update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/001.md

@@ -1,38 +1,42 @@
 # Ioan Bălan --- 2349
 
-*How has this become my life?* Ioan thought, as ey always did, when stepping away from home to the now familiar café.
+*How has this become my life?* Ioan thought --- as ey always did --- when stepping away from home to the now familiar café.
 
-May had, as she always did, dotted her nose against eir cheek, licked at eir nose a little too wetly, and said, "Good luck, have fun, say hi for me, and do not die," and then ey stepped from home to arrive in front of the squat wood paneled coffee shop. The same sign proclaiming "Open 24 hours" fading in the sun. The same chipper baristas. The same sparklingly clean espresso machine. The same couch in the corner.
+May had --- as she always did --- dotted her nose against eir cheek, licked at eir nose a little too wetly, and said, "Good luck, have fun, say hi for me, and do not die," and then ey stepped from home to arrive in front of the squat wood paneled coffee shop. The same sign proclaiming "Open 24 hours" fading in the sun. The same chipper baristas. The same sparklingly clean espresso machine. The same couch in the corner.
 
 The same thing, month after month, stepping into the coffee shop to order the same coffee --- delicious as always --- and wait for the same True Name to arrive.
 
-Their standard greeting would be for Ioan to stand and bow --- ey was always there too early --- set up a cone of silence, and share a bit of chit-chat before settling back down on the L-shaped couch, each to work on their own projects.
+Their standard greeting would be for Ioan to stand and bow --- ey was always there too early --- set up a cone of silence, and share a bit of chit-chat, however many little nothings felt appropriate for the day, for the month since they'd last seen each other, before settling back down on the L-shaped couch, each to work on their own projects.
+
+Then, as ever, one or the other of them would call an end to the meeting, if meeting it was, and they'd stand once more, bow as always, and each would step back home.
+
+Or, at least, ey would always step back home, where May would --- as she always did --- congratulate him on not dying.
 
 The only thing that seemed to change was the topics they talked about and True Name herself.
 
-She was always smartly dressed, she always smiled brightly to em, always ordered the same mocha with extra whipped cream, and would always seem to get dabs of it on her nose-tip, but over time, the skunk had slowly picked up some ineffable quality about her that Ioan could only ever describe as 'stressed' or perhaps 'harried'. It wasn't in her grooming, for her whiskers were always neat and orderly, the longer fur atop her head well brushed, and her claws neatly trimmed. It wasn't in the things she talked about, for she always had some interesting bit of news about any of the three --- four, if one counted Artemis --- Systems out there.
+She was always smartly dressed, she always smiled brightly to em, always ordered the same mocha with extra whipped cream, and would always seem to get dabs of it on her nose-tip, but over time, the skunk had slowly picked up some ineffable quality about her that Ioan could only ever describe as 'harried'. It wasn't in her grooming, for her whiskers were always neat and orderly, the longer fur atop her head well brushed, and her claws neatly trimmed. It wasn't in the things she talked about, for she always had some interesting bit of news about any of the three --- four, if one counted Artemis --- Systems out there.
 
 It was, ey decided, something to do with her eyes, her cheeks, the way her hands moved. It was in her voice, in her mien, in her bearing.
 
 Once a month, ey'd meet True Name for coffee, and each time, she seemed that much more worn down, carrying that much more tension in her features, looking just that much older.
 
-When ey first described this to May, the skunk had spent a silent minute staring out into the yard, or at least the corner visible from her beanbag, then stretched out on her belly, draping over the cushion. "Have you asked her, my dear?"
+When ey first described this to May, the skunk had spent a silent minute staring out into the yard, or at least the corner visible from her beanbag, then stretched out on her belly, draping over the outsized cushion. "Have you asked her, my dear?"
 
 Ioan had shaken eir head. "It never felt polite to."
 
-"Some day you should," she had said. "Though it is my suspicion that she is, as you have said, losing her easy confidence. She is struggling with the fact that she must constantly dump energy into keeping up the appearance of always being so competent."
+"Some day you should," she had said. "Though it is my suspicion that she is, as you have said, losing her easy confidence. She is struggling with the fact that she must constantly dump energy into keeping up the appearance of always being so in control."
 
 Ioan had leaned back in eir chair, ey remembered, and stared up at the ceiling. "That certainly tallies with what she's said in the past."
 
