update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/014.md

@@ -6,29 +6,29 @@ There was a sense in the air that the skunk wanted to ask him to leave again, to
 
 It was never comfortable to be asked to leave one's partner. He knew the reasons, could understand the drive, but to build a relationship up over however many decades it was now, and yet still need to put it on hold for months or, on one occasion, years at a time.
 
-He knew he had a temper, too. He'd spent the last centuries going all the way back to Cicero's death working on setting that aside when he could feel it getting to be too hot within him. He always worked his hardest at that around End Waking. He loved the skunk, wanted nothing but the best for him, and although he knew that End Waking was one of the more resilient of the Odists, he had also known Michelle far longer than...well, just about anyone possibly could, now, unless some old friends uploaded on the first day, maybe. Two and a half centuries was a long time to understand just how the other person processes pain and trauma, and he didn't want to add to any of the Odists' burden, having spent so long with Michelle when she struggled.
+He knew he had a temper, too. He'd spent the last centuries going all the way back to Cicero's death working on setting that aside when he could feel it getting to be too hot within him. He always worked his hardest at that around End Waking. He loved the skunk, wanted nothing but the best for him, and although he knew that End Waking was one of the more resilient of the Odists, he had also known Michelle far longer than...well, just about anyone possibly could, now. Two and a half centuries was a long time to understand just how the other person processes pain and trauma, and he didn't want to add to any of the Odists' burden, having spent so long with them from the beginning. From before the beginning, in some senses.
 
 Well, except perhaps True Name.
 
-There were few enough people he hated in the world, though certainly a great many who grated on his nerves, but True Name and her ilk were universally among that number. He knew he could never hurt anyone, but he had his fantasies. He knew he should never wish harm befall anyone, but some people...
+There were few enough people he hated in the world, though certainly a great many who grated on his nerves. True Name and her ilk, though, were universally among that number. He knew he could never hurt anyone, but he had his fantasies. He knew he should never wish harm befall anyone, but some people...
 
 This latest development was putting this to the test.
 
 He'd continue work on the cabin while End Waking went for his walks --- they'd gotten the floor and stove in place, as well as the A-frame, but the canvas of the tent still needed to be strung, and he had a few ideas for improvements --- and all the while, he'd swing steadily between the poles of feeling nauseous at the thought of one less fraction of his friend in the world, one more death of one of the lost, and wild fantasies of popping champagne upon hearing that her final instance had been destroyed.
 
-Part of him wondered if End Waking was going through the same. He wanted to ask, but didn't want to risk that pushing the skunk over into requesting that he leave.
+Part of him wondered if End Waking was going through the same. He wanted to ask, but didn't want to risk that pushing the skunk over into requesting that he leave with the tent not yet complete.
 
-So, Debarre just kept working, kept fantasizing. He'd gotten the last of the canvas lashed down over the sides of the frame and was working on the front wall of the tent, so at least there was productivity to lean on, even if he couldn't lean on his partner at the moment.
+So, Debarre just kept working, kept fantasizing. He'd gotten the last of the canvas lashed down over the sides of the frame and was working on the front wall of the tent. At least there was productivity to lean on, even if he couldn't lean on his partner at the moment.
 
-He whirled around to face the clearing when two sensorium pings in short order. The first came from End Waking, the word 'company' muttered quietly, and the second was a ping of arrival from the sim itself.
+He jumped, startled out of work and reverie, when two sensorium pings in short order. The first came from End Waking, the word 'company' muttered quietly, and the second was a ping of arrival from the sim itself.
 
 With the new tent, End Waking had made the default entry point around a small rise from home, leaving it a short walk around or a shorter but much steeper dash up and over the ridge.
 
-Debarre opted for the latter, nearly tumbling down the other side of the hill to where the form knelt in the clearing. His boyfriend was just making his way through the trees on the opposite side, so they converged on the visitor at about the same time.
+Debarre opted for the latter, nearly tumbling down the other side of the hill to where the form knelt in the clearing. His boyfriend was just making his way through the trees on the opposite side, so they converged on the visitor at the same time.
 
 May Then My Name was sobbing. It looked as though she had been for a bit, too, judging by the tear-tracks in the fur of her cheeks.
 
-There wasn't much that he could think of to say, so he awkwardly shifted from a crouch to a kneeling position beside her, getting his arms around her shoulders and gently tugging her to slouch against him. Although he rarely had reason to be comforting to May Then My Name in particular, it was familiar enough from all the way back at the Crown Pub when Sasha'd come back from some break-up or another.
+There wasn't much that he could think of to say, so he awkwardly shifted from a crouch to a kneeling position beside her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and gently tugging her to slouch against him. Although he rarely had reason to be comforting to May Then My Name in particular, it was familiar enough from all the way back at the Crown Pub when Sasha'd come back from some break-up or another.
 
