update from sparkleup

writing/post-self/neviim/local/codrin/002.md

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ It took both both eir partners to talk Codrin down from eir desire to simply get
 
 "I know," ey replied, shoulders sagging. "It's hard to get out of that mindset of having to just work."
 
-"I know it's enjoyable," the fox's partner said. "But seriously, Codrin, even if you're not going to take a nap, take a thermos out onto the prairie and walk for a bit. Tycho is going to need quite a bit of help, given what you told us of him--"
+"I know it's enjoyable," eir other partner said. "But seriously, Codrin, even if you're not going to take a nap, take a thermos out onto the prairie and walk for a bit. Tycho is going to need quite a bit of help, given what you told us of him--"
 
 *"And if True Name is already involved."*
 
@@ -100,7 +100,7 @@ He nodded. "It all just sounded so normal. There didn't seem like anything else
 
 He nodded. "Vehicle, I think. She said they're calling it Artemis, that I should tag my fork #Artemis, and that those on the ship were either Artemisians or Sea People, which I didn't get."
 
-Codrin leaned back in the seat, thinking. "Sea People might be a reference to something from the Mythology, or it could be a reference to a theory about a marauding group of seafarers during the Bronze Age collapse. There was a bunch of talk about how this group had sacked much of the ancient near east and northern Africa, leading to the prolongation of the collapse."
+Codrin leaned back in the seat, thinking. "Sea People might be a reference to something from the *Mythology,* or it could be a reference to a theory about a marauding group of seafarers during the Bronze Age collapse. There was a bunch of talk about how some group had sacked much of the ancient near east and northern Africa, leading to the prolongation of the collapse."
 
 Tycho's eyes grew wide. "Do you think that's what she's getting at with the reference? That these are going to be some marauders coming to mess with the LV?"
 
@@ -110,7 +110,7 @@ Nodding, Tycho scooted back on the bed until his back was to the wall, then brou
 
 They sat in silence for a while. Codrin could not guess what the astronomer was thinking about, though ey could see his eyes occasionally darting this way and that, as though connecting one idea to another in the air as well as in his head.
 
-On eir part, ey began structuring the project. There would have to be the journalistic aspect of it, much closer to that of the Qoheleth project than the History, but if the conservative Odists were also involved, there'd likely also be far more observing than researching.
+On eir part, ey began structuring the project. There would have to be the journalistic aspect of it, much closer to that of *On the Perils of Memory* than *An Expanded History of Our World,* but if the conservative Odists were also involved, there'd likely also be far more observing than researching.
 
 "Tycho," ey said, startling him out of a reverie. "Do you know what an amanuensis is?"
 
@@ -120,7 +120,7 @@ On eir part, ey began structuring the project. There would have to be the journa
 
 "Like a clerk?" He grinned. "We used to have one of those for our club, who would take minutes of the meetings and such."
 
-Ey nodded. "Certainly closer to that than a recorder, yeah. I bring this up because that will be my job in all of this, but I think it'll also be yours. Things like the History are all well and good, and I loved putting the work into it, but I also really enjoy doing this. I may wish that the things I get caught up in weren't always so dramatic, but I'll take what I can get."
+Ey nodded. "Certainly closer to that than a recorder, yeah. I bring this up because that will be my job in all of this, but I think it'll also be yours. Things like the *History* are all well and good, and I loved putting the work into it, but I also really enjoy doing this. I may wish that the things I get caught up in weren't always so dramatic, but I'll take what I can get."
 
 "What do you mean, it'll be my job too?" he asked.
 
@@ -128,19 +128,19 @@ Ey nodded. "Certainly closer to that than a recorder, yeah. I bring this up beca
 
 Tycho laughed. "Well, I'll do my best, but it's not like I have much experience working with Artemisians, either. I'll help with the technical aspects as best I can, though."
 
