update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/026.md

@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ Ioan tugged the skunk up a little further until ey could get eir arms around her
 
 Perhaps she was still overflowing, in a way. At the tail end of it, sure, but every time in the past, she had waited until she was mostly feeling better before fetching em back from Douglas's, whereas this morning, she seemed to have forced herself out of that state, rightfully or otherwise, to at least not be alone.
 
-There was some slight distortion, here, though, a way of thinking that didn't quite mesh with her personality. Ey agreed, yes, but it was her framing that was bothering em most.
+There was some slight distortion, here, though, a way of thinking that didn't quite mesh with her personality. Ey agreed to an extent, but it was her framing that was bothering em most.
 
 "So," ey began, choosing eir words carefully. "I did say that I'm really starting to not feel so great about the idea, but I'm not totally sure I agree with how much of that you're putting on yourself. You sound preemptively guilty."
 
@@ -50,11 +50,15 @@ May squirmed out of eir grasp to sit on the beanbag alongside em, elbows on knee
 
 Scooting to the edge of the beanbag, Ioan stood as well. "I know. We have months before we run up against Jonas's deadline, but if he's sending assassins after True Name, it sure does make it feel urgent."
 
-The skunk padded over to the kitchen, swiping a few of the dishes that Ioan had left prepared into being, lining them up in a row. "Yes, and I cannot easily let that go. I want her to be other than she is to not be so under his thumb. I want her to be better than she is to be less of what she has become, and yet even those thoughts feel like distortions. Choose your plate, my dear."
+The skunk padded over to the kitchen, swiping a few of the dishes that Ioan had left prepared into being, lining them up in a row. "Yes, and I cannot easily let that go. I want her to be other than she is specifically to not be so under his thumb. I want her to be better than she is to be less of what she has become, and yet even those thoughts feel like distortions. Choose your plate, my dear."
 
-Ey picked one mostly at random, winding up with a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup. "I had been wondering as to your reasons. I felt like the idea just kind of popped into my mind based on what she was talking about at the time, what with Zacharias and all, but it came at such an inopportune time for me to actually ask why."
+Ey picked one mostly at random, winding up with a grilled cheese sandwich and some soup. "I had been wondering as to your reasons. I felt like the idea just kind of popped into my mind based on what she was talking about at the time, what with Zacharias and all, but it came at such an inopportune time for me to actually ask why. Is it...I mean, do you feel the need to fix things like we've been talking about with me?"
 
-She picked up a plate of mashed potatoes and asparagus, shooing em back to the dining room table. "I think that she has become so singular a person that she cannot but be controlled by Jonas. Her role in guiding the System is no less real; she did the work that she does and she did it both well and proudly. But she built herself into a tool without realizing it, and over the centuries, Jonas has been teaching himself to use that to his advantage."
+She hesitated, signed, shook her head. "I do not know, Ioan."
+
+Ey nodded.
+
+May picked up a plate of mashed potatoes and asparagus, shooing em back to the dining room table. "I think that she has become so singular a person that she cannot but be controlled by Jonas. Her role in guiding the System is no less real; she did the work that she does and she did it both well and proudly. But she built herself into a tool without realizing it, and over the centuries, Jonas has been teaching himself to use that to his advantage, to use her as a tool."
 
 "And rounding her out more with merges would help make her more of a generalist?"
 
@@ -100,15 +104,14 @@ True Name was still kneeling before the pile of wood in what had clearly become
 
 "We are not married," May said, growling nearly as well as True Name. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
 
-"Oh, just popping in to say hi, is all," he said cheerily. "Zacharias, by the way. Nice to meet you, Ioan. My dear May Then My Name, it has been nearly two hundred years!"
-
+"Oh, just popping in to say hi, is all," he said cheerily. "Zacharias, by the way. Nice to meet you, Ioan. My dear May Then My Name, it has been more than two hundred years!"
 "Well, hi," she said. "Now get out."
 
 "Oh, I just got here, though!" He pouted, looking between the three of them. Then the smirk returned, along with a wicked glint to his eye. "Besides, what are you going to do about it, my dear? Bounce me?"
 
-May frowned, but remained silent, arms crossed over her chest. None of them had the ACLs for such
+May frowned, but remained silent, arms crossed over her chest. None of them had the ACLs for such.
 
-"Right, I thought not. Well! Have a seat, I was just saying hi to True Name, but what's another two sets of eyes?"
+"Right, I thought not. Well! Have a sit, I was just saying hi to True Name, but what's another two asses in seats?"
 
 Neither Ioan nor May moved.
 
@@ -156,7 +159,7 @@ The skunk shook her head, still glowering. "I am not coming tonight, no. If I ha
 
 "He has not answered yet," she said. She'd regained her composure, staring at Zacharias steadily. "We will speak with him. Tell Jonas message received and leave me the fuck alone."
 
-He once more bowed with a flourish. "I live to serve," he said, sing-song. "Any other messages for me to relay?"
+He once more bowed with a flourish. "I live to serve, Rintrah my dear!" he said, sing-song. "Any other messages for me to relay while hungry clouds swag on the deep?"
 
