update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/local/codrin/008.md

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ So it was that they found themselves lined up opposite their counterparts across
 
 "*Rehasiër munachla achles eslosam. Tapotevier les unachadev The-Only-Time-I-Know-My-True-Name-Is-When-I-Dream-am, ite True-Name.*" The skunk bowed formally, deep and at the waist.
 
-The firstracer before her raised its head up, exposing its long neck to the delegates in turn. "Greetings, and thank you for letting us join you. I am the leader, and my name is Turun Ka."
+The firstracer before her bowed its head, a movement that took place solely in the neck rather than the waist. "Greetings, and thank you for letting us join you. I am the leader, and my name is Turun Ka."
 
 Ey watched the exchange of greetings curiously, making note of what gestures were made, before bowing emself and saying, "*Rehasiër munachla echles eslosam. Tapotevier les unechrenum Codrin-Bălanam.*"
 
@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ Turun Ko, opposite em, responded with a similar motion of raised head. "Greeting
 
 Ey tilted eir head, noting the confusion on eir side of the table at the choppy, synonym-ridden greeting, filing away a question to ask of the recorder later.
 
-The greetings continued down the line. Tycho and Stolon greeted each other as scientists. Iska, who startled em in their resemblance to Debarre, and Sarah greeted each other, followed last of all by Artante Diria and Why Ask Questions.
+The greetings continued down the line. Tycho and Stolon greeted each other as scientists. Iska, who startled em in their resemblance to Debarre, and Why Ask Questions greeted each other, followed last of all by Artante Diria and Sarah.
 
 There was a small shuffle as the delegates from both craft sat at the table, Iska politely requesting that their chair be raised and the surface area made smaller so that they could more effectively reach the table, which True Name accomplished with a gesture. Both of Turun Ka and Turun Ko set their chairs aside and squatted down on their haunches before the table instead.
 
@@ -36,11 +36,11 @@ She looked over to True Name, who gave a small nod of acknowledgement.
 
 "*Aet,*" it said. *Okay.*
 
-After a moment's silence, the skunk continued. "Per our agreement, this meeting here on Castor will be focused on knowledge-share surrounding the topics of linguistics and science, with particular attention astronomy and spaceflight, while those aboard Artemis will focus on society, politics, and psychology. I would like to open with a round of free questioning, if you are amenable, in order to find a few examples for which directions to take the meeting in moving forward. Do you agree."
+After a moment's silence, the skunk continued. "Per our agreement, this meeting here on Castor will be focused on knowledge-share surrounding the topics of linguistics and science, with particular attention astronomy and spaceflight, while those aboard Artemis will focus on society, politics, and psychology. I would like to open with a round of free questioning, if you are amenable, in order to find a few examples for which directions to take the meeting in moving forward. Do you agree?"
 
 "Yes," Turun Ka said. "One question per delegate should be an appropriate way to begin. I invite you to begin, leader True Name."
 
-The response was quick in coming. "We, as a race, have divided civilizations up into a range of classes depending on their energy usage: planet scale, planetary system scale, and galaxy scale. At what stage were each of your races, and, if you have ran across any additional races, at what scale did they work?"
+The response was quick in coming. "We have divided civilizations up into a range of classes depending on their energy usage: planet scale, planetary system scale, and galaxy scale. At what stage were each of your races, and, if you have ran across any additional races, at what scale did they work?"
 
 "Our race lived at the scale of planetary system," it replied. "We appear the way we do in our post-biological state in order to survive in a variety of environments beyond those of our world-of-origin."
 
@@ -64,9 +64,9 @@ True Name stiffened, but any response she might have had was preempted by Tycho.
 
 "Tycho, hold up," Sarah said, laughing. "There will be time."
 
-Stolon, meanwhile, was clacking claw-tipped fingers against the table and bobbing their head. "*Za putatier, za, za,*" they said quickly. "Will say, will say. Excited also, scientist Tycho."
+Stolon, meanwhile, was clacking claw-tipped fingers against the table and bobbing their head. "*Za putatier! Za, za,*" they said quickly. "Will say, will say. Excited also, scientist Tycho."
 
