update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2021-06-02 15:20:04 -07:00
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I wrap emotions in the cool embrace of jargon to soften sharp edges and take the sting out of ones I feel too keenly. It's why I got into this field. It's why I studied what I did. Of course I care for my patients, and of course I love what I do, but my reason for being here, for being a psychologist, is a simple insatiable need to explain away my emotions.
I've talked about it with my therapist at length - we all have them, therapist-therapists, and you should never trust a therapist who does not. We talk about my need to hide behind words as a way of reducing my vulnerability. They become armor, when taken in this sense.
I've talked about it with my therapist at length[^therapist]. We talk about my need to hide behind words as a way of reducing my vulnerability. They become armor, when taken in this sense.
There's a tension, then, between these two explanations: to put it the way I did at the beginning is to allow words to be a useful tool to define the edges of my emotions and perhaps make them easier to digest and understand in the process.
@ -37,3 +37,5 @@ I think that the best way to put the goal is to use my language skills to journa
All of this, however many hundreds of words, all because I told Jeremy that I think I have a crush on a girl and didn't know what to do about it.
Ah well, I suppose that this has already been therapeutic, in its own way. I have a task I can set for myself, and, knowing me, all I need to do is let my sense of duty loose on it and we'll see if it bears any fruit in the weeks and months to come.
[^therapist]: We all have them, therapist-therapists. I would never trust a therapist who does not.