update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/toledot/secession/sys/True-Name/003.md

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ Her first drink was a total wash. Someone had decided to explore the utility of
 
 There was, True Name discovered, essentially no place for sulfur in a cocktail. It was a drink that was *almost* good, so long as one didn't breathe in the scent. The first heady whiff that she got had burnt her nostrils and she only managed a few sips after that.
 
-Her next drink was some bracingly strong lime-and-liquor deal with a float of foam made of egg whites and pork fat. There was a dusting of star anise and cinnamon on top. Her final assessment: pleasantly disgusting. The lime, egg whites, and spices all worked quite well together, she imagined, but the added porky fat clashed with it in such a savory way that she suspected it would've gone better with some brown spirit.
+Her next drink was some bracingly strong lime-and-bitters-and-liquor deal with a float of foam made of egg whites and pork fat. There was a dusting of star anise and cinnamon on top. Her final assessment: pleasantly disgusting. The lime, egg whites, and spices all worked quite well together, she imagined, but the added porky fat clashed with it in such a savory way that she suspected it would've gone better with some brown spirit.
 
 Still, she drank it all.
 
@@ -16,7 +16,7 @@ Hipster bullshit, indeed.
 
 She let that intoxication linger as she prowled through one of the mall sections of the solid block of building. She paced along balconies, fingering wilting leaves of variegated plants, scratching a claw through the grime of countless hands accumulated on faux-wood banisters. She peered through grates at shelves still speckled with abandoned gadgets and folded jeans. She sat in the food court, still smelling of rancid grease and sanitizer. She breathed in the stale, over-conditioned air, and wondered for the thousandth time just who had thought to create such a sim, and what sort of twisted nostalgia had led them to do so. 
 
-It was as she stood in front of a quiescent fountain, that it occurred to her that this place --- the mall, the dingy city, the parking structure and its imperfectly crafted drinks --- was all a monument to the imperfections of manunkind's countless attempts to provide for itself in so many imperfect ways.
+It was as she stood in front of a quiescent fountain, that it occurred to her that this place --- the mall, the dingy city, the parking structure and its imperfectly crafted drinks --- was all a monument to the imperfections of mankind's countless attempts to provide for itself in so many imperfect ways.
 
 They were here. They were immortal. They could build perfection. They could live their lives in eternal bliss, and yet they still got their kicks out of the temporary and the imperfect. They were, despite the arguments, still human in so many delightfully crazed ways. The cracks still shone through, even when presented with the opportunity of perfection. They were the futurological congress of yore, where even the idea of queuing had been romanticized and pushed into the realm of the transgressive. Even these poor sods who had the limitless expanses of the mind before them knew that, in some ways, it was their origins that made them complete.
 
@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ It was intoxicating in such a way as to leave the skunk feeling somehow more com
 
 What, then was the difference?
 
-She picked at a coin that had cemented itself to the rim of the fountain in a layer of slimy algae, winced at the unpleasant sensation of it, and then flicked it into the murky-green water that still stained the basin of the fountain.
+She picked at a coin that had cemented itself to the rim of the fountain in a layer of slimy algae, winced at the unpleasant sensation, and then flicked it into the murky-green water that still stained the basin of the fountain.
 
 There was a part of her mind that was tempted to consider those who lived sys-side as some how more perfect beings than those who remained phys-side. But no, that wasn't quite correct. They were different, yes, but they weren't some greater form of perfection.
 
@@ -34,7 +34,7 @@ Were they perhaps some core difference in ideals? Obviously, given the cost of u
 
 She couldn't decide, but there was the logical fallout of that situation, that the two should be treated on a fundamentally different level, when it came to politics.
 
-There was the slight twinge of an alarm, and she knew that it was time for the meeting with Jonas.
+There was the slight twinge of a sensory alarm, and she knew that it was time for the meeting with Jonas.
 
 He had chosen a war-gaming room for the meeting. There in the middle of the room was a backlit map of Earth at least five meters long, and scattered across its surface were dozens of chess pieces --- knights, pawns, queens --- which had been pushed this way and that by long sticks that still rested along the edges of the table.
 