-"She is the type of person who will always take more upon herself, more and more and more until she cracks," May had murmured, quiet enough that Ioan had to strain to hear. "That she has been at this for more than two and a quarter centuries and the strain is only now showing is a testament to her strength."
+"She is the type of person who will always take more upon herself, more and more and more until she cracks," May had murmured, quiet enough that Ioan had to strain to hear. "That she has been at this for more than two and a quarter centuries and the strain is only now showing is, if anything, a testament to her strength."
 
 Ever since that conversation, that conversation would rise to the fore of eir memory whenever ey met up with the other skunk for coffee. They would have their conversation, sip their coffees, and then get down to whatever projects they were working on, and there would always be a small portion of eir mind dedicated to squaring what ey knew of her with just how old she was.
 
-What ey'd not managed to bring up in that conversation, however, was that ey seemed to have some deep-seated desire to find a way to help. Ey wanted to find what it was that was wearing so much on True Name and find a way to ease it. There was a problem there, and problems were made for solving, yes?
+What ey'd not managed to bring up in that conversation, however, was that ey seemed plagued with a deep-seated desire to help. Somehow. Ey wanted to find what it was that was wearing so much on True Name and find a way to ease it. There was a problem there, and problems were made for solving, yes?
 
-It was something about em that May doubtless knew, but which ey'd never shared with the skunk, because ey knew that her response would either be the gentle teasing that she was so good at or the gentle inquisition that she was equally adept at conducting. She'd ask em where the feeling stemmed from; was it from within eir mind, or within eir heart? Was it related to all problems? Was it because True Name looked so much like her, eir partner? Never mind if it were a problem that ey could not solve, as was almost certainly the case, what would ey do if it was a problem she did not want solved?
+It was something about em that May doubtless knew, but which ey'd never shared with the skunk, because ey knew that her response would either be the gentle teasing that she was so good at heaping on em or the gentle inquisition that she was equally adept at conducting. She'd ask em where the feeling stemmed from; was it from within eir mind, or within eir heart? Was it related to *all* problems? Was it because True Name looked so much like her, eir partner? When had it started? Launch? Convergence? Never mind if it were a problem that ey could not solve, as was almost certainly the case, what would ey do if it was a problem she did not *want* solved?
 
-Ey knew she'd ask em those questions because whenever ey asked them of emself, ey heard them in her voice. Even when ey'd asked Sarah, eir therapist (or, well, all three of their therapists), there was some subconscious overlay of the skunk's lilting voice floating above the question, and ey'd find emself dropping contractions and leaning on the anaphora that the Odists seemed stuck with.
+Ey knew she'd ask em those questions because whenever ey asked them of emself, ey heard them in her voice. Even when ey'd asked Sarah, eir therapist (or, well, all three of their therapists), there was some subconscious overlay of the skunk's lilting voice floating above the question, and ey'd find emself dropping contractions and leaning on the anaphora that all Odists seemed stuck with.
 
 "You seem particularly lost in thought today, Ioan."
 
@@ -72,15 +76,15 @@ She nodded. "I am, yes."
 
 "Or curse."
 
-She grinned, "Your words, not mine. But, well...with the understanding that I cannot tell you everything that I am working on, I will say that there is much to be done when it comes to shaping sys-side sentiment around all of the various new tech."
+She chuckled. "Your words, not mine. But, well...with the understanding that I cannot tell you everything that I am working on, I will say that there is much to be done when it comes to shaping sys-side sentiment around all of the various new tech."
 
 "Oh?"
 
-"The expanded ACLs on cones of silence, for example. It is nice to be able to obscure the occupants, yes? No more hiding one's mouth or expression. Limiting sensorium messages into or out of them by individual or clade is also quite nice for guaranteeing information security. But how does one pass on the knowledge of the upgrades to the System? There are various feeds, yes, but even something as small as that requires some thought put into how to announce it. Do we hail it as a technological advancement, or do we put a tone of resignation on it, as though we have been given something no one wanted? Perhaps we announce it with a resounding chorus of "fucking *finally*"."
+"The expanded ACLs on cones of silence, for example. It is nice to be able to obscure the occupants, yes? No more hiding one's mouth or expression. Limiting sensorium messages into or out of them by individual or clade is also quite nice for guaranteeing information security. Your interlocutor cannot be used to spy on you, yes? But how does one pass on the knowledge of the upgrades to the System? There are various feeds, yes, but even something as small as that requires some thought put into how to announce it. Do we hail it as a technological advancement, or do we put a tone of resignation on it, as though we have been given something no one wanted? Perhaps we announce it with a resounding chorus of "fucking *finally*"."
 
