From 5841086e6d2a8fdce27473d877c560aab6a238ae Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Mon, 9 May 2022 23:35:06 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] update from sparkleup --- writing/post-self/mitzvot/034.md | 0 writing/post-self/mitzvot/035.md | 187 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ writing/post-self/mitzvot/036.md | 0 writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md | 95 +++++++++++++++ writing/post-self/mitzvot/index.md | 8 +- 5 files changed, 286 insertions(+), 4 deletions(-) create mode 100644 writing/post-self/mitzvot/034.md create mode 100644 writing/post-self/mitzvot/035.md create mode 100644 writing/post-self/mitzvot/036.md create mode 100644 writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md diff --git a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/034.md b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/034.md new file mode 100644 index 00000000..e69de29b diff --git a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/035.md b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/035.md new file mode 100644 index 00000000..84a5dc0e --- /dev/null +++ b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/035.md @@ -0,0 +1,187 @@ +((...)) + +In the most stunning display of forking ey'd ever seen, True Name began to change. + +Ioan had seen eir share of Dear's exhibitions, not to mention those of other instance artists the fox had introduced em to along the way, and the forking involved in all of them had been perfect. They were well rehearsed dances of duplication that told a story. + +However, they were, whether by virtue of being related to Dear or by the art itself, fanciful. The duplication was supposed to evoke a sense of magic, of wonder (or the closely related terror). + +In eir own work in theatre, both as an actor and as a playwright, ey'd found use for forking within a story that had remained more grounded, more tied to day to day life, and those performances had seen a success of their own through May and A Finger Pointing's guidance. + +The Odists as a whole were more familiar and comfortable with forking than anyone ey'd ever met, even among the most dispersionista of dispersionista clades. Both May and Dear navigated that aspect of their lives with a grace ey could only dream of. Even the explosions of foxes or skunks during times of excitement were well done. + +This, though, went beyond that. + +As they stood watching, True Name began to change. She worked with a singular sense of purpose that left no doubt as to what she was doing. An instance flickered into being before herself and watched with a critical eye as skunk after skunk blinked into existence. Each one bore some slight change from their immediate down-tree instance. Sometimes an array of skunks would wind up in a line before that observing instance, which would nod at one or the other in approval to leave the other to quit. And when a change was accepted, the down-tree instance would quit. + +This smooth modification of form was in and of itself impressive for how naturally she began to change --- not only did the instance watching have to keep track of what change was happening and what would come next, but so did those doing the actual changing; they all had to be on the same page --- but what left em truly impressed was the speed. She began her work with about one fork per second, but before long the changes ramped up to four a second. Five. Nearly ten changes per second of forks flickering into and out of existence, all while the orchestrating instance watched, her eyes flicking this way and that across them. + +And then, it was over. + +The result was a skunk slightly shorter than True Name had stood, though still a few centimeters taller than May. She was heavier, as well, with a curve to the hips and belly that was familiar to em from eir partner, but unlike May, this softness was more...well, natural wasn't quite the right term, but where May's weight seemed to be designed to add a sense of both harmlessness and comfort to her form, this new form of True Name simply looked like a pudgy thirty-something who had settled into a comfortable weight long ago and never bothered to change. + +Her face had shifted as well, becoming plainer in ways ey couldn't quite explain. Where True Name had always had some aspect of larger-than-life about her, she now just looked...normal. Still a furry, still living in that form that was more comfortable to her than humanity, but normal. + +Most striking, though was the pattern of fur. While much of it was covered, now, ey'd seen the way it had shifted during the process. Gone were the stripes, the ones ey had grown to love on May, replaced now with a set of white splotches in the black of her fur. The pattern was what was so eye-catching, however: the patches seemed to travel in a few uneven lines down over her back and sides, one of them showing a hint of a whorl, another a slight zigzag as it ran from her spine to her side, and others that were almost round spots. This pattern seemed to be mirrored along her spine, leading to a pleasant symmetry. A quick query of the perisystem infrastructure told em that there was indeed a