update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/motes/008.md

@@ -148,7 +148,7 @@ She made her way out of the house and wandered to the center of the neighborhood
 
 The neighborhood formed a lazy semicircle, a 'U' that butted up against an avenue that petered out into the nature of the sim in either direction. Across the street — in accessible to anyone who was unwelcome — sat the back entrance of the theatre Au Lieu Du Rêve most commonly performed at. Just homes and beloved workplace dropped into an endless landscape like sugar into so much tea.
 
-In the bowl of the 'U' sat all of the common areas. A pool — one with seats and jets, one that could be a hot tub seeing a hundred as easily as an Olympic pool — a few tennis courts for the few — who? — who actually enjoyed the game, a liberal dotting of grills — everyone had a favorite — for cook outs, a "community center" which had long ago turned into a movie theatre-*cum*-cuddlepit...
+In the bowl of the 'U' sat all of the common areas. A pool — one with seats and jets, one that could be a hot tub seeing a hundred as easily as an Olympic pool — a few tennis courts for the few — who? — who actually enjoyed the game, a liberal dotting of grills — everyone had a favorite — for cook outs, a "community center" which had long ago turned into a movie-theater-*cum*-cuddlepit...
 
 And there, right at the very lowest point of the bowl of the 'U' sat a playground. What was initially intended to be Motes's haunt, hers and her friends, had long ago turned into a place for late-night musings. Thousands and thousands of times over the years, couples or small groups or lone individuals would converge on the swings or the slide and sit in the dark, staring up on the star-speckled sky, the Milky Way glowing bright enough to light one's face beyond even the gold-and-black of the rest of the neighborhood with its sodium vapor lamps and countless darknesses. It was a place for play, yes, and it was often used for such, but it was also a place for couples to work out their problems or groups to chat about everything and nothing or for one to sit alone, drunk, beneath the stars, looking up and feeling good or bad or simply introspective.
 

writing/post-self/motes/009.md

@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ She played throughout the rest of the park, hauling that mulch or digging into i
 
 She played with her friends. She played with strangers she had seen before yet never talked to. She played with those she saw once and then never saw again.
 
-She played until she got tired, until enough of her friends got bored and wandered off, until the long, breezy afternoon in this sim sighed its way into evening. She played until the obvious thing to do was to climb up to the top of the tunnel-ridden pile of flagstone to sit at the summit, enjoying the golden hour with Alexei.
+She played until she got tired, until enough of her friends got bored and wandered off, until the long, breezy morning in this sim sighed its way into the heat of afternoon. She played until the obvious thing to do was to climb up to the top of the tunnel-ridden pile of flagstone to sit at the summit, enjoying the sun with Alexei.
 
 The park was only one part of a small town, only one part of a sizeable sim, but it was a popular destination for those who leaned into childhood on Lagrange for its permissive attitudes and curious inhabitants, most of whom seemed to be families — found or blood — and many of whom were the kids who played here. Alexei lived here with the family he had built: three guardians, one of whom was his great-grandfather by blood, and a sister.
 
@@ -22,10 +22,107 @@ She laughed and threw the chip of rock at him. "That is not *not* true. I guess
 
 "Yeah, I was worried. I thought you got hurt bad. What happened?"
 
-((Talk about where she was, Alexei's thoughts, etc, he ought to tug her tail just because))
+She hesitated, averting her gaze to look out into the park around her, the park she had claimed as her domain not half an hour before. "I got a high priority ping that made me fall, and then I hit my face on that stupid dome."
 
-((Home, big dinner in the neighborhood, movie night))
+"I saw you had a bloody nose, yeah," he said, patting her shoulder. "That sucks. Was it a come-home ping?"
 
