update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/019.md

@@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ Ioan snorted and shook eir head. "I just got up, too, May. I've barely had a sip
 
 The skunk mumbled her thanks and retrieved her mug, lapping groggily.
 
-As if on some hidden signal, they moved to the dining table to drink their coffees, all apparently too tired to do much else.
+As if on some hidden signal, they moved to the dining table to focus on waking up, all apparently too tired to do much else.
 
 It was True Name who finally broke the silence, speaking quietly, more down to her coffee than anything. "I find myself caught off-guard by the sudden ending of the merge. I have never experienced that with any other merger. Perhaps it is down to individuation."
 
@@ -82,7 +82,7 @@ They both agreed to more coffee, so ey tasked emself with making another pot, ho
 
 That True Name felt such a strong need to maintain her image was more than a little alien to em. However, when it came to her not knowing whether or not she wanted a partner, ey felt an almost unnerving level of concordance with eir own life prior to first meeting the Odists, and perhaps even prior to meeting May, years later. Ey did not have an image to maintain, simply a lack of social awareness that kept em from remembering that having a partner was even a thing that ey could do. Ey and True Name always seemed to have something that kept them from thinking about love until something --- May for em and this merge (or perhaps even this conversation) for True Name --- suddenly forced the issue.
 
-Ey didn't know what part of em was in charge of making such predictions, but the thought that May might try to merge down with True Name forced itself into eir mind and wedged itself firmly in place. They'd talked about how each of the three skunks were good people some nights back, but in the face of the last two days, ey couldn't think of why, what reason eir partner might even have to do so. A lingering need to force her to experience her own resentment? Or to feel that desire? A desire to help her become a better person? A fit of pique?
+Ey didn't know what part of em was in charge of making such predictions, but the thought that May, with all her love, might try to merge down with True Name forced itself into eir mind and wedged itself firmly in place. They'd talked about how each of the three skunks were good people some nights back, but in the face of the last two days, ey couldn't think of why, what reason eir partner might even have to do so. A lingering need to force her to experience her own resentment? Or to feel that desire? A desire to help her become a better person, whatever that meant? A fit of pique?
 
 Or, no, that wasn't it. It all fell back to the same problem that had been at the forefront of eir mind for months now: that need to fix things. Ey worried that May might merge down with True Name to make her feel better not necessarily because that's something she might want to do, but because, in the wake of the most recent merge, it's all ey could think to do in order to fix this friction. 
 
@@ -116,13 +116,13 @@ The skunk paused in the middle of tugging off her shirt, leaving just her snout-
 
 They both finished undressing and climbed into bed, em settling back against the pillows and her with her head on eir chest.
 
-"Okay. Now. Why do you ask, my dear?"
+"Okay. Now, why do you ask, my dear?"
 
 Ey hesitated. The origin of the train of thought felt impertinent, incomplete, perhaps solely on em. "I'm not actually sure," ey said, fumbling for words. "Maybe a little because you had a hand in End Waking merging down, but I think mostly the talk this morning about Debarre and, uh...Zacharias, was it?"
 
 She nodded.
 
-"I think that made me think of it because until this point, it's all been happening at one layer of remove for me. She's my friend and I like her as such, but she's not my cocladist or coworker. I'm not in a relationship with her. None of this has been happening with her as someone I'm super close to."
+"I think that made me think of it because until this point, it's all been happening at one layer of remove for me. She's my friend and I like her as such, but she's not my cocladist or family. I'm not in a relationship with her. None of this has been happening with her as someone I'm super close to."
 
 "But if I merge down, she will remember having been in a relationship with you. You will be more directly involved."
 

writing/post-self/mitzvot/020.md

@@ -2,7 +2,7 @@
 
 While True Name continued to integrate the merge more and more fully --- or, as she put it, became more whatever her new self was meant to be --- and she spent less time taken by long silences or the need to go lay down in the quiet for some lingering conflict, her mood nonetheless continued to decline. Those moments of easy conversation came further and further apart, and while the skunk remained as polite as could be, she also bowed out of nearly every topic other than the food, the weather, only the most surface-level details of how she was feeling. *I am not comfortable talking about that now* became her constant refrain.
 
-While neither Ioan nor May were necessarily happy for this change, it meant that they *had* to stop talking about all these dire topics. It forced them to take a step back, as well, and at least try to get some work done. Given all that had happened, no one was comfortable with them continuing to perform, least of all A Finger Pointing, so they were removed from the bill for the time being, with either their roles replaced or their shows canceled.
+Though neither Ioan nor May were necessarily happy for this change, it meant that they *had* to stop talking about all these dire topics. It forced them to take a step back as well, and at least try to get some work done. Given all that had happened, no one was comfortable with them continuing to perform, least of all A Finger Pointing, so they were removed from the bill for the time being, with either their roles replaced or their shows canceled.
 
 There was still work to be done, of course. May still had her monologue, which she tried taking in a few different directions, some of which worked well and some less so. Ioan coached her in writing as best ey could, talking her down from fits of perfectionism that left her threatening to tear the whole thing up.
 
@@ -17,7 +17,7 @@ Both Ioan and May had stared at her until she held up her hands.
 
 "Other than the forces behind the scenes. I mean."
 
-"From my point of view," Ioan said, guessing at the meaning behind her question. "It just kind of happened over the course of a few years. May was her usual affectionate self, and we just wound up building patterns around that turned us from coworkers to friends to partners."
+"From my point of view," Ioan said, guessing at the meaning behind her question. "It just kind of happened over the course of a few years. May was her usual affectionate self, and we just wound up building patterns around that that turned us from coworkers to friends to partners."
 
 "There was no culmination? No decision?"
 
@@ -161,7 +161,7 @@ Ey extricated eir hand from her paws so that ey could turn and get eir arms arou
 
 "You've seemed on the edge of overflowing for a few days now."
 
-It took her a long time to respond. At last, she hugged her arms around eir middle and lifted her head to look at him. "You will not be upset with me if I say yes?"
+It took her a long time to respond. At last, she hugged her arms around eir middle and lifted her head to look at em. "You will not be upset with me if I say yes?"
 
 "What?" Ey blinked, shaking eir head. "Of course not. I apologize if it's seemed that way in the past."