update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/marsh/002.md

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 Champagne tinted evenings fade, as they do, into brandy-colored nights. Amber nights and fireplaces for the hell of it, Reed and Hanne settling in for a little bit of warmth for that last hour, not quite decadence and a ways off from opulence, but still a plush couch and a fire and snifters slightly too full of liquor.
 
-They shared their warmth and they continued to talk, talking of the year past, of years past beyond that, and of however many they decided would lay ahead of them. A hundred? Two hundred? Five years? Reed argued passionately for five more years of life before he'd quit, then laughed, changed his mind, and said he'd never die. Hanne said she would live for precisely two hundred before quitting her instance and disappearing from Lagrange. She would fork at a century and never speak to that version of her again, that exact duplicate, and should that instance decide to live on past two centuries, so be it, but she'd decided her expiration.
+They shared their warmth and they continued to talk, talking of the year past, of years past beyond that, and of however many they decided would lay ahead of them. A hundred years? Two hundred? Only five? Reed argued passionately for five more years of life before he'd quit, then laughed, changed his mind, and said he'd never die. Hanne said she would live for precisely two hundred before quitting her instance and disappearing from Lagrange. She would fork at a century and never speak to that version of her again, that exact duplicate, and should that instance decide to live on past two centuries, so be it, but she'd decided her expiration.
 
 Reed scoffed. "What? And leave me behind?"
 
@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ Reed shook his head. "That's not on me, you know that. We have a one-way relatio
 
 "But they're your down-tree instance! You're patterned after them. You talk every year *at least* once, right? You'll talk to them later tonight, right? You have for the last hundred."
 
-"No, probably not. If I hear from then directly, anything more than just a ping, I'll know something's gone horribly wrong." He shrugged --- carefully, what with her head resting on his shoulder. "Like I say, it's a one-way relationship. All I do is live my own life, right? I stay in touch with the rest of the clade to greater or lesser extent, but Marsh has their own life."
+"No, probably not. If I hear from them directly, anything more than just a ping, I'll know something's gone horribly wrong." He shrugged — carefully, what with her head resting on his shoulder. "Like I say, it's a one-way relationship. All I do is live my own life, right? I stay in touch with the rest of the clade to greater or lesser extent, but Marsh has their own life."
 
 "They have several."
 
@@ -54,7 +54,7 @@ He laughed, kissed atop her head. "Uh huh. Love you too."
 
 "But I was saying they have to be miserable. They chill out in their house and spends their days remembering yours, you and your cocladists, and just living vicariously through you all."
 
-"That's not all they do. They sing. They have Vos and Pierre, right? They spend time with their partners. They go to Vos's plays. They have friends over. They sing a *lot*. They cook--"
+"That's not all they do. They sing. They have Vos and Pierre, right? They spend time with their partners. They go to Vos's plays. They have friends over. They sing a *lot*. They cook–"
 
 "Are they as bad a cook as you?"
 
@@ -66,7 +66,7 @@ She laughed.
 
 "Why not?"
 
-Reed yawned, slouched down further on the couch along with Hanne. "They very specifically want us to live our own lives. They don't want us to just be versions of them. They can make all of those they want for their little tasks. They specifically want us to be something other than what they are so that they can experience that on their own terms."
+Reed yawned, slouched down further on the couch along with Hanne. "They very specifically want us to live our own lives. They don't want us to just be other versions of them. They can make all of those they want for their little tasks. They specifically want us to be something other than what they are so that they can experience that on their own terms."
 
 "Don't see how that's any different," she mumbled. Sleep threatened, even with some time left before midnight. "You all merging down like that is just doing the same thing in reverse, You're making them a version of you all, even if you're not just a version of them."
 
@@ -78,7 +78,7 @@ Reed turned that thought over in his head, held it at arm length, let the light
 
 She grumbled and rubbed at her face. "Sorry if that came off as rude. I guess it's just outside my understanding."
 
