update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/033.md

@@ -363,3 +363,105 @@ Ey frowned. "It was unexpected, but I don't know if it crossed--"
 Ey nodded, tamping down the urge to apologize again. "Take the space you need."
 
 Her shoulders slumped. "I would like nothing more than to disappear out on the plain, but I should probably stop just running away from such things." She smiled tiredly to em and held out a paw to help em stand. "Come. The least we can do is make dinner. Then we can discuss it further when your partner returns."
+
+May's response to the discussion of encroached boundaries, later that night when she'd returned, knocked both Ioan and True Name off-kilter. She laughed and tousled both eir hair and the fur atop True Name's head, saying, "Well, took you long enough."
+
+"Wait, what?" ey asked.
+
+"I have been placing bets with myself on how long it would take until it came up. Whichever part of me guessed "the minute I leave you two alone together" wins, I guess." 
+
+True Name stared coolly at her. "And here I was worried that you would blow up at me."
+
+(( You can do better than this ))
+
+"Of course not, my dear. If you are like me, then I, of all people, can guess the hows and whys. My position remains that, so long as everything was discussed in the open, veto-able, and come by earnestly, we will make it work." She smiled and sat beside True Name, patting the skunk's paw. "Which is not to diminish *your* feelings on the matter. How are you doing?"
+
+"If I say 'confused' one more time, I am going to lose my mind. I do not have a better word for it, though. I do not know how I feel about the touch itself. It was fine, I am sure, but I am starting to think that what is so jarring to me is that it was almost an automatic action."
+
+Ioan nodded. "It felt a bit incongruous because it's a hundred percent something you'd do, May, but not the same context."
+
+"And perhaps that is why it feels fine to me: it is what I would do, I would expect nothing less from someone with so much of me as part of them now. I would like you both to feel comfortable, of course, but I am more...well, 'concerned' is not quite the right word, but attentive to the emotional side than you two just physically touching," May said, shrugging. "Though I do appreciate you keeping me apprised. I trust you on that."
+
+"Well, thank you," True Name said, rubbing at her face, though whether out of exhaustion or to forestall tears, ey couldn't tell. "The other thing we discussed, though, was setting a deadline of one month to get this shit with Jonas out of the way."
+
+May perked up. "Are you feeling ready, then?"
+
+She laughed, shaking her head. "I do not think I ever will, but there is little that I can do to change that. I will change and he will do whatever the fuck he wants and I will do my best to wash my hands of it. Will you be ready?"
+
+"Sure. I do not imagine my part in it will be big. Just be there to witness, perhaps lose an instance if he decides to go after us, too. Have you spoken with End Waking?"
+
+"I sent him a simplex message," she said. "I will ping again tomorrow if he has not replied."
+
+"If he has not had another tree fall on him," May grumbled. "And you, Ioan?"
+
+Ey shrugged. "I've got my notes all in order. I don't want to do it at all, but I'm ready, I guess. Did you talk with Debarre about this?"
+
+"No. I...well, he is not ready to engage, I think. I would like End Waking to bring it up with him, if possible. I have meddled a bit much of late."
+
+True Name smirked, leaned over and tugged at May's tail. "You have, yes."
+
+May pulled her tail around to hug it protectively. "Yes, yes. I know."
+
+The conversation trailed off from there, Ioan and May cozying up and chatting via sensorium messages once True Name had started to doze, using May's thigh as a pillow. She caught em up on gossip from Debarre --- one of his boyfriends visited and was, apparently, quote the looker --- and ey accused her of leaving em for the weasel, as ey always did when she visited him.
+
+Eventually, even they fell to silence, and when May started to nod off as well, ey roused the two skunks. "Come on, beds are comfier than couches."
+
+True Name nodded groggily and stood, swaying for a moment before gaining her balance once more. "Thank you two for talking this evening."
+
+"Would you like to stay with us tonight?" May asked. "If you are this exhausted, I imagine you need it."
+
+She stood silent for a few moments, then nodded. "If you are willing, yes. I am also happy to sleep out on the plain. Either would be good for me."
+
+May shrugged. "That is why I asked, yes."
+
+When May looked to em, ey sighed. "Perhaps tomorrow? Need a night to think on things."
