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update from sparkleup

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Madison Rye Progress 2024-07-02 17:36:29 -07:00
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writing/post-self/idumea/004.md
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The Woman lingered long on the words of Her Cocladist: *aught else aside from our lot in life.*
What *was* her lot in life? What was *a* lot in life? Was she limited only to one thing? Was she bound to stasis? And what, then, of her thoughts on eternal stillness? What did it mean that a seed had been planted within her and had lately begun to sprout? She knew where they came from.
What *was* her lot in life? What was *a* lot in life? Was she limited only to one thing? Was she bound to stasis? And what, then, did it mean that a seed had been planted within her and had lately begun to sprout? What of her thoughts on eternal stillness?
Her lot in life had at one point been to teach, to revel in the joy of acting and directing and sets and props and lights and sound and audience and her lovely, loving students who ached for nothing more than to be seen, to receive some perhaps hug from this person who they trusted and yet who could not give them such for fear of disease and regulation in equal measure, to receive some perhaps affection from their cohort and yet which their beloved teacher stopped them for fear of disease and regulation in unequal measure.
She knew where they came from.
Her lot in life had at one point been to teach, to revel in the joy of acting and directing and sets and props and lights and sound and audience and her lovely, loving students who ached for nothing more than to be seen, to receive some perhaps hug from this person who they trusted and yet who could not give them such for fear of pandemic and regulation in equal measure, to receive some perhaps affection from their cohort and yet which their beloved teacher stopped them for fear of pandemic and regulation in unequal measure.
She knew the helplessness of having her agency ripped from her. She knew the feeling of being seen by something larger than mere personhood, a thing which saw her and said, "this here is a wretched and despicable thing," and then took her from the world. And then her lot in life was to campaign, for though she still taught on occasion, still directed, she found she could not act as she wished, and still she had to refrain from hugging for fear of the discomfort of touch.
She knew the feeling of splitting herself into ten unequal parts so that she might at last rest. She knew that her lot in life then became to process what she had become, for that was the role *she* remembered of the tenth stanza, not simply to linger in suffering.
She knew the feeling of splitting herself into ten unequal parts so that she might at last rest. She knew that her lot in life then became to process what she had become, for that was the role *she* remembered of the tenth stanza, not simply to linger in suffering, but to find a way forward.
She lingered on these thoughts in her unjoy and pondered the meaning, the actions implied, and, with as firm a resolve as a woman who is too much herself could muster, decided that she would *not* lean into this idea of perpetuity as Her Cocladist dwelt within. She may have a lot in life for a time — for a year, for a decade, for a century — but not for the entirety of her existence.
It was within this lingering that she reached out to Her Friend: *"No Hesitation, would you like to meet for coffee? I have something I would like to speak with you about."*
There was a sensation of a tilted head, of a quiet *huh,* in the sensorium message. *"Of course, my dear. So soon after our last meeting, too. I am curious what has you reaching out! When would you like to meet?"*
There was a sensation of a tilted head, of a quiet *huh,* in the sensorium message. *"Of course, my dear. So soon after our last meeting, too. I am curious what has you reaching out. When would you like to meet?"*
*"Now, if you are free."*

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writing/post-self/idumea/index.md
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@ -57,16 +57,16 @@ At the end, devolves into graphomania with:
End Of Endings — 2403 / Rye — 2409
* [o] [001](001) --- The Woman's life is too real, and she would like that to not be the case / Living forever waiting for time to come/as a real person — 2339
* [O] [001](001) --- The Woman's life is too real, and she would like that to not be the case / Living forever waiting for time to come/as a real person — 2339
* Once upon a time
* The woman has rituals
* The woman wishes she could unbecome
* Birthdays and the lost
* Shapes and knowing peace
* [o] [002](002) --- The Woman runs into Her Friend, who is having a very bad day, and shares her idea / Saving Geppetto — 3292
* [O] [002](002) --- The Woman runs into Her Friend, who is having a very bad day, and shares her idea / Saving Geppetto — 3292
* Going walking
* Meeting her friend and knowing joy
* [o] [003](003) --- The Woman sees why Her Friend was having a bad day (seventh only ever says talk to a therapist rather than offering friendship, tenth does the same sometimes, narrator starts to peek through), has a similar bad day / Swallowed by the big fish — 4080
* [O] [003](003) --- The Woman sees why Her Friend was having a bad day (seventh only ever says talk to a therapist rather than offering friendship, tenth does the same sometimes, narrator starts to peek through), has a similar bad day / Swallowed by the big fish — 4080
* The woman experiences joy
* The turn away from joy spoiled
* The woman's cocladist talks of suffering