-He scooted up onto the couch, himself, sitting cross-legged to face her. "It's okay. It's not wrong, even, I just don't think it's wholly right, either. It's a matter of intent. Our intent is to live our own lives to the fullest, and it's their intent to let us do so and yet still be able to experience that at one layer of remove. We've been doing it for a century, and it's worked out well enough since then. If all this--" he waved around the room, feeling the gentle spin of drunkenness follow the movement, "--is just a dream, if we're all doing our best to dream in unison with each other, then I think intent may be all that we have, right? However may billion or trillion people have uploaded are all trying to dream the same dream together, all mixed up and poured into the same System, we have to form what meanings we may on our own."
+He scooted up onto the couch, himself, sitting cross-legged to face her. "It's okay. It's not wrong, even, I just don't think it's wholly right, either. It's a matter of intent. Our intent is to live our own lives to the fullest, and it's their intent to let us do so and yet still be able to experience that at one layer of remove. We've been doing it for a century, and it's worked out well enough since then. If all this–" he waved around the room, feeling the gentle spin of drunkenness follow the movement, "–is just a dream, if we're all doing our best to dream in unison with each other, then I think intent may be all that we have, right? However may billion or trillion people have uploaded are all trying to dream the same dream together, all mixed up and poured into the same System, we have to form what meanings we may on our own."
 
 "I think we broke two trillion instances a while back. I don't know how may uploads, but I don't think it's hit a trillion yet."
 
@@ -92,9 +92,9 @@ Reed started to nod, then stiffened as they felt first one, then another set of
 
 Hanne laughed and shook her head, standing from the couch to go get herself a glass of water.
 
-He closed his eyes to turn down one of his senses, setting the sweet-smelling glass of brandy aside to rid himself of another as best he could. He sat and spent a moment processing, savoring the memories. Rush had forked and quit first. Ve had split off a new copy of verself then the original had quit. On doing so, all the memories ve'd formed over the last year fell down onto Reed, ready to be remembered like some forgotten word on the tip of his tongue: all he needed to do was actually remember. Next had come Sedge. Clearly, Tule had already done so, forking and merging back down into Sedge so that he could fork and merge down into Reed. Three sets of memories --- two from his direct up-tree instances and one from a second-degree up-tree instance --- rested on his mind, ready for integration.
+He closed his eyes to turn down one of his senses, setting the sweet-smelling glass of brandy aside to rid himself of another as best he could. He sat and spent a moment processing, savoring the memories. Rush had forked and quit first; ve had split off a new copy of verself then the original had quit. On doing so, all the memories ve'd formed over the last year fell down onto Reed, ready to be remembered like some forgotten word on the tip of his tongue: all he needed to do was actually remember. Next had come Sedge. Clearly, Tule had already done so, forking and merging back down into Sedge so that he could fork and merge down into Reed. Three sets of memories — two from his direct up-tree instances and one from a second-degree up-tree instance — rested on his mind, ready for integration.
 
-There would be time for full perusal and remembering later. It was rapidly approaching midnight, and he needed to get the memories sorted into his own, interleaved and zippered together into as cohesive a whole as he could manage, all conflicts addressed (though with as separate as their lives had been until then, there was thankfully quite little in the way of conflicting memories), so that, shortly before midnight, he could fork and then quit, himself, letting that new copy of himself live out the next year with Hanne, with all their joys and sorrows, while the original instance quit and let all those memories --- those of Rush, Sedge, Tule, and himself --- fall to Marsh to process, savor, and treasure for themself.
+There would be time for full perusal and remembering later. It was rapidly approaching midnight, and he needed to get the memories sorted into his own, interleaved and zippered together into as cohesive a whole as he could manage, all conflicts addressed (though with as separate as their lives had been until then, there was thankfully quite little in the way of conflicting memories), so that, shortly before midnight, he could fork and then quit, himself, letting that new copy of himself live out the next year with Hanne, with all their joys and sorrows, while the original instance quit and let all those memories — those of Rush, Sedge, Tule, and himself — fall to Marsh to process, savor, and treasure for themself.
 
 He heard Hanne return, heard her climb back onto the couch before him, felt her press a cold glass of water into his hand.
 
@@ -112,7 +112,7 @@ For a fraction of a second, at least. From there, they began to diverge, each re
 
 "Alright. I love you, Hanne Marie. I'll miss you."
 