+
+True Name's face fell, but she bowed. "Of course, dear."
+
+Ey reached out and gave her paw a squeeze. "Thanks, True Name. Tomorrow."
+
+She smiled gratefully and, after a hug from May, made her way to her room and out to her tent on the plain, visible as a bobbing lantern moving through the grass.
+
+Ioan and May made their way to their own bed and, once they were settled in, May asked, "I do not want to push, my dear, but I would like to hear your thoughts if you need to think on things."
+
+Ey stretched out on eir back and stared up at the ceiling, letting May settle in against eir side to use eir shoulder as a pillow. "As nerve-wracking as it was in the moment, I think I'm just...over it. Maybe it's the fact that my introduction to your stanza was through you getting all cuddly that it just doesn't feel like a huge deal to me." Ey ducked eir chin to kiss atop her snout. "Though obviously it's complicated, since that led to you and I getting together, but you're also just a cuddly person all around."
+
+She tucked her snout up under eir chin, rubbing it against eir jaw at the ticklish kiss. "I am, at that. What do you mean by 'over it', though?"
+
+"I guess after a certain point, it just felt like the anxiety about touch was wildly out of proportion to whatever worries I had." Ey grinned, adding, "She just about fell over when she tried to sit on the beanbag. Would've been funnier if she hadn't also started panicking."
+
+"I think she is struggling with touch-hunger, yes."
+
+"She said as much, yeah." Ey shrugged, then mumbled an apology for jostling her. "I guess I'm just used to the fact that one just pets skunks."
+
+"That is just what one does," May asserted. "And, I will note, not what you are doing right now."
+
+Ey laughed and ruffled a hand over her ears before petting the fur down again. "Fine, fine. But that's what I mean, I guess. It's just how skunks are. I'm sure some of it's my denseness around this sort of thing at play, but what made me anxious was her freaking out. She's done a pretty good job of taking our concerns to heart, but I hadn't picked up on her own anxieties until then."
+
+"Well, perhaps all of our preparations only made her more anxious," May mumbled, chin dipped low as ey rubbed behind her ears. "She still has all of those memories of solitude and professionalism, as well."
+
+Given what True Name had said in confidence, ey could certainly imagine a boundary around physicality being tested even in the slightest pushing the May portion of her back and letting that of End Waking and True Name come to the fore. Ey supposed, had ey internalized that better beforehand, the conversation that had followed True Name's spike in anxiety would have been different, and perhaps more productive. Ey could have spoken to her as ey might have spoken to True Name *qua* True Name, rather than as ey might to May.
+
+The context shift had just been so fast, though, and despite all the differences ey was primed to see between them, the two skunks still looked and sounded so much alike. Oh well. If it had been fast and confusing for em, doubtless such a shift would have been triply so for her.
+
+"My dear, I do not know if you intended to say that out loud," May murmured. "May I respond to it?"
+
+"Wait, what?" Ey jolted, leading May to sit up, so ey joined her. "Oh, damn. Uh...well, when did I start?"
+
+"A context shift between me and True Name."
+
+"Fuck." Ey rubbed eir hands over eir face and groaned. "Sorry, May. Uh, it was about something True Name shared in confidence."
+
+She frowned, nodded. "I will not ask you to betray that, of course."
+
+"Maybe I'm more stressed than I'm giving myself credit for, if my mumbling's getting that bad."
+
+The skunk's expression softened and she leaned forward to dot her nose against eirs. "I do not blame you. There is so much going on these days."
+
+Ey pressed eir nose to hers before leaning back and nodding. "Right, and I feel like it's all super important all the time. Oh well. What were you going to say? If I can respond, I will."
+
+May shook her head, and nudged em to lay back down. "No, it is okay. Whether or not you answer is probably too much information to share. I think we are both perhaps too stressed to continue, anyway."
+
+When she lay back down as well, ey wrapped eir arms around her and drew her in for a squeeze. "Agreed," ey said, voice muffled by her soft fur. "Maybe just focus on being cozy for a bit. Can you teach me how to go into screen-saver mode?"
+
+She laughed and squirmed back against em. "You are an enormous nerd and I love you a lot, Ionuț. I would, but you would just mumble more, I am sure."