 "I will get water," End Waking murmured, leaving the physical comfort to someone better built for such.
 
@@ -36,15 +36,15 @@ Her cry must have been nearing its end before she arrived, as she'd settled down
 
 "Can you drink, my dear?" he said gently.
 
-She nodded and accepted the mug with both paws to hold it steady, taking a few unsteady laps of the water before simply clutching it to her chest. "Thank you both," she croaked, freeing up a paw to accept the damp rag to wipe her face. "I am sorry for so dramatic an entrance."
+She nodded and accepted the mug with both paws to hold it steady, taking a few unsteady laps of the water before simply clutching it to her chest. "Thank you," she croaked, freeing up a paw to accept the damp rag to wipe her face. "I am sorry for so dramatic an entrance."
 
 "You are fine, May Then My Name," her cocladist said. "Everything sounded quite dramatic. Please take your time, and we can discuss it later."
 
 She nodded, slouched a little further against Debarre, and sighed shakily.
 
-He shot a quizzical look over to End Waking, who sent a brief sensorium ping in return. She must have gotten in touch with him before arriving, then.
+He shot a quizzical look over to End Waking, who sent a brief sensorium ping in return. She must have explained a good bit more before arriving, then.
 
-They sat like that for another five minutes or so, another few bouts of tears hitting the skunk while he tried to be as steady as he could for her, petting over her ears. She'd leaned on AwDae more often than she had on him, all those years ago, but a friend's shoulder was a friend's shoulder, and he'd always offered when he could. This was, he supposed, no different.
+They sat like that for another five minutes or so, another few bouts of tears hitting the skunk while he tried to be as steady as he could for her, petting over her ears and murmuring reassurances. She'd leaned on AwDae more often than she had on him, all those years ago, but a friend's shoulder was a friend's shoulder, and he'd always offered when he could. This was, he supposed, no different.
 
 When she was finally able to pull herself together enough to walk, Debarre helped her to stand and the three of them made their way back to the tent. He sat her down on one of the two fallen tree trunks that had been set before the tent to either side of the fire pit, then took her mug to refill it while End Waking started a small fire in the pit. It wasn't that cold out, but warmth was warmth, comfort was comfort.
 
@@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ She smiled halfheartedly. "Ioan expanded the house out to the other side with a
 
 "Probably," he said sourly. "I'm surprised you let her move in there."
 
-After a long pause, the skunk shrugged, saying, "It was my idea, actually. I insisted, Ioan agreed."
+After a long pause, the skunk mumbled, "It was my idea. I insisted, Ioan agreed."
 
 "Why?" End Waking asked from where he crouched beside the fire.
 
@@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ The other skunk went silent, holding her gaze for a long moment before getting b
 
 "Yes. After everything, I do not know why it is that I care about her." She sniffled and scrubbed her face with the rag as though to preemptively snap herself out of an oncoming wave of emotion. "It has not been all that bad, really. Awkward, yes, but she spends most of her time in her room except at breakfast and dinner. Today, though, she requested to talk with me, and...I cannot even begin to comprehend the specifics, but Jonas ha-has...has been..."
 
-Debarre rubbed at May Then My Name's back when that wave of emotion washed over her.
+Debarre rubbed at May Then My Name's back when that wave of emotion finally washed over her.
 
 "I am sorry, my dear. It was a lot," she mumbled. "Jonas has been playing her for centuries, now. He has been structuring her life for her in such subtle ways that even she was not able to see it. She...well, something happened a few years after launch. A trap of sorts. Jonas's plans hit all at once and she has been working under his thumb since then."
 
@@ -88,7 +88,7 @@ They sat in silence for a bit, Debarre racing through various questions, rejecti
 
 "E.W. said he needed to be better than her. Sort of like that?"
 
-She shrugged. "I do not know. It does not feel accurate to say that, but I cannot explain why."
+She shrugged. "I do not know. It does not feel accurate for me to say that, but I cannot explain why."
 
 "Well," he said, waving the point away. "I'm with you on the feeling torn bit, at least. Was just thinking about that when you showed up. Like, would I celebrate if she died? Or would I feel like there was just that much less of you around?"
 
@@ -106,7 +106,7 @@ Debarre threw a twig at his boyfriend. "No moping. You're both good people. Jury
 
 End Waking smiled. It was slight, but he was pleased to see it all the same.
 
