From b7bae30067193cfa2db882aa3f1d1408136daf1a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Madison Scott-Clary Date: Mon, 11 Jul 2022 09:05:07 -0500 Subject: [PATCH] update from sparkleup --- writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md | 74 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++------ 1 file changed, 61 insertions(+), 13 deletions(-) diff --git a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md index c2e030f7..678ed985 100644 --- a/writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md +++ b/writing/post-self/mitzvot/037.md @@ -40,7 +40,7 @@ Sasha surprised em by joining em on the trek back to the house, saying only, "I May greeted them at the balcony with steaming mugs of coffee. She declined a hug, stating that she felt gross, but did at least press her nose to Ioan's, and then to Sasha's cheek. -"Thank you both for giving me some space," she said. "I was not expecting the both of you, but I am happy to see you both all the same." +"Thank you for giving me some space," she said. "I was not expecting the both of you, but I am happy to see you both all the same." "Of course, May. I'm just happy to see you doing better. Or happier, at least. You look a mess." @@ -68,19 +68,63 @@ Ioan shrugged. "Well enough, sure. It's nice to have another option that isn't j "It was fine, dear," Sasha added. "If ever either of you need some space, feel free to kick the other down to the tent and I will make it work." -((Sasha sticks around to talk to May about Zacharias, though we aren't sure what, sends Ioan on a walk with a fork)) +"I am glad," May said. "Earnestly. Ioan is such a solitary person that I did not ever picture having neighbors when I moved in all those years ago. It is nice to have a friend close by." -"How long do you think you'll stay?" +"Aren't all of your friends equally close now that--" -"I am too much myself to say 'forever', but as long as my room is there, as long as you and May are comfortable with me being a part of your lives, I will be happy to call it home. Or at least *a* home." +Sasha cut em off, "Ioan, do you remember how I said that I feel others' presence around me like a weight on my shoulders?" + +Ey nodded. + +"I think it is rather like that, though do correct me if I am wrong, May. Even when I am hiding away in my tent, I am still more present than a friend out of sim is." + +"Basically," May said. "Never mind one who knows me so intimately now." + +Sasha nodded, hesitated, then said, "On that note, are you okay?" + +"I...well," she began, sighed, and shook her head. "I am upset, and I am disappointed that I am upset. I was so ready to be done with hatred, but I am stuck with yet more of it. More than the experience with Zacharias itself, that is what led to the past few days of tears. I thought that I was done." + +"I understand. I would like to talk with you about him at some point --- nothing serious, just strategizing future meltdowns of his. Ioan said he kept trying to force merges on you just to get your attention." + +May winced. "Ugh, yeah. I have never felt something so intensely...I do not know. It felt like an invasion of my personal space on an intangible level. What were you thinking?" + +Sasha tilted her head. "Now? I was going to suggest in a few days time, once you were feeling better." + +"Why not? I am already a mess, I am already thinking about him, and after this, I would like more than 'a few days time' completely disengaged from the topic." She giggled, adding, "Besides, the more I have to dump on Sarah the next time I see her the better, right?" + +"I do not think it works that way, but I am not so much of a brat as you." Sasha finished her coffee, set the mug down with a sense of finality, and nodded. "Well, I suppose I am awake enough. If you do not mind, Ioan, may I steal your partner for a little bit longer? I would like to keep this first discussion between us, though I will ensure that you remain caught up." + +"Are you up for forking, May?" + +She hesitated, then shook her head, pushing herself up from her chair to step around behind eirs. She bent down to hug around eir shoulders from behind, cheek pressed against eirs. "I cannot cope with conflicts right now. I cannot yet work in parallel." + +Ey rested eir cheek against hers and frowned down to eir coffee for a few moments, sighed, then nodded. "Alright, but I get the May for the rest of the day, okay?" + +They both laughed. + +"Of course, Ioan," Sasha said. "If you would like some company out on the balcony or something, I have no such compunctions about forking." + +Ey felt May nod against eir cheek. "I am not pushing solitude on you, my dear. Take some coffee and breakfast with you. I do not imagine we will be all that long." + +Still conscious of her saying that she felt gross, ey patted one of her paws and turned eir head enough to kiss her on the cheek. "Alright, that sounds good." + +Ey pulled together a breakfast of rolls to go along with a thermos of coffee, got one more nose-press of a kiss with May, and stepped back outside with an instance of Sasha. + +The house had been set up on a portion of the slope that was turned a little toward the east, meaning that they the sun was not yet hitting the balcony. Autumn had gotten chilly enough at night, though, that they decided instead to walk down to the rock lakeside, which would almost certainly