update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/mitzvot/029.md

@@ -1,16 +1,16 @@
 # Ioan Bălan --- 2350
 
-Of all that had happened over the past several weeks, Ioan was surprised to find that it had taken until now for literally anything to feel like it had been planned. Clearly none of them had planned on Jonas coming after True Name, but all of the decisions that had been made after that had been made on the spot, snap decisions that had led to True Name moving into their house, to End Waking merging down, to the three of them all overflowing at once.
+Of all that had happened over the past several weeks, Ioan was surprised to find that it had taken until now for literally anything to feel like it had been planned. Clearly none of them had planned on Jonas coming after True Name, but all of the decisions that had been made after that had been made on the spot. Snap decisions that had led to True Name moving into their house, to End Waking merging down, to the three of them all overflowing at once.
 
-All of those had been made what felt like intolerable pressure, and it was only now that they had time enough to relax. There was an uneasy (and certainly temporary) stalemate <!--better word--> between Jonas and True Name that gave them enough time to properly consider a decision instead of feeling compelled to make it right away.
+All of those had been made under what felt like intolerable pressure, and it was only now that they had time enough to relax. There was an uneasy (and certainly temporary) stalemate <!--better word--> between Jonas and True Name that gave them enough time to properly consider a decision instead of feeling compelled to make it right away.
 
-Ey'd harbored a concern, one borne out of stress, that May might just merge down without talking further, but ey kept that to emself, doing eir level best to reason emself out of it. The last thing they needed at the moment was further doubt within their relationship.
+Ey'd harbored a concern, one borne out of stress, that May might just merge down without talking further, but ey kept that to emself, doing eir level best to reason emself out of it. The last thing they needed at the moment was eir mind playing tricks on em.
 
 And she certainly didn't. In fact, she drew the negotiations that followed that first discussion out by nearly a week, putting lie to that concern. Much of these discussions took place between the two skunks as they walked out on True Name's prairie.
 
 At first, ey'd felt left out. After all, didn't ey also have boundaries to negotiate and concerns that needed addressing?
 
-After bringing this up with May, however, she had laughed and poked em in the belly, explaining, "I do not mean to leave you out of anything, my dear. We are discussing elements of the past that kept me from merging down, and elements of the future of the relationship between us. You are not missing anything so important, but if you would like, I am happy to keep you apprised of the general content."
+After bringing this up with May, however, she had laughed and poked em in the belly, explaining, "I do not mean to leave you out of anything, my dear. We are discussing elements of the past that kept me from merging down, and elements of the future of the relationship between me and her. You are not missing anything so important, but if you would like, I am happy to keep you apprised of the general content."
 
 "Given how anxious I've been, I'd appreciate that," ey had said. "But no need to share anything private."
 
@@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ May dipped her muzzle and apologized as well, saying, "I do feel bad about how t
 
 May nodded.
 
-"I am of two minds," True Name said. "I remember having loved Debarre. I remember still loving him, and perhaps even I, even True Name, still love him in some roundabout way. However, I am what I am, and that is a being of two minds. That of me which is you, End Waking, loves him, and that of me which is True Name, respects him from a distance, respects his distaste for me, that feeling I engendered to minimize the his impact within the council by making it so purely emotional, as much as it hurt to do so."
+"I am of two minds," True Name said. "I remember having loved Debarre. I remember still loving him, and perhaps even I, even True Name, still love him in some roundabout way. However, I am what I am, and that is a being of two minds. That of me which is you, End Waking, loves him, and that of me which is True Name, respects him from a distance, respects his distaste for me, that feeling I engendered to minimize his impact within the council by making it so purely emotional, as uncomfortable as it was to do so."
 
 "The same as you did with me and Codrin?" Ioan asked. "With the history, I mean."
 
@@ -48,7 +48,7 @@ She nodded. "It was-- it felt like a necessity at the time. I am not some cold,
 
 "I remember so little of that," May said.
 
-True Name shrugged. "As you intentionally moved towards feeling, I worked to minimize it within myself. I became a being is negative commandments. I lived the 'shalt not's while you performed your *mitzvot* of loving and caring."
+True Name shrugged. "As you intentionally moved towards feeling, I worked to minimize it within myself after you came into being. I became a being of negative commandments. I lived the 'shalt not's while you performed your *mitzvot* of loving and caring."
 
 May sighed.
 
@@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ May sighed.
 
 "Still feeling fractured?" Ioan asked.
 
-"Yes. I do not know if I will feel... I do not know. I am not comfortable speaking further on this just yet."
+"I am of two minds, Ioan. I do not know if I will feel... I do not know. I am not comfortable speaking further on this just yet."
 
 They spent the rest of the night in quiet, May leaning against eir side while TN and End Waking spoke quietly about the plain and the forest.
 
@@ -84,13 +84,13 @@ Ioan stared after the departing skunk and shook eir head. "You guys are so weird
 
 They both laughed.
 
-"And then we will set up a space for me to rest in the meanwhile," True Name continued. "And then I suppose that is all there is to it. May Then My Name will fork and quit and I will process the merge."
+"Then we will set up a space for me to rest in the meanwhile," True Name continued. "And then I suppose that is all there is to it. May Then My Name will fork and quit and I will process the merge."
 