-She rolled her eyes. "Tell Marsh I said--
+She rolled her eyes. "Tell Marsh I said–
 
 <div style="height: 100vh"></div>
 
@@ -122,7 +122,7 @@ She rolled her eyes. "Tell Marsh I said--
 
 "Right, sorry. Still, uh...still fifteen minutes." She grumbled and rubbed at her face. "Sorry if that came off as rude. I guess it's just outside my understanding."
 
-He scooted up onto the couch, himself, sitting cross-legged to face her. "It's okay. It's not wrong, come to think of it, I just don't think it's wholly right, either, you know? It's more a matter of intent. Our intent is to live our own lives doing as we will rather than as they would, and it's their intent to let us do so --- and by not interfering, even with communication, *force* us to do so --- and yet still be able to experience that almost like a dream. They forked us off a century ago, me, Lily, and Cress, and we've been doing it for the last century, and it's worked out well enough since then. If all this--" he waved around the room, feeling the gentle spin of drunkenness follow the movement, "--is just a dream, if we're all doing our best to dream in unison with each other, then I think intent may be all that we have, right? However may billion or trillion people have uploaded are all trying to dream the same dream together, all mixed up and poured into the same System, we have to form what meanings we may on our own."
+He scooted up onto the couch, himself, sitting cross-legged to face her. "It's okay. It's not wrong, come to think of it, I just don't think it's wholly right, either, you know? It's more a matter of intent. Our intent is to live our own lives doing as we will rather than as they would, and it's their intent to let us do so — and by not interfering, even with communication, *force* us to do so — and yet still be able to experience that almost like a dream. They forked us off a century ago, me, Lily, and Cress, and we've been doing it for the last century, and it's worked out well enough since then. They're more than just Marsh, now. They're Marsh and all of us. If all this–" he waved around the room, feeling the gentle spin of drunkenness follow the movement, "–is just a dream, if we're all doing our best to dream in unison with each other, then I think intent may be all that we have, right? However may billion or trillion people have uploaded are all trying to dream the same dream together, all mixed up and poured into the same System, we have to form what meanings we may on our own."
 
 "I think we broke two trillion instances a while back. I don't know how may uploads, but I don't think it's hit a trillion yet."
 
@@ -136,9 +136,9 @@ Reed started to nod, willed away the drunkenness, then stiffened as he felt firs
 
 Hanne laughed and shook her head, standing from the couch to go get herself a glass of water.
 
-He closed his eyes to turn down one of his senses, taking one more sip of the sweet-smelling brandy before setting it aside to rid himself of another two as best he could. He sat and spent a moment processing, savoring the memories. Rush had forked and quit first. Ve had split off a new copy of verself then the original had quit. On doing so, all the memories ve'd formed over the last year fell down onto Reed, ready to be remembered like some forgotten word on the tip of their tongue: all he needed to do was actually remember. Next had come Sedge. Clearly, Tule had already done so, forking and merging back down into Sedge so that he could fork and merge down into Reed. Three sets of memories --- two from his direct up-tree instances and one from a second-degree up-tree instance --- rested on his mind, ready for integration.
+He closed his eyes to turn down one of his senses, taking one more sip of the sweet-smelling brandy before setting it aside to rid himself of another two as best he could. He sat and spent a moment processing, savoring the memories. Rush had forked and quit first. Ve had split off a new copy of verself then the original had quit. On doing so, all the memories ve'd formed over the last year fell down onto Reed, ready to be remembered like some forgotten word on the tip of their tongue: all he needed to do was actually remember. Next had come Sedge. Clearly, Tule had already done so, forking and merging back down into Sedge so that he could fork and merge down into Reed. Three sets of memories — two from his direct up-tree instances and one from a second-degree up-tree instance — rested on his mind, ready for integration.
 
