayeichon uvyomeichon uvchayei d'chol bet Yisrael.*
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Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’mei raba b’alma di-v’ra
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chirutei, v’yamlich malchutei b’chayeichon
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uvyomeichon uvchayei d’chol beit yisrael, ba’agala
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uvizman kariv, v’im’ru: “amen.”
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Y’hei sh’mei raba m’varach l’alam ul’almei almaya.
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Yitbarach v’yishtabach, v’yitpa’ar v’yitromam
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v’yitnaseh, v’yithadar v’yit’aleh v’yit’halal sh’mei
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d’kud’sha, b’rich hu,
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l’eila min-kol-birchata v’shirata, tushb’chata
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v’nechemata da’amiran b’alma, v’im’ru: “amen.”
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Y’hei shlama raba min-sh’maya v’chayim aleinu
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v’al-kol-yisrael, v’im’ru: “amen.”
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Oseh shalom bimromav, hu ya’aseh shalom aleinu
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v’al kol-yisrael, v’imru: “amen.”
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@ -3,6 +3,8 @@
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--Lochiel-->
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'''
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I see your past in cross-processed film,
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in blown-out colors and over-saturation.
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@ -36,6 +38,8 @@ and wonder if past-you dreamt of us.
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--Lutea-->
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'''
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Resuscitating ancient coins in class, we learned,
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takes a toothbrush and olive oil.
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@ -52,6 +56,8 @@ as I was to see you smile.
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--Axiom-->
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'''
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When you arrive,
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the whole world gets slow.
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@ -67,6 +73,8 @@ about warming our faces in the sun.
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--Sparf-->
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'''
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We fit together in the strangest ways
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and seem to seek new seams to savor.
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@ -80,6 +88,8 @@ revel in the imperfect unevenness of joining.
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-----
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<!--Krinn-->
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'''
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"Comrade" would I call you,
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and "brave," and "fierce" and "true".
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@ -98,6 +108,8 @@ small flowers, small gifts, camaraderie.
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--Peri-->
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'''
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Complementary, clashing anxieties.
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Dull clamor of intersecting feelings.
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@ -110,6 +122,8 @@ and, often, comfortable silence.
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-----
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<!--Judith-->
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'''
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I chose your name.
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To defend, it means. To help.
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@ -150,6 +164,8 @@ And I'll never stop loving you.
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-----
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<!--Robin-->
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'''
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You, for whom a heart means all feeling —
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You, for whom yeah is an expletive —
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@ -175,6 +191,8 @@ You and I, from whom us.
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--JC-->
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'''
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Tightly wound springs
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Of very carefully
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@ -209,6 +227,8 @@ Of careful touches.
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--Zeta-->
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'''
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I could never tell you
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that you feel too much.
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@ -230,6 +250,8 @@ when you feel love.
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--Margaras-->
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'''
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*Yit'gadal v'yit'kadash sh'mei raba*
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Would that I had the faith
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@ -240,6 +262,8 @@ And an amen to end the sorrow.
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-----
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<!--Tao-->
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'''
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When a light so far above me shines down,
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I lose my footing, stop, look around,
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@ -281,6 +305,8 @@ I hope only to reflect what I can.
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-----
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<!--JD-->
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'''
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Every time I seek to change
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my life, myself, my love, my name,
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@ -305,6 +331,8 @@ in favor of your calm laugh.
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--JC redux-->
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'''
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Between our houses,
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there is a simple fence -
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@ -322,6 +350,8 @@ other than nothing.
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!{In *Eigengrau*}
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<!--Maelkoth-->
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'''
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Mi glutos mian amon por vi.
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Mi glutos mian amon.
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@ -345,3 +375,18 @@ Of secret cells.
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I will swallow my love for you.
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I will swallow my love.
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'''
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-----
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<!--Vasha-->
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'''
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I live in eternal terror
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of the completeness of your life.
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I take up so little space
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and impinge upon it so gently,
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I only hope that there is space enough
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for a 'dear' here and a 'lovely' there.
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If beauty is at the edge of the terrifying,
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I live my life in eternal terror.
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'''
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