update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/010.md

@@ -18,7 +18,7 @@ The bedroom was similarly empty, bed still neatly made and a few of May's better
 
 It wasn't until ey made eir way out onto the balcony to check the back yard that ey found anyone.
 
-A tall, blond man sat in one of eir Adirondack chairs, cheek rested on eir fist as he stared dozily out into the yard. It had been nearly twenty-five years since ey'd interviewed Jonas, and ey hadn't seen him at all in the interim, but nothing seemed to have changed about him. He was still, as both May and True name had described him, perilously handsome, still polished to a gleam, every aspect of him still oozing confidence.
+A tall, sandy-haired man sat in one of eir Adirondack chairs, cheek rested on his fist as he stared dozily out into the yard. It had been nearly twenty-five years since ey'd interviewed Jonas, and ey hadn't seen him at all in the interim, but nothing seemed to have changed about him. He was still polished to a gleam, every aspect of him still oozing confidence, still, as both May and True name had described him, perilously handsome.
 
 "Long time no see, Ioan." He grinned, nodding out to the yard. "Lovely place you've got. So few people keep those good, full-bore winters anymore, you know?"
 
@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ Ioan lifted eir hand to bounce him from the sim.
 
 Jonas lifted his hands, palms up. "Hey, it's okay. I'm just here to talk. Mr. Qián left after you and your partner did. Some dramatic stuff all went down all at once."
 
-"I'll say," ey said, standing well back from him. "What are you doing here, Jonas?"
+"Jonas," ey said, standing well back from him. "What are you doing here?"
 
 "Just waiting on you, mostly. I wanted to check and make sure you and May Then My Name were alright."
 
@@ -34,13 +34,13 @@ Jonas lifted his hands, palms up. "Hey, it's okay. I'm just here to talk. Mr. Qi
 
 "Only to tidy up loose ends," he said, leaning back in the chair again and using the well-shined toe of his shoe to knock a bit of snow off the railing of the balcony. "I trust you've stashed your skunks away somewhere safe?"
 
-"My skunks?" All of the stress of the last forty-five minutes that ey'd been holding back around May, all that had been obscured by eir need to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible, all of it came crashing down on em at once. "*My skunks?*" ey shouted. "Jonas, what the fuck? You sent a fucking assassin after True Name, sent them over to our house so they could hound May. What the hell are you even talking about? Of course I'm going to keep my fucking partner and friend safe if you're going to try killing them! Fucking...*my skunks*. Good Lord."
+"'My skunks'?" All of the stress of the last forty-five minutes that ey'd been holding back around May, all that had been obscured by eir need to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible, all of it came crashing down on em at once. "*'My skunks'?*" ey shouted. "Jonas, what the fuck? You sent a fucking assassin after True Name, sent him over to our house so he could hound May. What the hell are you even talking about? Of course I'm going to keep my fucking partner and friend safe if you're going to try killing them! Fucking...*'my skunks'*. Good Lord."
 
 Once ey'd finished and was left panting again, Jonas sat up in the chair and grinned widely, clapping his hands. "Mx. Ioan Bălan! Such language! I didn't know you had it in you! Bravo."
 
 "Fuck you too."
 
-That grin lingered as Jonas gave a hint of a bow. "Very well, Ioan. To your concerns, the bit with May Then My Name was unintentional. One of True Name said that she was with you, and while I was pretty sure that meant your little coffee shop, I figured I'd stop by just to make sure. Guōweī got a little excited when he saw May Then My Name, thinking it might be his target. She's quite good at fighting, your girl. You have my most abject apologies. We should've just waited."
+That grin lingered as Jonas gave a hint of a bow. "Very well, Ioan. To your concerns, the bit with May Then My Name was unintentional. Our plan kicked off early and one of True Name said that she was with you. While I was pretty sure that meant your little coffee shop, I figured I'd stop by just to make sure. Guōweī got a little excited when he saw May Then My Name, thinking it might be his target. She's quite good at fighting, your girl. You have my most abject apologies. We should've just waited."
 
 "And True Name?"
 
@@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ He shrugged. "You don't have to, but I am telling the truth, Ioan. If you and Tr
 
 "I don't have the training your pretty little skunks have," he shot back. "Just try and get everyone together and we can get this over with. There's no huge rush. Sometime within the year, okay?"
 
-"Why?" Ey shook eir head. "Like, why do you need to talk with her and why do you need an amanuensis? You have to give me something, here."
+"Why?" Ey shook eir head. "Why do you need to talk with her and why do you need an amanuensis? You have to give me something, here."
 
 "No, Ioan, I don't," he said. "Just tell True Name that I'm waiting. You can ask her all the questions you want."
 
@@ -98,7 +98,7 @@ Focusing on the set of steps required, ey triggered the sweep, then checked the
 
 Now wasn't the time to be thinking about it, though.
 
-Ey spent the next five minutes locking down and fine-tuning the ACLs for the house. By the time it was done, the house would only let em and May in as owners and anyone they brought with them by hand. It was also now marked as invisible to all but a short list of allowed individuals. Debarre, End Waking, True Name, A Finger Pointing, Douglas, and a dozen or so others ey could think of who might conceivably want to know when they were home.
+Ey spent the next five minutes locking down and fine-tuning the ACLs for the house. By the time it was done, the house would only let em and May in as owners along with anyone they intentionally brought with them by hand. It was also now marked as invisible to all but a short list of allowed individuals. Debarre, End Waking, True Name, A Finger Pointing, Douglas, and a dozen or so others ey could think of who might conceivably want to know when they were home.
 
