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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2022-06-07 22:40:09 -07:00
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writing/post-self/mitzvot/033.md
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@ -204,7 +204,7 @@ Ey shrugged. "I don't know. That's not what we're discussing, though. We're tryi
When the skunk went silent, True Name looked to Ioan, who shrugged.
"Alright," May said. "Would you like to do dinner with Debarre, Ioan? He invited me over a while back, and I am taking him up on that."
"Alright," May said. "Would you like to do dinner with Debarre, Ionuț? He invited me over a while back, and I am taking him up on that."
"Wait, tonight?"
@ -216,11 +216,15 @@ Ey furrowed eir brow. "I was expecting in a few days or so. Maybe, I guess?"
"Well, ask me before you head out, then, maybe I'll get some work done in the interim."
She leaned up to dot her nose against eir cheek a few times, laughing. "It is nearly six. I was going to head out now, my dear. Just stay. Do your work. Enjoy a bit of solitude."
She leaned up to dot her nose against eir cheek a few times, laughing. "It is nearly six. I was going to head out now, my dear."
"Wait, really?" Ey frowned, twisting around to see the darkness already falling outside. "Damn."
"Just stay. Do your work. Enjoy a bit of solitude."
"Alright, alright."
She stood up and stretched, padding over to brush some of True Name's head-fur into order. "And you enjoy your time outdoors. Or melting on the couch, or whatever."
She stood up and stretched, padding over to brush some of True Name's head-fur into order. "And you enjoy your time outdoors. Or melting on the couch, or whatever it is you are doing."
"Mm. Do enjoy yourself, May."
@ -250,11 +254,11 @@ She yawned and levered herself up to a sitting position again, rubbing her paws
Ey knit eir brow and nodded. "Of course."
"Even at her friendliest and most open, May believed that these merges would make me, in some way, a more complete person. Even I began to believe such. Too long a time of the whole clade accusing itself of being incomplete people based on our origins, perhaps." She paused to collect her thoughts, looking down at her paws. "But now I am of three minds. I am True Name and I am May and I am End Waking. There is some unified core --- there must be --- as I am not strictly May or End Waking, and perhaps that core will yet have some other name, but I am of three minds."
"Even at her friendliest and most open, May believed that these merges would make me, in some way, a more complete person. Even I began to believe such. The whole clade has spent too long accusing itself of being incomplete people based on our origins, perhaps." She paused to collect her thoughts, looking down at her paws. "But now I am of three minds. I am True Name and I am May and I am End Waking. There is some unified core --- there must be --- as I am not strictly May or End Waking, and perhaps that core will yet have some other name, but I am of three minds."
"In terms of conflicts?"
She tilted her head thoughtfully. "I do not feel the pressure of merge conflicts. Not many, at least. I feel tripled. I feel like True Name, perhaps, and then I feel like May and some time later I will feel like End Waking. I lack the language to describe it. I felt something similar when I was Michelle and Sasha, but even that was not the same. The reconciliation that remains is one of ensuring that those facets can coexist peacefully, as Sarah says."
She tilted her head thoughtfully. "I do not feel the pressure of merge conflicts. Not many, at least. I feel tripled. I feel now like True Name, perhaps, and then I feel like May and some time later I will feel like End Waking. I lack the language to describe it. I felt something similar when I was Michelle and Sasha, but even that was not the same. The reconciliation that remains is one of ensuring that those facets can coexist peacefully, as Sarah says."
"I'm sorry, True Name, that sounds...I don't even know. Impossible."
@ -262,9 +266,9 @@ She tilted her head thoughtfully. "I do not feel the pressure of merge conflicts
Not knowing what to say to that, ey simply nodded, feeling the flush of warmth to eir cheeks.
"Yes, see? Look at you." She laughed. "It is complex for all of us. We are all hyper-aware of boundaries, not even wishing to test them. May is...of me, and now I am of her, so that boundary is further, perhaps, but we are all three very aware of your boundaries."
"Yes, see? Look at you." She laughed. "It is complex for all of us. We are all hyper-aware of boundaries, not even wishing to test them. May is...of me, and now I am of her, so that boundary is smaller between us, perhaps, but we are all three very aware of your boundaries."
"You're telling me," ey said, smiling cautiously. "Every time I think about it, I just wind up feeling super awkward."
"You're telling me," ey said, smiling cautiously. "Every time I think about it, I just wind up feeling super awkward and freeze up, so I have no clue as to how to even begin to approach it.."
"Well, here. May I sit next to you? If it is awkward, then it is awkward, but then at least we will know and quit fucking tiptoeing around the topic, yes?"
@ -282,7 +286,7 @@ Or try to, at least. One does not simply sit next to someone else on a beanbag.
Ey leaned away from her as best ey could to give her some space. "Sorry, True Name."
After a few slow breaths, she shook her head and slumped over to the side, draping herself across eir lap, face buried in the beanbag on the other side of eir legs, a jumble of skunk. "This is stupid, Ioan," she grumbled. "This is stupid and it is awkward and it is confusing, just as expected. Pet my ears, please."
After a few slow breaths, she shook her head and slumped over to the side, draping herself across eir lap, face buried in the beanbag on the other side of eir legs, a jumble of skunk. "This is stupid, Ioan. This is stupid and it is awkward and it is confusing, just as expected," she grumbled. "Pet my ears, please."
"Uh...yeah. Stupid, awkward, and confusing is about the long and short of it-- What? Oh." Ey hesitantly brushed fingers over her ears as ey'd done countless times before with May. Her fur felt exactly the same, her voice was very nearly the same, and were it not for the difference in clothes and the benefit of two and half decades of time spent living with May, ey could probably have confused one for the other. "Too awkward?"