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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2020-04-20 13:55:03 -07:00
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writing/post-self/qoheleth/RJ/013.md
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@ -3,7 +3,7 @@
The relief of finding emself sitting in eir own bed, ey supposed, should have been immediate and intense.
Instead, seeing eir room around em once more, AwDae closed eir eyes and shifted down in bed until ey was able to draw the covers up over emself, a mirroring of this morning. The weight of the blanket atop em, the feeling of being surrounded, covered, supported by the mattress seemed to be more important than...than what, relief? Joy?
Instead, seeing eir room around em once more rather than the clinic, all AwDae could do was close eir eyes and shift down in bed until ey was able to draw the covers up over emself, a mirroring of this morning. The weight of the blanket atop em, the feeling of being surrounded, covered, supported by the mattress seemed to be more important than...than what, relief? Joy?
Ey didn't feel despair, didn't feel hopelessness.
@ -15,7 +15,7 @@ This wasn't a puzzle, though. This wasn't a set of steps that could be followed
Dreams, after all, have no plot.
Ey curled beneath the duvet. Resting in the fetal position in eir childhood bed beneath eir childhood blankets. Ey could not even pretend that ey was dreaming. Were ey asleep, this would have been one of those confusing dreams of too much meaning. Not nightmare, not blessed peace. Just neurons firing at random, conjuring images up from dust, from nothing. Mere breath.
Ey curled beneath the duvet. Resting in the fetal position in eir childhood bed beneath eir childhood blankets, ey could not even pretend that ey was dreaming. Had ey been asleep, this would have been one of those confusing dreams of too much meaning. Not nightmare, not blessed peace. Just neurons firing at random, conjuring images up from dust, from nothing. Mere breath.
If history played out as it promised to, there would be no waking. Ey was in a world of dream, eir every thought mirrored back against the inner surface of eir cortices, both cerebral and exo.
@ -65,7 +65,7 @@ Could one dream within a dream? Do so with such a detail that ey would not notic
A supplication. A mantra against hopelessness.
Ey turned the knob and stepped out into the short-grass prairie of the open space. The packed dirt of the trail welcomed eir paws. The scent of dust and rattle-dry stalks of grass washed over em. Warm, yellow lighted hemmed em in through the fog of war.
Ey turned the knob and stepped out into the shortgrass prairie of the open space. The packed dirt of the trail welcomed eir paws. The scent of dust and rattle-dry stalks of grass washed over em. Warm, yellow lighted hemmed em in through the fog of war.
"Wait," ey said once more. Kept eir hands at eir sides. Loose. Relaxed. A promise to emself. *I still have will.*