spotted variety of skunk, described much as ey had seen. + +Gone were the stripes. Gone, also, were the slacks and blouse, traded in for a linen tunic and a pair of loose-fitting trousers of the type ey had always associated with southeast Asian fishers. + +When ey was finally able to tear eir eyes away, ey saw that every Odist in the room had picked up expressions that verged from taken aback to startled and angry. May, for her part, looked startled, yes, but also excited. + +"May, what--" + +"One moment, my dear," she said, then turned to face this new True Name with a grin. "Will there be a change of name?" + +"There has to be," Jonas said. While he lacked the context for whatever had surprised her cocladists, even he sounded impressed by the display. "I won't let you leave as True Name." ((Probably needs expansion)) + +The skunk bowed. "You may call me Sasha." + +Ioan didn't know what ey expected from the room, but pandemonium wasn't it. May was bouncing on her feet and clapping her paws. End Waking was grinning and shaking his head. Jonas had simply burst out laughing. + +All of the rest of the Odists, however, were shouting. None of them looked pleased. + +"Not Sasha of the Ode clade, just Sasha," she said. "I will not relinquish the form, just as I will not relinquish the past, but if you want me out this badly, so be it. I rescind my membership in the clade." + +"*That* name is unacceptable," When I Dream hollered. "No. You will pick something else." + +"No, I will not." + +"Shut the fuck up, When I Dream," Jonas said mildly. "All of you, shut the fuck up." He turned to Sasha and grinned. "You always were a little snot. You want to be Sasha? You want to dive back into mediocrity and wear your weakness like a badge? Please, by all means, be my guest. Beg for pity again. Hunt down all your little friends who kept you feeling just bad enough that they could baby you without letting you think you were their plaything. Go. Be Sasha. Live your silly little life. ((way more, and angrier)) + +"And you," he growled, jabbing a finger toward Ioan. "Write your little story. That's what you're here for, isn't it? Write your little romance and fuck your little girlfriend and put on your little plays." + +May rolled her eyes. + +"Get out. All of you." + +All through Jonas's tirade, Sasha wore a slight smile. It wasn't beatific, wasn't enlightened. She simply looked present. She looked confident in herself in some more earnest way. When it was clear that he was finished, she bowed politely. + +"See you around?" + +"Fuck off." + +She laughed and reached out to take Ioan's hand in eir paw, then they stepped back home, followed closely by May holding End Waking's paw. + +There was a long moment of silence in the living room, then Ioan let out a ragged, pent-up breath, eir shoulders sagging. "Can someone tell me what the fuck just happened?" + +"Sasha found the one thing she could have done to piss off Jonas," May said, looking at her appraisingly. "He went in thinking he'd take everything from her and left with no wind in his sails. Well done, my dear." + +Sasha beamed and bowed with a flourish + +"And you knew this?" ey asked. + +She shook her head. "I saw her unwind all of the changes from the last centuries--" + +"All the way back to Praiseworthy's suggestions before Secession," the other skunk said proudly. + +"--and other than the spotted skunk thing, she looks just like...well, Sasha. Nice touch, by the way." + +"I do not think I could have gotten away with staying that similar, but yes, I am back to the me of... Shit, when did I make Sasha like this? 2110?" + +Ioan shook eir head, dizzy. "This is what you looked like before uploading?" + +"What my --- *our* --- av looked like, yes, all except the change to a spotted skunk. They always felt too flashy, back then, and I just wanted to look like myself offline except a furry. Completely unremarkable and a species no one likes." + +"It was the outfit that did it," End Waking said. "It always was our favorite, but for some reason, we never brought it with us to the System." + +Sasha nodded. + +"I am proud of you, Sasha," he continued. "I do not yet know why I feel compelled to say that, but I am proud of it. You have much to make up for, your own penance yet to serve, but that you have done this at all is good step forward." + +Ioan sighed and pulled a chair out from the dining table and sat down heavily. "You all are nuts." + +The three skunks laughed. + +"So," ey said, organizing eir thoughts out loud. "May and End Waking merged down and you... I guess feel more complete with those identities? Enough to head back to who you were before the clade began, I mean. Is that even possible?" + +"It is not a statement of reality, my dear. I cannot reintegrate those aspects of myself that are not up-tree from me, and even if I could, there are those who no longer exist or who have left Lagrange," she said, that slight smile growing. "It is a statement of hope, perhaps, or a desire for completion. It is an understanding of the ways in which I fall short expressed in my very name. Will this sense of a more complete life last? Perhaps. It will certainly not always feel good, and will at some point cease feeling