-"Qoheleth, poor, stupid man that he was, had much that he was correct about, but one thing that he completely failed to understand was growth," May Then My Name mused. "There is plenty of growth, here. That is perhaps the one thing we have more than memory, the one thing that protects us from too much memory. All that time may still drive us mad, but at least we can grow to the point where we are no longer True Name."
+"Qoheleth, poor, stupid man that he was, had much that he was correct about, but one thing that he completely failed to understand was growth," May Then My Name mused. "There is plenty of growth, here. That is perhaps the one thing we have more than memory, the one thing that protects us from too much memory. All that time may still drive us mad, but at least we have the ability to grow to the point where we are no longer True Name."
 
 "A-fucking-men."
 
@@ -126,7 +126,7 @@ Debarre squeezed her around the shoulders. "Of course, skunk."
 
 "'Course not. If you cook, May Then My Name and I can get the cot in the tent.
 
-They broke from there. May Then My Name forking several times over to help him in repopulating the inside of the tent with the necessities while End Waking made corn griddle cakes and venison cutlets.
+They broke from there. May Then My Name forking several times over to help him in repopulating the inside of the tent with the necessities while End Waking made venison cutlets and savory corn griddle cakes.
 
 "There's still a lot we need to do in here, so we can't drag everything in yet," the weasel explained as they returned to where his boyfriend's goods were stored under a canvas tarp. "But getting a few essentials in here will help in meantime. Hopefully just a few more days and we'll be all set again. I think E.W. may kick me out at that point."
 
@@ -140,7 +140,7 @@ She nodded. "Well, yes, but I had hoped that...well, I am sorry, Debarre. I imag
 
 "We are different in that respect, I guess. If Ioan requested six months of time away from me I think I would have a pretty rough time of it."
 
-He laughed and ruffled a paw over her ears. "I believe it. Thankfully, ey doesn't seem like the type."
+He laughed and ruffled a paw over her ears. "I think you'd fucking explode. Thankfully, ey doesn't seem like the type."
 
 She nodded gratefully. "Ey does not, no. I am just sorry that I was too heated to stick around and talk with em about this. Thank you again, Debarre. I needed to talk about it, just with someone who has an appropriate distance from the topic. I cannot overstate how terrifying what she said was."
 
@@ -160,7 +160,7 @@ The other skunk stacked a bite of griddle cake on top of a bite of venison and c
 
 "Of course, no rush."
 
-"Right. Well, Jonas got her involved with something in the late 2130s. It was sort of a side...thing, but it still has taken up at least a small part of her attention ever since. It was all very low-level stuff --- low enough that it flew beneath even her radar --- and I guess after Launch, he dropped it all on her in a meeting similar to what he had promised for Secession day. All that time had turned into a lever to use against her, and I think that, whether she realizes it or not, relatively little has been done of her own accord since then."
+"Right. Well, Jonas got her involved with something in the late 2130s. It was sort of a side...thing, very hush-hush but it still has taken up at least a small part of her attention ever since. It was all very low-level stuff --- low enough that it flew beneath even her radar --- and I guess after Launch, he dropped it all on her in a meeting similar to what he had promised for Secession day. All that time had turned into a lever to use against her, and I think that, whether she realizes it or not, relatively little has been done of her own accord since then."
 
 Debarre nodded, waiting for her to say more, to which she eventually shook her head. "I am sorry. I need at least a few days to be able to process it. I cannot even think about it without wanting to...I do not know. I want to quit and force a merge on her. I want *you* to force a merge on her," she said, nodding to End Waking. "I want her to know something other than herself."
 
@@ -172,7 +172,7 @@ He tugged his hood down lower over his head and stayed silent for several minute
 
 "I do at least understand that," May Then My Name murmured. She had shied away from her cocladist at the force of his words, but the apology and explanation drew her back. "You do not need to answer now, or ever for that matter, but is it something you would at least consider?"
 
-"Perhaps. I do not feel the need to engage with her as you seem to. If I had not made my rejection of what she is a part of my identity, if I could let that go, then I would rescind my membership from the clade just to sever what ties of association remain."
+"Perhaps. I do not feel the need to engage with her as you seem to, but there is little enough engagement in merging down. If I had not made my rejection of what she is a part of my identity, if I could let that go, then I would rescind my membership from the clade just to sever what ties of association remain."
 
 "Would you just be End Waking of no clade, then?"
 
@@ -184,7 +184,7 @@ Debarre grinned. "Excellent."
 
 "You're one to talk, smartass. You and Ioan could make my teeth rot."
 
-"I have em well trained, do I not? Perhaps I will make him an honorary member of the clade in your stead."
+"I have em well trained, do I not? Perhaps I will make em an honorary member of the clade in your stead."
 
