update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/qoheleth/Ioan/006.md

@@ -49,15 +49,15 @@ Dear's partner gave its shin a playful kick. The fox grinned.
 
 Ioan grinned, letting the banter play out before continuing, "All I meant to say was that I worried that I'd offended with my questions."
 
-*"Not at all."* The fennec furrowed its brow. *"I mean, not really. I felt offended, is what I mean to say. When you asked how Life would react to you being a part of this investigation, it stung. An unfair reaction, though. Just one from the gut. I was offended because I realized that I'd invited you along on this as some sort of tool. Something I could wave about and say, "See, look what I have!" A tool or a trophy. Offense borne of shame."*
+*"Not at all."* The fennec furrowed its brow. *"I mean, not really. I felt offended, is what I mean to say. When you asked how Life would react to you being a part of this investigation, it stung. An unfair reaction, though. Just one from the gut. I was offended because that made me realize that I'd invited you along on this as some sort of tool. Something I could wave about and say, "See, look what I have!" A tool or a trophy. Offense borne of shame."*
 
 Ioan looked down into eir wine, taken aback.
 
-*"Doubly unfair of me, and for that I apologize."* Dear raised its glass. *"So you asked a really good question because it made me question my own role in this hunt. It made me think of what others would think. Me bringing along an amanuensis and historian. It made me think of why I'm doing so. Something I hadn't considered as well as I thought.*
+*"Doubly unfair of me, and for that I apologize."* Dear raised its glass in a salute. *"So you asked a really good question because it made me question my own role in this hunt. It made me think of what others would think. Me bringing along an amanuensis and historian. It made me think of why I'm doing so. Something I hadn't considered as well as I thought.*
 
 *"And I think the reason for me doing so goes further than even I had planned. I think I have you along as a means of keeping me grounded. A means of keeping the clade from just doing what the clade has always done yet again, of--"*
 
-The fox abruptly stopped talking and its glass down on the table. Its ears were standing erect and its fur bristled down along the back of its neck. Hackles raised. It looked frantic.
+The fox abruptly stopped talking and set its glass down on the table. Its ears were standing erect and its fur bristled down along the back of its neck. Hackles raised. It looked frantic.
 
 Ioan looked to Dear's partner for explanation. They sent a very faint sensorium ping in response.
 
@@ -65,7 +65,7 @@ Sensorium message. That was it.
 
 The message lasted less than a minute before the fox leapt off the couch and dashed off to another room, forking almost as an afterthought along the way.
 
-The fork turned quickly and padded back to the couch. It didn't seem to be able to sit, and instead kept up pacing in front of the couch, before Ioan and its partner.
+The fork turned quickly and padded back to the couch. It didn't seem to be able to sit, and instead kept up pacing in front of the couch, in front of Ioan and its partner.
 
 After a few tense laps of wine, it said, *"Qoheleth just sent me a message."*
 
@@ -75,7 +75,9 @@ After a few tense laps of wine, it said, *"Qoheleth just sent me a message."*
 
 Dear didn't wait.
 
-The message began with a flash. Highest priority. It came with a rush of adrenaline and a sensation of falling. Sudden and intense fear replaced with an incongruously jovial voice. An old voice, almost Santa Claus-y. The contrast made Ioan's teeth ache.
+The message began with a sickening flash. Highest priority. It came with a rush of adrenaline and a sensation of falling. Sudden and intense fear replaced with an incongruously jovial voice. An old voice, almost Santa Claus-y.
+
+The contrast made Ioan's teeth ache.
 
 "Hi Dear, this is Qoheleth. Not Life Breeds Life, But Death Must Now Be Chosen, but Qoheleth. I'm glad to see that you've kept at it and gotten so close. I'm not sending this to deter you, but to cheer you on. I'm going to send you a bit more information --- just you, mind! --- but I want you to get the rest of the clade in on this. I want to see if you can get them working with the same delightful fervor you and Ioan have.
 
@@ -101,7 +103,7 @@ Ioan nodded and watched them spin their wine glass between their palms by the st
 
 "It showed you, too, then?" ey asked.
 
-They laughed, "Of course. I know I've not been hitting the books or the streets like you two, but I'm still in this. I was the one who pointed it to you."
+They laughed, "Of course. I know I've not been hitting the books or the streets like you two have, but I'm still in this. I was the one who pointed it to you."
 