-There would be time for full perusal and remembering later. It was rapidly approaching midnight, and he needed to get the memories sorted into his own, interleaved and zippered together into as cohesive a whole as he could manage, all conflicts addressed (though with as separate as their lives had been until then, there was thankfully quite little in the way of conflicting memories), so that, shortly before midnight, he could fork and then quit, himself, letting that new copy of himself live out the next year with Hanne, with all their joys and sorrows, while the original instance quit and let all those memories --- those of Rush, Sedge, Tule, and himself --- fall to Marsh to process, savor, and treasure for themself.
+There would be time for full perusal and remembering later. It was rapidly approaching midnight, and he needed to get the memories sorted into his own, interleaved and zippered together into as cohesive a whole as he could manage, all conflicts addressed (though with as separate as their lives had been until then, there was thankfully quite little in the way of conflicting memories), so that, shortly before midnight, he could fork and then quit, himself, letting that new copy of himself live out the next year with Hanne, with all their joys and sorrows, while the original instance quit and let all those memories — those of Rush, Sedge, Tule, and himself — fall to Marsh to process, savor, and treasure for themself.
 
 He heard Hanne return, heard her climb back onto the couch before him, felt her press a cold glass of water into his hand.
 
@@ -168,11 +168,11 @@ He held up a finger and closed his eyes. Once more, they thought to himself, *I'
 
 "I can't."
 
-"You can't?" Hanne tilted her head, then leaned forward to take one of his hands in her own. "I mean, it's okay if you don't want to. I don't think Marsh will mind if you're a few minutes late. Hell, you can even send them a message saying you don't want to this year. I think they'll--"
+"You can't?" Hanne tilted her head, then leaned forward to take one of his hands in her own. "I mean, it's okay if you don't want to. I don't think Marsh will mind if you're a few minutes late. Hell, you can even send them a message saying you don't want to this year. I think they'll–"
 
-"No, Hanne," he said, carefully slipping his hand free so that he could stand. "I mean I can't. I'm not able to. It's impossible. Or possible, but-- wait, hold on."
+"No, Hanne," he said, carefully slipping his hand free so that he could stand. "I mean I can't. I'm not able to. It's impossible. Or possible, but– wait, hold on."
 
-It had been more than a decade since he'd done so, but if ever there was a reason to do so, this was it. There were very few reasons that the System would try to stop an instance for quitting and one of them, well, no-- It had been more than a decade since he'd broken the communication embargo, but he sent Marsh a gentle ping.
+It had been more than a decade since he'd done so, but if ever there was a reason to do so, this was it. There were very few reasons that the System would try to stop an instance for quitting and one of them, well, no– It had been more than a decade since he'd broken the communication embargo, but he sent Marsh a gentle ping.
 
 Or *tried* to, at least.
 
@@ -190,9 +190,9 @@ He frowned, pinged Hanne.
 
 He thought across the clade, thought of one of Marsh's other forks. Pinged Lily.
 
-The response was immediate, words flowing into his consciousness through some sense that was not quite hearing. *"What's happening? I can't--"*
+The response was immediate, words flowing into his consciousness through some sense that was not quite hearing. *"What's happening? I can't–"*
 
-Pinged Cress, the other fork. Asked, *"Cress? Can you--"*
+Pinged Cress, the other fork. Asked, *"Cress? Can you–"*
 
 *"What the fuck is happening?"* came the panicked response.
 
@@ -200,7 +200,7 @@ Pinged Cress, the other fork. Asked, *"Cress? Can you--"*
 
 00:04.
 
-Cress arrived almost immediately along with Tule --- they shared a partner, so it made sense they'd be together for the evening --- leading Hanne to start back on the couch. "Reed," she said, voice low. "What is--"
+Cress arrived almost immediately along with Tule — they shared a partner, so it made sense they'd be together for the evening — leading Hanne to start back on the couch. "Reed," she said, voice low. "What is–"
 
 Lily arrived next, already rushing forward to grab Reed's shoulder. "You can't either?" she said, voice full of panic.
 
@@ -208,13 +208,13 @@ Before he could answer, Sedge and Rush arrived. The living room had become quite
 
 "Reed!" Hanne shouted, standing and stamping her foot. Quiet fell in the room. She spoke carefully, and he could hear anger just beneath that tone. "What happened?"
 
-The rest of the clade looked to him as well, and he quailed under so many gazes. "I can't quit. I can't merge down. I can't reach Marsh. He--" his voice gave out and he had to take a sip of water. "He's not on Lagrange, as far as I can tell."
+The rest of the clade looked to him as well, and he quailed under so many gazes. "I can't quit. I can't merge down. I can't reach Marsh. He–" his voice gave out and he had to take a sip of water. "He's not on Lagrange, as far as I can tell."
 