 "It seems to have gone over well, at least."
 
-"It did, yes." She grinned, then, with a tilt of her head, ey felt the ACL-scape of the cone they were within shift, and there was a subtle blurring to the world around them as she opaqued the cone from the outside. "Now considers the effects of A/V transmission between sys- and phys-side."
+"It did, yes." Then, with a tilt of her head, ey felt the ACL-scape of the cone they were within shift, and there was a subtle blurring to the world around them as she opaqued the cone from the outside. "Now considers the effects of A/V transmission between sys- and phys-side."
 
 Ey blinked and sat up straighter. "Wait, what?"
 
@@ -98,7 +102,7 @@ She laughed. "Holy shit, indeed. I have no clue as to the tech that goes into it
 
 The skunk gave a hint of a bow in acknowledgement. "It is part of a larger work landscape in progress, yes. So much to keep in my head, so many conversations to be had, so many tiny social interactions to monitor, both in person and over the text of the perisystem feeds."
 
-Ey nodded. There was so much to process in just the new tech, not to mention the reminder that, even if ey'd long since started thinking of True Name as a complete and complex person, she still had her fingers in just about every political pie that could possibly exist on the three incarnations of the System.
+Ey nodded. There was so much to process in just the new tech, not to mention the reminder that, even if ey'd long since started thinking of True Name as a complete and complex person and not some shady villain, she still had her fingers in just about every political pie that could possibly exist on the three incarnations of the System.
 
 "Does writing not wear you out, Ioan?"
 
@@ -212,7 +216,7 @@ She shrugged, doodling a dull claw lazily over eir stomach through eir shirt and
 
 "I will tell you if I would like to drop the topic, I promise," she said, then laughed. "Sorry, my dear. I did not mean to interrupt."
 
-"No, it's okay. She actually did that quite well today." Ey leaned eir head back, looking thoughtfully up to the ceiling. "I asked why she kept up with me with the coffee meetings, and she said that it's just nice to have a friend."
+"No, it's okay. She actually did that quite well today." Ey leaned eir head back on the beanbag. "I asked why she kept up with me with the coffee meetings, and she said that it's just nice to have a friend."
 
 May tilted her head up, enough to bump eir nose against the underside of eir chin. "Are you? Friends, I mean."
 
@@ -222,13 +226,13 @@ May tilted her head up, enough to bump eir nose against the underside of eir chi
 
 "Worse, maybe. That's where she requested that I drop the topic. She said that they made good coworkers, but not necessarily friends, and I asked if that was always the case, and she said she wasn't comfortable having that conversation. Very politely, of course, but it looked like it took a lot of effort."
 
-"Mm." The skunk lowered her muzzle again, letting em peek down at her again. "I have been working on how I define myself in relation to True Name. I do not like that I spent so long hating her. I do not want that to be a part of who I am. I hold no such compunctions about Jonas, though, and I am sorry that she still feels she must engage with him. He was a shit then and he is far worse now."
+"Mm." The skunk lowered her muzzle again, letting em peek down at her again. "I have been working on how I define myself in relation to True Name. I do not like that I spent so long hating her. I do not want that to be a part of who I am. I hold no such compunctions about Jonas, though, and I am sorry that she still feels she must engage with him. He was a piece of shit then and he is far worse now."
 
 "Huh?" Ey shook eir head as ey pieced together what she meant. "Oh right, sorry. I guess you were forked off after he and True Name started working together."
 
 "Yes. I remember that from when I was her. We were not friends then, and I am glad that she is not his friend, now."
 
-"I only met him those few times years back, and yeah, I'm glad she isn't, either. He was definitely a shit."
+"I only met him those few times years back, and yeah, I'm glad she isn't, either. He was definitely a piece of shit."
 
 She laughed and poked em in the belly. "Mx. Ioan Bălan, you watch your language."
 
@@ -248,7 +252,7 @@ Ey laughed. "I learned it from you, May."
 
 "What, 'fuck you too'?" The skunk shook her head. "It just sounds so strange coming from your mouth."
 
-"I'm not as good at the well placed curse word as all of you."
+"I'm not as good at the well placed profanity as all of you."
 
 "It is an art we have perfected. It increases the impact when they do show up. Even True Name does it, I am sure."