update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/toledot/launch/sys/Ioan/004.md

@@ -114,7 +114,7 @@ She grinned and shook her head. "He will. He has already made up his mind, he ju
 
 "How will you tell him, then?"
 
-"I will continue to drop hints for another few months, and when he does --- I think he will do it within the year --- I will take him to Michelle's field. There, we will go for a walk, and you will observe as, over the course of a few minutes, I reveal the truth."
+"I will continue to drop hints for another few months, and when he does --- I think he will do it within the year --- I will bring him home. There, we will talk, and you will observe as, over the course of a few minutes, I reveal the truth."
 
 Ioan straightened up. "Me?"
 
@@ -122,7 +122,7 @@ Ioan straightened up. "Me?"
 
 "A little grandiose, don't you think?"
 
-She stuck her tongue out at em, a strangely cute gesture. "Is that not a requirement of myths? A myth that is not grandiose is just a story."
+She stuck her tongue out at em, a strangely cute gesture on her features. "Is that not a requirement of myths? A myth that is not grandiose is just a story."
 
 "You Odists do seem prone to grand gestures."
 
@@ -150,7 +150,7 @@ Ey looked at the yard, at the lilacs, even the patio and the sky.
 
 "Look at the grass. What do you see?"
 
-Ey focused on the green carpet of grass, then frowned as ey began to notice the two or three yellow flowers spotting the yard just barely visible. They sat just a few millimeters below the tops of the trimmed grass. "What are those?"
+Ey focused on the green carpet of grass, then frowned as ey began to notice the two or three yellow flowers spotting the yard just barely visible. They sat only a few millimeters below the tops of the trimmed grass. "What are those?"
 
 The skunk grinned to em.
 
@@ -160,11 +160,11 @@ The skunk grinned to em.
 
 Ey knit eir brows. "Talked me into...how do you mean?"
 
-"You have ACLs over your property, I do not. I just made a few suggestions, mostly when you were asleep --- or at least very sleepy --- or head in the clouds at work."
+"Do not worry, Ioan, you are the only one who has ACLs over your property. I do not. I just made a few suggestions, mostly when you were asleep --- or at least very sleepy --- or head-in-the-clouds at work."
 
 "You're saying I made these?" ey asked, stepping out into the grass and bending down to inspect the flower, yellow, a myriad of petals, grand-toothed leaves clustering the base.
 
-"I am saying that we made these." She bent down beside em and plucked the flower from its base, lifting it with a dreamlike smile. "I am saying that you trust me, and that life in the System is more subtle than you know. You trust me. You let me into your life as a coworker, then cohabitant and cosleeper. You let me into your dreams, and your dreams influence this place as much as your waking mind."
+"I am saying that *we* made these." She bent down beside em and plucked the flower from its base, lifting it with a dreamlike smile. "I am saying that you trust me --- *really* trust me --- and that life in the System is more subtle than I think you know. You trust me. You let me into your life as a coworker, then cohabitant and cosleeper. You let me into your dreams, my dear, and your dreams influence this place as much as your waking mind."
 
 That waking mind was now whirling with the ramifications of what she was saying. "I did this on your suggestion?"
 
@@ -178,7 +178,7 @@ They both shifted to a cross-legged position before this brand new plant in the
 
 "This is a dandelion. It--"
 
-A memory clicked into place for Ioan and ey laughed. "Oh! Of course! I've been here too long, haven't I? Here in the system, here in the house with its perfect yard. They were all over back phys-side, though."
+A memory clicked into place for Ioan and ey laughed. "Oh! Of course! I've been here too long, haven't I? Here in the system, here in the house with its perfect yard. Almost ninety years now, I think. They were all over back phys-side, though."
 
 May nodded and beckoned for em to continue.
 
@@ -196,23 +196,23 @@ Ey smiled.
 
 "So you uploaded and made your sim like this?"
 
-"Yeah. Sort of. It was inspired by some sim I frequented on the 'net, something a friend built. I found something close to it on the market, and when I had reputation enough, I dug the sim and grabbed that, then spent a year rebuilding it as best I could remember. No dandelions."
+"Yeah. Sort of. It was inspired by some sim I frequented on the 'net, something a friend built. I found something close to it on the market, and when I had reputation enough, I dug the sim and grabbed that template, then spent a year rebuilding it as best I could remember. No dandelions."
 
 She laughed, bumping her shoulder against eirs. "Of course. They are a weed, yes. Or often thought of as one. The leaves make a good salad, though, and I was told that you could dry, roast, and grind the roots to make a coffee substitute."
 
 Ioan made a face. "I'd rather coffee."
 
-"I have no idea if the substitute was any good, but I like coffee, too." She held the flower up to her snout and smelled long at it. "Me, though, I like the flowers. They are too complicated for their own good, in this stage. Sure, they close up and then become the puffballs that spread them further and further, but here, they are almost platters of yellow."
+"I have no idea if the substitute was any good, but I like coffee, too." She held the flower up to her snout and smelled long at it. "Me, though, I like the flowers. They are too complicated for their own good in this stage, are they not? Sure, they close up and then become the puffballs that spread them further and further, but here, they are almost platters of yellow."
 
 Ey grinned as she held the flower in both paws like a tray carrying food.
 
-"But that is not what I like about them. What I love is their scent." She held it up for em to sniff. "They smell like muffins. How can anything that smells like muffins be bad?"
+"But that is not what I like about them. Let me tell you, now that you are awake, the things that I whispered to you to bring about this story. The things I suggested, as you put it. What I love is their scent." She held it up for em to sniff. "They smell like muffins. How can anything that smells like muffins be bad?"
 
 Ey breathed deep of that scent. There was, indeed, the scent of some baked sweet bread, but that was layered atop a vegetal scent. It was not unpleasant, but not precisely like a muffin. Ey decided not to share this opinion with May.
 
 Instead, ey asked, "Is that your story, May?"
 
-"Of course not. You told the story yourself." She laughed, peeking up at em slyly. "Or perhaps we told the story. You asked, so I suggested, and you told the story."
+"Of course not. You told the story yourself. Young Ioan with eir indoor lilacs." She laughed, peeking up at em slyly. "Or perhaps we told the story. You asked, so I suggested, as you say, and you told the story."
 
 Ioan frowned, then rolled eir eyes. "That's not what I asked, and you know it."
 
@@ -222,7 +222,7 @@ Ey held eir hand out for her, then let her turn it over in her paws. Before ey c
 
 "There." She held eir hand up so that ey could see, looking proud.
 
-On the back of eir hand, the skin shown a golden yellow in the circle where she had rubbed the flower.
+On the back of eir hand, the skin shone a golden yellow in the circle where she had rubbed the flower.
 
 Ey shoved her over onto the grass, laughing. "You nut."