update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/005.md

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 # Debarre --- 2350
 
-Debarre and Do I Know God After The End Waking stood, naked and frowning, on the granite that hung, cantilevered, above the calm pond that had dug itself into the forest floor beneath the falls. It wasn't a high drop, not enough to turn the stomach, but enough to keep them from simply jumping in.
+Debarre and Do I Know God After The End Waking stood, naked and frowning, on the granite that hung, cantilevered, above the pond that had dug itself into the forest floor beneath the falls. It wasn't a high drop, not enough to turn the stomach, but enough to keep them from simply jumping in.
 
 "And you're sure it's deep enough?"
 
@@ -10,7 +10,7 @@ The weasel's frowned deepened. No sounds of screaming below, at least.
 
 "Fuck it," he muttered, and stepped off the edge of the rock, arms folded over his chest, and plunged, feet first, into the water.
 
-The cold was enough to drive his breath from him. Even though there wasn't any snow this low down on the hillside, it was still cold out and even colder up-slope from whence the snow-melt came. He realized, too late, that another possibility that there wasn't any screaming from his boyfriend below was due to that same frigid water.
+The cold was enough to drive his breath from him. Even though there wasn't any snow this low down on the hillside, it was still cold out and even colder up-slope from whence the snow-melt came. He realized, too late, that another possibility that there wasn't any screaming from his boyfriend below was due to the frigid water.
 
 All the same, there was nothing beneath his feet for at least another meter as he sank beneath the water.
 
@@ -20,13 +20,13 @@ End Waking floated closer, treading water. The skunk's smile was wide, but his t
 
 "F-fuck you," Debarre said, laughing breathlessly. "I'm getting up to the fire ASAP."
 
-The skunk nodded, shoved at him weakly, and then swam for the shore, weasel in tow.
+The skunk laughed, shoved at him weakly, and then swam for the shore, weasel in tow.
 
 They slicked the water off themselves as best they could while walking. Fluffy as he was, End Waking had the larger job of it, having to spend most of the rest of the short trek back up the hill to the fire he'd built squeezing water out of his tail fur.
 
 Once there, they parked a few feet before the fire and huddled beneath his woolen cloak, held open toward the flames, and soaked up as much warmth as they could.
 
-"That was fucking cold," Debarre said once he was able to speak without stammering. "You're such an asshole, I can't believe I ever listen to you. Fine fucking new year's present."
+"That was fucking cold," Debarre said once he was able to speak without stammering. "You're such an asshole, I can't believe I ever listen to you. Fine fucking new year's surprise."
 
 "Yes, well, I love you to," End Waking said, grinning. "Thank you for joining me, and for your help today."
 
@@ -46,7 +46,7 @@ Once their fronts were mostly dry, they turned out to face the waterfall and rav
 
 Debarre grinned, "Don't need the white noise?"
 
-"Not particularly, though I am more concerned about flooding. I already had a tree fall on me while I slept two months ago, you will surely remember, and I do not feel the need to be carried away on dirty waters so soon after."
+"Not particularly, though I am more concerned about flooding. I already had a tree fall on me while I slept, you will surely remember, and I do not feel the need to be carried away on dirty waters so soon after."
 
 "Thanks for letting me back after that happened," he said, more quietly. "And thanks for forking to fix your leg."
 
@@ -82,9 +82,9 @@ That End Waking was so open to touch over the last few weeks was something he wa
 
 Before long, however, they set the cloak aside to get dressed, and Debarre watched as End Waking prepped a sizeable hare and pushed it onto a cast-iron spit and set it over the fire, a tilted pan beneath it catching the drippings.
 
-They dined on the hare and squash roasted in the drippings, both pungent with thyme. They stayed up until it was well and truly dark, talking about this or that, though never politics.
+They dined on the hare and squash roasted in the fat, both pungent with thyme. They stayed up until it was well and truly dark, talking about this or that, so long as it was light.
 
-Worn out as they were, though, they didn't last much longer, eventually retreating to the makeshift tent that End Waking had set up with the fabric that had been his previous shelter, strung over a rope and draped over his recovered cot. Narrow as it was, they had to huddle close --- the only time the skunk was consistently okay with close physical contact and intimacy --- sharing each others' warmth beneath the cloak and a few blankets besides.
+Worn out as they were, though, they didn't last much longer, eventually retreating to the makeshift tent that End Waking had set up with the fabric that had been his previous shelter strung over a rope and draped over his recovered cot. Narrow as it was, they had to huddle close --- the only time the skunk was consistently okay with close physical contact and intimacy --- sharing each others' warmth beneath the cloak and a few blankets besides.
 
 "E.W.?"
 
@@ -92,7 +92,7 @@ Worn out as they were, though, they didn't last much longer, eventually retreati
 
 "I'm a sucker for nicknames," he said, tucking himself back against the skunk.
 
-"That you are." He tucked his snout over Debarre's shoulder. "What were you going to ask, my dear?"
+"That you are." He rested his snout over Debarre's shoulder. "What were you going to ask, my dear?"
 
 "I...well, all these little changes are coming to the System. The ACL changes, the cones of silence..."
 
@@ -108,7 +108,7 @@ Debarre laughed, shaking his head. "I'm just worried about changes."
 
 "I don't know," Debarre mumbled. "I just think there's a lot of subtle things --- more like the little stuff May Then My Name talks about --- and I'm worried those will go away or change."
 
-End Waking hummed thoughtfully. "Things have survived Secession and Launch."
+End Waking hummed thoughtfully. "They have survived Secession and Launch."
 
 "Yeah, but those were political things, right? Not technological things."