update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/005.md

@@ -12,7 +12,7 @@ The weasel's frowned deepened. No sounds of screaming below, at least.
 
 The cold was enough to drive his breath from him. Even though there wasn't any snow this low down on the hillside, it was still cold out and even colder up-slope from whence the snow-melt came. He realized, too late, that another possibility that there wasn't any screaming from his boyfriend below was due to the frigid water.
 
-All the same, there was nothing beneath his feet for at least another meter as he sank beneath the surface.
+All the same, there was nothing beneath his feet for at least another meter as he sank below the surface.
 
 Thankful for small victories, he swam shakily for the surface, breaching the water with a shallow gasp and teeth already chattering.
 
@@ -24,7 +24,7 @@ The skunk laughed, shoved at him weakly, and then swam for the shore, weasel in
 
 They slicked the water off themselves as best they could while walking. Fluffy as he was, End Waking had the larger job of it, spending most of the rest of the short trek back up the hill to the fire he'd built squeezing water out of his tail fur.
 
-Once there, they parked a few feet before the fire and huddled beneath his woolen cloak, held open toward the flames, and soaked up as much warmth as they could.
+Once there, they parked a meter or so before the fire and huddled beneath his woolen cloak, held open toward the flames, soaking up as much warmth as they could.
 
 "That was fucking cold," Debarre said once he was able to speak without stammering. "You're such an asshole, I can't believe I ever listen to you. Fine fucking way to ring in the new year."
 
@@ -38,7 +38,7 @@ It had left them both feeling worn out and dirty, and when Debarre said he was g
 
 The skunk had then built up the fire higher than usual, told Debarre that they'd need to do so nude as he shed his clothes by the fire so they'd stay dry, and then pulled him along to the rock overhang.
 
-Once their fronts were mostly dry, they turned out to face the waterfall and ravine, draping the cloak over their fronts with their backs exposed to the fire, sitting in silence and leaning against each other, sharing warmth.
+Once their fronts were mostly dry, they turned out to face the waterfall and ravine, draping the cloak over their shoulders with their backs exposed to the fire, sitting in silence and leaning against each other, sharing warmth.
 
 "Why don't you build your camp here?"
 
@@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ Debarre grinned, "Don't need the white noise?"
 
 Debarre nodded and slid an arm around the skunk's waist. "I'm used to it by now. Besides, #Tracker had a larger merge than usual to deal with."
 
-"That is what happens when I steal a version of you away and then aliens visit one of the LVs. I will accept half of the blame." He smiled, adding, "Well, perhaps less than half. You had your own stuff going on."
+"That is what happens when I steal a version of you away and then aliens visit one of the LVs. I will accept half of the blame." He smiled, adding, "Perhaps less than half. You had your own stuff going on."
 
 "Well, #Tracker did." He snorted, shook his head. "It's what I get for only part of me hanging around interesting people."
 
@@ -70,13 +70,13 @@ End Waking made a face. "Gross."
 
 "I mean, that's why I'm out here. It's good to get away from all that bullshit."
 
-"Oh, so you are using me for a vacation, yes?"
+"Oh, so you are using me for a vacation, then?"
 
 Debarre laughed and poked at End Waking's thigh. "Where'd this sense of humor come from?"
 
 "The audacity of weasels never ceases to amaze," he said. "I have a sense of humor. The squirrels and I share our private jokes. I practice them before the fire."
 
-"Fucking lame," Debarre said, rolling his eyes. He tucked closer to the skunk all the same.
+"Fucking weirdo," Debarre said, rolling his eyes. He tucked closer to the skunk all the same.
 
 That End Waking was so open to touch over the last few weeks was something he was keen to take advantage of. He knew that neither of them were necessarily the cuddly type, and most of the time, he was happy with the level of physical contact he got from the skunk, just as he was with the partners his other forks had settled down with. Still, it was nice every once and a while. A bit of touch to keep him grounded. It tended to happen when their relationship picked up again, after both of them had spent months or years apart, each living their separate, more cerebral lives.
 
@@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ Worn out as they were, though, they didn't last much longer, eventually retreati
 
 "This is by design."
 
-Debarre laughed, shaking his head. "I'm just worried about so many  changes in so short a time."
+Debarre laughed, shaking his head. "I'm just worried about so many changes in so short a time."
 
 "How so?"