diff --git a/writing/post-self/qoheleth/RJ/010.md b/writing/post-self/qoheleth/RJ/010.md index 533c2d8e..9bffc1a9 100644 --- a/writing/post-self/qoheleth/RJ/010.md +++ b/writing/post-self/qoheleth/RJ/010.md @@ -5,25 +5,25 @@ Sasha's words, that night in The Crown Pub, pressed in against AwDae. Pushed thoughts out of the way. Blanketed eir mind. -Ey had lingered around the house for a few hours, laying on the floor, poking around in various rooms. All as empty and static as school had been. Eventually, ey paced back outside and across the road to the countless acres of federation-managed open space that abutted the foothills. Ey paced along a few of the trails and deer tracks, mind spinning helplessly through numb hopelessness. +Ey lingered around the house for a few hours, laying on the floor, poking around in various rooms. All as empty and static as school had been. Eventually, ey paced back outside and across the road to the countless acres of federation-managed open space that abutted the foothills. Ey paced along a few of the trails and deer tracks, mind spinning helplessly through numb hopelessness. There was no birdsong, and while ey occasionally heard the buzz and chirp of insects, ey never saw any. -Ey gave up and returned home. Ey wasn't tired by the time the sun went down, but for lack of volition, bundled up in what had been eir old bed all the same and slept. +Ey gave up and returned home. Ey wasn't tired by the time the sun went down, but for lack of volition, bundled up all the same in what had been eir old bed and slept. Having gone to bed so early, AwDae awoke before sunrise. Eir alarm clock, still familiar after so long away from this house, told them it was just past four in the morning. *I made it past the witching hour,* the fox thought, then laughed. Something about the idea of time in such a timeless space tickled and upset em all at once. Time! What a concept. -Despite the dark, ey decided on another attempt at exploration. Fog be damned. Mattered less at night, perhaps. +Despite the dark, ey decided on another attempt at exploration. Fog be damned. -Ey slipped out of the house and paced around the neighborhood. Curling streets. Cul-de-sacs. Rows of townhouses. Familiar, all. Ey even made it back down to the school on the hill, searching for lights left on in the middle of night that weren't to be expected. +Ey slipped out of the house and paced around the neighborhood. Curling streets. Cul-de-sacs. Rows of townhouses. Familiar, all. Ey even made it back down to the school on the hill, searching for unexpected lights left on in the middle of night. The results were negative, unless one counted streetlights in this empty world. All the houses' and the school's windows were dark. -Ey trudged back up the hill toward home and shut out the darkness. The kitchen light brought little warmth, so ey turned it back off again and waited for sunrise. +Ey trudged back up the hill toward home and shut out the darkness. The kitchen light brought little warmth, so ey turned it back off and waited for sunrise. With the fog limiting render distance, sunrise took the form of a slow brightening, almost imperceptible at first. The world around home lifted through greyscale into brilliant color, settling on a teeth-aching azure. -During eir teens, ey frequently messed up eir sleep schedule enough to see the sun rise. Some days, ey would go down to the school for a run around the track before trudging eir way back up to the house again, sweating and invigorated. Or at least tired in a different way. +During eir teens, ey frequently messed up eir sleep schedule enough to see the sun rise. Some days, ey would go down to the school for a run around the track before heading back up to the house again, sweating and invigorated. Or at least tired in a different way. This whole sim seemed designed to, as Sasha had put it, keep em frozen in the past. The act of watching the world brighten and...well, not come to life, but at least gain color tugged at memories of countless days. Of waiting for eir mom to wake and make coffee. @@ -39,43 +39,43 @@ It didn't make any sense. The whole world was rendered in such loving detail. Wh "All I want is something real," AwDae growled. Fists parked on the counter in front of the sink, ey pressed firmly against the Formica. Tears stung eir eyes and, sagging, ey slowly sunk down to the cool hardwood floor. "That's all I want." -The sulk lasted a good half hour, with the fox crying off and on, though it brought less catharsis than ey hoped. By the time ey levered emself back up onto eir feet, eir backside was numb and tail struck by pins and needles. +The sulk lasted a good half hour, with the fox crying off and on. It brought less catharsis than ey hoped. By the time ey levered emself back up onto eir feet, eir backside was numb and tail struck by pins and needles. No coffee. No water. No