-Codrin grinned, scribbling further notes on in eir notebook. Ey was pleased to see that there was excitement around the table, rather than simply anxiety.
+Codrin grinned, scribbling further notes on in eir notebook. Ey was pleased to see that there was also excitement around the table, rather than simply anxiety.
 
 "Scientist Stolon, please answer scientist Tycho's question regarding how," Turun Ka said, voice bouncing through tones.
 
@@ -78,11 +78,11 @@ Tycho grinned, nodded. "Apologies, that will be my question, then."
 
 "I ask," Stolon said. "How launched vehicle? We see also another."
 
-"A station --- a construct, as you say --- rotating with the Castor and Pollux LVs at the end of long launch arms, launched using tangential velocity, then photon sails, Hall Effect engines, and gravity assists on our way out of the system."
+"A station --- a construct, as you say --- rotating with the Castor and Pollux LVs at the end of long launch arms, released us using tangential velocity, then photon sails, Hall Effect engines, and gravity assists on our way out of the system."
 
 "You move not so fast, *ka?* Conserve fuel?" They chattered their teeth again. "Sorry sorry, will ask again soon."
 
-"I am pleased to see scientists excited," Turun Ka said. "Recorder Codrin? Recorder Turun Ko?"
+"I am pleased to see scientists excited," Turun Ka said. "Recorder Codrin Bălan? Recorder Turun Ko?"
 
 When Turun Ko did not speak, Codrin asked, "Does your system allow you to forget?"
 
@@ -92,7 +92,7 @@ Both True Name and Sarah reached for their pens to make note of the answer.
 
 Codrin smiled and nodded eir thanks.
 
-"Recorder Codrin Bălan, do your bodies-physical-forms continue to live after embedding of consciousness?"
+"Recorder Codrin Bălan, do your bodies-physical-forms continue to live after embedding-uploading of consciousness?"
 
 Ey shook eir head. Realizing that the gesture may not translate, ey said, "No, they are destroyed in the process of uploading. Or embedding, as you say."
 
@@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ Why Ask Questions rested a hand gently on Sarah's forearm. Both she and True Nam
 
 "Yes, in time," the Odist said. "For my question, I would like to know how you manage linguistic drift."
 
-Iska straightened up. "Our common tongue began primarily that of secondrace, of my race, but has incorporated aspects of other languages. Languages within each race, including for pure secondrace, are uncontrolled, but common tongue is managed via central authority."
+Iska straightened up. "Our common tongue began primarily that of secondrace, of my race, but has incorporated many aspects of other languages. Languages within each race, including for pure *Nanon*, the basis of secondrace, are uncontrolled, but common tongue is managed via central authority."
 
 "Thank you, representative Iska."
 
@@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ True Name answered, "There is. Why Ask Questions is a fork from me, and I am in
 
 That unnerved, anxious expression returned to the secondracer's face, but they bowed their head all the same. "*Aet.* Thank you."
 
-Standing, True Name bowed deeply once more. "Thank you once again for joining us. Let us retire to our rest areas to compare notes and reconvene in one hour's time to begin in earnest."
+Standing, True Name bowed deeply once more. "Thank you once again for joining us. Let us retire to our rest areas to compare notes and strategize, then reconvene in one hour's time to begin in earnest."
 
 Both delegations stood and returned their acknowledging gestures, whatever they might be, and each walked toward their respective rest areas.
 
@@ -136,4 +136,4 @@ Ey nodded.
 
 "I'm feeling kind of lost after all that." Codrin sighed, hunting down the partitioned 'room' ey'd claimed as eir own and stopping outside the door. "It's overwhelming. I have no idea what avenues to go down from here. I want to ask why Turun Ko speaks the way it does, I want to ask about their opinions on forking, I want to ask all these questions, but I'm not sure how welcome that'll be in my role."
 
-"I don't know about that either, as representative. I hope I get to ask more. Though, well..." Sarah glanced over to where True Name and Why Ask Questions had sat at a table, still talking earnestly. "I don't know what's more confusing. The emissaries or the Odists."
+"I don't know about that either, as representative. I hope I get to ask more. Though, well..." Sarah glanced over to where True Name and Why Ask Questions had sat at a table, still talking earnestly. "I don't know what's more confusing. The emissaries or the Odists." <!-- More action to justify this remark? -->