new, but I plan on owning it for as long as I am able." + +"And how is it that this pisses of Jonas?" Ey snorted. "He certainly sounded pissed." + +Sasha pulled out the chair across from Ioan and sat down, followed shortly by May and End Waking to either side of em. It was strange to see so many smiles around the table, still strange to see May so happy around her down-tree instance --- at least logistically, if no longer spiritually --- and stranger still to see End Waking even near her. + +"What Jonas was suspecting was for me to remain True Name in everything except form and name," she said. "He was expecting someone deeply cowed by his political genius. And do not underestimate him, he *is* still a genius. He felt that he had won his spot as rightful leader of Lagrange, if such a thing can even be said to exist. He had beaten me down and left me either unable to continue or unwilling to try." + +Ioan jumped at a brief sensorium ping, a request to enter, followed shortly by Debarre popping into existence behind May, who had apparently admitted him. "What was so urgent that you pulled me out of the woods and..." he trailed off, squinting at this new skunk at the table. "Who...but you're...what?" + +"Debarre," Sasha said, bowing her head. "A pleasure to see you." + +The weasel said nothing, looking stunned. + +"This is-- was Tr--" + +"Sasha. I am Sasha, and I was her as well," she said, voice gentle but insistent enough to stop Ioan from continuing. + +He stepped back a half pace, crouching as though to flee. "Sasha...? What the fuck?" + +Ioan, still feeling eir head spinning from so much happening so quickly, tried to pin down eir open question in eir mind while still watching the exchange intently. + +"I am not what I was, Debarre. I am not True Name. I am not May Then My Name or End Waking." She hesitated, then continued, "I am not even the Sasha you remember, but I am, I think, closer to being her than any of the Ode clade is currently." + +"Bullshit," he growled. "If there's even a little bit of True Name in you, you can't be her. If you're even the slightest bit her I'm fucking out of here." + +"Wait, my dear," End Waking said. "Please stay." + +Debarre hesitated. + +"If I am still here, do you not think that I agree with her? At least to a large enough extent to trust her?" + +The weasel straightened up and, when May waved a fifth chair into existence beside End Waking, he slowly sat down, resting only on the edge as though still ready to bolt. "I'll listen, but this had better be good." + +Sasha bowed, sitting quietly while May caught him up on the events of the past few days, letting the other three of them interject with corrections and confirmations. Throughout, Debarre waited, and while he didn't relax fully, by the end of the discussion, he was at least sitting all the way back in his chair. + +"So you're now this new Sasha," he said slowly. "I'll buy that, though you still make me nervous." + +She laughed. "Do not worry, my dear. I make myself nervous." + +At the affectionate *my dear*, the weasel jolted back. + +"My apologies," Sasha said quickly. "I was not thinking. If you would like me not to use that phrase, I will do my best not to. I just have enough...well, I am different enough now that it comes automatically." + +"You have enough of End Waking in you, you mean." + +She nodded. + +"I...well, yeah, please. At least give me some time to get used to this before you call me that." + +"Of course. + +"So tell me how this gets you anything." + +Ioan sat up straight once more, nodding. "You were saying that Jonas thought he'd beaten you." + +"Right, yes. He thought that he had left me broken that I might fade away or even quit of my own accord. Instead, I became the one thing he could not control." + +"How, though?" ey asked. + +"Because of the *History*, the System knows about me. It knows about the Council of Eight and about Sasha and Michelle Hadje. It also knows about True Name, though, and to see that True Name has stepped down and become one of the few sympathetic figures in that same story once again means that he cannot touch me. He cannot risk reinforcing being seen as a villain--" + +"Or more of one," May muttered. + +"--by coming after me. Not only that, but with the expectation that the Sasha who was on the Council was in the right when seen in contrast to True Name, I will be seen as a balancing force rather than a co-conspirator. Him working against that risks being seen as either unbalancing an effective system or a return to a two-party system that no one wants." + +"It is not a win, *per se*," End Waking added. "She has not beaten Jonas or anything like that, but she has entered into a stalemate with him." + +"Can't he still come after you, though? It's not like the whole System knows." + +"That is why he was so upset at you, as well, my dear," May said. "You will write your book and your play, and he will just have to brace himself as best he can." + +"But I haven't yet, though." + +"Of course, but if he had decided to take Sasha out anyway, you would still be left to write about *that*. Your name is already trusted enough on the System that if you were to write something after her assassination, it