-"Excellent," Codrin said. "Thank you for that. I'll be managing most of that, so you won't have to worry too much about the minutiae, but I figured it'd give you a better idea of what to expect when we work together."
+"Excellent," Codrin said. "Thank you for that. I'll be managing most of that aspect, so you won't have to worry too much about the minutiae, but I figured it'd give you a better idea of what to expect when we work together."
 
 He nodded.
 
-"On that note, lets come up with a basic idea of our next steps. We mostly talked about immediate next steps, but it might be a good idea to start thinking on a larger timescale."
+"On that note, lets come up with a basic idea of what's next for us. We mostly talked about immediate next steps, but it might be a good idea to start thinking on a larger timescale."
 
 "I guess. I'm assuming it'll be pretty loose, given that we can't guess the particulars?" He waited for Codrin to nod, then continued. "Then I guess we have a few weeks before they reach their closest approach as long as we both stay on our own heading."
 
 "Does that mean a few weeks before they upload?"
 
-He shrugged. "Not necessarily. They can upload whenever they want, so long as our Ansible is on and the DMZ is ready. I don't think it's on, yet, though."
+He shrugged. "Not necessarily. They can upload whenever they want, so long as our Ansible is on and the DMZ is ready. I don't think it's on yet, though."
 
-"Alright. Have we received any further communications from them? Their message said that they had a similar mechanism in place. Is that something we'll be able to use? Or even want to use?"
+"Alright. Have we received any further communications from them? Their message said that they had a similar mechanism in place. Is that something we'll be able to use? Or want to use, even?"
 
 "No further communications that I know of," he said. "But True Name said that all communications will be gated through her, and I don't know if that means that I'll be getting them or just Tycho#Artemis. Hopefully both, if you and I are to be working on this as well."
 
@@ -156,7 +156,7 @@ Ey finished eir coffee and replaced the cup on the cap of the thermos. "One of u
 
 "What? Upload to Artemis?" He looked startled by the question.
 
-"Yes. If it's possible, I mean. I figure it could just be an instance rather than completely investing, though I'd also be curious to hear your opinions on that."
+"Yes. If it's possible, I mean. I figure it could just be an instance rather than completely investing, though I'd also be curious to hear your opinions on that as well."
 
 Tycho tilted his head back until it hit the wall of the hut, staring up toward the ceiling. He sat like that for a good five minutes, during which Codrin remained silent, before leaning forward to grab his cup of coffee now that it had cooled down. "Yes. I don't know that I'd invest completely, but yes, I think I would. Would you?"
 
@@ -168,8 +168,8 @@ The thought caught em up short, and several trains of thought crunched to a halt
 
 The conversation wound on from there, picking apart a few possible next steps that lay ahead of them, but throughout it all, at least one thread of eir mind was dedicated to picking at that question.
 
-Why had ey not considered whether or not Dear and its partner would want to upload? It wasn't as though ey didn't attribute the agency to do so to them, ey knew just how independent and intelligent they were on their own. Nor was it that ey hadn't made any guesses as to whether or not they would --- ey suspected that Dear would jump at the opportunity.
+Why had ey not considered whether or not eir partners would want to upload? It wasn't as though ey didn't attribute the agency to do so to them, ey knew just how independent and intelligent they were on their own. Nor was it that ey hadn't made any guesses as to whether or not they would --- ey suspected that Dear would jump at the opportunity.
 
-The root of the issue lay within emself, ey knew. Why was ey not able to make that decision without them doing so first? Was ey really such a follower? Or, to put it in a way that was more kind to emself, was ey really so stuck living five minutes behind them that ey couldn't imagine making the decision in the face of the possibility of simply reacting to it? Would ey be able to say yes or no to that question if they asked? 
+The root of the issue lay within emself, ey knew. Why was ey not able to make that decision without them doing so first? Was ey really such a follower? Was ey really so stuck living five minutes behind them that ey couldn't imagine making the decision in the face of the possibility of simply reacting to it? Would ey be able to say yes or no to that question if they asked? 
 
 Would ey be able to argue one way or the other, to convince them to come with em or not?