 "And your fork is just there in case something goes wrong?"
 
 "Or if the result is not acceptable."
 
-Ey frowned. "'Not acceptable'?"
+"'Not acceptable'?"
 
 "If the merge does not go well or if I wind up being unable to work as I would like."
 
@@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ Ioan leaned over and ruffled a hand over the skunk's ears. "Yeah, you definitely
 
 "Yes, yes, and you love me for it." She laughed and pushed eir hand away, straightening the mussed up fur. "Breakfast first, though, and then we can work from there."
 
-After another Scandinavian-style breakfast, the three of them re-organized True Name's room. The bed was made larger and set in a corner instead of up against one wall, allowing a collection of pillows to be placed against the walls in case she wanted to lean against them or organize them into a nest.
+After another Scandinavian-style breakfast, the three of them re-organized True Name's room. The bed was made set in a corner instead of up against one wall, allowing a collection of pillows to be placed against the walls in case she wanted to lean against them or organize them into a nest.
 
 "Are you sure you don't want to set up something out in the prairie?"
 
@@ -110,13 +110,13 @@ They also supplied her with ready water, coffee, and a few comforting snacks on
 
 Another beanbag was added for May, in case True Name requested that she stay in there for any length of time, and a more comfortable bench-swing was added to the balcony in case she needed to go outside but wasn't feeling up to walking down to the prairie itself.
 
-It felt like rather a lot of preparations to make just for a merge, but then May had last merged down eighty-three years before ey had even uploaded, nearly sixty-four before ey'd even been born, and after seeing how intense End Waking's merge had been, none of them felt up to cutting any corners and having to rush comfort after the fact.
+It felt like rather a lot of preparations to make just for a merge, but then May had last merged down 83 years before ey had even uploaded --- nearly 64 before ey'd even been born --- and after seeing how intense End Waking's merge had been, none of them felt up to cutting any corners and having to rush comfort after the fact.
 
 Finally, though, there was nothing left to do, no further preparations to be made, so May took eir hand to hold em still so that ey'd quit pacing.
 
 "I don't even know why I'm fretting so much, I'm not even the one merging."
 
-True Name grinned and shrugged. "I am fretting too, my dear, do not worry."
+True Name smiled faintly and shrugged. "I am fretting too, my dear, do not worry."
 
 "It is a big event," May added. "It will be an even bigger merge and, while it may be more comfortable than End Waking merging down as she has said, it will be no less complex."
 
@@ -138,16 +138,18 @@ Both Ioan and True Name watched as the down-tree instance of May scrubbed her pa
 
 It was still another ten seconds or so before True Name managed to relax enough to permit the merge to progress, and even then the only visual indication was a slow slump of her shoulders and a relaxing of the muscles of her face.
 
-Ioan stuffed eir hands in eir pockets and did eir best to feel rooted to where ey stood, hoping against hope that ey could keep from pacing. May watched True Name carefully, eyes searching her features for what ey could not tell, though she seemed almost frozen, breathing shallowly despite the relaxed set of her features.
+Ioan stuffed eir hands in eir pockets and did eir best to feel rooted to where ey stood, hoping against hope that ey could keep from pacing. May watched True Name carefully, eyes searching her features for what ey could not tell. She seemed almost frozen, breathing shallowly despite the relaxed set of her features.
 
 And ey stood and watched them both.
 
 The three of them stayed like that for nearly five minutes --- two skunks kneeling on the bed while ey watched from beside it --- before True Name moved again.
 
-"Oh, May," she whispered, and started to sag over to one side.
+"Oh...oh, I cannot..." she whispered, and started to sag over to one side.
 
 The other skunk shushed her quietly and helped her to lay out on her side before settling down with her. They curled together, still facing each other, nearly snout to snout and still holding paws.
 
+Ey stood and watched. Then ey sat on the beanbag and watched. Watched and waited, though ey knew not what for.
+
 It was more than an hour later before May forked beside em, took eir hand, and led em from the room. Neither of the skunks on the bed had moved or made a sound other than May asking True Name if she was okay in a quiet murmur at one point and the other skunk shaking her head.
 
 Once the door was shut behind them, May let out a shaky sigh and padded over to the kitchen. "That was very hard."
@@ -162,7 +164,7 @@ She clutched the water to her chest with both paws, stumbling blindly around the
 
 She sat down and let Ioan rub her back. Only once she could manage a sip or two of water, she said, voice hoarse, "Did I fuck up, Ioan?"
 
-Ey was still teasing part the day --- or perhaps the last month --- but all the same, ey did eir best to respond to what ey suspected lay beneath the surface of the question. "Do you think she resents you for not just letting her be True Name?"
+Ey was still teasing apart the day --- or perhaps the last month --- but all the same, ey did eir best to respond to what ey suspected lay beneath the surface of the question. "Do you think she resents you for not just letting her be True Name?"
 
 May whined and set the water glass aside, shifting on the beanbag until she could rest her head on eir thigh. "I worry that the real reason she wanted to do this was because there is no going back to who she was. One of those "fuck it, why  not" situations."