be in full sun, even if it was less comfortable that the deck chairs. + +They sat in silence, drinking their coffee and eating rolls with butter and honey. + +"Do you think you'll stay?" Ioan said, once the rhythm of the silence made room for conversation. + +"I am too much myself to say that I will stay 'forever', but as long as my room is there, as long as you and May are comfortable with me being a part of your lives, I will be happy to call it home. Or at least *a* home." "Really? No bigger and brighter things?" -She laughed and leaned over to dot her nose on eir cheek. "This *is* bigger and brighter things, my dear." +She laughed and leaned over to dot her nose on eir cheek. "This *is* bigger and brighter things, dear." "Well, I'm sure we'll talk about it plenty, but I see no reason not to keep your room about. I don't know what you overflowing will look like, but if it involves one third solitude and one third getting lost walking sims, I don't imagine you'll be around all the time." -"Not at all, no. I will spend my share of time here to be alone or out walking the world. Perhaps I will even ask you to double the rest of the house so that I can be alone somewhere domestic, not just the wild." +"Not at all, no. I will spend my share of time at the tent to be alone or out walking the world. Perhaps I will even ask you to double the rest of the house so that I can be alone somewhere domestic, not just the wild." "Of course." Ey shrugged, tossing one of eir collected pebbles into the lake. "Besides, I like having you around." @@ -88,7 +132,7 @@ She laughed and leaned over to dot her nose on eir cheek. "This *is* bigger and "Oh, not at all. It seems like we're all pretty good at sorting things out when they do come up, so I don't imagine it'll get to that point." -"And I am not impinging too much on your and May's relationship?" she asked, holding out her paw for one of eir pebbles. "I am asking her, too, and we will continue to talk together, but I also want to you directly." +"And I am not impinging too much on your and May's relationship?" she asked, holding out her paw for one of eir pebbles. "I am asking her, too, and we will continue to talk together, but I also want to ask you directly." Ey shrugged, handing over the pebble. "I don't think so. So long as we can still have time to ourselves when we need, I'll be happy." @@ -102,17 +146,17 @@ They sat in quiet for a while, tossing pebbles into the water until ey ran out. "Do you miss anything from before all this?" -She shrugged. "It is hard to tell. As I have said, I liked being True Name. It was fulfilling. Every time I think about that now, though, it is intercut with memories from my cocladists. I will think about some particularly adroit political move and remember it fondly, but right along with it is a memory of giving up on using a bow drill and switching to using a striker or making fun of you for your pen collection." +She shrugged. "It is hard to tell. As I have said, I liked being True Name. It was fulfilling. Every time I think about that now, though, it is intercut with memories of other happinesses. I will think about some particularly adroit political move and remember it fondly, but right along with it is a memory of a successful hunt or of making fun of you for your pen collection." Ey laughed. -"If I am honest, I am letting a few conflicts remain. There is something pleasant about the just-off-center nature of that reality. I am Sasha, and I am also True Name, End Waking, and May. I am of three minds." +"If I am honest, a few conflicts remain from both merges, even still. They are not large ones, but they are there, and some jealous part of me who is True Name does not wish to be completely subsumed, so I am keeping them held just at bay. There is something pleasant about the just-off-center nature of that reality. I am Sasha, and I am also True Name, End Waking, and May. I am of three minds." "So long as that works for you." "I can always address them down the line if it does not." -Ey nodded. "And I'm guessing you don't miss Jonas or Zacharias or any of that." +Ey nodded. "And I'm guessing you don't miss the social part of that life too much, Jonas or Zacharias or any of them." She poked at eir side with a claw before slouching against em. "You do not need to ask stupid questions, Ioan." @@ -122,13 +166,17 @@ She poked at eir side with a claw before slouching against em. "You do not need Her tone wasn't upset or dismissive, but was assertive enough that ey dropped the point. "Well, writing sounds like a good career shift, then." -"Says the writer." She laughed. "But yes. I will be leaning on you a lot for help." +"Says the writer." She laughed. -"I mean, you're leaning now." +"I liked what you've gotten down so far, and I have a few notes. We'll talk about it when we're back at a desk, though." + +"Of course. I will be leaning on you a lot for help." + +"I mean, you're leaning on me now." "Smartass," she said mildly. -Ey grinned. "I mean, no complaints. Still sort of getting used to it, but May got me hooked on physical contact a long time ago." +Ey grinned. "I mean, no complaints. It's still a little surprising, sometimes. I guess on some level I'm still sort of getting used to it, but May got me hooked on physical contact a long time ago." "A coordinated attack on your defenses, yes," she said. "It makes my job easier."