catharsis. -Tail hanging limp beneath eir stolen skirt, ey trudged back upstairs to eir room and climbed back onto the bed, laying on eir front, muzzle facing away from the windows and the taunting of the morning. In toward the closet, toward stasis and familiarity. +Tail hanging limp beneath eir stolen skirt, ey slouched back upstairs to eir room and climbed back onto the bed, laying on eir front, muzzle facing away from the windows and the taunting of the morning. In toward the closet, toward stasis and familiarity. Ey ticked off the list of people in eir life who would be thinking of em. Some hopeful connection. Johansson was almost certainly stressing out, doubtless stressing the rest of the Troupe in turn. His response to unknown situations was to try and make them into known situations. Put all that nervous energy to work, get things into a state where he could understand them again. Even with another tech handling sound, even if that had gone well, the boss would be jumpy and on edge. -Caitlin and Sarai would be missing em on a more personal level. AwDae was friendly with the entire company, of course, but it was those two ey had gotten closest to. Sharing that back-channel communication, that private space of the theater sim. Conversation that went beyond the Troupe, beyond theater. If anyone had able to reach eir friends outside of STT, it would be them. +Caitlin and Sarai would be missing em on a more personal level. AwDae was friendly with the entire company, of course, but it was those two ey had gotten closest to. Sharing that back-channel communication, that private space of the theater sim. Sharing conversation that went beyond the Troupe, beyond theater. If anyone had able to reach eir friends outside of STT, it would be them. -And of eir friends, Sasha was always at the front of the fox's mind. She was the one person, excepting eir parents, who had been in eir life the longest. She was the one who understood em best, surpassing eir parents. Sasha had to be worried, even with em having been gone for so short a time. She had to be looking for em. The skunk was even listed as eir emergency contact. +And of eir friends, Sasha was always at the front of the fox's mind. She was the one person, excepting eir parents, who had been in eir life the longest. She was the one who understood em best, even surpassing eir parents. Sasha had to be worried, even with em having been gone for so short a time. She had to be looking for em. The skunk was even listed as eir emergency contact. *Or perhaps,* ey thought wryly. *I simply want that to be the case.* -Eir parents, always loving but always distant, would be concerned. Ey knew their tendency to freeze up when confronted with the unknown, though. Mom was the type who might sit by eir hospital bed and hold eir hand, as mothers do, but not necessarily the type of person to take action, to do any digging into what had happened or why. Dad would simply be glued in place, unable to deal with any emotions surrounding the event, much less engage with the hows or whys. +Eir parents, always loving but always distant, would be concerned. Ey knew their tendency to freeze up when confronted with the unknown, though. Mom was the type who might sit by eir hospital bed and hold eir hand, as mothers do, but not necessarily the type of person to take action, to do any digging into 'what's and 'why's. Dad would simply be glued in place, unable to deal with any emotions surrounding the event. -Ey turned eir face to rub it against the pillow, leaving the pillowcase damp from tears. Then grumbled and sat up once again. Scrubbed at eir cheeks. Bristled eir whiskers. Engaged with physicality. +Ey turned eir face to rub it against the pillow, leaving the pillowcase damp from tears. Then grumbled and sat up once again. Scrubbed at eir cheeks. Bristled eir whiskers. Reengaged with physicality. -Eyes wandered around eir old room. +Eyes settled on eir bookshelf. Ey pulled down the most weathered book ey could find. Some bit of sci-fi ey had read countless times. -AwDae stood and padded to eir bookshelf. Ey pulled down the most weathered book ey could find. Some bit of sci-fi ey had read countless times. +The fox flopped back onto the bed and flipped open to a random page, then frowned. Ey blinked several times, squinted over to the window and back to the page, trying to focus. -The fox flopped back onto the bed and flipped open to a random page, frowned. Ey blinked several times, squinted over to the window and back to the page, trying to focus. The words swam across the page. Would not stay pinned in place. Would not form sentences, nor even phrases. +The words swam across the page. Would not stay pinned in place. Would not form sentences, nor even phrases. Ey flipped to the first page. The swimming effect slowed, coalesced into legibility. The effect was unnerving. As ey read, words