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update from sparkleup

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Madison Scott-Clary 2021-04-18 22:35:06 -07:00
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writing/sawtooth/limerent-object/discernment.md
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@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ The story of Dee leaving seminary
* [o] Mentions leaving to advisor, Father Borenson is not surprised
* [o] Conversation to try and figure out why without asking straight out
* [ ] Act 3
* [ ] Left kind of dumbstruck, doesn't know how to move on
* [ ] Has to leave, spends one last day on campus
* [ ] Prayer
* [ ] With the same numbness, applies for MPsych
@ -76,6 +76,8 @@ His head was too full. Too full of words and feelings that language failed to ex
*If I still feel you within my heart,* he asked. *Where are these feelings coming from? What is this disillusionment pointing to?*
<!-- walks to Kateri statue -->
God spoke to him, then. As ever, His voice was not in words, but woven into the world around him. A breeze came up from Stump lake, bearing with it the sent of water, of rotting vegetation, and overlaid atop it, a sweetness he could not place. It was floral, yes, but also fruity, so sweet as to make his mouth water.
He bristled his whiskers, and breathed in deeply, his eyes scanning trees lit by the occasional yellow sulfur lamp, stark battlements against the night sky. God spoke to him in the way his eyes perceived the night to fade from a blue-tinged gray at the tree-line up to the star-stained black above him. He spoke in the feeling of the short blades of grass poking up through the bristly fur of his tail, and He spoke in the citrus tang of a confession forming in his mouth.
@ -176,6 +178,8 @@ The coyote canted his ears back, grit his teeth, and masked his frustration as b
There was a pause as Borenson seemed to manage some equal frustration before he spoke. "Mr. Kimana, an education such as this requires both flexibility and devotion. Both a Th.M and MDiv would require that. Now--" He held up his paws as if to forestall a rebuttal. "I am not accusing you of lacking in either department to a level where I feel you are not a good degree candidate, but if the doubts in your head are strong enough that you feel you need to leave, I would only be doing your future vocation a disservice by trying to make you stay."
<!-- discuss discernment somewhere in here; in the past, would be driven out in secrecy, but now it's more a conversation between candidate and school, not told beforehand to ensure there's still some level of devotion -->
Dee dropped his gaze once more. He spread his fingers, tracing with his eyes the subtle grain on the pads of his paws, the long-healed callouses.
This was a constant in Dee's life, this sort of discussion. He would research and research and research, come to a conclusion, and when he'd state what he'd learned, the conversation would go sideways. Both he and his interlocutor would wind up frustrated and stressed with no visible reason why.
@ -193,3 +197,7 @@ The Saint Bernard looked cautious, waited for Dee to continue.
Borenson barked a laugh, before his expression softened. "I'm sorry. Dee, I believe you. You are one of the most devout students I have. Your decision about your degree may not have been a total surprise to me, but if you had said you were leaving the church, I think I would have called for a doctor."
Dee smiled through his shame.
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