+"Nah, it was just a warning," she said, speaking slowly while she organized her thoughts, trying to figure out just how much to say. "It was one of my cocladists being rude. She sent me a horrible letter, and wanted me to be in all the wrong moods when I read it, I think."
+
+"Ew."
+
+"Ew is right. She is one of those in the clade that does not like me doing this," she said, gesturing down at herself, out at the playground. "She sent me a huge letter telling me that in a million different ways."
+
+Alexei screwed up his face in a wince. "Double-ew. So were you in trouble? Are you still?"
+
+"I do not think so. At least, everyone is telling me I am not, that it was just her being a b-word and that she just wanted me and my family to feel bad so that she could feel like she had done something."
+
+"So a bully," he said flatly.
+
+Motes giggled. "I mean, I guess so. Big Motes understands it better, but she is busy."
+
+This had long ago become a hint to drop into conversations that to continue would be to break the illusion, to pull back the curtain and expose the play for what it was: merely a performance.
+
+Neither of them, neither of these two consummate performers, wanted that. Alexei could probably pry it out of her, pry out all of the details of all that had happened — and she may yet send him a letter as Big Motes for more context later — pry her out of this space for a little bit if he wanted.
+
+He did not, so he said nothing and flopped backwards on the rock, resting his head on one arm while draping the other over his face to block out the sun. "Sounds dumb," he said. "I'm just glad you're back and that you're not in trouble or anything."
+
+Panting, Motes scooted so that her back rested against a spire of rock to get as much shade as she could. Black fur and bright sun coexisted too energetically at times. "No, not really in trouble," she said. "I may have made myself feel like I was in trouble, but that is just me being a dummy."
+
+There was a snort of laughter from the boy. "That is definitely a you thing."
+
+She mulled over this, tallying up the various anxieties she had felt over the years, the worries she had expressed or let color her actions, all the times she disappeared from youth, from play, from this form. "Yeah, I guess," she mumbled. "You ever get anxious about all this?"
+
+"All this?"
+
+"Being a kid, that sort of thing."
+
+"Isn't this stuff for being busy?"
+
+She frowned. "I know, but I want to know. I just got back from two weeks of freaking out."
+
+"Two and a half," Alexei said.
+
+"Please?"
+
+"Hmf."
+
+"Pretty pleeease?" she whined. "With a cherry on top?"
+
+It was his turn to mull things over, apparently, given the comfortable, thoughtful silence that followed. "I dunno. Sometimes, I guess. Sometimes I worry about where I can go like this, right? Like, we met when we were big. We met at that crazy bar with all the crazy music. I go to that stuff as Big Alexei, kinda because I don't want to get trampled, and kinda because I'm worried they'll kick me out."
+
+"Yeah," she said, lining a few pebbles up in a row. "I have been kicked out of lots and lots and lots of places."
+
+"You're also older than I am," he retorted. "So we've probably been kicked out of places at the same rate."
+
+She blew a raspberry at him, got one in return.
+
+"You're not really talking about anxiety, though, right? Like, you're talking about shame, I think."
+
+Another few pebbles wound up in the row as she sat in silence.
+
+"Yeah." He rolled onto his side to look at her, leaving his arm half-draped over his face to block out the sun. "I guess I kinda do, though it always comes from the outside. Like, getting kicked out of a place is whatever, but when someone I meet as Big Alexei learns about Little Alexei and gets all upset and yells at me or cuts contact–" 
+
+At this, Motes winced.
+
+He frowned. "That's what happened, isn't it? You had someone cut contact because they learned of it? One of your cocladists?"
+
+"Yeah," she mumbled. "She already knew, though, she just found out one of her up-trees was still talking to me."
+
+"She made her own up-trees cut contact, too?" He furrowed his brow. "Aren't you guys like super dispersionistas?"
+
+She laughed. "Some of us. Some of us drifted apart, but some of us stick together really tightly. I have ma and Bee and a bunch of siblings, right?"
+
+"I guess, yeah," he said. "I'm not a dispersionista, though, so I can't really understand. I don't have any up-trees or cross-trees or whatever. It sucks that she's being a bully, though, 'cause she kind of *is* you, isn't she?"
+
+Motes sighed. "I guess, yeah. That is why it hurt and why I had to spend a lot of time thinking about it."
+
+He reached out and gave her tail a gentle tug — not something she usually tolerated, but the conversation had been so gentle, it had not scent of meanness to it — and smiled up to her. "Well, *I* think you're better than she is, so clearly she isn't you. Tell her to get stuffed!"
+
+She laughed, reaching out to bat at his hand. "I guess I pretty much did, because here I am!"
+
+After that, their conversation fell back into more comfortable things. They spoke of friends. They spoke of the pros and cons of Rock Park. They spoke of families and the secret pleasures of being punished. Then they played a half-hearted game of tag before Motes finally said goodbye and stepped home just in time for the evening's planned activities, floating on a cloud of joy like she had not experienced in more than two weeks.
+
+At home, she dashed to the kitchen and gulped down a glass of water, laughed at the uncomfortable chill this left her with, and then dashed out into the fading afternoon. 
+
+It was a night for good food and terrible movies.
+
+Beholden grilled hot dogs and bratwurst and Motes, yes, had them loaded up with veggies, dragged through the garden.
+
+Ioan grilled *frigărui,* kebabs loaded up with Carpathian seasonings, and *mititei,* a quick sausage.
+
+Warmth made an array of its best guesses at Artemisian food, some of which were quite tasty.
+
+Few who tried the fluffy tower of *frahabrodåt* went back for seconds, at which ey seemed quite proud.
+
+Motes ate it all. She ate herself overfull. She ate herself messy, leaving her shirt dotted with mustard and grease, her lips shinig with the oily sheen of at least three different types of sausage.
+
+Thus sated, she darted around the gathering, the thirty or so people who had showed up from both within the clade and without. She hugged everyone who wanted a hug, chased Warmth in multiples, the two little skunks leapfrogging each other and leaving their fur and clothes stained green with with grass. She drank a few margaritas, allowing through only a modicum of the drunkenness so that she remained cognizant and present through the tipsiness, awake and alert through the haze.
+
+And then, as she had several times over the last week, she latched herself onto Dry Grass. As they had over the last week, they revelled in the closeness and affection, the joy in allowing themselves to be around each other despite meaningless admonitions. As they had, they spoke mostly of small things, of interesting things they had seen or nice foods that they had eaten or simple stories made up on the spot. 
+
+It was important to her that she be around this person she considered a member of her family. One of the close ones, not one of the distant ones, not one that had cut her off. It was important that they spend quality time together, that by that time she live her gratefulness for Dry Grass's presence.
+
+And then, when they all piled into the movie-theater-*cum*-cuddlepit
 ((Talk with Dry Grass))
 
 And then, when the movie was over and many of those in the community center had started to doze on their beanbags and couches, when Dry Grass fell asleep one too many times and begged off to go back home — not without yet another tight hug from Motes and a promise to be back — when Motes herself started to get sleepy, she disentangled herself from the rest of that dozy comfort and slipped out into the cool of the night.