update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/toledot/index.md

@@ -71,7 +71,7 @@ Nearing the 200th anniversary of System secession from humanity, the System and
     * [X] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Castor](launch/launch/Codrin-castor/002) - Codrin#Castor writes eir thoughts on why Dear may have uploaded (showing divergences). - 3488
     * [X] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/004) - May had responded immediately, ofc, but asked about life on earth (hinting she uploaded ~time of Michelle), reminisces about childhood - 4738
     * [X] [Launch: sys-side: Ioan](launch/sys/Ioan/004) - Ioan interviews May about why she stayed behind, date of upload, thoughts on not telling Douglas re: herself as Michelle - 2725
-    * [O] [Secession: phys-side: Yared](secession/phys/Yared/004) - another change from Yosef, Yared starts to actually kind of believe that this is a good idea, considers L5 option - 2196
+    * [X] [Secession: phys-side: Yared](secession/phys/Yared/004) - another change from Yosef, Yared starts to actually kind of believe that this is a good idea, considers L5 option - 2196
     * [O] [Launch: launch-side: Codrin#Pollux](launch/launch/Codrin-pollux/002) - Makes up with Dear, who gives suggestions on some names to interview and how to go about them - 1373
     * [O] [Secession: sys-side: True Name](secession/sys/True-Name/002) - Meets with Jonas to discuss latest post from Yared, picking up on secession undertones, Jonas admits to own clade standing in for him (explain that reputation doesn't exactly go down, but is spread among instances (changed later)). - 2587
     * [O] [Launch: phys-side: Douglas](launch/phys/Douglas/005) - Douglas walks the station, processing news of Michelle's death, then talks with May - 3969

writing/post-self/toledot/secession/phys/Yared/004.md

@@ -6,15 +6,15 @@ As he had found himself doing increasingly often, Yared stepped out of his apart
 
 He walked out past the coffee shop, waving to the woman behind the counter, and shaking his head to an offer of coffee. He was already wired enough.
 
-Kept on walking, instead, out and down the street past apartments, the store where he bought his food, apartments, the restaurant that he ate at once every other week, and yet more apartments. Out and out until he ran into that patch of scrub that somehow never got developed, then right and into where the scrub turned into scattered bushes, and then trees. There had been a fence, once, but all that remained were the posts.
+He kept on walking, instead, out and down the street past apartments, the store where he bought his food, apartments, the restaurant that he ate at once every other week, and yet more apartments. Out and out until he ran into that patch of scrub that somehow never got developed, then right and into where the scrub turned into scattered bushes, and then trees. There had been a fence, once, but all that remained were the posts.
 
 He'd never bothered walking up here until he'd accepted the unnerving assignment to convince everyone to secede. Explicitly, to convince the DDR and various governments to allow it, but implicitly, he felt, to convince those he talked to on the System, as well. Convince True Name and Jonas to suggest it from the other side.
 
 It had been unnerving at first, at least.
 
-Why would he, a nobody who dumped all his time into the 'net, into the DDR, be expected to make any change? He knew that, once a referendum was picked up by the various legislatures, it was hopeless to expect the DDR had any real impact. It became the joke that he was sure so many thought it was.
+Why would he, a nobody who dumped all his free time into the 'net, into the DDR, be expected to make any change? He knew that, once a referendum was picked up by more than a couple of the various legislatures, it was hopeless to expect the DDR had any real impact. It became the joke that he was sure so many thought it was.
 
-He had picked up the topic of the System's individual rights as his next pet topic, for even though he had felt little interest in the System or its labyrinthine technologies at the time, the previous bill he had hyper-fixated on had failed on the floor, and after a night of far too much tej, he needed to set his mind on *something.*
+He had picked up the topic of the System's individual rights as his next pet topic, for even though he had felt little interest in the System or its labyrinthine technologies at the time, when the previous bill he had hyper-fixated on had failed on the floor, and after a night of far too much tej, he needed to set his mind on *something.*
 
 He didn't know why he did this, why he felt the need to dive into politics. He was a no one in Addis Ababa, a city which paled in importance in the NEAC, a governing body that paled in comparison to the others in the world.
 
@@ -28,13 +28,13 @@ It had surprised him that he had even picked up the task at first. Secession see
 
 He didn't know why he had picked up the task, but it was working, even on him. *Especially* on him. The idea of secession from a government's point of view was one that fit neatly into his worldview without him needing to change anything, and that was strange in and of itself.
 
-The System probably should secede. At that point, uploading became a simple matter of emigration, one to a country that was guaranteed to grant you residency. Not only that, but, though the cost might be high and the move permanent, it offered a ready-made haven for refugees, whether from the increasingly hot climate or the countless little spats along disputed boundaries. Uploading was an option for those who had nowhere else to go, and one that offered them more freedom than any other country on earth.
+The System probably should secede. At that point, uploading became a simple matter of emigration, one to a country that was guaranteed to grant you residency. Not only that, but, though the cost might be high and the move permanent, it offered a ready-made haven for refugees, whether from the increasingly hot climate or the countless little spats along disputed borders. Uploading was an option for those who had nowhere else to go, and one that offered them more freedom than any other country on earth.
 
