update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/remote/codrin/001.md

@@ -8,11 +8,11 @@ Arrival and light and noise and a slick, slippery feeling to the air about em.
 
 Codrin stole a few long seconds with eir eyes squinted shut. The light itself was loud, the noise bright. Everything was just slightly off, just slightly wrong.
 
-And then, those seconds passed, and the noise was less blinding, and when ey opened eir eyes, ey no longer felt deafened, and ey was able to take in the world around em. The floor, the colonnaded walls, the greenery beyond. Tight-fitting stone, slick and polished.
+And then, those seconds passed, and the noise was less blinding, and when ey opened eir eyes, ey no longer felt deafened, and ey was able to take in the world around em. The ground, the dome above, the colonnaded walls, the greenery beyond. Tight-fitting stone, slick and polished.
 
 Before em stood what ey supposed must be the Artemisian delegation.
 
-Turun Ka and Turun Ko, judging by their artificial appearance, stood half again as tall as em. Their flesh, what might have otherwise been skin, was made of what looked to be a supple, rubbery material in gunmetal grey. Powerful thighs supported a stocky torso, and the fact that they were leaned slightly forward was counterbalanced with a thick, lizard-like tail behind them. Their shoulders were sloped and narrow, and ey could see now why they had described themselves as equally comfortable on both two and four legs: their hands were clawed and padded with five fingers and an opposable thumb, but so were their feet.
+Turun Ka and Turun Ko, judging by their identical appearance, stood half again as tall as em. Their flesh, what might have otherwise been skin, was made of what looked to be a supple, rubbery material in gunmetal grey. Powerful thighs supported a stocky torso, and the fact that they were leaned slightly forward was counterbalanced with a thick, lizard-like tail behind them. Their shoulders were sloped and narrow, and ey could see now why they had described themselves as equally comfortable on both two and four legs: their hands were clawed and padded with five fingers and an opposable thumb, but so were their feet.
 
 Atop a long neck rising from their shoulders sat heads with a distinctly canine bent. They were shaped, in fact, not too dissimilar from Dear's, though the ears were less outrageously large.
 
@@ -22,9 +22,9 @@ Rather than eyes, there was a mirrored panel of black, looking more mercury than
 
 *Well, this will be interesting.*
 
-To their right a being of similar shape stood on two legs, though one far smaller, coming up only to Codrin's chin. The longer ey looked, however, the more those similarities began to fall away. Yes, it stood on two powerful legs; yes, its body was canted forward and kept on balance with a thick tail; yes, it had an elongated snout.
+To their right, a being of similar shape stood on two legs, though they were far smaller, coming up only to Codrin's chin. The longer ey looked, however, the more those similarities began to fall away. Yes, it stood on two powerful legs; yes, its body was canted forward and kept on balance with a thick tail; yes, it had an elongated snout.
 
-However, rather than that supple plastic, it was coated in a scaly hide, washed in oil-sheen colors. Where the firstrace representatives had little in the way of facial features, though, Stolon, ey assumed, almost seemed to have a surfeit. Their eyes were bright and curious, their mouth seemingly ready to a smile --- or some other expression, ey reminded emself, as what appeared to be a smile to humans may not be so to thirdrace. They did not have hair, as made sense for a lizard of some sort, but they did have a crest of what appeared to be feathers of a sort, or perhaps massively elongated scales.
+However, rather than that supple plastic, it was coated in a scaly hide, washed in oil-sheen colors. Where the firstrace representatives had little in the way of facial features, though, Stolon almost seemed to have a surfeit. Their eyes were bright and curious, their mouth seemingly ready to a smile --- or some other expression, ey reminded emself, as what appeared to be a smile to humans may not be so to thirdrace. They did not have hair, as made sense for a lizard of some sort, but they did have a crest of what appeared to be feathers of a sort, or perhaps massively elongated scales.
 
 Beside Stolon and standing a head shorter than even them was a creature that reminded em so much of Debarre that ey did a double-take. The resemblance was uncanny: a svelte coat of brown fur with a creamier white starting beneath the chin and heading down over their front --- or at least, ey assumed it continued beneath the thin, blue tunic they were wearing --- and a black-tipped tail behind. Plenty of whiskers, dark eyes.
 
@@ -54,11 +54,11 @@ Why Ask Questions: mid-shout, a splash of black fur creeping up over her cheek,
 
 "You are recorder Codrin Bălan, *anem?*"
 
-Startled, ey whirled to face the party of Artemisians. One of the firstrace members had stepped forward. Assuming the lineup was similar to their own, ey supposed it must be Turun Ko, the recorder, if Turun Ka as leader was on the end. Its voice was surprisingly mellifluous for a being that seemed to be an artificial construct.
+Startled, ey whirled to face the party of Artemisians. One of the firstrace members had stepped forward. Assuming the lineup was similar to their own, ey supposed it must be Turun Ko, the recorder, with Turun Ka as leader on the end. Its voice was surprisingly mellifluous for a being that seemed to be an artificial construct.
 
 "Y-yes," ey said, shaking er head. "What...is this...I mean, is this time?"
 