would slip slowly into order, into focus --- though the world around em remained static and sharp --- and with every flipped page, it would take a moment before ey could move on. -This wasn't the book ey remembered. +And this wasn't the book ey remembered. -Eir frown deepened. The story was there, familiar, but the text read more like a retelling. An admittedly quite detailed one, but a retelling all the same. An imperfect memory. It used words AwDae would've used, rather than those the author might've chosen. +Eir frown deepened. The story was there, familiar, but the text read more like a retelling. An admittedly quite detailed one, but a retelling all the same. An imperfect memory. It used words AwDae would've used, rather than those the author might have chosen. Setting that book aside, ey pulled another down. The effect repeated itself. Stronger, this time. Ey had a hard time getting the words to settle on the pages, even starting from the beginning. Brow furrowed, ey tried with a few more books. -One ey hadn't read yet --- tsundoku, perhaps. Books one always means to read but never gets around to --- was an unintelligible jumble of letters. Not just letters, but marks that hinted at the idea of what it meant to be a letter. Shapes. +One ey hadn't read yet --- tsundoku, perhaps. Books one always means to read but never gets around to --- was an unintelligible jumble of letters. No, not just letters, but marks that hinted at the idea of what it meant to be a letter. Mere shapes. "Well, huh." @@ -83,7 +83,7 @@ Still frowning, the fox sat on the edge of eir bed and picked up the original bo Ey hopped to eir feet, skittered back down the stairs to the pack ey had brought from the school, and fished out the scraps of notes. The scrap, the piece of paper with Cicero's DDR votes on it. No swirling, disjointed effect affected this text. -An hour's exploration later, ey puzzled out what might be going on. +An hour's exploration later, ey had puzzled out what might be going on. Of course AwDae's exocortex wouldn't have the complete text of the dozens of books on eir shelf. How could it? Ey had only ever read them as hard copies, never through any software mediated by the implants. Never on a screen of any kind. So of course ey wouldn't be able to read the books here in the sim, if that sim was confined to eir implants. @@ -91,11 +91,11 @@ And ey was increasingly starting to doubt that the sim *was* bound to eir exo, o A midday walk through the open space netted em a hypothesis. A shaky one, but something more plausible than what information ey had been working with. -There likely was some information stored in eir implants. Some dozens terabytes, maybe. Enough to store a good chunk of data, but not necessarily an entire sim. Certainly not one this big. +There likely was some information stored in eir implants. Some few dozen terabytes, maybe. Enough to store a good chunk of data, but not necessarily an entire sim. Certainly not one this big. Maybe it was that the implants themselves didn't store the sim, or not all of it, but acted as a framework? Maybe AwDae's brain provided all of the information needed to show em a sim, and all the implants did was turn it into an experience. Maybe the implants were a mirror, reflecting memories, recollections, hints and dreams. -That would be why the text of the books was jumbled, and when it wasn't jumbled, it was wrong. It was just eir recollection of the book being mirrored back at em in a way that was tangible. Tangible as much as anything was in sim. +That would be why the text of the books was jumbled, and when it wasn't jumbled, it was wrong. It was just eir recollection of the book being mirrored back at em in a way that was tangible. Tangible as much as anything was in this place. That would explain why ey had been able to smell the seats of the auditorium, too. It was a scent that must've been permanently ingrained in eir memories. diff --git a/writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.md b/writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.md index 2427c675..171c0b1c 100644 --- a/writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.md +++ b/writing/post-self/qoheleth/index.md @@ -160,7 +160,7 @@ Check when edited * [X] Chapter: [RJ 009](RJ/009) --- Home is unlocked * [X] Chapter: [Carter 006](Carter/006) --- Carter dreams of shadows * [X] Chapter: [Ioan 003](Ioan/003-d) --- Moves in with Dear, who is upset that no one else seems to be taking this quite so seriously - * [O] Chapter: [RJ 010](RJ/010) --- No water, no coffee, dreamlike books + * [X] Chapter: [RJ 010](RJ/010) --- No water, no coffee, dreamlike books * [O] Chapter: [Ioan 004](Ioan/004) --- Ioan working, Dear's in a good mood * [O] Chapter: [Sasha 001](Sasha/001) --- Sasha meets with Caitlin * [O] Chapter: [Ioan 005](Ioan/005) --- Talking with Dear, learning of Qoheleth being an Odist