 End Waking smirked. "Would he take my name, then?"
 

writing/post-self/mitzvot/015.md

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 -----
 
-Having sent May Then My Name home with a few extra griddle cakes and run out of daylight, Debarre and End Waking gave up on any additional work for the day. The tent was livable, if incomplete, and a bit of a break felt nice, anyway. They sat beside each other before the fire and simply watched it, not speaking, simply enjoying the warmth and each others' company.
+Having sent May Then My Name home with a few extra griddle cakes and run out of daylight, Debarre and End Waking gave up on any additional work for the day. The tent was livable, if incomplete, and a bit of a break felt nice, anyway. They sat beside each other before the fire and watched the flames, not speaking, simply enjoying the warmth and each others' company.
 
 At least, Debarre enjoyed the warmth and the feeling of his boyfriend beside him. He couldn't tell what End Waking was thinking or feeling. He'd not said a word since wishing his cocladist goodbye and good luck.
 
@@ -8,7 +8,7 @@ At least, Debarre enjoyed the warmth and the feeling of his boyfriend beside him
 
 "Mm? Of course, my dear. I am glad for your help and your company."
 
-He nodded. Silence fell again.
+He nodded. Silence fell again. End Waking put another log on the fire.
 
 "I know that I am a less-than-ideal partner, Debarre. I *do* love you, I promise."
 
@@ -20,7 +20,7 @@ He scooted closer to End Waking and slipped an arm around his waist. It was prob
 
 "What do you suppose they are doing on Artemis?" End Waking asked, staring at the fire rather than up to the stars.
 
-"Hmm? Well, my guess is that everyone's getting settled in by now. All those who went along with have probably dug homes or whatever they call it in the fifthrace area, and some are probably getting pretty good at...uh, Nanon, was it?"
+"Hmm? My guess is that everyone's getting settled in by now. All those who went along with have probably dug homes or whatever they call it in the fifthrace area, and some are probably getting pretty good at...uh, Nanon, was it?"
 
 "Did Debarre#Castor go with?"
 
@@ -62,7 +62,7 @@ There was a long silence from End Waking, then. Debarre imagined him trudging th
 
 Debarre nodded.
 
-"Perhaps, yes. What that actually means to May Then My Name, I am not sure. Does she want to shock True Name into becoming whatever she considers a real person? Does she want to break her out of rigidity and make her a more complete person? Does she want her to move beyond whatever this unspeakable atrocity is through force alone? I do not know."
+"Perhaps, yes. What that actually means to May Then My Name, I am not sure. Does she want to shock True Name into becoming whatever she considers a real person? Does she want to break her out of rigidity and make her more complete? Does she want her to move beyond whatever this unspeakable atrocity is through force alone? I do not know."
 
 "Maybe just hurt her without killing her," he mumbled.
 
@@ -74,11 +74,11 @@ The skunk tensed and carefully scooted an inch or two away from Debarre, gently
 
 "Shit, I'm sorry, E.W. I didn't mean to offend."
 
-He laughed. A short, sharp laugh that was more bitter than amused. "Fuck you, Debarre. Fuck you and how right you are."
+He laughed. A short, sharp bark of a laugh that was more bitter than amused. "Fuck you, Debarre. Fuck you and how right you are."
 
 Debarre blinked, nonplussed.
 
-"You are right. It is terrible that she has to hate someone to be more complete, but you are right. But, my love," he said, grinning humorlessly. "That means --- that *must* mean --- that the same holds true for me, caricature of penance that I am."
+"You are right. It is terrible that she has to hate someone to be more complete, but you are right. However, my love," he said, grinning humorlessly. "That means --- that *must* mean --- that the same holds true for me, caricature of penance that I am."
 
 He laid his ears flat, nodding. "Sorry, E.W."
 
@@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ The skunk sighed, nodded, and, after a moment, reached out and took Debarre's pa
 
 He smiled cautiously and gave that paw a little squeeze.
 
-They sat in silence for the rest of the night, then, watching the fire burn low until the skunk put it out. They stripped down for bed and, for the first time in months, climbed into bed within their tent --- theirs at least until the need for solitude struck again. They shared their wordless intimacies and then curled together for sleep.
+They sat in silence for the rest of the night, then, watching the fire burn low until the skunk put it out. They stripped down for bed and, for the first time in months, climbed into their cot within their tent --- theirs at least until the need for solitude struck full force again. They shared their wordless intimacies and then curled together for sleep.
 
 "You know that she will have memories of this, too, my love," End Waking murmured.