would still have gone poorly for him. If he had taken you out as well --- something I doubt he was prepared to do anyway --- he would be in even deeper shit." + +Ey shook eir head. Ey was feeling very much the foil ((check; reason for others to infodump)) but needed to understand if ey was to write this book. More, ey needed to understand for emself. "So why not become Michelle?" + +"Because look at me," Sasha said, laughing and spreading her arms. "I am a furry. A *skunk* furry, no less. There is benefit to being something that is just a little silly, just as there always has been. Even after all these years, it is difficult to take someone pretending to be a small furry animal seriously, so that disarms me in the eyes of the observers." + +((He answers to his desire for power, I answer only to my desire for stability and continuity. In that I am earnest in my conviction. More about politics as a means to an end, good at it, enjoy it, willing and able to use it --- When did you realize --- All the way back to that conversation about Sasha and Debarre not being fit to lead)) + +"You're nuts," Debarre said, rubbing his paws over his face. "You're all fucking nuts." + +Ioan gestured wildly toward the weasel. "Confirmation! Fucking nuts!" + +The three skunks laughed while ey and Debarre leaned across the table to shake hands. + +((What's next)) + +----- diff --git a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/036.md b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/036.md new file mode 100644 index 00000000..e69de29b diff --git a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md new file mode 100644 index 00000000..490a253e --- /dev/null +++ b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md @@ -0,0 +1,95 @@ +# Ioan Bălan --- 2350 + +((Ioan and Sasha go for a walk)) + +"How long do you think you'll stay?" + +"I am too much myself to say 'forever', but as long as my room is there, as long as you and May are comfortable with me being a part of your lives, I will be happy to call it home. Or at least *a* home." + +"Really? No bigger and brighter things?" + +She laughed and leaned over to dot her nose on eir cheek. "This *is* bigger and brighter things, my dear." + +"Well, I'm sure we'll talk about it plenty, but I see no reason not to keep your room about. I don't know what you overflowing will look like, but if it involves one third solitude and one third getting lost walking sims, I don't imagine you'll be around all the time." + +"Not at all, no. I will spend my share of time here to be alone or out walking the world. Perhaps I will even ask you to double the rest of the house so that I can be alone somewhere domestic, not just the wild." + +"Of course." Ey shrugged, tossing one of eir collected pebbles into the lake. "Besides, I like having you around." + +"I am pleased to hear that. I had gathered such, but all the same, I would not want to be a bother." + +"Oh, not at all. It seems like we're all pretty good at sorting things out when they do come up, so I don't imagine it'll get to that point." + +"And I am not impinging too much on your and May's relationship?" she asked, holding out her paw for one of eir pebbles. "I am asking her, too, and we will continue to talk together, but I also want to you directly." + +Ey shrugged, handing over the pebble. "I don't think so. So long as we can still have time to ourselves when we need, I'll be happy." + +She tossed the pebble out into the water. "Of course, dear." + +They sat in quiet for a while, tossing pebbles into the water until ey ran out. + +"Hey Sasha?" + +"Mm?" + +"Do you miss anything from before all this?" + +She shrugged. "It is hard to tell. As I have said, I liked being True Name. It was fulfilling. Every time I think about that now, though, it is intercut with memories from my cocladists. I will think about some particularly adroit political move and remember it fondly, but right along with it is a memory of giving up on using a bow drill and switching to using a striker or making fun of you for your pen collection." + +Ey laughed. + +"If I am honest, I am letting a few conflicts remain. There is something pleasant about the just-off-center nature of that reality. I am Sasha, and I am also True Name, End Waking, and May. I am of three minds." + +"So long as that works for you." + +"I can always address them down the line if it does not." + +Ey nodded. "And I'm guessing you don't miss Jonas or Zacharias or any of that." + +She poked at eir side with a claw before slouching against eir side. "You do not need to ask stupid questions, Ioan." + +"Right, right," ey said, laughing. "I figured no love lost, but--" + +"I did not love either of them, as friends or otherwise," she said, waving away the rest of eir comment. "Now that I have known other kinds of love, I am confident of that." + +Her tone wasn't upset or dismissive, but was assertive enough that ey dropped the point. "Well, writing sounds like a good career shift, then." + +"Says the writer." She laughed. "But yes. I will be leaning on you a lot for help." + +"I mean, you're leaning now." + +"Smartass," she said mildly. + +Ey grinned. "I mean, no complaints. Still sort of getting used to it, but