-Turun Ko tilted its chin up in a gesture ey could not understand. "Yes. You have departed-slid-away from common time. It is normal-not-unusual for the recorder consciousness-bearing system to detach-accelerate from common time at first. Those such as you and I are primed-eager to observe over time."
+Turun Ko tilted its chin up in a gesture ey could not understand. "Yes. You have skewed-departed-slid-away from common time. It is normal-not-unusual for the recorder consciousness-bearing system to detach-accelerate from common time at first. Those such as you and I are primed-eager to observe over time."
 
 Codrin gripped eir notebook and pen closer to eir chest. "Common...so, the other emissaries are moving at the same time, I'm just moving slower?"
 
@@ -80,7 +80,7 @@ Turun Ko lifted its chin once more. "Representative Why Ask Questions is in pain
 
 "Pain?"
 
-"Pain-of-existence. Pain-of-state-of-being. She is un-whole. This is why must ask."
+"Pain-of-existence. Pain-of-state-of-being. She is un-whole. This is why we must ask."
 
 Ey nodded. "She looks scared. Frightened, or something."
 
@@ -96,15 +96,15 @@ Ey said, "I only have a guess as explained by one of their cocladists, that--"
 
 "Will they remain afraid-in-pain? Will they cohere?"
 
-Codrin was silent for a long moment as ey thought about this. The part of em that wanted to say 'yes, of course' argued against the part of em that was intensely focused on that wave of skunk fur creeping its way up over her cheek.
+Codrin was silent for a long moment as ey thought about this. The part of em that wanted to say 'yes, of course' argued against the part of em that was intensely focused on that wave of skunk fur creeping its way up over Why Ask Questions's cheek.
 
 "I don't know," ey said at last. Ey pointed carefully toward that trim of fur. "How long did it take for this to appear?"
 
-"Zero-point-one-eight seconds common time from your arrival-constitution." Turun Ko stepped closer, bowing its head to investigate the fur. "She is existing-in-time slower. She appears-seems frozen because she is in slow-time. She departed-slid-away from common time zero-point-one-six seconds after arrival by a skew of negative two-point-six. Think-remember, recorder Codrin Bălan, and you will know these things."
+"Zero-point-one-six seconds common time from your arrival-constitution." Turun Ko stepped closer, bowing its head to investigate the fur. "She is existing-in-time slower. She appears-seems frozen because she is in slow-time. She skewed-departed-slid-away from common time zero-point-one-eight seconds after arrival by a skew of negative two-point-six. Think-remember, recorder Codrin Bălan, and you will know these things."
 
 Ey tilted eir head and then, considering how it felt to have a merge available to remember, tried to remember the 'skew' factor by which eir experience of time differed from common time. The concepts were hazily defined to em --- ey didn't know what common time was, where the point of reference lay --- and yet all the same, ey knew that eir time-skew factor was two-point-one-eight.
 
-On a spark of intuition, ey tried to 'remember' being at a skew of one, and sure enough, the world slid smoothly into movement again, though everything was moving half as fast as ey expected. Sound came through slowly, and ey could hear words beginning --- words from Sarah, from Tycho, from Turun Ka. It was unnerving to hear that they had been time-stretched without having their pitch modulated, but ey supposed that would be helpful in time-skewed conversations.
+On a spark of intuition, ey tried to 'remember' being at a skew of one, and sure enough, the world stumbled into movement again, though everything was moving half as fast as ey expected. Sound came through slowly, and ey could hear words beginning --- words from Sarah, from Tycho, from Turun Ka. It was unnerving to hear that they had been time-stretched without having their pitch modulated, but ey supposed that would be helpful in time-skewed conversations.
 
 Ey felt the briefest twinge to eir sensorium and frowned. "What was that?"
 
@@ -118,11 +118,11 @@ True Name wavered, reaching out a hand to grip at Codrin's sleeve. She remained
 
 The firstracer bowed, tucking its chin close to its chest. "There is no need to apologize. Allowances are granted to those who arrive from new worlds. Representative Iska will accompany you to discuss further accommodations." It turned to face the rest of the emissaries. "You all may rest and acclimatize in the rest area we have provided for you. We welcome you."
 
-Artante Diria bowed at the waist, a gesture so easy and recognizable that Codrin, Tycho, and Sarah all reciprocated more out of habit than anything. 
+Artante Diria bowed at the waist, a gesture so easy and recognizable that the four representatives all reciprocated more out of habit. 
 
 "Welcome. You may call me representative Artante Diria. This way, please," she said, gesturing with a hand.
 
-Codrin hesitated, watching as something happened to bring Why Ask Questions back into sync with common time. Her shout completed and then turned into a low moan as she crumpled to the ground, retching. For the first time since ey'd met Michelle nearly four decades ago, ey watched the dueling identities of a mind split. Skunk and human battled for primacy even as True Name helped her cocladist to her feet.
+Codrin hesitated, watching as something happened to bring Why Ask Questions back into sync with common time. Her shout completed and then turned into a low moan as she crumpled to the ground, retching. For the first time since ey'd met Michelle nearly four decades ago, ey watched the dueling identities of a mind split. Skunk and human battled for primacy even as True Name moved to help her cocladist to her feet.
 
 "Where are they taking them?" ey asked once ey'd caught up with Artante and the other emissaries.