 00:07.
 
 <!----->
 
-Silence fell thick across the room. The clade --- Marsh's clade --- stared, wide-eyed. Their expressions ranged for unsure to terrified. He couldn't even begin to imagine what expression showed on his face.
+Silence fell thick across the room. The clade — Marsh's clade — stared, wide-eyed. Their expressions ranged for unsure to terrified. He couldn't even begin to imagine what expression showed on his face.
 
 "Okay, no, hold on," Hanne said, shaking her head and waving her hand. She appeared to have willed drunkenness away much as he had, as her voice was clear, holding more frustration than the panic he felt. "Did they quit? They couldn't have, right? You just pinged them earlier today."
 
@@ -226,7 +226,7 @@ He nodded.
 
 Hanne glanced around the room, singling out Marsh's other two immediate up-tree instances, Cress and Lily. Both shook their heads.
 
-"I was just talking to them about an hour ago, actually. They and Vos were wrapping up the first part of the night's celebration and they were going to--"
+"I was just talking to them about an hour ago, actually. They and Vos were wrapping up the first part of the night's celebration and they were going to–"
 
 "Vos!" Reed shouted. "Shit, sorry Lily."
 
@@ -272,9 +272,9 @@ At this, both Vos and Pierre took a half-step back, looking startled.
 
 Reed spent a moment composing himself. He stood up straighter, brushed his hands down over his shirt, and nodded. "Right. I'm sorry, love. When midnight hit, I forked and tried to quit as usual. I couldn't, though. The System wouldn't let me."
 
-Cress and Tule's partner, I Remember The Rattle Of Dry Grass of the Ode clade, stood up stock straight, all grogginess --- or perhaps drunkenness --- from the party fleeing her features.
+Cress and Tule's partner, I Remember The Rattle Of Dry Grass of the Ode clade, stood up stock straight, all grogginess — or perhaps drunkenness — from the party fleeing her features.
 
-"That's only supposed to happen when quitting would mean the loss of too much memory, though. The root instance can barely quit at all in the older clades--" Dry Grass winced. Reed did his best to ignore it. "--because the System really doesn't like losing a life if it won't be merged down into a down-tree instance."
+"That's only supposed to happen when quitting would mean the loss of too much memory, though. The root instance can barely quit at all in the older clades–" Dry Grass winced. Reed did his best to ignore it. "–because the System really doesn't like losing a life if it won't be merged down into a down-tree instance."
 
 "So, you couldn't quit because..." Hanne said, urging him on.
 
@@ -286,7 +286,7 @@ Reed frowned. "Perhaps not all that, but it certainly felt like I was trying to
 
 "Like death," she muttered again. Vos began to cry. "Marsh is not on the System, then, no."
 
-"So are they...is Marsh dead?" Pierre whispered, his own voice clouded by tears. Vos towered over him --- over all of them, really --- and had always seemed as though she could weather a storm better than any stone, but now, both looked suddenly frail, fragile in the face of the loss they were all talking around.
+"So are they...is Marsh dead?" Pierre whispered, his own voice clouded by tears. Vos towered over him — over all of them, really — and had always seemed as though she could weather a storm better than any stone, but now, both looked suddenly frail, fragile in the face of the loss they were all talking around.
 
 "They're not on the System," Reed and Dry Grass echoed in unison.
 
@@ -330,9 +330,9 @@ Everyone tilted their heads almost in unison. It was more a habit than anything,
 
 Systime 246+41 00:17.
 
-"Wait, what--"
+"Wait, what–"
 
-"246? But--"
+"246? But–"
 
 "It says 2369, too!"
 
@@ -372,7 +372,7 @@ Vos took another half-step back. "Wait, *thousands?*"
 
 "It is proving difficult to keep up with the feeds," she said, speaking slowly. Perhaps still receiving updates? "One of me is just reading the feeds and marking a tally every time a missing instance is mentioned."
 
-"Thousands, Jesus," Hanne whispered. "I should check in on Jess. And probably--"
+"Thousands, Jesus," Hanne whispered. "I should check in on Jess. And probably–"
 
 She started as Pierre sagged briefly against Vos, then either quit or left the sim. "He...I mean..." Vos began, shook her head, and then followed suit.
 