May got me hooked on physical contact a long time ago." + +"A coordinated attack on your defenses, yes," she said. "It makes my job easier." + +"What job?" ey asked, frowning. + +"Just finding a way to stick around friends. Nothing nefarious, dear." + +Ey shook eir head. "Right, sorry. I trust you." + +"I agree with what May said, Ioan. Should I want anything beyond that, I will come by it earnestly." + +"I appreciate that." Ey hugged an arm around her. Ey was grateful for her looking out at the lake rather than at em, given the heat ey could feel rising to eir cheeks. "While we're being honest, though, I think we're sort of in the same boat, honestly, given what you share with May. We can both imagine that, but not necessarily the path from here to there." + +"Precisely. I imagine the same applies to you, that you will come by it honestly." + +Ey nodded. "Basically. Is it something you'd want?" + +"God, I have no fucking clue, Ioan," she said, laughing. + +"Definitely same boat, then. It's a problem for future Ioan." + +They fell into silence again. Part of em was itching for more pebbles to toss into the water, but ey was too comfortable to get up to collect more from the beach. + +"That is the conflict I left from May," Sasha murmured. "I kept some doubt from End Waking, enough to keep me grounded without keeping me torn. From May, I am keeping a little bit of confusion around emotions. The possibility of simply falling for everyone around me is alluring. I can taste it in the memories, like a little bit of saccharine. But I am keeping a little bit of doubt from True Name so that it remains a new thing for me. I am of three minds." + +Ey turned her words over in eir mind. The thought was complete. Nothing ey could respond with would add to it. It was curious, and hinted at things beyond eir ken, but it was complete. + +Instead, ey said, "You're a good person, Sasha. All three of you are good people." + +She laughed. "And you, dear, are a dork. But come, my tail is falling asleep, and my fork's conversation with May has wrapped up." + +They walked back, then, hand in paw, following the trail as it dipped down to the water or ducked up into the trees. Back home, back to May, back to whatever it was that life had become. diff --git a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/index.md b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/index.md index dcc8293c..6b98d824 100644 --- a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/index.md +++ b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/index.md @@ -71,11 +71,11 @@ Wherein True Name and May reconcile, and we deal with the problem of the ownersh * [.] [Result for Jonas and Debarre](032) --- They talk about how this is working for Jonas, how it's dangerous because it gives Jonas & Co an opening through May's known weaknesses (less his because they haven't studied him nearly so much), how EW was requested to be there. Maybe some more about reactive elements? Debarre comes home to talk with e.g: user11824? * [.] CHAPTER Ioan 2350 * [.] [TN's path forward](033) --- TN decides she's ready to start planning the meeting, has a better idea of what she'll become (maybe merge down? See where it goes) - * [ ] [Ioan sets the meeting up]() --- Ey's acting as amanuensis and Jonas is all asmirk at this. They head out, and are greeted by Zacharias, Ioan is struggling with anger, they're going to meet up in a week. + * [ ] [Ioan sets the meeting up](034) --- Ey's acting as amanuensis and as close to a neutral party as there is, and Jonas is all asmirk at this. They head out, and are greeted by Zacharias, Ioan is struggling with anger, they're going to meet up in a week. * [-] (SNIPPET) [True Name changes + aftermath](0x2) --- True Name changes - * [ ] [They meet, they talk, TN changes]() --- Jonas talks about how the upcoming changes require a different kind of stability for continuity and TN just isn't gonna cut it, gives ultimata for her continued existence. TN becomes Sasha, and now she's all asmirk. - * [ ] [Something innocent]() --- The aftermath. - * [ ] [Epilogue]() They get Serene to basically duplicate Arrowhead Lake in place of Sasha's field, etc Sasha works on finding a new purpose, realizes it's going to be a long process. Ioan and Sasha are drifting closer together as hinted at in 002, but this should a) look like it's going to end happily and b) be an active and open conversation because I am completely unwilling to lose any of them. + * [.] [They meet, they talk, TN changes](035) --- Jonas talks about how the upcoming changes require a different kind of stability for continuity and TN just isn't gonna cut it, gives ultimata for her continued existence. TN becomes Sasha, and now she's all asmirk. + * [ ] [Something innocent](036) --- The aftermath. + * [.] [Epilogue](037) They get Serene to basically duplicate Arrowhead Lake in place of Sasha's field, etc Sasha works on finding a new purpose, realizes it's going to be a long process. Ioan and Sasha are drifting closer together as hinted at in 002, but this should a) look like it's going to end happily and b) be an active and open conversation because I am completely unwilling to lose any of them. ### Brief outline