update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/local/codrin/011.md

@@ -2,11 +2,11 @@
 
     Convergence T-0 days, 2 hours, 53 minutes
 
-Despite the excitement, the talks remained surprisingly banal. Even when the topic of the Odists' deception and the troubles that True Name#Artemis still suffered on Artemis, the talks still felt like a political summit. The conference was still a conference, with its cloth-covered table and shitty pens, its uncomfortable chairs and weary participants.
+Despite the burst of excitement, the talks remained surprisingly banal. Even when the topic of the Odists' deception and the troubles that True Name#Artemis still suffered on Artemis arose, the talks still felt like a political summit. The conference was still a conference, with its cloth-covered table and shitty pens, its uncomfortable chairs and weary participants.
 
 Ey counted emself among the weariest of them all. Tycho was still in his stride, and Sarah was keeping up well enough, though she remained fairly quiet throughout, focusing on watching rather than speaking or taking notes. Why Ask Questions had proceeded as though the news had never happened, continuing on in her litany of questions around biology and linguistics. In fact, the only one more tired seemed to be True Name.
 
-There was a tension around the skunk's eyes, a tightness to the face that ever so slightly drew her lips back. Even when she smiled, her expression remained fixed and rigid.
+There was a tension around the skunk's eyes, a tightness to the cheeks that ever so slightly drew her lips back. Even when she smiled, her expression remained fixed and rigid.
 
 It made sense, after all. Acting in the capacity of leader was more than just overseeing the talks, it meant wrangling every conversation, and still managing to keep up her own side of it. Beyond even that, the skunk had been drawn into several conversations alone with Turun Ka over the final hours of the third day. Ey hadn't expected the conference to include anyone but the entirety of both the parties, so ey wasn't quite sure what to make of this, but none of the other Artemisians seemed unnerved by the leaders stepping aside in half-hour increments to hold what appeared to be --- at least from True Name's expressions --- in-depth conversations about very serious topics.
 
@@ -14,7 +14,7 @@ Sleep brought little relief.
 
 The beds were comfortable, but empty. There was no wind against glass, no crickets stilled to silence with the passing of some imagined bat. There was no fox to curl around, no soft sounds of breathing.
 
-Ey plowed through two cups of (thankfully quite good) coffee on the morning of the fourth day, and brought a third with him to the conference table. 
+Ey plowed through two cups of (thankfully quite good) coffee on the morning of the fourth day, and brought a third with em to the conference table. 
 
 The talks were slow to resume. There were a few halting attempts at starting up conversations about astrochemistry, but neither Tycho nor Stolon were well-versed on it enough to have the conversation without additional research first
 
@@ -28,7 +28,7 @@ Answers had been sparse. The responses had invariably been "it is not the time f
 
 It had also contained a more detailed account of Answers Will Not Help's breakdown and quitting, as well as the extended interactions with True Name that Codrin#Artemis had been having.
 
-"I hate to do this to you," ey had written, clade-eyes only. "But I simply cannot overstate just how dramatic and anxiety-inducing the whole event was, and I mean this in the most literal way possible. There are things that I cannot tell you. I cannot put them into words, and I certainly cannot set them to paper. It is overwhelming. The import is crushing. I feel like I'm going to burst and there's nothing I can do or say about it, and the only reason I'm describing it like this is that I *can't* be the only one who knows this, even if only at one layer of remove. You will remember soon enough, I think, but until then, I just need to offload some of the pressure."
+"I hate to do this to you," ey had written, individual-eyes only. "But I simply cannot overstate just how dramatic and anxiety-inducing the whole event was, and I mean this in the most literal way possible. There are things that I cannot tell you. I cannot put them into words, and I certainly cannot set them to paper. It is overwhelming. The import is crushing. I feel like I'm going to burst and there's nothing I can do or say about it, and the only reason I'm describing it like this is that I *can't* be the only one who knows this, even if only at one layer of remove. You will remember soon enough, I think, but until then, I just need to offload some of the pressure."
 
 Ey had no idea what to do with this information, other than to accept a share in that load.
 
@@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ Artante looked between them, picking up on the anxiety. "May I ask as to the imp
 
 Ey tensed, realising the import of what Sarah was getting at. While there were countless reminders as to the books impact on the Ode clade, it had always seemed an unintentional side-effect of what was otherwise a text that strove to be above all else an accurate historical document. It was bound up in those who had lived those lives, those who had been influenced by the Odists.
 
-Ey'd meant to provide it strictly in that historical sense, but realized that, in the context of her deception, the discussion of True Name and her friends guiding the trajectory of society might color the talks moving forward.
+Ey'd meant to provide it strictly in that historical sense, but realized that, in the context of her deception, the discussion of True Name and her friends guiding the trajectory of society within them might color the talks moving forward.
 
 "It's important," ey said decisively. Sitting up straighter, ey drew on all the gumption ey could. "It shows more than just the political lives we've led, including the behind-the-scenes guidance that True Name has engaged in from the origins of the System two hundred thirty years ago. This is as important as anything else when it comes to understanding us as a species."
 
@@ -132,7 +132,7 @@ Artante was nodding, though whether in confirmation or agreement, ey couldn't te
 
 "This feels like a dangerous way to force the conversation to move forward."
 
-Ey shrugged. "They deserve to know more than just the synopses and sugar-coated aspects of our society. The thing with Answers Will Not Help is something she and True Name dreamt up, but not representative of us as a whole. We're more complex as a species than just her, or than even the five of us."
+Ey shrugged, holding onto that courage and sense of right action. "They deserve to know more than just the synopses and sugar-coated aspects of our society. The thing with Answers Will Not Help is something she and True Name dreamt up, but not representative of us as a whole. We're more complex as a species than just her, or than even the five of us."
 
 Flipping through the pages at the rate of about one per second, Turun Ko said, "A conversation will happen-occur when leaders Turun Ka and True Name return shortly-momentarily. Please wait. Their conversation-discussion is artificial-superficial, intended to give-provide delegates other than leadership options to change-shape outcomes."