update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/local/tycho/011.md

@@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ All five of the delegates took notes as quickly as they could while the firstrac
 
 The firstracer lifted its chin in assent and the table stood, exchanging bows before making their way each to their own rest area.
 
-Once they'd made it around the corner into the common area, the skunk grinned toothily at Tycho. "Good catch, Mr. Brahe."
+Once they'd made it around the corner into the common area, the skunk grinned toothily at Tycho. "Good catch, Dr. Brahe."
 
 "I was a little surprised, myself. That gives us a good idea of their speed and perhaps their traj--"
 
@@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ Codrin laughed. "You see then why it was a good question?"
 
 "Sneaky pieces of shit, you mean?"
 
-True Name laughed. "Yes, those. You lack the sense, Mr. Brahe. Codrin has seen it, Ms. Genet can sense it second-hand. We need someone like you to play the role of earnest seeker-after-knowledge."
+True Name laughed. "Yes, those. You lack the sense, Dr. Brahe. Codrin has seen it, Ms. Genet can sense it second-hand. We need someone like you to play the role of earnest seeker-after-knowledge."
 
 He rolled his eyes. "Or gullible dupe."
 

writing/post-self/neviim/remote/codrin/004.md

@@ -50,7 +50,7 @@ Ey smiled, feeling the tiredness in eir cheeks. "You were a therapist, weren't y
 
 "As well as it can be, all things considered. We've not wound up in any thorny patches or anything."
 
-Tycho nodded. "Agreed, though I have to admit that I'm getting kind of bored. Codrin told me I should steal some time with Stolon, but they keep racing off during our breaks, and there just hasn't been much of a chance. I want to be able to engage, but it's just all over my head, and when I do start feeling like I'm getting a hold on it, Turun Ka or True Name will nudge us back 'on topic'."
+Tycho nodded. "Agreed, though I have to admit that I'm getting kind of bored. Codrin told me I should steal some time with Stolon, but, after the first day, they keep racing off during our breaks, and there just hasn't been much of a chance. I want to be able to engage, but it's just all over my head, and when I do start feeling like I'm getting a hold on it, Turun Ka or True Name will nudge us back 'on topic'."
 
 "'On topic' meaning politics and history and the like?"
 
@@ -72,7 +72,7 @@ Tycho held up his hand, and Codrin watched as his eyes lost focus, staring into
 
 Ey looked to Sarah, who shrugged.
 
-"Sorry, maybe should have gone faster," he mumbled. "You just reminded me of something, is all. There's a lot beneath the plane of the ecliptic relative to us, but only a little bit of it is close for them to have plausibly passed by it. A few of those systems are kind of interesting."
+"Sorry, maybe should have skewed faster," he mumbled. "You just reminded me of something, is all. There's a lot beneath the plane of the ecliptic relative to us, but only a little bit of it is close for them to have plausibly passed by it. A few of those systems are kind of interesting."
 
 "Interesting?" ey asked.
 
@@ -90,19 +90,17 @@ Codrin stood up straight again, tugging eir blouse straight. "Are you saying you
 
 He nodded.
 
-Sarah shook her head. "To make sure I'm following, you think they may have spotted some other possible societies and not had them join them as a race?"
+Sarah shook her head. "To make sure I'm following, you think they may have spotted life elsewhere? Or perhaps some other possible societies and not had them join them as a race?"
 
-"Right. Could be they just hadn't started uploading, of course." He hesitated, then added, "Or that they had, but didn't want to or didn't make the cut."
+"Right. Could be they just hadn't started uploading, of course." He hesitated, then added, "Or that they had, but didn't want to join or didn't make the cut."
 
 Codrin rubbed eir hands over eir face, willing away the tiredness that kept threatening to come back. Every time ey felt like ey was getting a hold on the situation ey was stuck in, some other bit of info would be brought to light and eir grasp would slip once more.
 
 Now here this was. Perhaps the Artemisians had run across more than just races two through four on their journey. Perhaps there had been failed convergences, not counted among the existing three and the fourth they were living through.
 
-Tycho's comment about 'not making the cut' carried with it additional consequences, as well. It implied that there was a barrier to entry that one could make or not. This, in turn, implied that there were a set of requirements for getting to join as a race.
+Tycho's comment about 'not making the cut' carried with it additional consequences, as well. It implied that there was a barrier to entry that one had to pass. This, in turn, implied that there were a set of requirements for getting to join as a race. Ones that had never been mentioned.
 
-Ones that had never been mentioned.
-
-There may very well be steps to take that had never been provided to them.
+There may very well be specific steps they had to take that had never been provided to them.
 