@@ -66,9 +66,9 @@ He sat up straighter, waiting for her to continue.
 
 "I think that it is a matter of aspirations. We who have uploaded have different goals in life than those who remain behind. Perhaps it is worth approaching them in different ways.
 
-"Hmm, true enough." He looked thoughtful, and then shrugged. "We've already been doing that, to an extent."
+"Hmm, true enough." He looked thoughtful. "We've already been doing that, to an extent."
 
-"Yes, but perhaps it is time to do so intentionally. If the goal of politics is to steer groups of individuals, then perhaps it is time to figure out the different ways in which to steer them. The motivations of those on the system are highly independent, surrounding whatever brings them the most freedom to accomplish what it is that they want. Them in particular, rather than large groups, though smaller groups may have goals that are aligned as well."
+"Yes, but perhaps it is time to do so intentionally. If the goal of politics is to steer groups of individuals, then perhaps it is time to figure out the different ways in which to steer them. The motivations of those on the System are highly independent, surrounding whatever brings them the most freedom to accomplish what it is that they want. Them in particular, rather than large groups, though smaller groups may have goals that are aligned as well."
 
 Jonas frowned down to his remaining weenies, then set the plate aside. "And phys-side?"
 
@@ -86,7 +86,7 @@ He nodded.
 
 "Then perhaps it would be smart for me to do similar. I do like your idea of continuing to be seen as a single individual to the council. I am not sure that I am willing to cycle through my forks in that instance, however, so perhaps I will continue to act as the point of contact that the other council members see, and simply consult with my forks via regular merging."
 
-"It's not a bad idea, no, and with a small clade, some of whom already look like you, you can probably get away with it easily enough. I have to make sure only one of me is out and about where people might see me at a time." He grinned. "At least, while working. Ar is out drinking."
+"It's not a bad idea, no, and with a small clade, some of whom already look like you, you can probably get away with it easily enough. I have to make sure only one of me is out and about where people might see me at a time." He grinned, adding with a wink, "At least, while working. Ar is out drinking."
 
 The skunk laughed. "Of course. Hopefully he has better luck with drinks than I did."
 
@@ -104,13 +104,13 @@ He shrugged.
 
 "Alright. Let me know when you do, and I'll upvote them, too. It's not like there's no reason to, we talk often enough as council-members."
 
-True Name laughed. After a moment's concentration, two additional versions of her appeared behind her chair, waved to Jonas, and bounced out of the sim. "I had just enough for two, and I figure two ought to be enough for now."
+True Name laughed. After a moment's concentration, two additional versions of her appeared behind her chair, waved to Jonas, and stepped out of the sim. "I had just enough for two, and I figure two ought to be enough for now."
 
 "Do they have equally silly names?"
 
 Once more, she resisted the urge to bridle at his comment. Instead she smiled sweetly. "Why Ask Questions, Here At The End Of All Things and Why Ask Questions When The Answers Will Not Help." After a pause, she added, "Why Ask Questions and Answers Will Not Help."
 
-The man froze, the last of his cocktail sausages halfway between plate and mouth. That mouth now slowly formed into a grin. "You continue to surprise and amaze, my dear."
+The man froze, the last of his cocktail sausages halfway between plate and mouth. That mouth now slowly formed into a devious grin. "You continue to surprise and amaze, my dear."
 
 After they had both finished their plates of appetizers and enjoyed a moment of silence, they each pushing around a few chess pieces off the map.
 
@@ -134,7 +134,7 @@ True Name noticed the lack of names for each of the figures, but said nothing. *
 
 Jonas shrugged. "The council, of course, plus the owners of some higher-profile sims, and a few perisystem architects."
 
-"Alright. I suppose that on my end I mostly just have the council and all of my various selves."
+"Alright. I suppose that on my end I don't have anyone other than the council," she lied. "And all of my various selves, of course."
 
 "Right, you have Debarre in your pocket, and Zeke likes you plenty."