 "Yes, tell Jonas to quit sending his most foppish lackeys," she shot back.
 
@@ -170,7 +173,7 @@ And with that, he stepped out of the sim.
 
 May's shoulders slumped. She let go of eir hand, moved over to kneel beside True Name, and hugged around her shoulders. "I am sorry, my dear."
 
-True Name did not return the gesture. No surprise, perhaps; neither she nor End Waking were all that big on touch. Instead she said, "I am sorry, you two. I do not know how they got the address to the sim."
+True Name did not return the gesture. No surprise, perhaps; neither she nor End Waking were all that big on touch. Instead she said, "I apologize, you two. I do not know how they got the address to the sim."
 
 Ioan cursed. "Guess that does mean it's compromised."
 
@@ -178,21 +181,21 @@ She nodded.
 
 May leaned away from the hug, but took one of True Name's paws in her own. "Come home," she said, voice and expression earnestly worried. "Please. I know it is uncomfortable, but I do not want you out here alone."
 
-The skunk stared into the fire for almost a full minute, the looked off to the lake and nodded. "Yes, I suppose you are right." She smiled faintly and added, "I could also use a shower and a night's sleep on a real mattress. Perhaps we can discuss expanding an outdoor portion of your sim tomorrow, Ioan? I do not want to impose too much, but, well..." She waved her paw at where Zacharias had stood.
+The skunk stared into the fire for almost a full minute, then looked off to the lake and nodded. "Yes, I suppose you are right." She smiled faintly and added, "I could also use a shower and a night's sleep on a real mattress. Perhaps we can discuss expanding an outdoor portion of your sim tomorrow, Ioan. I do not want to impose too much, but, well..." She waved her paw at where Zacharias had stood.
 
 "Of course," ey said, still doing eir best to tamp down eir anger. "I can find something simple on the market for the time being."
 
 True Name knelt by the fire for another minute before dousing the flames with a collapsible pail of water.
 
-Once they made it back to the house and True Name had showered, they sat around the dining table, each with a glass of wine from a bottle ey'd received years back. They'd wordlessly agreed that a drink was in order.
+Once they made it back to the house and True Name had showered, they sat around the dining table, each with a glass of wine from a bottle ey'd received years back. When True Name suggested that a drink was in order, Ioan and May readily agreed.
 
 Ioan couldn't guess why the two skunks had felt it was necessary, but ey needed something to blunt the edges of that anger that still spun within em. Ey wasn't sure ey'd ever truly felt fury before, but it turned out that watching eir partner get struck across the face was a really, really good way to bring out the emotion.
 
 Ey didn't like it at all.
 
-Once ey'd reached the bottom of eir glass, ey sighed and said, "Alright. What the fuck was that about?"
+Once ey'd reached the bottom of eir glass, ey sighed and said, "Alright. What the hell was that about?"
 
-"Jonas felt the need to show a bit of muscle," True Name said, voice flat. "He wanted to rub it in my face that he still has Zacharias in his pocket, that he knows where I am. I do not think he actually cared about asking me when we would meet, he is just making his leverage known. I suspect he was planning on you two showing up, as well, now that I think about it."
+"Jonas felt the need to show a bit of muscle," True Name said, voice flat. "He wanted to rub it in my face that he still has Zacharias in his pocket, that he knows where I am. I do not think he actually cared about asking me when we would meet, he was just making his leverage felt. I suspect he was planning on you two showing up, as well, now that I think about it."
 
 "Why?"
 
@@ -208,23 +211,23 @@ The silence that followed was even more tense than the one before, both skunks l
 
 "What?"
 
-May sniffled, shrugged, then smiled tiredly to em. "I am pretty sure he thinks he is me, Ioan."
+May sniffled, shrugged, then smiled weakly to em. "I am pretty sure he thinks he is me, Ioan."
 
 Ey blinked as the pieces clicked into place, then slouched back in eir seat, feeling like the breath had been knocked out of em. "Well, huh."
 
 "You see now why I was so upset?"
 
-The thoughts wouldn't quite fit together in eir mind. Two puzzle pieces with no matching edges. "I'm sorry, I'm, uh..." Ey cleared eir throat, suddenly parched. "He's one of your old relationship forks? With True Name?"
+The thoughts wouldn't quite fit together in eir mind. Two puzzle pieces with no matching edges. "I'm sorry, I'm, uh..." Ey cleared eir throat, suddenly parched. "*He's* one of your old relationship forks? With True Name?"
 
 She shrugged again, sniffled again, looked back down to the table.
 