 When ey shook away the rumination, ey found both Tycho and Sarah looking at em. "Sorry if I was mumbling. Tycho, hold off on actually asking about this for now, but keep thinking about it, alright? At least let me run it past True Name first."
 
@@ -152,7 +150,7 @@ Both Iska and True Name sat up straighter.
 
 "Well, okay." Ey tapped the end of eir pen against eir lower lip, considering. "Perhaps we can begin with how common working with skew is among everyday individuals. We have our concept of dissolution strategies, based on how one approaches forking, after all."
 
-There was a blurred conference between the Artemisians, then Iska said, "There is a spectrum of approaches to skew. Some rarely utilize it, some utilize only fast-time to complete tasks or slow-time to pass long stretches of time out of boredom or to wait for a specific event. Some, such as myself, utilize skew for fun."
+There was a blurred conference between the Artemisians, then Iska said, "There is a spectrum of approaches to skew. Some rarely utilize it, some utilize only fast-time to complete tasks or slow-time to pass long stretches of time out of boredom or to wait for a specific event. Some, such as myself, utilize skew for enjoyment."
 
 "These map loosely to your concept of taskers, trackers, and dispersionistas," Artante added. "We noticed similar during the third convergence, though the concept remained only within fourthrace, and died out within a century of the convergence. I was reminded of the topic by one of your early letters."
 
@@ -174,19 +172,19 @@ Codrin grinned as ey took down notes of the answer. "One of my romantic partners
 
 Another, longer blurred conference followed this question, during which True Name gave em a tired smile. "Excellent questions, Mx. Bălan."
 
-"We have decided that there has not been much thought put into this topic, but that our instinct would be to say yes, the interests which belong to those heavy users of skew are more specific and thus more likely to carry some level of prestige that might be out of reach for those who remain in common time."
+"We have decided that there has not been much thought put into this topic, but that our instinct would be to say yes, the interests which belong to those heavy users of skew are more specific and thus more likely to carry some level of prestige that might be out of reach for those who prefer to remain in common time."
 
 Sarah sat forward, leaning on her elbows on the table. "Can you expand on 'prestige', here? Are there interests that are considered less prestigious? Do some interests reflect poorly on the individual?"
 
 "Please confirm: do you mean social-stratification-caste?" Turun Ko said, and both Codrin and True Name rushed to write a note.
 
-"I'd also like to know about that, yeah, so let's come back to that later. In this instance, I was wondering there are interests that are seen as distasteful or silly."
+"I'd also like to know about that, yes, but let's come back to that later. In this instance, I was wondering there are interests that are seen as distasteful or silly."
 
 "We have decided that there are not any that are seen as distasteful," Turun Ka said after another conferral with its delegates. "But there are many that are seen as frivolous. Some view contemplative or spiritual life as frivolous, particularly among secondrace, which is very old."
 
 Codrin frowned, making a note to ask about that later. They had the concept of spirituality, and even the concept of a life lived in in contemplation. It raised several other questions besides, such as why it was that the second oldest race bore the brunt of that assumption, and why it had been implied that firstrace was immune. Were religions shared between the races? Were religions time-bound? In eir hundred and twenty-eight years of life, the world had yet to end, despite countless predictions.
 
-Ey shook the rumination from eir eyes in time to hear True Name asking, "What is the view of the Council of Eight?"
+Ey shook the rumination from eir eyes in time to hear True Name asking, "What is the population's the view of the Council of Eight?"
 
 Turun Ka rocked its head from side to side. Amusement, Codrin#Artemis had written. "We are seen as almost vestigial except during convergences. What guidance we provide we do so through through advisory not--"
 
@@ -196,7 +194,7 @@ There was a tense moment of silence.
 
 "Apologies," she said, rubbing her hands over her face and then yelping as a wave of skunk washed beneath them. "I cannot stop myself from speaking."
 
-Artante nodded slowly. "Would you like to take a break, representative Why Ask Questions?"
+Artante nodded slowly. "Would you like to take a brief break, representative Why Ask Questions?"
 
 "I...yes."
 
@@ -206,7 +204,7 @@ Sarah helped her to her feet and walked her down the hall to her room.
 
 True Name slouched down in her seat with a wave of Michelle rolling across her form.
 
-"Are you alright?" ey asked, patting her hand.
+"Are you alright?" ey asked, patting her paw/hand.
 
 She jolted to the side with a quiet grunt, pulling her hand back as though burned. She rolled her head to the side against the back of the chair looking steadily at em. "I will be okay, Mx. Bălan. Thank you for your concern. Please refrain from touching me when my form is shifting, though. It is quite uncomfortable."