update from sparkleup

writing/poetry/haiku.md

@@ -1,6 +1,6 @@
 %title Haiku
 
-## In *Eigengrau*
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
 
 '''
 Arctic fox's den
@@ -10,6 +10,8 @@ garden in winter
 
 -----
 
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
 '''
 A measure of grain
 and a measure of water —
@@ -30,6 +32,8 @@ winter calls for stores.
 
 -----
 
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
 '''
 Leaves fall, grass withers,
 and I step back to witness
@@ -50,6 +54,8 @@ Dry heat and cool nights?
 
 -----
 
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
 '''
 Seven flies circle,
 Trimmers chatter down the block:
@@ -76,5 +82,3 @@ Drink deep of death-thoughts
 as the day dies with a yawn —
 the year starts to fade.
 '''
-
-## Unpublished

writing/poetry/uvaip.md

@@ -0,0 +1,334 @@
+%title Unimportant verse about important people
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+I see your past in cross-processed film,
+in blown-out colors and over-saturation.
+
+    You told me all about it, told me grand stories:
+    you were going to go back in time and save the world.
+
+I see your past in yellows and browns,
+in umber and sienna and amber, in a younger sun.
+
+    You sat and told me how — and you were always sitting —
+    you thought past-you dreamt of a future less complicated than today.
+
+I see your past through film-grain and vignette,
+with a thick white border, space on the bottom to write.
+
+    You told me how you learned so many imperfect things,
+    in so many less than ideal ways, always at inopportune times.
+
+I see your past in architectural drawings of unrealized buildings,
+in paperback covers reaching towards heaven, in trillions of words.
+
+    You figured past you dreamt of, not perfection,
+    but a world unconstrained by so many failures.
+
+I see your past with no me in it,
+and wonder if past-you dreamt of us.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+Resuscitating ancient coins in class, we learned,
+takes a toothbrush and olive oil.
+Slow, steady strokes across, around...
+soft bristles dislodging soil
+one speck at a time.
+But no one that day was nearly as blessed,
+seeing a coin shine through
+at the end, full relief brightly expressed,
+as I was to see you smile.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+When you arrive,
+the whole world gets slow.
+Sluggish, amber-colored air
+mellows lively conversations.
+Everyone stops, marvels,
+turns eagerly toward you;
+and there are no complaints
+about warming our faces in the sun.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+We fit together in the strangest ways
+and seem to seek new seams to savor.
+Such joins are hardly perfect,
+thread tugging fabric unevenly
+unless it's reinforced over and over again.
+We seem to seek new seams to savor,
+and, weak though they are,
+revel in the imperfect unevenness of joining.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+'''
+"Comrade" would I call you,
+and "brave," and "fierce" and "true".
+"Lovely" have I called you,
+and hope but to live up to
+the example which you set for me.
+
+So, comrade, onward, ever onward.
+I know I cannot hope to offer
+much but word on cloying word,
+dull rhymes I strain to proffer:
+small flowers, small gifts, camaraderie.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+Complementary, clashing anxieties.
+Dull clamor of intersecting feelings.
+Need, desire, craving, jealousy.
+Worry, fear, care, prayerful fretting.
+Love, lust, friendship, a need to share.
+Emotions on emotions on emotions,
+and, often, comfortable silence.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+'''
+I chose your name.
+To defend, it means. To help.
+I admit, having chosen it,
+that I chose it to defend you.
+When I picked you up by the scruff,
+Dragged you off to that place
+I hoped we could call ours,
+I expected that we'd
+simply find a way to survive.
+I never expected love,
+and rejoice every day in that surprise.
+
+I chose to collar you.
+I admit it was an experiment,
+I submit to most, but not my partners;
+until then I'd never owned, claimed.
+It felt vulgar, at first,
+greedy, jealous, possessive.
+Through you I learned the joy of possession,
+the love and trust and exactness of terms.
+Owner, partner, love,
+and pup, partner, love.
