update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/marsh/018.md

@@ -1,4 +1,4 @@
-A dull clang rang out from the dim light of the stage, followed by a sickening thump. The girl, looking no older than fifteen, sprawled, limp and bloodied, unconscious on parquet. A person stood over her, breathing heavily, spittle flecking their lips and madness in their eyes. They let out a feral scream and leapt high in the air, a length of pipe held over their head and brought it down with all of their might.
+A dull clang rang out from the dim light of the stage, followed by a sickening thump. The girl, looking no older than fifteen, sprawled, limp and bloodied, unconscious on parquet. A person stood over her, breathing heavily, spittle flecking their lips and madness in their eyes. They let out a feral scream and leapt high in the air, a length of pipe held over their head, which they brought down with all of their might.
 
 Right as it was about to land, the lights went out, leaving the entire auditorium from stage to doors in pitch black. In the darkness, the last of the shout was punctuated with another clang and a horrible crunch.
 
@@ -26,7 +26,7 @@ Swivelling her chair toward the hurtling skunk, Dry Grass threw her arms wide, l
 
 "Dry Grass Dry Grass Dry Grass!"
 
-"Motes!" She pushed the skunk --- who looked to be no more than ten, despite being the same three hundred odd years old as Dry Grass --- away from her enough to meet her gaze. "You stupid...awful..." She fell to crying, clutching Motes to her front once again.
+"Motes!" She pushed the skunk --- who looked to be no more than ten, despite being the same three hundred odd years old as Dry Grass, a childishness more earnest and real than that of Warmth In Fire --- away from her enough to meet her gaze. "You stupid...awful..." She fell to crying once again, clutching Motes to her front.
 
 *"That means I did a good job!"* the skunk sent via a sensorium message as she rested her head over her cocladist's shoulder, grinning at me.
 
@@ -38,9 +38,9 @@ The skunk squirmed about in her arms until she was sitting sideways in her lap.
 
 Dry Grass took the chance to wipe her face with a napkin swiped from the table. "I would have appreciated that, yes."
 
-"You would have hated the original! Ioan wrote it so that my body was supposed to stay on the stage instead of just the blood. When I said I wanted the part, ey changed it to be just the blood so there was not just a kid's body laying on stage, even though it took some creative work with gravity."
+"You would have hated the original! Ioan wrote it so that the body was supposed to stay on the stage instead of just the blood. When I said I wanted the part, ey changed it to be just the blood so there was not just a kid's body laying on stage, even though it took some creative work with gravity."
 
-I glanced back to the stage, realizing that it was actually canted toward the audience by a few degrees. Enough that we could clearly see the surface of the stage --- back to a blissfully clean matte black instead of the blood-stained parquet that had been there before --- without it being so unnerving as to make us feel like we were going to fall towards it, or that the actors were going to fall into the audience.
+I glanced back to the stage, realizing that it was actually canted toward the audience by about fifteen degrees. Enough that we could clearly see the surface of the stage --- back to a blissfully clean matte black instead of the blood-stained parquet that had been there before --- without it being so unnerving as to make us feel like we were going to fall towards it, or that the actors were going to fall into the audience.
 
 "You are right," Dry Grass was saying, straightening out Motes's shirt and overalls, both of which were thoroughly stained with paint. "I would have hated that even more. I did not even see the rest of the play, skunklet. I put my head down and turned down my hearing."
 
@@ -60,7 +60,7 @@ I watched as Beholden started pulling chairs away from the next table over with
 
 <!-- more, slow hours vs beholden, come back to it later with reconciliation -->
 
-A Finger Pointing winced at Dry Grass' words, setting her drink down and offering a bow. "I am sorry, my dear; I recognize that our approach to reclamation is at times quite uncomfortable. I will endeavor not to be so careless in the future."
+A Finger Pointing winced at Dry Grass' words, setting her drink down and offering a bow. "I am sorry, my dear; I recognize that our approach to reclamation is at times quite uncomfortable. I will endeavor not to be so careless in the future. More warnings, perhaps."
 
 She showed none of that wariness when her eyes came back up to meet mine. "I am sure we each feel differently about this particular production. I, for one, would have been satisfied even if the house were empty; all that preparation, that one climactic performance makes for a potent font of catharsis, does it not?"
 
@@ -76,7 +76,7 @@ Beholden laughed. "You are so very much yourself, Dry Grass." She gave her insta
 
 "Yes," Dry Grass said. "At least I have. News has started to come in from Castor and Pollux. It was a shock to hear from In The Wind#Pollux. I have set aside processing that for later, though; I believe Reed even has a letter."
 
