update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/022.md

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 # Debarre --- 2350
 
-Neither Debarre nor End Waking had visited Michelle's field in decades, and certainly not since it became Douglas's. End Waking had last seen it on the day that she had quit in 2306, and had had little desire to return since. There were no dandelions in the forest; he had specifically requested so from Serene.
+Neither Debarre nor End Waking had visited Michelle's field in decades, and certainly not since it had become Douglas's. End Waking had last seen it on the day that she had quit in 2306, and had had little desire to return since. There were no dandelions in the forest; he had specifically requested so from Serene.
 
 It had been much longer for Debarre, going clear back into the 2200s, back when Michelle and Sasha were still alive and coherent enough to speak to without getting overwhelmed into silence every few minutes. The memories of her were painful enough as it was --- that last visit with her in End Waking's forest especially --- that he'd never had the courage to come back, and then never a reason, which came with its own ache.
 
@@ -10,13 +10,11 @@ Given how much the clade that she'd left behind was struggling, though, it felt
 
 Both of them stood still after arriving, just bathing in --- or struggling against --- the waves of memory that came with the sudden onslaught of warmth and sun and the baked goods scent of dandelions thick in the air.
 
-Ioan greeted them at the door. Ey seemed happy enough, if tired. Still smiling and bowing to them as ey usually did.
-
-They finished their greetings and settled on the grass in front of the house along with Douglas, End Waking having refused to go inside. After, though, ey had stared down into eir glass of lemonade and spoke little.
+Ioan greeted them at the door. Ey seemed happy enough, if tired. Still smiling and bowing to them as ey usually did. They finished their greetings and settled on the grass in front of the house along with Douglas, End Waking having refused to go inside. After, though, ey had stared down into eir glass of lemonade and spoke little.
 
 Finally, Debarre nudged em gently with an elbow. "Alright, Ioan, you're gonna need to spill it at some point, here. What's going on? All we were told is that you were feeling rough about the last few days."
 
-Ey sighed and plucked at a dandelion. "Right, sorry, you two. Or three, I guess. I know I've been a bit of a mope of late. You alright to talk about True Name?"
+Ey sighed and plucked a dandelion. "Right, sorry, you two. Or three, I guess. I know I've been a bit of a mope of late. You alright to talk about True Name?"
 
 "Ioan, I appreciate you asking, but please do not worry about us," End Waking chided. "If we have come to help *you*, you need not spare our feelings. We can pretty well guess who would be at the center of this."
 
@@ -86,7 +84,7 @@ He laughed. "Love you too, E.W."
 
 "Even though she was struggling with integrating those memories of yours?"
 
-"Perhaps especially so. I think that she is struggling because it clashes with her personality, not that she feels that she might love Debarre. Though, my dear," he said, nodding to Debarre. "I can guarantee that just about every Odist is at least a little in love with you."
+"Perhaps especially so. I think that she is struggling because it clashes with her personality, not that she feels that she might love Debarre. Though, my dear," he said, nodding to Debarre, "I can guarantee that just about every Odist is at least a little in love with you."
 
 He shook his head and waved the comment away. "Yeah, yeah."
 

writing/post-self/mitzvot/025.md

@@ -74,7 +74,7 @@ Ey nudged her out of bed so that ey could get up as well, saying, "I thought you
 
 Douglas had beaten them to the coffee pot, which made the process all the easier.
 
-"Hey, May," he said, kissing her cheek and returning the offered hug. "Figured that was you this morning. Feeling better?"
+"Hey, May," he said, returning the offered hug and kissing her cheek. "Figured that was you this morning. Feeling better?"
 
 She nodded and slumped down into a chair, cradling her coffee in both paws. "Mostly, yes. I am still below baseline, but it was more important that I see you two than to return all the way."
 

writing/post-self/mitzvot/026.md

@@ -56,7 +56,7 @@ Ey picked one mostly at random, winding up with a grilled cheese sandwich and so
 
 She hesitated, sighed, shook her head. "I do not know, Ioan."
 
-Ey nodded.
+Ey nodded, letting the subject drop. It didn't seem open to discussion.
 
 May picked up a plate of mashed potatoes and asparagus, shooing em back to the dining room table. "I just think that she has become so singular a person that she cannot but be controlled by Jonas. Her role in guiding the System is no less real; she did the work that she does and she did it both well and proudly. But she built herself into a tool without realizing it, and over the centuries, Jonas has been teaching himself to use that to his advantage, to use her as a tool."
 
@@ -172,7 +172,7 @@ True Name nodded. "Yes. Now, fuck off."
 
 And with that, he stepped out of the sim.
 
-May's shoulders slumped. She let go of eir hand, moved over to kneel beside True Name, and hugged around her shoulders. "I am sorry, my dear."
+May's shoulders slumped. She let go of eir hand, padded over to kneel beside True Name, and hugged around her shoulders. "I am sorry, my dear."
 
 True Name did not return the gesture. No surprise, perhaps; neither she nor End Waking were all that big on touch. Instead she said, "I apologize, you two. I do not know how they got the address to the sim."