-"It is at least partly my fault," True Name said quietly. "One of the earliest individuals I pointed May Then My Name towards was, without either of us realizing, one of Jonas's instances. He looked and spoke nothing like Jonas Prime, but was starting to get loud on the feeds. May Then My Name forked into a human form and became quite good friends with him, but I lost track of them both for several years. He stopped posting so much on the feeds, so I had little reason to worry about him, I thought."
+"It is at least partly my fault," True Name said quietly. "One of the earliest individuals I pointed May Then My Name towards was, without either of us realizing, one of Jonas's instances. He looked and spoke nothing like Jonas Prime, but was starting to get loud on the feeds. May Then My Name forked into a human form that we hoped would be appealing and became quite good friends with him, but I lost track of them both for several years. He stopped posting so much on the feeds, so I had little reason to worry about him, I thought."
 
 "You must understand, I was a very different person back then," May mumbled. "This was systime 5. Back before I was...me."
 
 Ey frowned, but nodded for them to continue.
 
-"So, a few decades later, Secession is done, the council is heading towards dissolution, and I am starting to relax. More friends from phys-side uploaded, more furries figured out how to exist within the System as they would like, and I started to meet more people outside work. One of them just happened to be this fantastically well-dressed fox who was just as witty as I felt. We became friends, then we became a bit more." She shrugged. "That instance of Jonas had...well..."
+"So, a few decades later," True Name said. "Secession is done, the council is heading towards dissolution, and I am starting to relax. More friends from phys-side uploaded, more furries figured out how to exist within the System as they would like, and I started to meet more people outside work. One of them just happened to be this fantastically well-dressed fox who was just as witty as I felt. We became friends, then we became a bit more." She shrugged. "That instance of Jonas had...well..."
 
 "Twisted. He twisted my fork into something that neither the me of today nor the me back then would have agreed to." May sniffled and wiped at her face. "He turned that version of me into a way of influencing True Name."
 
@@ -232,15 +235,15 @@ Ey frowned, but nodded for them to continue.
 
 Eir head was swimming at the flood of information, and when rubbing eir face didn't work to clear it, ey willed the drunkenness away and waved a glass of ice water into being. "Which I don't get. Why are you so overwhelmed here and not on the LVs?"
 
-The skunk twisted her wine glass between her fingers for a few quiet moments. "I was focused on continuity and stability. I think that Jonas was as well, enough to go along with the launch project, but once it was done and that continuity was assured, he let them go their own ways --- the Guiding Council on Pollux and the previous status quo on Castor --- while he focused on cementing his power here on Lagrange. They were safely away with minimal influence here."
+The skunk twisted her wine glass between her fingers for a few quiet moments. "I was focused on continuity and stability. I think that Jonas was as well, enough to go along with the launch project, but once it was done and that continuity was assured, we here on Lagrange let them go their own ways --- the Guiding Council on Pollux and the previous status quo on Castor --- while he focused on cementing his power. They were safely away with minimal influence here."
 
 "Is that what this is all about?"
 
-She nodded. "We were in a steady state for many years after they explained everything. I was not happy, but I still liked the work that I had chosen and I did not know how to do anything else. It was the new tech from the Artemisians that pushed things over the edge. AVEC --- Audio/Visual Extrasystem Communication --- rather changes things and even though we agreed on what was to be done about it in a general sense, I think he does not want to risk his own specific vision not coming to fruition."
+She nodded. "We were in a steady state for many years after they explained everything. I was not happy, but I still liked the work that I had chosen and I did not know how to do anything else. It was the new tech from the Artemisians that pushed things over the edge. AVEC --- Audio/Visual Extrasystem Communication --- rather changes things and even though we agreed on what was to be done about it in a general sense, I think he does not want to risk his own specific vision not coming to fruition. He wants greater divergence, while I am more conservative."
 
-They sat in silence, then, while Ioan tried to digest this. Ey was still furious at Zacharias, but now that fury had gained a layer of what almost felt like despair, that someone such as that might have their roots in eir May.
+They sat in silence, then, while Ioan tried to digest this. Ey was still furious at Zacharias, but now that fury had gained a layer of what almost felt like despair, that someone such as him might have their roots in eir May.
 
-At least it had all gone a long way towards explaining the dynamic on the three Systems. Who knew why the other True Names had decided to treat this one like they had, withholding valuable information, all but cutting her out of their plans. Perhaps those few years between launch and Jonas and Zacharias's announcement had included additional shaping, that other framing True Name had mentioned.
+At least it had all gone a long way towards explaining the dynamic on the three Systems. Who knew why the other True Names had decided to treat this one like they had, withholding valuable information, all but cutting her out of their plans. Clearly those few years between launch and Jonas and Zacharias's announcement had included additional shaping, that other framing True Name had mentioned, both of her as well as the Systems.
 
 "Fuck."
 
@@ -252,7 +255,7 @@ True Name looked between them, then grinned. "No, May Then My Name, Ioan is corr
 
 They all laughed. Ey couldn't help but. It was all too much, and the humor so perfectly timed to defuse eir anger that it had to be intentional. Some of that anger must have showed on eir face.
 
-*Ah well, trust an Odist,* ey mused.
+*Ah well, trust an Odist,* ey mused to emself.
 
 Aloud, ey said, "You guys continue to be completely nuts. Thanks for explaining, though. I'm not going to figure it out tonight, so I'm going to have another glass of wine and space out on the couch."