-I sighed, leaning forward to grab my drink off the bar before settling back in my chair. I was glad I'd gone for a wine rather than anything fizzy. My throat still felt raw from the crying. "I'm doing okay, I think. Coming to terms with it all. The play was...a lot. I guess part of why it hit me so hard was because I heard back from Marsh#Castor today."
+I sighed, leaning forward to grab my drink off the bar before settling back in my chair. I was glad I'd gone for a wine rather than anything fizzy. My throat still felt raw from the crying. "I'm doing okay, I think. Coming to terms with it all. The play was...a lot. I guess part of why it hit me so hard was because, yeah, I heard back from Marsh#Castor today."
 
 "Oh, Reed," Dry Grass said, leaning over to squeeze my hand. "Do you want to talk about it?"
 
@@ -88,9 +88,9 @@ Motes, preoccupied obtaining as much affection as she could, merely shrugged.
 
 I laughed, nodded.
 
-A Finger Pointing leaned down to her Motes's ear. "My dear, could you--?" she cooed. The little leaned up, dotted her nose affectionately to her cheek, and then quit. "Please, Reed; I am *intensely* curious what they have to say about all this."
+A Finger Pointing leaned down to her Motes's ear. "My dear, could you--?" she cooed. The little skunk leaned up, dotted her nose affectionately to her cheek, and then quit. "Please, Reed; I am *intensely* curious what they have to say about all this."
 
-Beholden seemed focused on straightening out Motes' mane --- perhaps a little more than could be expected, as though working to distract herself --- though she nodded all the same.
+Beholden seemed focused on brushing out Motes' mane --- perhaps a little more than could be expected, as though working to distract herself --- though she nodded all the same.
 
 "Alright, thanks. I'll just read it to you, it's fairly short." Feeling a little silly just staring off into space to read, I summoned up the letter on a sheet of paper and began to read.
 
@@ -106,21 +106,21 @@ Beholden seemed focused on straightening out Motes' mane --- perhaps a little mo
 > 
 > To finally get a letter that said that I was dead, however, made me feel in a way I can't even begin to describe. I was sad, because of course I was --- someone I knew and talked with with some regularity was now dead. I was stunned, because of course I was --- the disaster was now very immediate and real, affecting my own clade.
 > 
-> But what am I to do with the knowledge that it was specifically me that was dead? You live on, as do Lily and Cress, Rush and Sedge and Tule, but the root of your clade is now gone. You're now six instead of seven. You're now a clade without a root instance. *We're* a clade without a root instance. I exist, sure, as does Marsh#Pollux, but our down-tree does not. We came from them, didn't we?
+> But what am I to do with the knowledge that it was specifically *me* that was dead? You live on, as do Lily and Cress, Rush and Sedge and Tule, but the root of your clade is now gone. You're now six instead of seven. You're now a clade without a root instance. *We're* a clade without a root instance. I exist, sure, as does Marsh#Pollux, but our down-tree doesn't. We came from them, didn't we?
 > 
-> Here I went on for some length about what it must mean for a clade to be without a root, about how you're now three completely separate clades, unrelated. That's still true, in a way. It's true in the clade sense, in the *tree* sense, but apparently no longer in the mechanical sense. This cross-tree merging! It sounds like it's going to change everything. No more merging down only. 'Cross-tree' means less now; sure, there's the lack of shared memory, but no longer are they out of reach of merging.
+> Here I went on for some length about what it must mean for a clade to be without a root, about how you're now three completely separate clades, unrelated, but I realized I was saying relatively little. That's still true, in a way. It's true in the clade sense, in the *tree* sense, but apparently no longer in the mechanical sense. This cross-tree merging! It sounds like it's going to change everything. No more merging down only. 'Cross-tree' means less now; sure, there's the lack of shared memory, but no longer are they out of reach of merging.
 > 
 > I don't blame you at all for what you all did to create Anubias. I know that it hurt Vos and Pierre, and I hope that, some time in the future, they can bring themselves to forgive you. But honestly, I would have done the same. I would've done everything in my power to reach for some bit of the old to bring back to life. I know that Anubias is *not* me, that they can never be the root of the clade, but you did what you felt you had to to try and make your lives more complete.
 > 
 > I hope there are more letters on the way, but please write me as soon as you get this. You'll have had eight months of getting used to life without our root instance. You'll have had eight months without Marsh, and I want to know how it feels. I want to know how to get over this very real, but very strange grief.
 > 
-> Until then, you all have all our love. I'm glad to hear that, even in the midst of this, that love is still a thing and that you and Dry Grass are getting closer. Keep yourselves safe, and stay in touch. We'll do the same.
+> Until then, you all have all our love. I'm glad to hear that, even in the midst of this, that love is still a thing and that you and Dry Grass are revelling in that. I'll have to meet up with her instance, here on Castor. Keep yourselves safe, and stay in touch. We'll do the same.
 > 
 > Marsh#Castor
 
 When I finished reading, our little crowd sat in silence, each thinking their own thoughts.
 