+My beautiful, my own.
+
+I'll hand you off some day.
+I'm a less than ideal owner
+in so many terrible ways:
+I owe you more than you owe me.
+I'll gather your leash up,
+I'll let you keep your tag,
+I'll bow, I'll kiss you one last time,
+and I'll bless you and your new keeper.
+And I'll never stop loving you.
+And I'll never stop loving you.
+And I'll never stop loving you.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+'''
+You, for whom a heart means all feeling —
+You, for whom yeah is an expletive —
+You, for whom even computers sing —
+You, for whom every tangle invites disentangling —
+You, for whom even **I** will rub feet —
+You, for whom shop always follows flop —
+You, for whom words form a squall-line —
+You, for whom I guess I —
+You, for whom —
+You, for whom even —
+You, for whom I reach —
+You, for whom my shit day leads straight to lets talk —
+You, for whom I curate my week's feelings —
+You, for whom I wait by the month —
+You, for whom I structure my year —
+You, for whom understanding of me seems always in grasp —
+You, for whom my struggles provide no obstacle —
+You and I, from whom us.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+Tightly wound springs
+Of very carefully
+Not touching.
+    Secret words
+    To be said
+    With confidence.
+Rules.
+Prohibitions.
+Limits.
+    Discussions planned,
+    Side-channels arranged,
+    Whiskey purchased.
+And now anxiety
+Over what it means
+And how to work it.
+    Is it worth it for
+    Long-standing questions
+    To be answered?
+To invite disaster
+For sake of knowledge
+And further dreams?
+    Maybe the answer
+    Is that tired refrain:
+    Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
+And now we're
+Awaiting weeks
+Of careful touches.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+I could never tell you
+that you feel too much.
+That you feel too hard,
+or that your feelings
+overwhelm and overtake you.
+
+I could never tell you
+how beautiful that is.
+That I wish I could feel those things,
+that I wish I could feel that way.
+
+All I can tell you
+is how beautiful you are
+when you feel love.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+*Yit'gadal v'yit'kadash sh'mei raba*
+Would that I had the faith
+To pray daily.
+Eleven months to let you go,
+And an amen to end the sorrow.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+'''
+When a light so far above me shines down,
+I lose my footing, stop, look around,
+and for once, see my way lit before me.
+
+Through you,
+    I learn how I move.
+Through you,
+    I see how I act.
+Through you,
+    I judge myself.
+
+When a light so far above me shines down,
+I turn my face to the warmth and bask,
+drawing strength, assured in my steps.
+
+Through you,
+    I recognize my failings.
+Through you,
+    I understand my strengths.
+Through you,
+    I gain perspective.
+
+When a light so far above me shines down,
+I reach toward it and grasp at what I can,
+hoping I might somehow gain my own luster.
+
+Through you,
+    I find my place.
+Through you,
+    I gain surety.
+Through you,
+    I learn who I am.
+
+When a light so far above me shines down,
+and I fail to shine myself,
+I hope only to reflect what I can.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+'''
+Every time I seek to change
+my life, myself, my love, my name,
+every time I try and broaden my range
+in this shitty, all-encompassing game,
+I hesitate.
+
+With every change in my life
+comes the terror of maybe losing you
+of maybe being caught in strife
+over such insecurities as few
+have escaped unscathed.
+
+That you love me still
+reaffirms so many of my choices,
+and I set about with a will,
+ignoring querulous voices
+in favor of your calm laugh.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+Between our houses,
+there is a simple fence -
+not a chasm, not a wall.
+Chain-link, waist high,
+bedecked with sweet-pea
+and set about with violets.
+Something we can tend,
+something to feel good about,
+something between us
+other than nothing.
+'''
+
+-----
+
+!{In *Eigengrau*}
+
+'''
+I will swallow my love for you.
+I will swallow my love.
+I will swallow my love for you
+And relish the magnesium flare,
+Rejoice in immolation,
+Cherish the autolysis
+Of secret cells.
+I will swallow my love for you.
+I will swallow my love.
+'''