 Ey nodded, feeling eir cheeks flush. "Of course, sorry. Do you know what he meant by "closest one to the thing I'm after"?"
 
@@ -111,9 +113,9 @@ Ioan nodded again, "That's fair."
 
 There was an uneasy silence for a few minutes. The two sat on the couch, sipping their wine and mulling over the message.
 
-For eir part, Ioan was considering the strange dichotomy of the familiarity with which Qoheleth had addressed Dear --- "see you soon, fox" --- as well as *why* the fact that this seemed incongruous to em. It was difficult to think of Qoheleth as a member of the same clade as Dear, someone with whom Dear shared a root identity, after so long of thinking of this person as someone entirely different.
+For eir part, Ioan was considering the strange dichotomy of the familiarity with which Qoheleth had addressed Dear --- "see you soon, fox" --- as well as *why* the fact that this seemed incongruous to em. It was difficult to think of Qoheleth as a member of the same clade as Dear after so long of striving to believe the opposite. Hard to think of him as someone with whom Dear shared a root identity after so long of thinking of this person as someone entirely different.
 
-Silences have their own rhythms, Ioan knew, so ey waited until there came a point where ey could ask, "About all this, do you know much more about the whole Name business?"
+Silences have their own rhythms, Ioan knew, so ey waited until there came a point at which ey could ask, "About all this, do you know much more about the whole Name business?"
 
 Dear's partner looked up. "Who, Qoheleth's?"
 
@@ -147,9 +149,9 @@ Dear's partner nodded. "So it did its best to forget."
 
 "I, well--" Ioan stopped and thought for a moment. It was a difficult question to comprehend, much less answer. How could ey know whether or not ey had forgotten something by going back through eir thoughts?
 
-All the same, ey prowled through eir memories. Even just those from the time ey had been spending with Dear. They were jumbled, sure, and lots of impressions, but nothing was forgotten that ey could think of. With focus, ey could recall the entire afternoon on the prairie with startling precision.
+All the same, ey prowled through eir memories. Even just those from the time ey had been spending with Dear. They were jumbled, sure, and lots of impressions, but no, nothing was forgotten that ey could think of. With focus, ey could recall the entire afternoon on the prairie with startling precision.
 
-"I'll spare you by passing on some thoughts from Dear," they said. "We aren't gifted with eidetic memories when we upload, but neither can we truly forget anything we experience after that point. It's as thought each memory is labeled with a priority level from zero to ten, and when it hits zero, it's forgotten. Except the actual scale only goes down to point-oh-oh-oh-oh-one or something. We can kick it way to to the back of our minds, down the priority list, but we can't forget it. The system won't let us."
+"I'll spare you the details by passing on some thoughts from Dear," they said. "We aren't gifted with eidetic memories when we upload, but neither can we truly forget anything we experience after that point. It's as thought each memory is labeled with a priority level from zero to ten, and when it hits zero, it's forgotten. Except the actual scale only goes down to naught-point-oh-oh-oh-oh-one or something. We can kick it way to to the back of our minds, down the priority list, but we can't forget it. The system won't let us."
 
 Ioan nodded. "So Dear tried to forget, tried to kick that memory all the way to the back of its mind. What does that have to do with being a fox, though?"
 

writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.md

@@ -167,7 +167,7 @@ Check when edited
     * [X] Chapter: [Carter 007](Carter/007) --- Carter gets smacked down, has to let folks go, contacts Sasha
     * [X] Chapter: [Qoheleth 002](Qoheleth/002) --- Qoheleth's signifier
     * [X] Chapter: [RJ 012](RJ/012) --- RJ at the clinic, discovering ey don't need ACLs in a lucid dream.
-    * [O] Chapter: [Ioan 006](Ioan/006) --- Back at home with Dear, Qoheleth messages (split)
+    * [X] Chapter: [Ioan 006](Ioan/006) --- Back at home with Dear, Qoheleth messages (split)
     * [O] Chapter: [Sasha 002](Sasha/002) --- things are moving quickly
     * [O] Chapter: [RJ 013](RJ/013) --- struggling with numbness, trying to learn to manipulate the dream, memories.
     * [O] Chapter: [Carter 008](Carter/008) --- At work, viewing everyone with suspicion, DDR votes changing