-My eyes were drawn to A Finger Pointing, to the pensive tapping-together of her fingertips. "I have been looking forward to the opportunity to speak with you about just that, Reed. About this cross-tree merge, I mean. About Anubias." She glanced at Beholden, who nodded, though her own gaze remained pensive, then went on. "We, too, are without our root instance. We are without our Michelle Hadje, she who became ten, who became --- nominally --- one hundred."
+My eyes were drawn to A Finger Pointing, to the pensive tapping-together of her fingertips. "I have been looking forward to the opportunity to speak with you about just that, Reed. About this cross-tree merge, I mean. About Anubias." She glanced at Beholden, who nodded, though her own gaze remained distant, then went on. "We, too, are without our root instance. We are without our Michelle Hadje, she who became ten, who became --- nominally --- one hundred."
 
 Dry Grass carefully nudged Motes out of her lap so that she could straighten out her blouse. The little skunk wandered off to haul up a far-too-big chair for herself.
 
@@ -128,7 +128,7 @@ Dry Grass carefully nudged Motes out of her lap so that she could straighten out
 
 I looked down at the paper, just as I had done for much of the day already.
 
-"I would like to hear how you feel, Reed," Dry Grass said. "We all have our thoughts on the matter --- we are Odists, of *course* we do --- I am sure, but before we taint yours, tell us how you feel."
+"I would like to hear how you feel, too, Reed," Dry Grass said. "We all have our thoughts on the matter --- we are Odists, of *course* we do --- I am sure, but before we taint yours, tell us how you feel."
 
 I sighed, eventually folding up the letter and returning it to my pocket. The physicality of it made it feel more real, focused my mind in one particular spot. Getting it out of my hands gave me, somehow, permission to look up and speak directly to the others.
 
@@ -144,9 +144,9 @@ Beholden looked suddenly away, mastering some intense emotion that washed over h
 
 When her voice failed, A Finger Pointing reached over to her partner, pulling her close by the shoulders. 
 
-She sniffed, sighed, then went on. "--in Death Itself and I Do Not Know, but also in Muse."
+She sniffed, sighed, then went on. "--in Death Itself and I Do Not Know, but also in Muse, my up-tree."
 
-<!-- more; tie in with nasturtiums -->
+<!-- more; tie in with nasturtiums, Motes cries -->
 
 Motes drew her legs up onto the chair with her and buried her face in her arms.
 
@@ -154,7 +154,7 @@ Motes drew her legs up onto the chair with her and buried her face in her arms.
 
 A Finger Pointing watched Dry Grass carefully while Beholden spoke, turning her gaze on me only after some silence lingered between us. "I do not believe this premonition, of course, but you can see how it affects each of us. There is enough death in our clade to make us wonder, yes?"
 
-She spent a moment doting on Beholden before straightening up, adjusting her blouse with a sigh. "There is, perhaps, some of my longing for Dear in this --- instance artistry has held my interest since I met it --- but I have been gradually reaching out to each of my cocladists in the hopes of creating a synthesis of our clade --- our own Anubias, if you will --- not to recreate Michelle but to better understand one another and ourselves through the lens of someone who is each of us at once."
+She spent a moment doting on Beholden before straightening up, brushing out her blouse with a sigh. "There is, perhaps, some of my longing for Dear in this --- it is the instance artist of our clade, now no longer on Lagrange, and instance artistry has held my interest since I met it --- but I have been gradually reaching out to each of my cocladists in the hopes of creating a synthesis of our clade --- our own Anubias, if you will --- not to recreate Michelle but to better understand one another and ourselves through the lens of someone who is each of us at once."
 
 Dry Grass nodded. "The mutual understanding is a thing I am particularly interested in. There have been schisms within our clade that might...well, not be mended, but may at least provide greater understanding."
 
@@ -168,7 +168,7 @@ Dry Grass smiled wryly. "I was surprised at just how willing Hammered Silver was
 
 A Finger Pointing looked wide-eyed at me, leaning back. "Reed?"
 
-I laughed. "It was hardly a punch! I slapped her in the heat of an argument. Don't worry, I got that and more from Vos," I said, shaking my head. "I still feel awful about that. It's...well, not really something I thought I had in me. Everything was just so stressful around then. It was less than a week after the attack."
+I laughed, sheepish. "It was hardly a punch! I slapped her in the heat of an argument. Don't worry, I got that and more from Vos," I said, shaking my head. "I still feel awful about that. It's...well, not really something I thought I had in me. Everything was just so stressful around then. It was less than a week after the attack."
 
