update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/toledot/launch/phys/Douglas/009.md

@@ -22,11 +22,11 @@ Ey laughed, nodded. "Well spotted. Now, do you want to get dressed?"
 
 "Please," he said, looking around for clothes. There was only the gray floor, gray walls, gray ceiling.
 
-"Okay. I had to look up the script for this, so I hope it makes sense to you. Close your eyes and think about the outfit you know best. It doesn't have to be one that you love or anything, just the one that you're most used to. Got it?"
+"Okay, bear with me. I had to look up the script for this, so I hope it makes sense to you. Close your eyes and think about the outfit you know best. It doesn't have to be one that you love or anything, just the one that you're most used to. Got it?"
 
 He squeezed his eyes shut. "Mmhm."
 
-"Now, deep breath in and think to yourself, then say to yourself, "I really wish I was wearing this now" as you breathe out."
+"Now, deep breath in and think to yourself, say to yourself if you feel it necessary, "I really wish I was wearing this now" as you breathe out."
 
 "Aloud?"
 
@@ -40,25 +40,27 @@ Suddenly, as if it had always been there, he felt the thin fabric beneath his ha
 
 He looked down at himself, along his arms and legs, seeing that the oh-so-familiar jumpsuit was just as he remembered, then said, "Sure."
 
-Ioan nodded and turned to face him, smiling broadly. Ey looked over him searchingly, then laughed. "Is that your work outfit?"
+Ioan nodded and turned to face him, smiling. Ey looked over him searchingly, then laughed. "Is that your work uniformt?"
 
 "It's my only outfit," he said. "No other clothes aboard the station. Too much risk of them getting in the way."
 
-"Well, fair enough," the historian said. Douglas could see now that the sweater vest was patterned in a dusty gray argyle and that there was even an understated bow tie to bring the look together. Ey stepped forward, hand out. "Douglas Hadje, nice to meet you at last."
+"Well, fair enough," the historian said. Douglas could see now that the sweater vest was patterned in a dusty gray argyle and that there was even an understated bow tie to bring the look together. Ey stepped forward, hand extended. "Douglas Hadje, it's nice to meet you at last."
 
 He was surprised at how relieved he felt, even laughing as he accepted the hand to shake. "Wonderful! This is really strange. After a year of talking, it still feels like we're meeting for the first time."
 
-"Didn't you say you had a long distance partner?"
+"Didn't you say you had a long distance partner? Isn't that close?"
 
-"Well, yes, but we talked over the 'net in sims."
+"Well, yes, but we talked over the 'net in sims. That's like proximity."
 
 Ioan blinked, then nodded, grinning. "Right, right. Well, how're you feeling? I remember I was pretty disoriented for a while after uploading."
 
-Douglas looked around. The walls offered little but more gray and a faint grid of darker grey, as though made of panels a meter on a side. Ioan looked...well, ordinary, is all he could think. Ey looked like a normal person of Eastern European stock. Eir clothes looked as detailed as could be expected phys-side, and eir hand felt as much like a normal hand as any. "It's so...normal," he said, finally.
+Douglas looked around. The walls offered little but more gray and a faint grid of darker grey, as though made of panels a meter on a side. Ioan looked...well, ordinary, is all he could think. Ey looked like a normal person of Eastern European stock. Eir clothes looked as detailed as could be expected phys-side, and eir hand felt as much like a normal hand as any.
 
-"Yeah, I guess it is. I'm nearing a century here, so I'm used to it."
+"It's so...normal," he said, finally.
 
-"You still look like you're in your twenties or thirties. I guess that's kind of weird. Is that how you looked before uploading?"
+"Yeah, I guess it is. I'm nearing a century here, so I'm used to it by now. It is normal to me."
+
+"You still look like you're in your twenties or thirties, which I guess that's kind of weird. Is that how you looked before uploading?"
 
 "More or less," ey said. "I didn't dress as well. And I was skinnier, too. I guess this is how I saw myself after a while, though."
 
@@ -98,7 +100,7 @@ Douglas nodded and focused on keeping his eyes open. Just to be safe, he thought
 
 He watched as that other version of him hesitated, closed his eyes, breathed in, and then disappeared. After that, it was just as Ioan had said, as though there were a pressure of memories. He focused on them, and realized he *could* remember. He could remember shouting and jumping, remember watching Ioan and himself have conversation.
 
-"Very weird," he mumbled
+"Very weird," he mumbled.
 
 "You'll get used to it over time. You're in it for the long haul, now."
 
@@ -116,9 +118,9 @@ He nodded, deciding this time to try keeping his eyes open. As he breathed the i
 
 There was no transition, he was just...there, as though that's where he'd always been.
 
-A memory tugged itself loose, and he quickly bent down to pluck at one of the flowers. "Ioan," he said shakily. "Is this...I mean..."
+A memory tugged itself loose, something May Then My Name had said, and he quickly bent down to pluck at one of the flowers. "Ioan," he said shakily. "Is this...I mean..."
 
-"Michelle's old sim, yes. I wanted the first place you saw to be one that was important to you." Ey paused a moment, then said, "If it's alright, can I ask how you feel about that?"
+"Michelle's old sim, yes. I wanted the first place you saw to be one that was important to you. I hope that's okay." Ey paused a moment, then said, "If it's alright, can I ask how you feel about that?"
 
 "Is this for your history?"
 
@@ -132,9 +134,9 @@ Ioan sat down next to him. "Are you worried about that? Would you like to go els
 
 "And do they smell like muffins?"
 
-Wrong-footed, he stared at the historian for a moment, then slowly lifted the yellow flower to his nose, struggling against the urge to keep that knowledge a dream rather than a reality. Then, he breathed in the sweet, vegetal scent, and began to cry in earnest.
+Wrong-footed, he stared at the historian for a moment, then slowly lifted the yellow flower to his nose, struggling against the urge to keep that knowledge a dream rather than a reality. Then he breathed in the sweet, vegetal scent, and began to cry in earnest.
 
-Ioan sat with him in kind quiet. As ey had so long ago, ey didn't say anything, didn't try to comfort him, didn't touch him, just sat and remained present. It was as though he were there simply to witness those emotions and give testimony to them, and that, more than anything, made him feel complete.
+Ioan sat with him in kind quiet. As ey had so long ago, ey didn't say anything, didn't try to comfort him, didn't touch him, just sat and remained present. It was as though he were there simply to witness those emotions and give testimony to them, and that, more than anything, made him feel welcome here. Welcome with Ioan, welcome in the field, welcome in the System.
 
 After the wave crested and then passed, he said. "Alright, so, what's the plan?"