@@ -380,11 +380,11 @@ She started as Pierre sagged briefly against Vos, then either quit or left the s
 
 *"The latter,"* she replied after a few long seconds. The sensorium message was so clearly sent between sobs that Reed had to swallow down the same sensation rising in his throat.
 
-"Give them some space," he mumbled against that awkward pressure in his chest. "So, okay. What's the whole story again? Midnight hit and suddenly it's thirteen months--"
+"Give them some space," he mumbled against that awkward pressure in his chest. "So, okay. What's the whole story again? Midnight hit and suddenly it's thirteen months–"
 
 "Thirteen months and ten days, almost exactly," Sedge corrected.
 
-He sighed, nodded. "Right. Midnight hit and the date jumped forward and now there are thousands of--"
+He sighed, nodded. "Right. Midnight hit and the date jumped forward and now there are thousands of–"
 
 "Tens of thousands," Dry Grass said, then averted her gaze. "Apologies."
 
@@ -398,13 +398,13 @@ Dry Grass shrugged. "I have not been looking. I am uncomfortable with phys-side.
 
 "Shit," Dry Grass muttered, expression falling. "Yes, there is."
 
-When she didn't continue, Lily stamped her foot, growling, "And? You can't just leave that hanging there! I don't fucking get you Odists, you're always--"
+When she didn't continue, Lily stamped her foot, growling, "And? You can't just leave that hanging there! I don't fucking get you Odists, you're always–"
 
 "Lily!" Tule and Cress said as one.
 
 She made a show of regaining her composure, movements overly liquid as she straightened up and brushed a lock of hair out of her face. "Sorry."
 
-An awkward silence lingered, overstaying its welcome. Eventually, Dry Grass's shoulders slumped. "You do not need to apologize. The messages will only affirm your feelings about my clade. The eighth stanza continues to manage the flow of information in--" She cut herself off and dug her hands into her pockets, an oddly bashful gesture. "I should not be telling you this, understand. I am not even supposed to be in contact with them, Hammered Silver would have my head if she knew, but An Answer has been in contact. Please do not share any of this. They continue to manage the situation, and, from the sounds of it, they are describing it as an issue with the Deep Space Network and the Lagrange station. There are few mentions of the Lagrange System itself. I can read between the lines as well as any of them, though, and I do not think this is true. At least, not wholly."
+An awkward silence lingered, overstaying its welcome. Eventually, Dry Grass's shoulders slumped. "You do not need to apologize. The messages will only affirm your feelings about my clade. The eighth stanza continues to manage the flow of information in–" She cut herself off and dug her hands into her pockets, an oddly bashful gesture. "I should not be telling you this, understand. I am not even supposed to be in contact with them, Hammered Silver would have my head if she knew, but An Answer has been in contact. Please do not share any of this. They continue to manage the situation, and, from the sounds of it, they are describing it as an issue with the Deep Space Network and the Lagrange station. There are few mentions of the Lagrange System itself. I can read between the lines as well as any of them, though, and I do not think this is true. At least, not wholly."
 
 "Wait," Cress said. "So they're saying that there's a problem with the DSN and the station? How do you mean?"
 
@@ -432,7 +432,7 @@ Reed stole a glance at Lily. She looked to be spending every joule of energy on
 
 There had been an enormous row within the clade when first Cress, then Tule, had gotten in a relationship with a member of the Ode clade. Most of the Marshans had largely written off the stories of the Odists' political meddling as overly fantastic, yet more myths to keep the functionally immortal entertained. Even if they had their basis in truth, they remained only stories.
 
-Lily, however, had had an immediate and dramatic reaction, cutting contact with the rest of the clade --- including Marsh --- for more than a year. She had even refused to merge down for two years until tempers had settled.
+Lily, however, had had an immediate and dramatic reaction, cutting contact with the rest of the clade — including Marsh — for more than a year. She had even refused to merge down for two years until tempers had settled.
 
 Hanne spoke up. "Listen, can we maybe give this a few hours to play out? I need to sleep, and if Reed doesn't take a break, he's going to explode."