 At last, ey stepped away from home and back to Arrowhead Lake.
 
@@ -124,7 +124,7 @@ May winced and nodded, scrubbing her paws at her face to wipe away a few fresh t
 
 "Who was it? The report didn't tell me."
 
-"Bugs," she said sourly. "Little spies. People who fork to be small enough to hide on top of cabinets or behind pillows."
+"Bugs," she said sourly. "Little spies. People who fork to be small enough to hide on top of cabinets or behind pillows. Spy cameras that can think and act."
 
 Ey blanched. "From Jonas?"
 
@@ -152,7 +152,7 @@ They stood up and brushed off their pants as the skunk came padding around the l
 
 "It's not--" Ey caught emself up short and shook eir head. "Well, are you okay?"
 
-The skunk shook her head. "I am not, no. I am very nearly on the edge of collapse. I feel like I could either sleep or cry for three days straight. Or both if it were possible."
+The skunk shook her head. "I am not, no. I am very nearly on the edge of collapse. I feel like I could either sleep or cry for three days straight. Both, if it were possible."
 
 May took a deep breath, held it for a slow count of three, and very carefully let it out. "I am sorry, True Name."
 
@@ -188,7 +188,7 @@ May nodded in turn. After a moment's silence, she turned to Ioan and said, "My d
 
 Ey hesitated, nodded, and sent End Waking a sensorium ping, requesting a meeting, which was quickly acknowledged. "Alright," ey said, forking off a new instance. "Back in a few."
 
-The skunk and his partner were waiting for em at the new entry point to his sim.
+End Waking and Debarre were waiting for em at the new entry point to his sim.
 
 "Hey, sorry for the short notice."
 
@@ -210,7 +210,7 @@ End Waking rested a paw on Debarre's shoulder before the weasel could speak agai
 
 The skunk nodded, looked thoughtful for a few seconds, and then waved his paw, bringing into being between them two folding camp cots, two bedrolls, a tent, two bundles of firewood, and some simple food --- bread, salami, and cheese.
 
-"I will come help you set up," he said. "It is all fairly straightforward, but tents are fiddly."
+"I will come help you set up," he said. "It is all fairly straightforward, but tents require four hands."
 
 Ioan sighed, nodded. "Thank you, End Waking. We'll, uh...we'll need three sets, though."
 
@@ -230,7 +230,7 @@ Ey laughed, surprising even emself. "Yeah. Assassins and politicians and whateve
 
 End Waking stood a while in thought, then waved his paw again to create another cot, bedroll, and tent. "I will help you set these up, but I will not speak with her."
 
-"Are you sure, E.W.?" The weasel frowned down at the gear. "I mean, I guess it's fine giving them stuff, but I'm not exactly comfortable with you being anywhere near her."
+"Are you sure, E.W.?" Debarre frowned down at the gear. "I mean, I guess it's fine giving them stuff, but I'm not exactly comfortable with you being anywhere near her."
 
 The skunk nodded. "I need to, my dear. I need to be better to her than she might be to me in this situation."
 
@@ -238,11 +238,11 @@ Ioan frowned. Ey wasn't so sure that the True Name of 2350 would be so callous,
 
 "If you say so," Debarre said sourly. "But I'm staying here."
 
-After a moment's concentration, a second End Waking stood behind the first. "I will stay with you, my dear, do not worry. No need to risk more than a fork."
+After a moment's concentration, a second End Waking stood beside the first. "I will be staying with you, my dear, do not worry. No need to risk more than a fork."
 
-Ey bent down to pick up the two bundles of firewood, while the new instance of End Waking picked up one of the sets of gear and held out his paw. Ioan took it in eir hand and stepped back to Arrowhead Lake. They dropped off their loads, then returned to pick up the second two bundles and the tents.
+Ey bent down to pick up the two bundles of firewood while the new instance of End Waking picked up one of the sets of gear and held out his paw. Ioan took it in eir hand and stepped back to Arrowhead Lake. They dropped off their loads, then returned to pick up the second two bundles and the tents.
 
-The skunk set to work immediately, picking out a flat spot in the trees to set up both tents. Ioan was pleasantly surprised when they turned out to be fairly modern --- at least, modern to the 2100s --- gear: thin nylon with carbon fiber spars and a seal-strip entrance kept sheltered by a fold in the fabric. The camp beds were of a strong fabric lashed to carbon fiber frames by some lightly springy cord, providing a reasonable amount of give. The bedrolls turned out to be sleeping bags with foam pillow that expanded quickly when the seal-strip was undone.
+End Waking set to work immediately, picking out a flat spot in the trees to set up both tents. Ioan was pleasantly surprised when they turned out to be fairly modern --- at least, modern to the 2100s --- gear: thin nylon with carbon fiber spars and a seal-strip entrance which was kept sheltered by a fold in the fabric. The camp beds were of a strong fabric lashed to carbon fiber frames by some springy cord, providing a reasonable amount of give. The bedrolls turned out to be sleeping bags with foam pillows that expanded quickly when the seal-strip was undone.
 
 Throughout the whole process, eir fork, May, and True Name sat by the edge of the lake, far off to the side. Ey couldn't tell if they were simply being silent or if they were talking in a cone of silence, but, other than a brief nod to End Waking from May, they seemed keen on taking the space for themselves.