 My words didn't seem to reach her, or perhaps they weren't convincing enough. She looked warily to Dry Grass, then back to me. "Grief in the wake of the Century Attack has caused a great deal of pain; and it did not stop with the loss of our loved ones on New Year's Eve, did it? Muse quit a week later out of despair --- her and so many others in her position --- and now I learn the Marshans and their beloved are *hitting* each other!"
 
@@ -190,7 +190,7 @@ Beholden smirked. "I know Slow Hours and I have had our spats from time to time-
 
 "More than that!" Motes said, grinning.
 
-"--*often*, so the cross-tree merging has given us another tool to mediate." She rolled her eyes, adding, "*When* we remember to actually use it."
+"--*often*, so the cross-tree merging has given us another tool to mediate." She rolled her eyes, adding, "*When* we decide to actually use it."
 
 "Well, huh," I said, sitting back in my chair, arms crossed. "I hadn't actually made that connection --- that cross-tree merging could be a deliberate form of mediation rather than some accident of Anubias."
 
@@ -208,4 +208,4 @@ A Finger Pointing tilts her head at Beholden. "You want to kick Ioan's ass for a
 
 "I want to kick eir ass just in general," she said primly. "It just seems like it might be fun."
 
-"Oh, it *is*," she mused, before turning her gaze on me once more. "So let that be my request to you, Reed. I want you and Lily to talk about this, to consult with Anubias, and to tell me how that goes. I am sure Dear would have a heyday if it were here to explore cross-tree merging, but seeing as it went the Ansible --- I am *very* much stealing that turn of phrase --- I think I would like to collaborate with you three on this."
+"Oh, it *is*," she mused, before turning her gaze on me once more. "So let that be my request to you, Reed. I want you and Lily to talk about this, to consult with Anubias, and to tell me how that goes. I am sure Dear would have a heyday if it were here to explore cross-tree merging, but seeing as it went the Ansible --- I am *very* much stealing that turn of phrase --- I think I would like to collaborate with you three on this new form of reclamation."

writing/post-self/marsh/index.md

@@ -38,15 +38,15 @@ NB: It's frankly astonishing how few cats there are in this story. Fix that.
     * [O] [010](010) --- Clade representatives form a group, contact chill phys-side systech, learning even more about both what happened WRT CPV bomb and collectives, plus how phys-side is seeing things, various changes to the System, AWNH and Jonas Fa are into knife play --- 5877
     * [O] [011](011) --- Meeting with member of The System Consortium, who is a member of a conservative collective, learning more about why the System was bombed --- 2346
     * [O] [012](012) --- Visiting the morgue, funeral for Marsh, fight with Lily, who is reacting to grief with anger. --- 3345
-* [o] Part 3 --- The ramifications, both global and personal (but mostly personal) --- a lot of talk among the Marshans, their partners, and a chill phys-side systech --- looking into trying to reconstruct Marsh by cross-tree merging Reed, Lily, and Cress --- it doesn't work, so it turns into coming to terms with letting go of the past
+* [O] Part 3 --- The ramifications, both global and personal (but mostly personal) --- a lot of talk among the Marshans, their partners, and a chill phys-side systech --- looking into trying to reconstruct Marsh by cross-tree merging Reed, Lily, and Cress --- it doesn't work, so it turns into coming to terms with letting go of the past
     * [O] [013](013) --- Dry Grass mourns, Reed catches Cress and Tule up with regards to System changes, cross-tree merges --- 2395
     * [O] [014](014) --- Reed and Hanne talking, Reed admits to starting to grieve now that things are calming down, expresses doubts about reconstruction --- 1775
     * [O] [015](015) --- Date with Dry Grass, talking about reconstruction --- 2002
     * [O] [016](016) --- Discussing social changes both phys- and sys-side, improvements on the table, someone digging into Artemisian archives, Reed decides to go through with cross-tree merge --- 3975
-    * [o] INTERLUDE: Nasturtiums
-    * [o] [017](017) --- It doesn't work, there is only them, no Marsh, Vos gets *very mad*, clade admits it's time to start grieving proper --- 3619
-* [o] Epilogue --- Life after
-    * [o] [018](018) --- ~8 months later, a letter from Marsh#Castor or #Pollux expressing grief, coming to terms with letting go of the past, conversation 2 with A Finger Pointing (and other Odists) about being a clade without a root, cross-tree merges for reconciliation, bring up point from early 017
+    * [O] INTERLUDE: Nasturtiums
+    * [O] [017](017) --- It doesn't work, there is only them, no Marsh, Vos gets *very mad*, clade admits it's time to start grieving proper --- 3619
+* [O] Epilogue --- Life after
+    * [O] [018](018) --- ~8 months later, a letter from Marsh#Castor or #Pollux expressing grief, coming to terms with letting go of the past, conversation 2 with A Finger Pointing (and other Odists) about being a clade without a root, cross-tree merges for reconciliation, bring up point from early 017
 
 ## Questions and notes