-And this new idea that had started showing up, first in his conversations with True Name and Jonas, and then on the DDR in general, of tacking the System on to the final launch toward the L<sub>5</sub> station construction. The timing --- True Name and Jonas, then the DDR --- made him wonder if the Council of Eight had its fingers in other pies, too.
+And this new idea that had started showing up, first in his conversations with True Name and Jonas, and then on the DDR in general, of tacking the System onto one of the launches for the L<sub>5</sub> station construction. The timing --- True Name and Jonas, then the DDR --- made him wonder if the Council of Eight had its fingers in other pies, too.
 
 He wasn't sure how to feel about this. What an opportunity that had presented itself! All those arguments about the resources the System used would be all but put to rest. The station would house it, the station's solar power source would power it, and the Station Hotel's revenue would fund it. It would be another part of the tourists' experience. There were already plans for a new transmission system that would be easy enough to build for uploads to make it from Earth to the System without having to fly to the station first.
 
-It was all starting to feel like such a good idea, and some part of him felt embarrassed that Councilor Demma's bald-faced political machinations were working just as well on him as they promised to do on the masses that filled the DDR forums.
+It was all starting to feel like such a good idea, and some part of him felt embarrassed that Councilor Demma's bald-faced political machinations were working just as well on him as they promised to on the masses that filled the DDR forums.
 
 He realized he'd been so lost in thought that the wooded grove had already spat him out the other side, back into heat and back into traffic.
 
@@ -42,7 +42,7 @@ He realized he'd been so lost in thought that the wooded grove had already spat
 
 > I won't lie, I'm pleased to see this discussion take a turn to the positive. There are some great minds thinking and talking here. Here on the DDR forums, out on the 'net, and now out in the subcommittees that will feed into the legislatures of the world.
 >
-> What heartens me more than that, however, is to see some names that I had previously seen arguing *against* independent rights now campaigning for them (or, at the very least, neutral in tone). This is how the DDR is meant to work: it's a forum for us, the rank and file of the nations of the world, to be able to participate in the laws that will bind us in more ways than of old. No more relying solely on representatives. No more collecting signatures for yet another petition that will fall on deaf ears. No more letter writing campaigns that doubtless fed countless shredders and trash folders.
+> What heartens me more than that, however, is to see some names that I had previously seen arguing *against* independent rights now campaigning *for* them (or, at the very least, neutral in tone). This is how the DDR is meant to work: it's a forum for us, the rank and file of the nations of the world, to be able to participate in the legislative process that will bind us in more ways than of old. No more relying solely on representatives. No more collecting signatures for yet another petition that will fall on deaf ears. No more letter writing campaigns that doubtless fed countless shredders and trash folders.
 >
 > To those arguing for independent rights, keep working hard, as there is still much to be done, but to those who arguing against this referendum, I would like to address a few of those points that seem to keep cropping up:
 >
@@ -58,8 +58,6 @@ He realized he'd been so lost in thought that the wooded grove had already spat
 >
 > (And to my NEAC government handler who reads all of my posts, finger hovering above the big, red 'arrest' button: hello! I hope that you are well.)
 >
-> It is best to think of the System more as its own country, in this sense. It is nothing if not a remote location with its own customs and social structure.
->
 > *Without clear news sources coming out of the System, there is no way for us to tell that the Council of Eight is effective at governing those sys-side.*
 >
 > Disregarding the Council of Eight's mandate to "guide but not govern", I'm curious, now! What would a "clear news source" would look like?
@@ -70,7 +68,7 @@ He realized he'd been so lost in thought that the wooded grove had already spat
 >
 > * Legislation --- that is, new laws to govern stuff, places, or money.
 > * Scientific advances --- that is, new ways to work with stuff, places, or money (and before you suggest theoretical sciences, consider that those are future ways to work with stuff. Psychological breakthroughs? Better ways to keep us happy so that we can produce and consume more stuff).
-> * International relations --- that is, which group people have which stuff that which other group of people want.
+> * International relations --- that is, which group people in which places have which stuff that which other group of people want.
 > * Technological breakthroughs --- stuff.
 > * Exploration --- places.
 > * Travel, entertainment, comedy --- commodified experiences.
@@ -87,7 +85,7 @@ He realized he'd been so lost in thought that the wooded grove had already spat
 >
 > I would say that I do, but lets be honest, I can't even begin to understand those, but I can certainly respect their rights to have them.
 >
-> Now, tell me what effective governance looks like in such a system. Resources are controlled through the reputation market. As far as I can tell, there is no murder, there are no wars, fights can be over in a blink if one of the parties just leaves, and the worst offense someone can commit is stalking.
+> Now, tell me what effective governance looks like in such a system. Resources are controlled through the reputation market. As far as I can tell, there is no murder, there are no wars, fights can be over in a blink if one of the parties just leaves, and the worst offense someone can commit is stalking, and even then,  once can be bounced from a sim.
 >
 > We come yet again to the idea of speciation. We are fundamentally different. Or, to use a metaphor from the first point, this is an entire *society*, human or otherwise, that is fundamentally different, as one might see with the vast gulf between customs in different areas of the world.
 >