update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/marsh/002.md

@@ -302,7 +302,7 @@ The sight of Cress and Tule bowing their heads to whisper to each other caught m
 
 "What?" I tamped down indignation. "Sorry, Hanne, there's a lot going on."
 
-"Right, I get that, but can you start at the beginning for those of us outside the clade? What did you mean, you don't think they're on Lagrange?"
+"Right, I get that, but can you start at the beginning for those of us outside your head? What did you mean, you don't think they're on Lagrange?"
 
 At this, both Vos and Pierre took a half-step back, looking startled.
 
@@ -322,9 +322,9 @@ Cress and Tule's partner, I Remember The Rattle Of Dry Grass of the Ode clade, s
 
 I frowned. "Perhaps not all that, but it certainly felt like I was trying to push against something really hard. It didn't feel like it was impossible like anything else the System would prohibit, it just felt like I was being forced away from that option."
 
-"Like death," she muttered again. Vos began to cry. "Marsh is not on the System, then, no."
+"Like death," she muttered again. Pierre began to cry. "Marsh is not on the System, then, no."
 
-"So are they...is Marsh dead?" Pierre whispered, his own voice clouded by tears. Vos towered over him — over all of us, really — and had always seemed as though she could weather a storm better than any stone, but now, even she looked suddenly frail, fragile in the face of the loss they were all only talking around.
+"So are they...is Marsh dead?" Pierre whispered, his voice clouded by tears. Vos towered over him — over all of us, really — and had always seemed as though she could weather a storm better than any stone, but now, even she looked suddenly frail, fragile in the face of the loss they were all only talking around.
 
 "They are not on the System," Dry Grass and I echoed in unison.
 
@@ -356,11 +356,11 @@ Dry Grass spread her hands helplessly. "I do not know. Again, it has been two ce
 
 00:15
 
-"I do not know. I am sorry," Dry Grass said, bowing. "I will fork and read up as fast as I can. I may be able to get my systech bit back. May I remain here?"
+"I do not know. I am sorry," Dry Grass said, bowing. "I will fork and read up as fast as I can, and contact In The Wind. I may even be able to get my systech bit back. May I remain here?"
 
 "Please," Cress and Tule said in unison. Sedge, Rush, and I, along with Marsh's partners, all nodded. Lily did not. Hanne only frowned.
 
-Dry Grass bowed once more, forked, and the fork stepped from the sim to, I suppose, go lose herself in the perisystem architecture, hunting down what information she could. They could only hope that she still had the permissions to find what she needed.
+Dry Grass bowed once more, forked, and the fork stepped from the sim to, I suppose, go lose herself in the perisystem architecture, hunting down what information she could. They could only hope that she still had the connections to find what she needed.
 
 "Hey, uh," Sedge said into the uncomfortable silence that fell once more. "Has anyone checked the time?"
 
@@ -398,7 +398,7 @@ Sedge piped up, saying, "Nothing on the perisystem about anything like this happ
 
 "And?" Rush said, impatient. "What are they saying?"
 
-"It's pretty much this conversation repeated a million times over. I think a lot of people doing the same sort of thing we are. A lot of talking about the jump in time, about trying to quit and..."
+"It's pretty much this conversation repeated a million times over. I think a lot of people doing the same sort of thing we are. A lot of talking about the jump in time, about missing instances, about trying to quit and..."
 
 Vos frowned. "And what?"
 
@@ -440,7 +440,7 @@ When she didn't continue, Lily stamped her foot, growling, "And? You can't just
 
 "Lily!" Tule and Cress said as one.
 
-She made a show of regaining her composure, movements overly liquid as she straightened up and brushed a lock of hair out of her face. "Sorry."
+She made a show of regaining her composure, movements overly liquid as she straightened up and brushed a lock of dirty blond hair out of her face. "Sorry."
 
 An awkward silence lingered, overstaying its welcome. Eventually, Dry Grass's shoulders slumped. "You do not need to apologize. The messages will only affirm your feelings about my clade. The eighth stanza continues to manage the flow of information in–" She cut herself off and dug her hands into her pockets, an oddly bashful gesture. "I should not be telling you this, understand. I am not even supposed to be in contact with them, Hammered Silver would have my head if she knew, but Need An Answer has been in contact. Please do not share any of this."